Chapter Nine

I pretended to be asleep the next morning to please Dad, Mom, and Michael. Dad drove them to the airport in Port Angeles early, and Mom came in to say goodbye to me. She cried twice as hard as I thought she would. She kissed my cheek and left quickly, not ready to wake me. But I couldn't sleep. Nightmares were the only thing that game in my sleep anyway. Not Edward. After I was sure they were all gone, I got up and showered, ate a piece of toast even, but I only threw it back up again.

The nausea I felt wasn't so bad, but the reason it was there constantly broke me. I could never live happily ever again. No happily ever after in this story. Not yet because I couldn't stand the thought of living without Edward, even while I was living that life daily. I couldn't be happy. Not without Edward. My one picture. That was all I had. I spent so long taking pictures to preserve the memories I had with Edward. He knew that, every tiny detail about my fear of forgetting those precious memories, and he still took them. An action in scorn? It seemed like anger, hatred even, but what could I do now? The memories I tried to make last forever had disappeared and I couldn't get them back. Sometimes, it felt like I'd imagined it all, but it wasn't my imagination. The picture--the one I had left--proved that I wasn't crazy. Not that that changed the thought that I was psychotic as I could feel Edward's movements.

When I returned to my room after completely emptying the content of my stomach, I sat cross legged on my bed, eyes on my last memory of Edward that was physical. Everything else was bottled up inside me. The last memory I had for sure. The one I would never, ever forget, even if the others faded. I would either win Edward back or make more, win him back, and he could give me back the others, or--the worst--I would forget all of it eventually besides that picture, which would be lost once I started to believe he'd never existed. For much of my life, I believed that love lasted forever, but in a way, Edward proved me wrong. I still loved him, but there was no guarantee that he still loved me, so love did end. Or there was a possibility that it did. That was enough to make the tears come again. Our love was a love that would never last forever.

I curled up into a tiny ball, as small as I could, but, even so much later, nothing helped me. Not that I had found, not that I'd tried. Not even talking to Jacob helped the hole inside me. It just distracted me for a while. It just left more emptiness where it would usually have helped. The longer I searched, the longer and deeper my pain became. I remembered Mom telling me that you don't know what you got until it's gone, as cliche as that was. I knew what I had when I had Edward. I didn't know the depth of what he meant to me until he was gone. And he was still gone, still leaving me. Never to return. That was his plan. I knew that.

I reached for my guitar, which was on the floor. I couldn't just sit there thinking. I had to do something. Playing usually helped me vent whatever emotion I had, but I didn't even know what I felt then. Anger that he left, no, that wasn't it. Pain, yes, but what kind? Hatred, yes, of the monster. Love, yes, of my Edward. But the monster and my Edward were the same person. Edward Cullen. How could I love him and hate him at the same time? Playing didn't help that time. I started strumming a song I had written years ago. There were no words to it yet--I didn't know what words would work with it or why this song was so complicated for me to write. So I played the song, thinking hard about what lyrics fit with my life now. My thoughts. Putting them into a song, memorizing them.

I grabbed my notebook and a pen off my nightstand. I suddenly knew exactly what words would work. They came easy, easier than the tears as I wrote them. They came right to me because I knew where I stood now. I knew a small portion of what I felt. I knew what it would sound like and I knew I would cry. But I accepted it and finished writing the lyrics. I was angry, yes, because I knew Edward had once left me. He loved me when he begged me to believe he would always love me. How could I believe that while he was gone? I was in love as much as ever. I was hurt, and hurting, and in pain, all while fighting off the pain and the hurt. I wanted to get Edward out of my mind for a few moments to give me the sanity to think through this problem rationally and discover what I wanted to do now that Edward was gone. I put all of that in my song.

My eyes going back and forth between my guitar strings, the freshly written lyrics, and the picture of my Edward, I started to play, praying as hard as I could that he could somehow hear my words. Praying that he would answer me. I needed an answer, any kind. Anything that made sense in this new world of confusion... anything at all.

Don't hang up,
Can we talk?
So confused
It's like I'm lost.
What went wrong?
what made you go?
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me
I'm unchangeable

When did we
Fall apart?
Or did you lie
From the start?
When you said
It's only you
I was blind
Such a fool
Thinking we
Were unbreakable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful.

I've been told
Whats done is done
To let it go
And carry on
And deep inside
I know that's true
I'm stuck in time
I'm stuck on you
We were still untouchable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more.
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cause I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now

Because we're much better
All together
Can't let go.

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said?
Was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful?
Made me unbeautiful.

When I finished, the tears were there, never to leave until I found the strength I knew was somewhere inside me. I couldn't let Edward take anymore from me--my Edward wouldn't want that, even if this new monster did. I felt so strange. Not ugly, just not beautiful like Edward had made me feel. I felt like I was in a constant nightmare, like it was just a terrible, horrible, miserable, damned dream. I couldn't let go. Ever. But at the same time, I wanted Edward out of my mind for a few seconds. Only a few. I wanted him to tell me yes instead of no. I didn't want to be denied my wish anymore. I just wanted Edward forever. Not just for the rest of my life like I told him on the night of our prom. But he wouldn't give me that anymore. He wouldn't even give me that for the rest of my life. I wanted to know what made me so disgusting to him, what made him change into this monster, what made him leave. I wanted simple answers. But Edward wasn't there to give them to me.

I sniffed, wiping away the tears. I rolled my eyes at myself. Jacob would be there soon. But I could only cry. I let the damned tears fall freely. I was too tired to care. I just wanted a few seconds of relief. Seconds. Not weeks, or days, or even hours. Seconds. Edward used to be able to erase all my pain permanently and now I would settle for seconds alone. I just wanted a few seconds to think clearly. I wanted to feel normal--alive--again. But the only reason I felt dead in the first place was Edward, and I was constantly reminded that he was gone. Everywhere I looked, there were memories of him. I couldn't be sure they were all real anymore. I just new Edward was real and that the picture I'd left in LA was real. Which meant that day was real. But who would believe in vampires because Edward Cullen said he was one? No one else would because they had never seen what I had, felt what I had, heard and lived what I had. All of it was real.

"You're not crazy," I told myself. "You're in love with a freaking vampire." Stupid words. Stupid thought. A vampire? What was so special about a vampire? Why did I care about him? It wasn't so believable coming from my own lips. The fact that I loved a vampire proved to me that I was crazy in my mind. I had lied to myself enough to make myself believe I would have lied about not being crazy too. Dad had said the same thing, but that didn't change anything--he didn't know the Cullens were vampires. He was painfully honest. Still, he didn't have one key factor and I just couldn't believe anything that came out of my mind or mouth. I just felt crazy. Too crazy. I needed to think, but yet another problem. I couldn't sleep, which made me unable to think.

I rolled off my bed to get some sparkling water from the kitchen--Mom knew I didn't like soda, so she'd kindly brought some for me. My stomach twisted in hunger. I just needed something in it. The sparkling water helped a little with both filling and settling my stomach. I sighed to get one more second without tears, feeling another breakdown coming. I could never ease the pain, but I wanted the tears to stop. Then I could at least pretend to be okay. Not everyone would believe, but I wanted to give some peace to my family. I wouldn't feel so guilty then.

"What do you have to feel guilty about?" I asked, staring out into the rain. I was the one in so much pain I felt like it would kill me. I was the one that was abandoned. But I still felt guilty. I asked myself everyday if it was right for me to have asked Edward to put himself in pain to be with me. I asked myself a hundred thousand times if it was my fault somehow that he left. But I never found any answers, so I felt even more guilty. If he did love me once, and he stopped, it must have been my fault.

I sipped more of my water and cringed at the artificial flavor. I hated grape, but it was better than nothing at all. I stretched, staring at where Edward always parked when he drove me to school or when he came over. I sighed, eyes closed. I forced the tears back and it was the first time it worked.

Jacob pulled up to my house in my truck, which was covered in mud. I smiled at him through the window, raising one finger to tell him I'd be right out. I grabbed my cell phone, keys, and a sweater from upstairs. It wasn't cold, but it wasn't warm either. So I zipped up my stretched and torn hoodie on my way outside. I pulled up my hood to hide anymore evidence that I had been crying almost all morning. So the ride to La Push was completely silent. We didn't even look at each other. It was like we were brand new friends, out for the first time. No one would have guessed Jacob and I had known each other most of our lives. So we should have been talking, and it wasn't Jacob. It was me. Edward left because of me. Jacob was awkward because of me. It was all my fault. Every bit of it. I would never recover from the pain Edward inflicted. For so long, I had believed I was strong, at least fairly strong. How strong could anyone be if they couldn't stop loving a vampire? In some sick way, the fact that he drank blood to survive only made me love him more. He could have killed me a billion times, but he didn't. Not before he left even. Now I wished he had killed me. At least then I wouldn't be in pain. Not like this.

But somehow, the thought of Edward in pain was somehow worse than the pain I felt. I remembered a conversation we had about suicide once. He'd mentioned the Volturi, told me their story, Carlisle's, and he said that if he had to live without me, suicide was the only thing he would want. I just couldn't let him suffer. I would have to live somehow in case he changed his mind. So the stupid, idiotic person I was, I loved Edward enough to forever live in this hell on earth. I was stupid. But aren't we all stupid in love? Don't we all fall for the wrong person--the person who makes the least sense for us to love? I was left to cry, but hurting Edward was worse than him hurting me. I had always tried to help him through the pain my blood gave him, especially when he hadn't hunted. And maybe it wasn't enough. But I tried. I would have tried a thousand times harder if it would have saved me the pain I felt.

But now I had no one to save me. Nothing. So the tears fell once more as Jacob pulled up to the tiny house in La Push. I remembered it vaguely from my childhood. I followed him to his garage. Without invitation, I got myself a soda to settle my stomach--soda was better than nothing--and handed Jake another. I leaned against the wall and slid down to the ground. Head rested against the walls about to meet in a corner, I closed my eyes. I needed to stop crying and figure something out to do in Jake's garage other than watch him work on his Volkswagen Rabbit.

Thankful for Jake's digression, I regained what composure I could and moved to Jake's side. "You look really horrible. No offense," he added quickly.

I nodded with a small smile. "I feel horrible too," I replied, clutching my stomach. I needed food in it, but throwing up whatever I ate caused me to do my best to ignore the knots in my empty stomach. "So after you finish your car, do you have any plans for summer? If you finish it before summer's over, I mean," I said shyly. I felt mean to hope Jake had nothing planned, but I needed to feel something. Anything. I knew I was using Jake also, and that didn't help my guilt, but I was willing to try anything if it meant I could sleep at night or just get through a meal without struggling not to cry or just sobbing freely.

Jake shrugged. "Not really. You?"

"Sort of. I applied for a job at the Newton's just outside of town. Haven't really heard anything about it, but maybe I can work sympathy in my favor," I joked with a half smile. "And Mom wants me to fly home every other weekend or maybe even every weekend." I pushed my long bangs from my face with a sigh. "But I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to leave Forks after everything that's happened here," I admitted quietly, staring out into the rain again.

"Such as?" Jake inquired, and the disgust told me he knew I meant Edward. But I thought I heard some hope in his boyish voice too.

"Lots of stuff. I made tons of new friends, renewed some old friendships, maybe a few enemies too," I mumbled, thinking of Jessica. "I've changed tons in this tiny town. I reached the high light of my life here. It's hard to explain." But it really wasn't. Edward. Edward was my happiness, my strength, my hope, my savior. How much easier could it be? But all of that was gone and Jake wouldn't understand anyway.

I blinked back a few tears. "I knew," I whispered, and saw Jacob's confused look. "From the very start, I knew it was dumb to put all my faith in him, let him be what made me completely happy. I was terrified that this would happen. I told him that I felt like he would vanish. I don't even know what I meant exactly. I just... I trusted him."

"His kind--nasty leeches--are like that. They--"

"Can we not talk about it, please?" I interrupted, looking away. "I really want to talk about something else if that's okay."

"Okay, sure. So what would you do in LA if you were there?"

I chewed on my lip thoughtfully. "Work on a CD, I guess" was my answer. "My step dad, Ted, is a musical producer. It'd be easy. I want to put all my thoughts into music somehow--if I can. I want to be able to work through this somehow without losing my mind." I gave a half smile. "If that hasn't already happened," I added, playing with one of my curls as I watched Jacob's skilled hands sort through the parts on his floor. "And they're not leeches!" I exclaimed suddenly, and I had no idea why I hadn't said that originally if I was going to defend them at all.

"Yeah, they are! But what kind of music?"

"No, they're not! I dunno what genre. Maybe rock or country. Maybe both. Why does it matter though. And how could you call the Cullens leeches?" I knew it was stupid to mix a decent conversation in with a furious argument, but at least it kept me from attacking Jacob.

"Because they are!" Jacob mumbled, sounding like the answer should have been obvious to me. "And it's not even the fact that they drink blood. They took everything from you, Tim! They're sucking the life from you like a vampire would. You're totally gone and you don't even realize it. You stare off into forests wherever like you think he'll come out of one. How can you defend them after what they did to you?"

I knew it was all true. I was stupid to wish, but I had to. That was my only hope. "I just... have to. It doesn't feel right if I don't," I whispered.

We fell silent then. I had no doubt it was because Jake realized how stubborn I was. He wasn't going to argue with me because it would never end. I crossed my ankles with my legs straightened. Mulling over all the forests Edward could be hiding in, I vowed to search every single one. I was crazy, yes, but I needed him to be with me. He'd known that. He still knew that. I could never survive a lifetime without him. He had to come back to me. I prayed Michael was right when he said Edward would come running back soon. But there was no guarantees anywhere. The only thing I'd ever believed was permanent in my life was Edward. Turned out, he wasn't even permanent when he lived forever. He changed most of all. He was the most temporary thing there was, and I just hadn't realized it.

I cleared my throat. "How long until you're done with this?" I asked, tapping the door of Jacob's Volkswagen Rabbit.

"Not sure. With the way I work, probably fairly soon. Next few months," he mumbled.

"Would it be faster if I left?" I asked. I knew how much he wanted to finish, even if he wasn't quite sixteen yet. He'd been building his beloved car from scratch since before I'd moved to Forks. Since then, he'd made an unreal amount of progress. I didn't want to slow him down. Mom always said I had an over sensitive conscious, especially when I was already vulnerable. I knew it was true, but there wasn't really much I could do about it. The vulnerability or the sensitive conscious.

Jacob shook his head, grunting in effort as he tightened something--I couldn't see what, his hands were too big. "No. I like it when you watch me. Your face is really funny sometimes. It's kinda like you're not even here. Like you're off somewhere else. I kinda wonder where you go sometimes."

I scoffed. "You don't wanna know," I muttered, and moved out of the way quickly. His presence was nice. It was so peaceful, so happy, even with all his friends dumping him. It was nice that he didn't cringe every time he looked at me, which was a nice change. It let me forget about my car accident for a while, until I made a move that hurt my ribs or back. Even Charlie made a face when he heard me limping around. My accident brought a new part of accident prone for me. I still believed Edward somehow saved me as crazy as I knew that made me. The love I had for Edward was only complex because it was forbidden love. But few knew that he was a vampire, so they just saw it like a gorgeous boy loving a simple girl. It didn't make sense how we fell in love, but we somehow did. Edward had loved me at some point, and every bit of common sense told me he still loved me, even if my head told me he didn't. So I continued to search, but searching a gap of nothing was harder than I thought, and pointless--there was nothing there.

"So have you ever been out of Washington?" I asked.

"Yeah. My sister's wedding was in Hawaii. But I like Washington better. Guess I'm used to all the rain. You've probably traveled everywhere. Care to list the places for me? I like to listen to your voice actually. It's cute."

I rolled my eyes. No compliments or comments like that. That should have been one of my terms if I was going to hang out with Jacob. Only Edward was allowed to tell me about my voice or my eyes or whatever. But I told Jacob about my travels. Trips to every continent in the world. I spoke a few sentences in the languages from each place if I could. I explained the modeling job I'd done in each country or city. Jacob asked a billion questions, and I didn't cry, but that didn't mean much. I described the weather in each place and all I could think about was how Edward couldn't go wherever because of the sun. And worse than that, I made a mental note of all the sunless places I'd been because there was a possibility that Edward was there. I also wondered if he was with his family or not.

I was foolish to hope at all, but who else would have given a family of seven vampires a first change, much less a second or third? I was naive maybe, but I didn't care. I knew what my feelings were, and they were never going to change if I wasn't over Edward yet. I was too stubborn to give up. I was exhausted, but I couldn't do the rational thing and give in, realize Edward wasn't coming back. I lived for Edward. That was the only reason I was still alive. Until I was dead, there was a small chance he would come for me. And it didn't matter to me if he came on a white horse, on foot, or in a shiny silver Volvo. It didn't have to be a fairytale. It just had to be real. As real as Edward was. As real as the picture of us. As real as I knew his love had once been.

Jacob glanced at me when I sighed deeply. "You deserve better than them," he told me quietly, obviously cautious too.

I laughed, closing my eyes as I pictured Edward's gorgeous smile. So alive and happy. "Who has ever earned the love they got?" I muttered because I knew no one had. Not me, or my father, not Jacob or Edward, not anyone I loved or anyone who loved me. Love was something no one deserved or earned. It just happened. And I paid for loving Edward. There was only one price to pay for loving--pain. I continued to pay that price. And it was horrible, but if it meant there was still a chance Edward would come back, I would endure. Edward was alive, which meant there was that possibility.

"How could you love someone who might kill you?"

"You could kill me as easily as he could, Jake. Maybe not in the same way, but methods don't matter to me. You could throw a tool or a part over your shoulder, accidentally hit my head, give me blunt forced trauma," I said with a laugh. Then my smile faded. "If Edward wanted to kill me, he would have done it when he left. By the time they found my body--if they ever did--he would have been so far gone no one would ever find him. And then there was no guarantee that anyone would think of him first. He won't kill me."

"Won't?" Jacob repeated, glaring at me. "He can't control himself! He could kiss you too hard and smash your skull or hug you too hard and completely crush your body. You don't even realize how strong he is."

"How would you know? And he never did," I insisted, but I didn't know why I continued to argue. It wouldn't change Jacob's mind. "He's hugged me before and he hasn't hurt me. Not even bruises." He didn't give me bruises. Any bruises I got were from me elbowing him or whatever. He couldn't feel it. He was too hard, but I got a few bruises. "He's never squeezed me too hard. It's always been too gentle if you ask me. Made me feel breakable. And he's kissed me too, but I'm still alive. It's my life anyway. I can give it to anyone I want."

"You are breakable. To him. And you'll give your life away to a vampire, even if it kills you?"

I nodded. "I've been to hell, Jacob. I'm in hell! How much worse could it get? And I don't have to justify my relationship to you. I love him. He loves me. That's all that matters, though I wouldn't expect you to understand that. You never saw how happy I was with him and how much he loved me. Even Charlie could see it, and he's the most biased person in the world!"

"If he loves you so much, why did he leave?"

"I'm sure there was a reason."

"Then why didn't he tell you?"

I glared furiously at Jake, but he was right, even if I didn't want to admit it. I wouldn't admit it. Edward had a reason. I told myself that. He just didn't tell me because it would bring problems. The fact that Edward showed no pain or regret was another thing that got to me. He showed some kind of hatred in his eyes, but I couldn't read anything else. They were empty for the first time. I let out another sigh. "So, uh, anyway," I mumbled, feeling embarrassed. Arguing with a werewolf descendent about the innocence of a vampire was pointless. Neither of us would change our opinions. So I decided to end the argument and move on with the conversation, but my mind would remain on the topic no matter what.

"You heard about the disappearances?" I asked. One good topic I could dream up.

Jacob nodded. "Two and now three more," he told me. I hadn't heard of the three though. Charlie probably avoided telling me for a reason. Or maybe he had and I just didn't remember it. My depression was bad enough to make me forget things or not even hear them. Three more disappearances only made me wonder who it was more than ever. The last time people were killed, it was three vampires. I didn't know if it could possibly be more vampires, but it seemed reasonable. And if people were disappearing, they could be dead, which meant those vampires weren't like Edward and the Cullens. Those vampires were drinking human blood instead of animal blood. Edward told me a few too many times how good my blood smelled, even if it was like his own personal favorite. I smelled good to all vampires, especially good, but it was only addictive and extremely good to Edward. Edward could resist, but few other vampires would or even could. Which left me scared of why they were there. I was only scared because Edward wasn't with me though. And he wouldn't come back. He wouldn't make it in time to protect me. I would be dead if I came upon another vampire.

"Five total?" I inquired after a long silence. "Wonder if anyone else has been hurt... Anything like this happen before? Or is it just now?"

"Just that time before and now," Jacob answered. "But before, it was vampires."

"Would you please top talking about vampires? It was not the Cullens!"

"I never said it was! I just said--"

"Just stop!" I exclaimed in annoyance. "I know what you think of them. But you don't have to keep talking about it, okay? Let me work that out on my own without your wise cracks."

"Fine! Don't see why you're so touchy about me talking about other vampires."

"Because you put them all under the same category when you've never even talked to the Cullens," I snapped. My frustration was being taken out on Jake. I had so many problems to sort out. Too many, and no one would ever be able to help me. No one could understand because no one knew about vampires and so on. Or few did. Not even my best friend Phoebe or my mom. Not even Charlie. So I had to endure the pain, confusion, and everything else by myself, completely alone. The people who did know were the Cullen family--and they were gone--and Jacob, who spent the time insulting Edward and his family. So I had to endure it alone, and that was the worst part. I wanted Edward's gentle eyes, his understanding. I wanted Alice's sweet, happy hugs to lighten any mood. I wanted Emmett's stupid jokes, even if I was the victim of them all. I wanted Carlisle's compassion, as well as Esme's. But most of all, I just wanted Edward's love.

I had none left. Edward took all of them with him. And it made me feel like Alice was in on the whole thing too. I couldn't believe it though. It was too hard to think that I had been abandoned by Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper even. I'd never talked to him for real other than when I was worrying about Edward last spring and he eased my fears as much as he could, but I cared for Jasper too. I knew Edward felt at least some of the pain Jasper did. So I tried to help Jasper in the same way. Maybe Edward left because I was hurting his family too, not just him. But at the same time, I knew Carlisle wouldn't allow the pain they faith get between myself and Edward when he'd been alone for a hundred years almost. Carlisle and the entire family were so happy for him when he'd met me. I'd been accepted into the family without hesitation. I'd been one of the Cullens.

There was a billion reasons Edward could have left, but he told me the two that would hurt me the most. Why? Did he want to hurt me? Was that the whole point? I don't love you. You're not good for me. It was like he wanted to hurt me. But those words didn't seem like anything Edward would ever asy. But then the Edward I knew wouldn't ever refuse to take me with him. He wouldn't have left because he would have been leaving me. Something had changed over night, and we grew apart as fast as anyone could. Then he was gone.

Charlie picked me up on his way home from work. The ride back was silent. He could probably tell I wasn't up to cooking because he stopped by the tiny diner outside of town. I waited in the car, face leaned against the window, while he went inside to get dinner for us. I saw the unusually large bag when he returned and guessed he either got me more than I could eat or that he got enough to last a few nights of him eating, like he expected me to be gone, running away. No matter what, even while I stayed in Forks, I was running. He just didn't know that.

When we reached home, I grabbed my old CD player from upstairs before I went downstairs to eat. I poured a plate of fries and took the onion rings from Dad, trying to ignore his worried look. We warmed up the food quickly and I hurried upstairs to my room, plate in hand. I sat on my bed with my guitar. I pretended Edward was with me, humming my lullaby as I played. It was hard to concentrate that way.

Dad must ave heard me playing the song I wrote earlier, but thankfully he left me alone. I ate what I could and returned the rest of it to the kitchen. I saw Charlie's somewhat annoyed and extremely worried look, but I couldn't eat anymore. Once I got upstairs again, I curled into my usual ball in the center of my bed, hugging the picture of me and Edward to my chest. I tried to be strong. I tried not to cry. But what use would that ever be? I surrendered, remembering the day I found out Edward was a vampire. I told Edward that I didn't want to run away or fight him. I said that I surrendered. I surrendered to the pain that night. I couldn't fight anymore.

If there was anything I could do to make you happy, I would do it and more, Edward told me that once. He said that to me far before I knew he was a vampire. It was different now.

I sobbed at the memory of our first kiss. We were on a mountain and he'd grown frustrated with himself. His touch was so gentle, yet so passionate. His eyes had been closed, and I'd been trying to find my breath. I cried at the memory of his touch all the days after that, and his voice. "Then come back," I whispered, studying Edward's face in the picture. "I don't care if you change me or not, I don't care if we're almost never together. I'll be human my entire life and I'll die if that's what you want from me. But if you want me to be happy, just come back. Please..."

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A/N: The song featured in this chapter is called "Unbeautiful" by Lesley Roy. Not mine.