Chapter Four

The temperature dropped that night. I woke, tangled in a blanket with Edward's arms wrapped around me. My thick blanket was the only thing that separated our skin, but I could still feel how cold he was. I smiled at the sound of rain pounding down on the roof. When I sat up, I could see the road was flooded with at least two inches of water. With the sky still pouring rain, I doubted that would change. I cleared my throat.

"I slept like a baby," I said, but Edward already knew that. He had gone hunting after Charlie made him leave. He came through my window an hour later. We talked and talked until I fell asleep. That was the first time he didn't insist I went to bed after my first yawn. Not that night.

Edward kissed my head. "You did," he said. He sounded distant, like there was a lot on his mind. Some kind of pain was there too. Not the kind of pain he felt when he was thirsty. Something inside. I didn't understand. It sounded like he was saying goodbye, but he was right there. He wasn't leaving. He could hear my heart beat and he could make it fast. He could hear my blood, smell it, and feel it, but he wanted to taste it. I knew he wouldn't. He had the strength to kill me, but instead, he was the most gentle person alive. He could read mines and I was the one exception to that power. He was a vampire. I was his pray. But he didn't drink my blood. He was perfect, and that sadness didn't belong in his voice.

"What're you thinking about, lamb?" he asked, trying to sound cheerful. He must have caught onto how I noticed his mood.

"You, me, us," I answered quietly, nestling into his chest. "I guess I can't believe you're here."

"I can leave," Edward mumbled. I could hear the small grin in his voice. It wasn't as wide as it usually was though... I tightened my hold on his waist anyway. I chewed on my bottom lip thoughtfully, waiting for him to continue. Since I moved to Forks, my bad habit of eating away at my lip wasn't so bad. Edward's presence helped my nervous habit, but I was starting it up again simply to help me think. I didn't understand what was going on. I wanted to know what he was thinking... Why he sounded... guilty.

Edward let out a sigh. He rubbed my back with his extremely strong hands. I closed my eyes with a smile and pushed myself up on my elbows. "And what're you thinking?" I inquired. He usually asked me that, but I needed to know why he sounded like that.

"Nothing important," he answered, but I could tell he wasn't telling the truth. Not that he was lying. He just wasn't telling the whole truth. There was something important on his mind. Very important. That was the only reason he would let anything get between us. I couldn't help noticing that he was more tense than usual. He didn't relax in my bed with me in his arms. Something was definitely wrong.

"So I see," I muttered, feeling annoyed. Why wouldn't he just tell me? "Anything you want to talk about? People say I'm a pretty good listener."

"Timmy, you're..." He sighed, and I could hear the frustration. He wasn't just frustrated though. He was furious with himself for something. I couldn't help him if he wasn't open. And he wasn't. "You'll always be my pray and I'll always be your predator," he said quietly. "Even now, I'm scared I'll lose control with you. The longer I'm with you, the easier it becomes, but I become thirsty more quickly too. It scares me that I have the strength to kill you. I don't know if I can control myself, even now."

"There's nothing wrong with being tempted. Don't you know how tempted I am to seduce you and make you go farther than you want to? Temptation isn't wrong, Edward. It's how you handle the temptation that matters."

"But my temptation could kill you. You don't know what that feels like."

"And living? By having a life, you'll die eventually. I've accepted that. No one knows when they'll die or how. I don't know what it feels like, no, but I could kill myself falling down the stairs. You don't know how strong you are unless you're tempted. And you've resisted this long, haven't you? It only gets easier."

"Vampires can't die. It's extremely hard to kill them. I couldn't live without you."

I nodded because I already knew vampires couldn't be killed easily. "But if the world had a beginning, it will have an ending too," I replied quietly. "Vampires won't be able to survive that."

Edward smiled sadly. He pulled me closer. Still tense. Something was still wrong. He wasn't telling me what was really on his mind. Something had happened. I didn't know what it was. "That's true, but still," he said quietly.

"You won't kill me. I know you won't. Or you would have already. And you don't know how strong you are." I saw him raise his eyebrows in question, like he didn't believe me, and I glared at him. "Not physically. I meant mentally. You're too damn stubborn to see it."

Edward nodded, playing with my hair. He usually would have smiled at that. Not even a twitch. "True, but sometimes it's too hard to think. I wish you weren't so delicious. I don't like having instincts that tell me to kill you."

"Would you love me if I wasn't delicious?" I asked thoughtfully.

Edward grinned then. Still sad, but at least he wasn't moping... "Maybe not, but I guess you suffer too. You sit, waiting for me to make a move, and I never do--not that I don't want to."

I laughed. "You can if you want," I said shyly.

Edward laughed and rolled over so he was leaning over me. He ran his fingers along my throat, then up to the sides of my face. One hand on my cheek, the other on my waist, gripping the side of my waist firmly. His lips ran over my arm to my collarbone, up my neck. It would have been so easy for him to dig his perfect teeth into my flesh and my life would have been over in seconds. He could have done it. It would have ended the burn in his throat. It would have hurt him in the end. He continued onto my lips. I put my hand on the back of his neck. I wasn't even close to being strong enough, but I tried to pull his lips to mine again. Edward followed my wimpy pull without any hesitation. He was grinning. I reached my hands up into his hair and that's when he stopped. I shrunk back shyly because I knew he thought we'd gone too far.

"See?" he inquired, laughing like I'd told some hilarious joke. Or like someone else told a joke and I didn't understand it. "You're disappointed."

I nodded honestly. "Because you give me a sample, but you won't give me the real thing," I replied. "Not exactly my favorite idea, but the sample was nice."

Edward shook his head, still grinning, and rolled off of me. "Beautiful, don't you want to wait until marriage?"

"Not to have a real kiss," I answered with a giggle. "Let's go out in the rain," I suggested, sitting up. Edward would never go on because he thought he needed to control how far things went since I was controlled by hormones. But it was mostly me. So I made a mental note not to go for Edward's hair or his shirt or anything else he might not like. "I feel like playing outside in the rain for a while."

Edward pinched my cheek lightly. "And get a horrible cold. I'll go make you breakfast."

"No, no, no! Let's go out for breakfast. I wanna walk because it's warmer. Supposed to reach like eighty or something, right?"

"Oh, eighty as opposed to the humidity of LA!"

I smacked his chest. "Write me a letter while I'm in the shower," I told him, and grabbed an outfit out of my closet. Edward grabbed one of my old notebooks and a pen. I laughed as I left my room. I could hear Dad snoring in his room. I rolled my eyes at the sound and locked the bathroom door.

When I returned to my room, Edward signed his letter. Secretively, he closed it before I could get a glance at how he began. He pulled me onto his lap and kissed my forehead. "You ready then?" he asked. Edward carried me downstairs to the front door. I slipped on a sweater and Edward put up the hood for me while I zipped it. We left a tiny note for Dad that he probably wouldn't even find.

We hurried out into the rain. As we walked, I kicked up the puddles. It was pouring and I could hardly see ten feet in front of me, not the beauty of Edward's face several inches to my side either, which was disappointing--I loved how he looked in the rain. I trusted Edward to keep me safe. His eyes were better than me anyway. "So where are we walking?" I asked since I had no planned destination when I suggested we take a walk.

"To turn in your application at the Newton's. I have it, don't worry. And then we can go wherever you want. Breakfast first though."

We walked at my pace, which must have been annoying for Edward when he could run so much faster. He kept his usual arm around me. No one else was out. Forks, Washington, was the worst place in the world to spend the summer in. The near constant clouds and downpour, the sunless sky, most would try to escape somewhere where the sun actually existed. But stores were packed of people who were trying to get out of the rain. The sidewalks were totally empty other than myself and Edward. Summer in Forks was a lot like any other season. Colder than LA summers, which was what I was used to, and wet. I didn't mind. On the sunny days, I could go to La Push and visit Jacob or go to Edward's house--driving myself on most days--or I could just lay in bed with my whole box of letters from Edward. I could stare at the poster of us on my ceiling. I could look at all the pictures o fus. Plus I had the smell of his feather pillow and the CDs he made me of the music he'd composed. That was enough to get me through one day. Possibly two or three. But we hadn't been apart that long for weeks. And the days we were apart were filled with phone calls and text messages, as well as a million thoughts of each other.

Edward came inside Newton's Sporting Goods with me this time--Mike was working again. "Oh, hey, Cullen," Mike called, but I knew they hated each other. "Timberlee, you look freezing." Fake concern, trying to show he was better than Edward. Ha! No. Never.

"No, I'm fine," I replied with a smile, looking through a stack of magazines. "I just came to drop off my job application."

"Oh, well, Mom's in the back. She could just interview you now. That'd save you another trip here. Just a minute. I'll go get her."

"Rude," I mumbled to Edward when Mike disappeared. Edward nodded with a grin.

"So what do you want for your birthday?"

"Nothing," I answered. "Nothing at all."

"You have to give me something. Some kind of idea. What do you want--books? A new car? Is it that embarrassing?"

I smacked his stomach. Always teasing me. I hated being given things. Especially when they were expensive, like Edward's usually were. "Fine." I smiled, my hand on his marble chest. "I want to be with you from six in the morning to midnight. I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up in them," I answered. Edward seemed okay with that. He also seemed like he was having another one of those moments when he couldn't keep his hands off me. Which was what I was aiming for. Better get him in a great mood before I said the "big one".

"Anything else?" Edward inquired like he knew I wasn't finished.

I nodded. "I want you to change me," I whispered.

Edward rolled his eyes and shrugged out of my grasp. He was furious. "Answer's no."

I glared at him. "Why not?"

"Timberlee!" I jumped at turned to face Mike's mom with a smile. "I'm so glad I finally get to meet you. Your father's told me so much about you. You're just as beautiful as he said," she continued with the same smile. Annoying and over enthusiastic. Now I understood where Mike got it.

I returned the smile. "Thanks. This is my boyfriend, Edward Cullen." Rub it in Mike's face if he wants to be rude. That was probably an official declaration of war though...

"It's nice to meet you," Edward said politely with a stunning smile, but it sounded strained to me. Maybe Mike was being an idiot again in his thoughts or maybe Edward's original sadness was returning.

"And you. Timberlee, why don't you come back to the office to warm up? We have a fresh pot of coffee. The interview won't take long. Mr. Cullen and Mike can chat."

"Oh!" I exclaimed, trying to think of any reason why Edward didn't have to. "Um... Actually, we were about to go to breakfast," I said, leaning into Edward's side because I was losing my balance. Weighed down my soaking clothes, it was always nice to have a beautiful vampire to lean against. "Why don't you go on to the restaurant and I'll meet you there when I'm done."

Edward nodded and kissed me, but he was glaring at Mike. I couldn't help but notice that it was longer than usual and more intense without going too far. He was trying to smash Mike's ego completely. I smiled, watching him leave, trying not to burst into giggles. "Creep," Mike mumbled, and I followed Mrs. Newton into the office after sending a glare at Mike. He tried to look innocent. Didn't work.

Most of the interview was spent chit chatting about how the weather. Mrs. Newton talked about how the downpour had changed just slightly. My replies sounded stupid and unintelligent because I hadn't notice any change whatsoever. It wasn't important! I had been with Edward all morning and he wasn't as sad anymore.

A half hour later, I dashed full speed down two blocks, across the street, down another block to the tiny diner where Edward was waiting. I managed to do all of that in soaking clothes without tripping. Amazing! I sat across from him and took a huge gulp of water as he pushed it over. "Apparently, I missed the part where the rain turned to slush, then turned back to rain," I mumbled in annoyance, even though that wasn't what Mrs. Newton said. She claimed it was a drizzle, not slush. "Not sure how anyone in this town cane fascinate themselves with weather."

Edward grinned--he'd grown used to my heavy sarcasm. "So did they hire you on the spot or what?"

"They said they'd call me," I answered, taking another sip of water. It was a small victory for Dad. "Working a shift or two three days a week for seven bucks an hour, but hey, it's only a maybe. And it's a crappy job. Any job with Mike..."

"That it is, Beautiful," Edward replied with another grin as the waitress came over to take our order. Or rather mine. "Just some black coffee for me," Edward told her, but I knew the coffee was actually for me, not him.

"Raspberry nut pancakes," I told her with a smile. I looked back to Edward. "So what do you plan to do if I get the job? Gonna get one yourself?"

"No. I'll hunt then," he answered, glancing around. "We've been dating for... what? Three months or so? And people still stare. Wonder what makes us such an attraction. If I didn't already know all the gossip and secrets, I'd make my own newspaper. That'd be a good pass time. But it probably wouldn't answer why people stare like they do."

I laughed. "Three months isn't accurate though," I told him. "Fourteen weeks, not including our spring break incident. So two months, two weeks," I replied with a grin. Usually, it was Edward who had all the details. Not me. "And we're celebrities because you're gorgeous and I'm average. They don't understand the chemistry between us. And you should write your own paper."

"You're above average. Average would be shallow, vein, stupid. You're perfect." He grinned at me. "And look who's reading minds now," he mumbled.

I laughed, throwing my head back. "Ever considered being a comedian?"

"No. You're the only one that would laugh."

"Probably, but I'd pay fifty bucks to see you every night."

"I might have to take you up on that," Edward replied as the waitress returned with my food.

We talked. After I finished my pancakes, we stayed there and chatted about our favorite tv shows, our favorite composers, instruments, and genres. We went onto talk about what classes we were going to take our senior year so we'd be in all the same classes. Then Edward bought me a salad for lunch. With everyone whispering about us, I ate and Edward watched. I smiled when Dad walked in. "Hey, Dad," I greeted, a little annoyed.

Without invitation, he joined us at our table. "How long have you two been here?" Dad asked.

"Since breakfast," our waitress answered. "They've been talking. And they don't seem to mind the gossip. An adorable couple!" She touched my arm. "What'll you have, Chief?"

"The usual," Dad said. "Timberlee, you should spend time with Jake. I hear he's been having some friend trouble. He'd love your company."

I nodded because my mouth was full. I chewed and swallowed. "Sure, sure, I'll help him out however I can. Maybe he'll learn to be friends with Edward then." I understood that Jake absolutely hated Edward, but I could still hope. I honestly wanted them to be friends. Like best friends so I didn't have to be so paranoid that Jake was going to piss Edward off beyond return if we hung out.

Dad glared furiously at me, then Edward, and slammed his fist down on the table, which drew a few more looks. "Now I don't care what I have to do, how long I have to ground you, you're not going to push off Jake's friendship because you think you're in love."

"Dad, I was joking, I wasn't trying to push off anyone's friendship, and who are you to say if I'm in love or not?" I replied as calmly as a could, Edawrd squeezing my hand under the table.

"You may not have been trying to push him away, but you were. And it's the same thing with all your other friends. You've replaced them all with Eddie."

"Edward!" I corrected angrily. "And maybe Edward's better company," I muttered in disgust. That was true maybe, but I shouldn't have said it. I was angry and Dad was about to kill me. He loved Jake and I wasn't being the greatest friend, no. Dad knew what he said would make me mad, and he said it anyway. He should have expected me to explode.

"You're this close to getting grounded," Dad announced, holding his hands an inch apart. The only reason he would threaten to ground me was because he wanted me to listen or because he was really that concerned about Jake.

I bit my lip hard, squeezed Edward's hand as hard as I could--he was unaffected by it--and looked back to my salad. Being grounded meant no visits from Edward. So I kept my mouth shut. Charlie cleared his throat when he was sure he had my attention. "If you can find a balance between Edward and your friends, this won't be a problem," he said more calmly. "Just don't forget your friends."

"Okay, fine." I threw my fork down and stood, throwing my chair back into the wall in the process. I saw Edward toss down a couple bills to pay for my food. I heard Dad sigh. I didn't care. I walked back out into the rain and started towards home. I was furious. Sure, I was living under Charlie's roof, but couldn't he see that all I wanted was to be with Edward? That was all I needed to be happy. No friends. And I wanted friends, yes, and I didn't want to forget them. I just wanted to absorb every moment with Edward because he would live forever and I would die in the end. I wanted to give him the most memories possible.

Edward caught up to me easily. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head. "I wish he would stay out of it sometimes," I replied. "Saying that I think I'm in love didn't help any."

Edward frowned. The pain from before had returned to his face. He looked worried, frustrated, and there was something else I couldn't read. I couldn't help the thought that he was still worried about hurting me, being tempted by my blood. Those were his instincts. He fought them every day when he survived off animal blood, and I was one of the things that held him to it. But I was also something tempting him to kill again. I glanced over at him. He looked as pale as ever, his face etched with worry and the pain I'd seen before. It couldn't be just my behavior in the diner. There was something else to cause his worry now, but we walked in silence. He didn't give me any answers. That was the first time I felt distant from Edward. We weren't so close on the walk home. He even left right after I was safely inside. I didn't understand and none of it made sense. It was like our first week of dating all over again--all secrets, no information.

I walked upstairs and cried for hours. I was too confused. I didn't know why Edward kept these things from me. I couldn't help believing I could somehow help whatever he was worrying about. Maybe all of it was my fault and he didn't want to hurt me.

For the first time, I cried and Edward wasn't there to hold me.