Chapter Twelve
I was greeted by Billy when I reached home. I smiled at him and accepted a hug from Charlie. I knew he had already heard my news about the CD, but he looked worried, which should have become normal by now. I knew it was because he could see the wear on my face, the exhaustion I felt from writing Edward a letter, even if I hadn't cried as much as I thought I would. There was really no reason for Charlie to worry--I wasn't feeling any worse than usual, and I probably looked better. "Where's Jake?" I asked Billy.
"At home asleep. He was up all night," Billy answered.
"I'm gonna drive Billy home, honey. You want me to pick up dinner on the way back?" Dad asked, arm still around me.
"No. No. I'll just put together some lasagna or something," I said, and watched them leave. I closed my eyes for a moment. I was glad to be alone then. I wanted to cook dinner and unpack. Listening to Killswitch Engage on my iPod, I started making dinner. Between the steps, I read a book called Riding Lessons by Sara Gruen. It was a strange story, but there was some romance in it. It didn't make me feel alive, and I hated love triangles, but it reminded me of what I'd once had with Edward, even if it was nothing like our relationship. It reminded me of what I'd lost when he left.
Only in Riding Lessons, it was a modern romance between two adults, and there was a third party to add to the love triangle. It wasn't some fictional book that Edward and I stepped out of. No vampires or opposing werewolves. It was just a simple romance in my eyes. So I read on, trying to find any tiny detail to make my heart pound, but none of it worked, so I finished dinner and went upstairs with my plate in hand. Tossing my book aside, I sat at my computer. Since no book seemed to have an accurate story on how love really was--it wasn't a victory march at all; it was a broken, horrible thing, but the best thing ever--I began to write my own book. It wouldn't have vampires--I'd already decided that. But I wanted to prove that young people could love, and they could put a definite point when they felt it. I wanted to make this love last longer than the few memories I had with Edward. I didn't know how this story would end though because there was no ending to my story yet. I decided to write and write until the end came or until I hit a block. I couldn't finish a true story when the real version was still being lived though. I was still in the same pain as when Edward left, it would never leave. I could have ended the book with some happy, beautiful lines. But that wasn't love at all. It rarely had a happy ending, and I was proof of that.
I glanced out the window when I heard the cruiser return. I allowed myself a small smile when Charlie stopped to examine my Ford F-150. He had a thing for cars, and I made a note to look into surprising him with an awesome Mercedes or something. He kicked my tires a few times and looked through the windows to see the interior. I watched him continue the examination as if he was trying to see how safe the car was. Nothing was safe for me. He should have figured that out when I wrecked my Acura. Then he walked inside.
I scanned my play list on iTunes to find something to help me think. I heard Charlie's footsteps on the stairs, and I knew he was coming to talk to me. The knock on my door made me jump anyway--I was so used to Edward appearing through my window. Dad hardly ever came to talk to me once I shut the door for the night. "Come in," I called distantly, pausing my music.
Charlie walked in and handed me a cup of water, clearing his throat. "Your mom called me about the record deal," he explained, sitting on the edge of my bed. "You always had a good voice. I'm proud of you, honey."
"Um... thanks," I said awkwardly.
"And be careful with the new car, okay?" Charlie muttered, tossing one of my pillows out of his way. He sighed, and that told me he had more to say. Part of me wondered if it had something to do with Edward. There was something more on his mind, but why would it be Edward? I was the only one who hadn't moved on yet. Even Edward had... "How was LA?" Charlie asked, breaking into my thoughts.
I finally realized what he was doing. He knew that counseling didn't help, so talking to someone I knew could have a different effect. Dad was trying to help me, and I did appreciate it. But I didn't think anything would ever help me more than anything I'd already tried. "It was nice," I replied, turning to face him. "I spent a lot of time with Phoebe, got arrested for a bar fight and drunk and disorderly conduct. Then after smoking some marijuana, I bought Michael a Mustang," I said sarcastically, grinning.
Dad rolled his eyes. "Your mom mentioned the car too," he said, and stood. "Anyway... Hang in there, hon. It gets easier."
"Yeah, right," I mumbled. It didn't get easier as far as I could see. I was silent after that. I didn't say all of what was on my mind. Dad left. I saw the Advil he left with the cup of water on my nightstand. So he obviously wasn't worried about me overdosing. He trusted me, and that brought me close to tears again, just for a different reason than usual. I frowned, turned back to my computer, and took a deep breath. Instead of continuing with my book, I logged onto my email. Mom'd already sent me twelve. They dated back to when I broke my old computer. In most of them, she was emotional and crazy with worry. I replied the three most recent from Mom and two from Phoebe. I told her about my news of the possible CD, which would make her scream since I didn't. I exclaimed my progress with the whole damn situation, and it wasn't much or any at all, but I tried to make it sound better than it was. Not because I wanted to lie; I just didn't want anyone to worry. I needed something to change, something that would occupy my mind, and for that one thing to not occupy my mind. I wanted to feel strong enough to get through, or just strong enough to not cry. I couldn't even do that.
I checked my Facebook then. Michael was online, so we talked some. He told me about his date with Katy coming up. He claimed he was going to spend the night making out with her in his Mustang, which made me smile. Not laugh, but a smile was something. I made it through the night without crying until it came time for me to go to bed. And then the emotions overwhelmed me as I laid down with my picture of Edward. I couldn't control myself anymore. I needed to cry out of happiness about the CD and I needed to cry in pain because Edward was still gone, no closer than he had been before.
Curled in a ball, I started humming my lullaby quietly to myself. It didn't help. It wasn't the same as when Edward used to hum it to me, and it only magnified the fact that he was gone. The tears escaped my closed eyes. I couldn't do it that night, not that time. I just needed to cry then. I couldn't stop them, and I didn't care.
Through my sobs, I whispered Edward's name over and over again until I fell asleep. For the first time, I never heard Edward's voice refusing to take me with him in my dream and he wasn't tortured. My dream was still just as bad somehow. I was running through a crowd of people. I was trying to find Edward, and I knew he was somewhere in that crowd. Up ahead of the crowd was a patch of sunlight, and I knew Edward was going to step into it, but I didn't know why. I didn't know what the situation was other than a large crowd and the sun, and that Edward was there. "Edward!" I yelled, pushing through the crowd as fast as I could. I didn't have time to fall over. Something had sent this panic through me, and I jumped into a fountain to cut off the time it would have taken to get around it. "Edward!" I screamed, desperate and frantic. Something was wrong. It wasn't my usual need for him this time. It was something worse.
I woke up to the sound of Dad's alarm clock across the hallway. My horrible dream had left me able to wake up before I wanted to. I'd wanted to see how the dream ended and how Edward reacted when he saw me. I sighed deeply, breathing heavily. I was unable to sleep anymore. In some way, that was the worst nightmare yet. I squinted as Dad switched on the hall light. Usually, my bedroom door was closed over night. Trooper, Charlie's dog, didn't like the smell of my room--Edward's smell announced that he was a predator. I noticed that Trooper was there. The fact that he was asleep at the end of my bed meant that Edward's scent was fading. It wasn't that I didn't like Trooper. I loved dogs! But it meant that Edward was fading, another part of him was fading. I couldn't take it.
It was four in the morning. Dad had to get up insanely early for work that day. I rolled over to free myself from the hot covers and Trooper was sleeping on my feet too. I hugged Edward's pillow closely, breathing in the air that smelled just like him. It could have been a delusion since Trooper was there and Edward wasn't. Dad peeked in my room and whistled to wake Trooper up. I opened my eyes and Trooper looked up. "Let's go outside, boy," Dad called in a whisper. "Sorry for waking you, honey."
"No, I was already awake," I lied quietly, remembering how desperate I sounded in my dream. I really wished Charlie's alarm hadn't woken me--it usually didn't. But the desperation in my voice had me alert, waiting for something. Like I was waiting for Edward to reply, even though I knew he wouldn't. So the alarm woke me instead. I glanced at Trooper when he stretched and finally got out of my bed, which immediately made me feel cooler. He grunted, like he always did. I rubbed my eyes, but it didn't help the heaviness, so I gave in. I curled up into a ball, hugging the two pieces of Edward I had left--the picture and the pillow.
I heard Dad let Trooper out before he returned upstairs to get ready for work. I could never go back to sleep after he woke me up, as much as I wanted to. I wanted to see the end of the dream, see if I found Edward. I closed my eyes in exhaustion so Charlie would think I was asleep. I just wanted to know that my Edward was all right. I had to know if he was okay or not. Or maybe the dream was symbolic of my tortured past month and the torture I still felt. I was running so fast, screaming out his name, and he was nowhere to be seen. Only my voice in the dream sounded so much more desperate than I felt. My dream was haunting. I couldn't let this dream come true like the others had. I dreamt he would leave me, and he did. Now I had another dream to torment me until I discovered the real meaning and reason. That it did. I kept my eyes closed and it was to stop the tears. When the bathroom water started running, I rolled over so I was facing my wall that had formerly been covered in memories of myself and Edward. Now it was almost empty, and I felt as empty as ever, the hole inside me was growing. And it was all because I didn't know what to think of my nightmares now.
Dreams weren't just dreams to me. Some of mine came true. Usually, it was tiny, pointless details that faded from memory before they came true, but then I remembered them when they did. With Edward, the dreams were different. It wasn't small details, but they weren't really big either. They were just details in a huge situation that changed every point of my life, and I could never forget them. I could just dwell on them until I knew why I kept having these horrible dreams.
When the shower was turned off, I slowed my breathing and quieted my sobs. I didn't want Dad to hear me. I wanted to move on physically, even if I couldn't mentally. I wanted to convince other people that I was okay in the hopes that I would convince myself in the process. But that would never happen either. I turned my pillow over when the pool of tears got bad enough to bother me.
Trooper joined me again once he was let inside the house. I wanted to make him leave because his presence only reminded me of Edward's absence. But I was supposed to be asleep, so I ignored him and let the silent tears fall. I was glad they were silent because Charlie was still able to hear me from his room. His rooms were better than I liked.
Again, time felt the same, and my clock was behind me, so I couldn't be sure how early or late it was when Dad peeked in again. I pretended to be asleep and bit back the sobs. My eyes were pressed shut as hard as I could only because I didn't want to see the emptiness of my all. I didn't want to feel that stab of pain when I saw Edward's love letters were gone. I couldn't take anymore. Not then. And I couldn't be sure the letters ever existed without them there. That tortured me as much as the dreams and as much as Edward's absence in my life when he'd promised so many times never to leave me.
I had once considered myself strong. I'd been through some things that I could have never imagined before. A school shooting where I was the target and my parents were the shooters--my biological parents. Instead of killing me, nineteen others lost their lives. I'd been raped. I once considered myself strong for getting through those things, but I couldn't live without Edward. It made me realize that I wasn't as strong as I once believed. Maybe not weak--no one could be weak if they lived through life, and technically I was still living. But not strong either. Just an average girl in an average life with all the heartbreak possible, and when I looked at the picture of myself and Edward, it was so obvious that he was out of my league. I didn't deserve him, but I still wanted him and I still loved him.
When the cruiser was gone, I got up. I opened iTunes and turned on Three Days Grace. I wanted something loud, making it hard to think. Turning it up, I trudged downstairs to make a list of groceries to get. A trip to Port Angeles--even though there was a grocery store in Forks--would get me through another day. An hour long drive there, an hour back. And we were just about out of every kind of food there was, even flour.
My grocery list was much longer than needed, but I wanted to cook a ton. It would pass any extra time, and I made a goal to find a motorcycle for Jake too so he could go riding with me--I had mine hidden still. I needed to find a new hiding place for mine too, and why not a car fanatic who probably has parts everywhere anyway? Motorcycle, groceries, books, CDs, movies, even toys for Trooper, all on my list. I spent more time thinking about what unneeded things I could get in the hopes of getting Edward out of my mind, but mostly I just wanted to forget how desperate I sounded when I was calling Edward's name. It made my desperation for him grow. I needed him so much. And nothing seemed to help anymore. I couldn't get him out of my head.
And I didn't even want Edward out of my mind necessarily. I just wanted to forget about the dreams from hell. I wanted to forget that Edward--the monster. I only wanted to dwell on the man I loved. I didn't want to be angry with him and deep down, I knew I was. I hated him. I wanted to love him so much that the fury didn't grow as time went on and he still let me suffer. I couldn't let myself hate him. That would truly be the end for me. I had to trust him enough to believe he would come back, but how could I trust the man I saw as a monster? And why would I trust him again when he did this to me? It would be damn hard, but I swore I would find a way. I couldn't let myself hate him or even be angry because there had to be a reason. A reason that only Edward Cullen could dream up.
The rain was horrible on the way to Port Angeles, but in the distance, there was a small patch of sunlight peaking through the clouds. I knew the sun would be there by the time I reached Port Angeles, and I almost didn't want it to come. Sun meant Edward couldn't be with me, and he couldn't come to me. I never wanted to step into the sun again. I sighed and plugged in my iPod. As loud as before because I needed something to block out the thoughts of Edward, but it sounded different on my bass speakers. Head bobbing a little to the beat, I hurried out of the neighborhood. Everyone was staring at my truck; I didn't care. It somehow made me feel like Edward was with me because everyone stared when we were together too, no matter what we were doing.
But Edward wasn't with me, so I started bawling again. The fact that he wasn't there by my side was even more devastating as time went on. Each day he was gone was a day he could live without me. So far, it'd been over thirty. He could live without me and I couldn't live without him. I sighed again and got on the freeway. Feeling a little dizzy, I decided to stop at a gas station to fill up, even though my tank was still half full, and get some water or maybe some juice to get my blood sugar up. I decided to get a bagel too as I turned into the gas station--Edward used to demand that I eat three meals a day and I needed to eat something anyway.
I stepped out into the rain without a care. I just wanted to leave the station as soon as possible--Edward once took me there when we were on our way to a party. I got a thing of the least acidic orange juice I could find, some chocolate, and a bagel. I filled up my tank as fast as I could and left just as fast.
The drive to Port Angeles was an hour long, but it passed quickly with my music all the way up and my picture of Edward where I could see it easily. My cellphone was off because I didn't want to talk to anyone who might call. Edward certainly wouldn't after all this time. I couldn't stop the stupid ideas that came to mind then though. I grabbed my phone and dialed Edward's number first, feeling stupid than ever--I knew he wouldn't answer. But I needed to hear his voice, even if it was just a recording on his voicemail. I blinked back tears when I remembered how we recorded it together. We were laughing in his room, and it had been my idea to change it in the first place. We got it after about a thousand tries, but it rang once and then I realized Edward had disconnected his phone. Or changed his number. A month. A whole month, he had more than enough time to think of all the ways he needed to completely disappear, including changing his number. While I suffered, he moved on. While I cried, he added to my pain. He was gone, and I was still there. I was stupid for trusting him, naive for loving him, and he was a monster for not loving me back. Or maybe just because he left when he did love me--I couldn't decide. Both hurt about the same, and I couldn't figure out which was worse.
When I finally reached Port Angeles, I stopped at the bookstore first. An hour of surfing through the romance novels, I moved onto movies. It was the same story there. I bought tons of loud music because I didn't want my thoughts of Edward to lead to anger or hatred. So I would block out the bad thoughts and force myself to think about the good times, even if it made me cry. It was better than hating the man I loved.
The grocery store was my next stop. I made the stop as fast as I could, completely filling the car as I practically ran down every aisle. I smiled at the teenage boy as I checked out. I asked about a motorcycle, and he told me about one he saw in the paper a few days back. I grabbed the paper and found the ad--it was still for sale. So I bought the paper too. Charlie would read it when I was done with my reckless, crazy ideas about motorcycles. I stopped by the house on the way home after calling, and bought it right away once I knew it ran and didn't have any issues with the breaks. A chopper style Star motorcycle! I wondered what Edward would think of my new attitude. No more paranoia about the accidents I would have--Edward wasn't there to save me anyway. It didn't matter what happened to me when I didn't have anything worth living for.
I drove home, excited to show Jake his new motorcycle. Then to go for our first ride together. I could ride a motorcycle easily. It was one of my thrills in LA years back. Nothing had changed really. I still needed excitement--Edward just wasn't there to give it to me like he used to be. No more jumping out windows or standing on the tallest tree in the forest. That was over. So I would move on to the normal things. Stupid, less safe, but normal. And I wanted to get back home--I missed the familiarity and the feeling that Edward wasn't as far as he felt in Port Angeles.
Before I was half way home, I saw Jessica's Mercury on the side of the road and turned around to pull over behind them. "Hey!" I greeted, and hugged Angela, who was the sweetest girl ever after Alice, of course. "You guys okay? How long have you been here?"
"Only a few minutes," Jessica snapped, rolling her eyes at me. Apparently she didn't appreciate me not being there to hang out every chance--not that she asked me ever. "Stupid car broke down on me."
"I'm on my way home if you need a ride. We could call a tow truck too."
"How are we supposed to fit if you have all the bags in the back?" Jessica asked, obviously angry with me, but that was about normal by now.
"I can move them to the bed while we wait for the tow truck," I answered, pretending not to notice the angry tone. I had neglected my friends since Edward left, and I knew that. Lauren was pleasant because I was understanding of her bad attitude when her boyfriend once liked me. Angela was just too nice to be mad at anyone. But Jess had no reason not to be mad at me, so that she was.
"We were on our way to Port Angeles," Jessica announced.
"Oh, well, I could drop you guys off somewhere."
"You know what--don't even bother!" Jessica snapped, arms folded. "Don't come around with your designer clothes, brand new truck, and huge bank account, okay? Leave. We can figure it out on our own."
I stood, shocked for a moment. I honestly considered pointing out the fact that they weren't designer clothes, but she hated me enough already. "Okay," I said finally. "Sorry if I offended you." I turned to get back in my truck.
"Timberlee, wait!" Lauren called after me, and I paused. "Jess is only jealous, and I don't want to be stranded. Neither does Angela. Can we hitch a ride back to Forks?"
"Sure." I opened the back door and grabbed as many bags as I could put hold at once. I tossed them into the bed of my truck, leaving my books, CDs, and movies tucked into the corner so they wouldn't get ruined if it started to rain on the way home. Both Lauren and Angela jumped in right away, eager to get home, even if it destroyed their plans to go shopping or whatever. I glanced at Jess. "Ya know, there's room if you want a ride," I said quietly, casually so I wouldn't offend her anymore. "It's no problem and you could hardly call it a favor since I'm headed that way..."
"Fine!" Jessica exclaimed and climbed into the back. On the way home, we discussed my play list, my music, the motorcycle for Jake, and I was forced to snatch the picture of Edward up when Jessica kept glaring at it as if to say "What have you done with my friend". I tucked it into my purse with a sad sigh. By the time we got fifteen minutes towards Forks, I was ready to pull over and demand that Jessica get out of my truck. She was constantly rude and brought up Edward. She asked if I knew where he was or if we were secretly dating still. Shouldn't that have been obvious by the way I was fighting back tears and flinched whenever she said his name? And it wasn't even his name that bothered me so much anymore--I said it every night in my sleep. It was just her tone of voice. We talked about my truck, another thing Jess was angry about. And for the last ten minutes, I turned up the music to stop anymore conversation. I wasn't up to discussing anything with them anymore. It wasn't worth it. I felt dizzy again too. I couldn't be sure that it would ever go away. I felt powerless, emotionally, physically, in every sense of the word. Just so powerless to get through another day, to make myself take another breath. As much, and as badly, as it hurt, it was a habit for me to breathe now, like it was for vampires, and that was the only thing that kept me alive.
I let out a shaky breath and glanced down at the picture of myself and Edward in my purse. I could barely see how my hands were tangled in Edward's hair. I refused to accept Edward was gone, refused to move on. Edward had made it quick. He didn't drag it on before he left. He erased himself from my life to save me from having to. He'd been thoughtful when he left, even if it hurt me. He did everything the way I would have liked if he was anyone else, any other boyfriend, but I never wanted him to go, and it still hurt just as much that he'd vanished into thin air. I had no way to run after him, even after all this time. I wasn't strong enough yet, and it wasn't like my strength was returning.
I turned down the radio when I finally reached Forks. "Where do you guys want me to drop you off?" I asked quietly, and my depression showed through.
"My house," Jessica answered, and I knew she only said that because she knew Angela or Lauren were brave enough to ask me to stay at their house. Not at Jess'. I didn't want to stay anyway, so I silently turned towards Jessica's house. It was close, and I slowed to an easy stop in front of it. Mrs. Stanton was in the front yard. I rolled down the window when she started to approach and turned the radio off to be polite. I didn't want to talk to her because I was fairly sure what the subject would be. "Timberlee, it's so good to see you, honey! That Edward was horrible to leave. Such a shock to us all. You should stay and hang out here for a while," she said. Just about what I'd expected. Any mention of Edward was something I'd expected, but I couldn't have been ready for it. I flinched anyway.
"Oh, no, thanks. I have to get groceries home," I replied, seeing Jessica stiffen.
"Come back then," Mrs. Stanton pressed.
"I have plans actually. Thanks for the offer though." I smiled and hurried to put my truck into drive and get out of there as soon as I could. My house was only a few minutes away. Happy that Charlie wasn't home, I unloaded the groceries and struggled to put my Ducati motorcycle into the back of my truck as fast as I could, covering it with a trap. I was in a hurry only because I didn't know what time Charlie got off work. If he found out I had motorcycles, he'd kill me. If he found out I could ride one, that would have been just as bad. But the fact that I'd driven one before was probably about as bad as it could get, and then the fact that I was about to go drive one, that was definitely the worst. I drove with my windows down on my way to La Push--the fresh air helped my dizziness.
I reached Jacob's house and headed back to the garage. I was seventy percent sure he was there. I was right and smiled when he jumped up to huge me. I announced I had a present for him, and we ran through the mud to go show him. He immediately agreed to go for a ride with me, which lightened my mood quite a bit. Anything to distract me. Anxiety and thrill, that was the key to getting Edward out of my mind. Jacob chose the Ducati, which was fine with me because I wanted the Star. Jake grinned and he fired up the Ducati's engine, paused as I started mine, and we started down the road side by side. The rain was still light, but the sun was gone, replaced by the gray clouds in the distance. My hair was in my face, but somehow, I didn't feel so lifeless. I sighed in relief and sped up. Jacob went on ahead of me. I wanted to go faster, but my most recent accident involving speed made me think twice. That didn't slow me down for more than a few seconds though. I made it up to fifty miles an hour, and then I slowed down a fraction.
Jacob only went faster as he turned onto a dirt road, leading into the thickest forest around. I had some strange feeling he was taking me somewhere. I didn't want to be in any forests though. It was too much like when Edward left me, even if it wasn't the same one or even near it. I followed anyway and I had to speed up so I could see him. Unfortunately, that was too much. I grimaced as I nearly hit my leg on a tree trying to turn. "Jake!" I yelled, but he couldn't hear me.
"Timberlee."
My heart stopped. I was completely frozen, and the voice was hazardous for me. I almost hit a tree head on because I was so shocked. I was crying immediately. It was Edward's voice, worried. He called my name in a forest. He was there. He was with me somehow, even though I couldn't see him. He was somehow there with me. In the hope that I would be able to catch sight of him somehow, I sped up.
"Ma Vie," Edward's voice whispered. "Slow down before you kill yourself." He sounded annoyed, but he was worried still.
"No," I sobbed. And it hit me then. He wasn't real. He wasn't there with me. He was a hallucination, trying to talk some sense into me. I sped up then, trying to run from the hallucination that came to haunt me like a ghost. "You'll leave me if I slow down," I mumbled. I couldn't slow down. Not until the motorcycle couldn't go anymore. Not ever. I wouldn't let Edward leave me again, and I wouldn't let go when I had him, but I wasn't even sure if I wanted to hold onto him while I had him because he would leave soon, and it was just a figure in my imagination. Nothing real. And nothing could have matched the real thing.
"Ma Vie."
My nickname. I could hear the love in his voice.
You'll save me, I thought, and I knew this hallucination could hear me, even though Edward was unable to read my mind.
"I can't always be there to save you."
I shook my head, refusing to believe that. "But you will," I said out loud, breathless, and I was trying to make this last forever when it was never made to do that. I cried harder when I realized that. "You always did save me."
"Not this time," the voice said. It didn't sound like his voice though. It sounded a hundred times deeper. It wasn't his voice. I knew it wasn't, but who else would come to me in a time like that? I didn't recognize it. And I never would. It was the monster talking, and I knew that, but I couldn't believe that Edward was a monster. "Ma Vie," Edward whispered once more, pained this time. It sounded like he was crying. I was hit with the debate to stop and relieve him of the pain if that was what I needed to do--slow down--or I could keep going and feel that temporary relief. I couldn't decide. Stupid me--talking to a hallucination. But I needed to hear Edward's voice. I sobbed when there was no more. Even the breathing had disappeared, and I knew he was gone, he wasn't coming back this time either. I sped up, begging him to come back. I needed to hear his voice. I needed my hear to pound more. I needed him. I always would. Him leaving didn't help me at all. It made me need him more.
I cried out for him to come back to me. Nothing, and I pushed eighty MPH. But I couldn't go on. My balance wasn't that good, and the trees were coming closer together. I had to slow down, but I wasn't fast enough. I couldn't move. So I was forced to turn so fast that my bike fell over on top of me. We slid maybe two hundred feet together, the bike pinning me down, and it was all from my velocity before when I was running after a hallucination. I grimaced when we stopped, trying to push the bike off me as it started to burn through my jeans to my leg. I cried out when I felt it burning, but it didn't help. My leg wasn't broken--I knew that much. Just scraped, and burnt so far. "Jake!" I yelled as a last resort--Edward wasn't coming. My eyes were rolled back to stop the tears when I realized how much the skin on my leg stung. "Jake!" I called louder.
Then I heard his engine, coming straight towards me. He was there in seconds, and threw his bike down when he saw me, spraying dirt all over me. He pulled the Star off me without a problem. I cried out once more when the bike squashed my good leg. "Sorry, sorry," Jake said quickly. "Sorry. Didn't mean to."
"Help me up," I panted. My heartbeat had slowed. My breathing hurt again, worse than I remembered. Edward was gone. It all hit me with such a rush, and I fell to the ground. I sobbed into my hands and Jake put a hand on my back. I cried and cried until there was no more tears left to cry. I shook my head and leaned into Jake weakly. "Take me home," I whispered. I needed my picture of Edward, which was left in my room with my purse. I needed to see him. He helped me up to my feet then and I limped off towards my motorcycle. We rode back to my truck. Then I turned to Jake. "Hey, can you not tell Charlie? Please?" I asked quietly.
"Sure. I won't tell. He won't hear it from me."
I nodded. "Thanks. Bye." I hurried home then. I changed into a loose pair of sweats and cleaned the burnt skin, covered it with gauze I found in a first aid kit, and then wrapped it up with an ace bandage to make sure it stayed there. Dad came home when I was still in the bathroom. I let out an over dramatic, soap-opera-like sigh, and I went to my room to write more songs until I eventually fell asleep.
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A/N: Okay, I'm editing this stuff to get to the part where Edward comes back faster. Chapter Thirteen is necessary for you to understand the story. There's probably one more necessary chapter little later on. But Alice comes back around the end of Chapter Sixteen probably with the editing I'm doing. So I'm gonna sort through this and try to get to the good part because I'm so sick of Edward being gone, lol. Sorry for the long, boring stuff. Trying to get there as soon as I can.