Chapter Sixteen

"Trouble?" I repeated, and Alice grabbed my arm to pull me upstairs to my room. I knew part of what was happening already. She was taking me to Edward. "What happened? What kind of trouble?"

"I'll explain on the way," Alice replied, sounding breathless in her worry and tossing me my backpack. I shoved a few pairs of jeans, three t-shirts, and my old sweats in, plus everything else I could think of that was needed. Alice brought me tampon, my toothbrush, and toothpaste from the bathroom, and threw it all into my backpack. I didn't bother zipping it. I just ran downstairs and out to Carlisle's car as fast as I could. Alice was right with me the entire time and started down the road as soon as I was inside the car. She sped as fast as the Mercedes would go. I turned to Alice then, trying not to panic, but it was hard. I was already scared to death for Edward. "What happened?" I repeated, breathless and scared for the answer. But I had to hear it. It was necessary.

Alice glanced at me, and I caught a flash of anger in her eyes. "I saw you jumping off the cliff. I thought you were trying to kill yourself! Maybe you were, but I told Rosalie that I was going to make sure you were okay. She asked what happened, and I explained because she would have found out eventually. She told Edward why I wasn't there, and... He's on foot. But he's closer. We'll get there about the same time if we hurry. He wouldn't believe me if I told him you were okay, so I have to bring you with me. Sorry for the inconvenience."

"Stop apologizing and finish! Where's he going? What's he doing?" Alice was silent for a moment. "Stop being nice to me and just tell me!"

She sighed. "The Volturi. He told you about them, right? They're in Italy. He's trying to kill himself. At first, he was planning to go ask them to kill him, but then he decided it was sure that you were dead. He didn't call to ask or anything--"

"No, he did," I whispered. "He called me. The one time I didn't have my phone with me, the one time I left it at home."

"He's going into the sun. Exactly at noon tomorrow. We have to hurry. They'll kill him," Alice finished, and though there were no tears, I knew she was crying.

My stomach lurched, twisted, and turned. I couldn't breathe. It hurt too badly. Worse than it ever had in the past month and a half when Edward was gone. I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop the sobs. I wanted to muffle the sobs so they wouldn't distract Alice. We had to go half way across the world and we had to hurry. "He called me," I repeated quietly. She only pushed the car harder at the desperation in my voice. "I didn't bring it with me because I knew he wouldn't call. It'd been so long. I'd finally decided that he wasn't going back. I was trying to move on. That involved not waiting by the phone every night for the text that said he'd be there after hunting or... I left it at home because I knew he wouldn't call. And that was the one time he did, the one time I wasn't waiting, and now..." I stopped. It felt like just before my car accident all over again. Fear so bad it could end a life, pain even worse because this was all my fault, speed in the desperation, tears from the horrors that could come, and nothing I could do about any of it. I sighed. I had to think through this rationally. As rationally as possible. "Can't you tell him in your thoughts that I'm okay? That you're bringing me so he'll wait?" I asked.

"He can't hear me from this far away, and he won't answer his phone. Besides, he'll think I'm trying to get you to wait until we all get there to stop him," Alice replied, grinding her teeth together. "You have to be there." I nodded, closing my eyes, and the ride to Port Angeles flew by somehow. I had to run to keep up with Alice as we hurried to make the plane--she'd called ahead, before she even knew I was alive or that I had a passport. We got on the flight just in time. We would fly to LA, then to Florence, then we would drive like the devil was on our tail to Volterra, but I would rather face the devil a million times than have Edward dead. I'd already faced the devil. That was living without Edward. I'd lived that life for the past months... Now it could be come more permanent than ever. We found flights close together, no waiting at all. We made the flight to LA with ten seconds to spare, and that was all. We were racing, but what if it wasn't enough?

I slept only because Alice forced me to on the way from LA to Florence. She even packed my sleeping pills, so there wasn't much I could do to fight. She claimed I needed all my strength. We were in a race against fate and time, and there was nothing we could do to make the flights faster. Nothing would help my restlessness when Edward could die. And this was all my fault.

"How far is Volterra from Florence?" I asked Alice when it came time for our flight to land. Our last flight. We were in Italy.

"I'll drive as fast as I can, and it really depends on how fast you drive," Alice said gently. She was trying to ease my fears. She apparently knew my fear--we wouldn't make it in time because we didn't have a car. What if we made it a second too late? What if we made it in time for Edward to see me in his last breath? What if, with that last breath, he realized I was alive? What would happen then? "How do you feel about grand theft auto?" Alice asked gently, trying to stop the tears about to come, but it didn't help. The lifeless eyes of Edward I once saw in my dreams were bad enough. The thought of seeing him killed was worse. It could very possibly happen. We could go as fast as we could, but we could be too late. Edward could still be faster. I was mortified, but I still hoped because I had to.

Alice picked out a Porsche Turbo. Really obvious, but at least it was fast. She claimed it was her second choice. A bright yellow Porsche. Anything helped though, and I knew how lucky we were to get a car so fast. Everyone was staring. And it didn't help the stares that she was speeding as fast as she could go. It helped remind me that we could still make it in time. I tried to relax. How could I though under the circumstances? Edward's life was at stake because I was stupid enough to jump off a cliff. We were driving through Italy, full speed, in a Porsche Turbo. We could be seen, but I trusted Alice's driving skills to make sure we weren't ever slowed down. I just hoped we made it to Volterra in time.

What would I do if we didn't? What would I do if I was a second too late? I would go jump off the same cliff and make sure I drowned this time--do it in the dead of night. If that didn't work, I would drive the new truck into the same tree and hope it killed me this time. I would overdose, slit my wrists, do something so I wasn't alive anymore. I wanted to find out where vampires went when they died, and I would demand to go to the same place, wherever it was, demand until I got my way. I was in hell already, hell was any place without Edward. How much worse could a fiery pit be? Edward's arms would keep me cool. I knew that.

I closed my eyes, and glanced at Alice. "How do I stop him?" I asked.

Alice sped through an intersection and turned onto another road, never slowing. The speed didn't scare me when Edward's life was close to the end. Nothing else scared me then. "He's going to the clock tower. Exactly at noon. The sun's brightest there, the most people are there. A huge crowd. He'll be headed in the same direction as we come in. You'll be going the same way, right towards the clock tower. I don't know if I'll be able to get the car in. No cars allowed in usually. You have to find him before he steps into the sun and convince him you're... real," Alice said.

"Real? As in not a hallucination," I answered my own question because I knew exactly what Alice meant. It would have been the same if Edward had pulled me from the water when I went cliff diving instead of Jake. He would have had to prove to me he was real. Now I had to show him I was real. I was ready for that part. I wasn't afraid of that part. If Edward was killed, that was the part I was scared of. Beyond scared. Terrified to a point were words couldn't express it. If Edward was gone, that meant there was nothing more to live for. The only reason I had survived the past month and a half without him was because he was still alive. I'd still had a chance to get him back all that time, even as I cried. I had a chance, as small as it was. And now I had a chance that he would live. It was just as small.

All my questions were answered. Edward did still love me or he wouldn't be in danger now. His letter was the truth. He only left because he was scared he would kill me. The answers had been there all along, but I'd never seen them. I was blind. I couldn't accept what Edward had told me in his letter. I couldn't accept that he was gone. I couldn't let go or move on. I refused to. Now Edward knew what I had become. He knew I was this whole different person. An adrenaline junkie, close to suicidal, seventeen year old girl now. I was sixteen when he left. I was seventeen now, and it hadn't even registered. I would have cried about it, but I was too busy crying over Edward. And all of that was useless.

I knew this was my one chance. All I wanted was to see Edward again, or so I tried to tell myself. However, I knew the second I saw Edward I would want more. I wouldn't want him to go again. I would want his touch, his smile, his laugh, his love, his presence at my side forever. Just because Edward was alive--if he lived--that didn't mean I would get him back, but I was a fool. I continued to hope, continued to pray. That was all I could do. This was my chance to be rid of my nightmares, to be rid of the monster I saw when I thought of Edward. This was my one chance to replace the monster with the man I loved.

My heart pounded as we grew closer to Edward, closer to Volterra. I could feel his presence there. It was as strong as it had been when I used to sleep and he came to watch me. I could hear his familiar, unnecessary breathing. It was another hallucination though--he wasn't close enough for me to hear his breathing. I knew it was really my own breath. Edward was the reason I kept breathing, and as long as I was alive, he was too. As long as he was alive, I was. So our breath was the same.

My eyes were on the crowd, already searching for Edward. Alice was speaking in Italian to a guard, and I knew she was trying to convince him to let the car in. No cars inside. I stepped out suddenly and Alice gave me a smile to give me the needed strength, and I started to push my way through the crowd.

Edward would stand out. He was taller than most, his pale skin would shout out his name to me, I could spot his eyes anywhere. I could smell him. He was there, somewhere. I would recognize his clothes, his posture, his face, his walk. I would recognize everything about him. I would recognize him as the man I loved, not the monster, because he did love me. I forced the tears back and the sobs down so no one stopped me to ask if I was okay. But wasn't it obvious? I wasn't okay and I would never be okay until I had Edward again.

I said his name in my mind over and over so I wouldn't forget the purpose of being in Italy. Not that I could forget. How could I forget when this was all my fault? I ran his head through my head, saying it out loud a few times. Edward would recognize my voice, and he would be able to hear the whisper in the loud crowd. He would hear me and he would pause. He couldn't be killed. I would stop him. I would save him. He didn't deserve death.

Time was going too fast now when it had been paused for a month and a half. I had almost no time when I wished I had so much more. Five minutes at most. It was six minutes until noon, and I couldn't waste any time at all. I had to get Edward before he stepped into the sunlight. I ran on. I pushed myself. I started toward the clock tower--that was where the sun was, the majority of the crowd, that was where Edward was going. He was on his way there. I didn't care if people were hurt as I shoved them out of my way. I didn't know where this new strength came from, but I was grateful for it. I had to keep going. Fast. Hard. Now. I had to feel strong then, strong for Edward, strong enough to run a thousand miles to find him. The few hundred feet from the clock tower did feel like a thousand miles. A hundred thousand because I was searching for the most important thing in my life.

All the pain, all the tears were forgotten. They didn't matter anymore. The past didn't matter if I was able to save Edward. He saved my life at least twice, and if I, the simple human girl, could save his life once, I would be satisfied. What human could save a vampire? What human would? I was willing. I wanted to make it happen now. I wanted to catch a glimpse of him right away, but the crowd was much too thick. "Damn, damn, damn," I muttered as my time was running down. I jumped up onto the pool wall of the fountain, trying to get a glimpse to see where he was. Any glance, any sight. Anything. I had to find him. I saw him twenty feet away from me, so close, and yet so far away. He looked horrible. Shirtless, with his hands turned up to the sky. He looked peaceful somehow, not tortured. But the peacefulness worried me most. He was ready. Ready to leave this world because he thought I had. "Edward!" I yelled, jumping down into the water to make the trip shorter and get a few sprinting steps in before I entered the crowd again. He paused, but he shook his head. Defiantly. He didn't believe I was real. He didn't believe it was me, and he continued walking. He recognized my voice, but he thought I was dead. He refused to even look because, for years, the Cullen family had relied on Alice's visions. Intent or reason was never shown, but he believed I was dead. He'd called and Jake said Charlie was at a funeral. The pieces were put together and he came to the conclusion that I was dead. How could I call his name if I was dead? Why would I? Or maybe the peacefulness was because he thought my ghost was calling him into the afterlife, waiting for him. I knew the reasoning he used. I understood it so well because this was the man I so desperately loved.

So I had to prove he wasn't imagining things. I could still catch him. I ran through the fountain, ignoring the water as it splashed into my eyes. I was moving faster than he was. There was still a chance that he would turn, so I continued yelling his name. I was out of breath. My lungs were burning, burning for Edward. My muscles were cramped because they needed Edward's touch, and my stomach was twisted with anxiety and hunger, hunger for Edward. I was just feet away, and I shoved the last person out of my way.

Nothing was stopping me now. I jumped on Edward, jumped into his arms. He caught me in his powerful arms. He held me for a moment, then he let me slip from his arms to the ground. "Edward, it's me," I whispered, seeing the pain over his face after he'd sent a single glance down at me. Now he was looking away.

"No. You jumped. You're dead," he said, his voice quiet.

I grabbed his hand and made him touch my face like he used to. I let his fingers be covered in my tears. "It's me, Edward," I said, tears pouring down my cheeks in this new desperation. I just needed him to believe me. It was all he had to do and then his pain would be gone. That was all I needed. "I'm real. It was a misunderstanding with the cliff. Don't do this. I'm here. I love you. I'm not dead. It's me, Edward. It's Timmy. I'm right here. Please, don't do this to me. You have to believe me."

Edward looked at me then, unwilling to hurt even a hallucination of me. His eyes bore into mine so easily. They flickered with a tiny light that disappeared in seconds. For a moment, his hand was limp and I had to hold it to my cheek. Then he slowly moved his thumb to wipe away the tears. I smiled, waiting for the life to return to his eyes. "It's me," I whispered, but he still didn't believe I was anything but a hallucination. His eyebrows knit together when I showed another weak smile. He placed his other hand on my other cheek, feeling the tears as they fell. Didn't they prove I was real?--No tears in the afterlife and how could a ghost be so desperate when there was no hope of changing anyway? He was questioning his conclusion that I was dead now. I put both my hands on his chest, wishing he would hold me close. He wiped the tears away again. I smiled again, and then it broke because I couldn't fight anymore. I broke into sobs. "It's me, Edward. Please..."

He didn't reply. Instead, he pulled me into his arms. More passion than ever. None of his strength was held back. He didn't care if he left a few bruises on me. He held me in one arm, so easily, and put his other hand on my cheek, still wiping away the tears as the new ones fell. They would never stop. This man still loved me! This was the man I loved. The man I loved, my Edward, was replacing the monster. He kissed my lips, as I closed my eyes, fighting the tears back. His hand caressed my back so perfectly and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. He closed his eyes; it was like this was what he'd been waiting for all along. I pushed my hands up into his hair, grabbing as much as I could, pulling it hard to make sure I never lost him again, trying to pull him closer when he was already crushing me with his strength, with his passion. He slid his tongue into my mouth, running it along the inside of my teeth, tearing at the hem of my shirt with the hand holding me up to him. He erased the tears, and then he paused. He kissed my lips once more, pausing to breathe in the air around me. He opened his eyes to meet mine and I realized how dark they were. Black. He hadn't hunted. I smiled at him through the tears, trying to be strong. He'd starved himself in my absence. He leaned in, brushing my lips and my cheek with his lips, removing the tears with his lips, letting my tears become part of him, like he was taking my pain. Then he let me slowly slip from his arms, falling to the ground. He caught me so easily, like he knew I would never be able to stand without him. He put my head to his chest, hugging me so tightly I couldn't breathe. But I couldn't have breathed anyway. His presence was intoxicating, even more than I remembered. I couldn't breathe with him there. Only it was a good kind of breathless. It was the only kind I ever wanted.

Then suddenly, he grabbed my hand. I looked around. Something was wrong. His face was worried, protective. "Come on, Ma Vie. We have to move," he said, and I spotted the four pale people. They wore robes with hoods to hide their skin. Gloves, even on the hot day. Every inch of their skin was covered. They were careful to never leave the shadow. I knew they were vampires.

"Volturi?" I asked weakly, leaning into Edward as he slipped his arm around me. He was supporting almost all my weight.

He nodded. "Come on."

"Will they hurt you?"

"Just be quiet for a minute, Timmy. I have to get you out of here."

"No, I'm not going to be quiet! Will they hurt you?"

Edward paused to glance down at me. He shook his head. "No. They're not interested in me," he whispered, and I knew he was talking about me. The Volturi was interested in me! He hugged me closer, but I noticed how he put me behind him protectively as he grew closer to the Volturi. I could tell his intention was just to pass them, and he could hear their thoughts. Conversation was unneeded, and he'd never stepped into the sunlight. Nothing had been broken. No one else knew. But maybe that was just it. No one else. No one besides me, and I knew. That was a problem maybe.

"What's going on, Edward? Please, just tell me. I can't take anymore right now," I said, not bothering to be gentle with my words. I couldn't take anymore, and that should have been obvious when I almost passed out at his sight.

He sighed deeply. "Don't worry about me, love. They're not going to hurt me."

"And you said that already! 'They're not interested in me'. So what the hell are they interested in?"

"They know I can't read your mind. You're immune to talents like that. Your mind is a private place. They can't get in your mind either. They want me to turn you and... It doesn't matter. Just let me get you out of here. No more questions."

I was silent then. And Edward stiffened as he passed the Volturi. They met my eyes. Red. They fed off human blood. I flinched away instinctively and molded myself into Edward's side, feeling the tears come on again. "Carry me," I whispered in my fear. I wasn't ready for another run in with vampires. Edward would try to protect me, be killed in the process. I couldn't let that happen.

"I can't, dammit! I'm supposed to be human, remember? Just stop squirming and look normal."

I laughed coldly, wondering what 'looking normal' looked like in Italy, and if I could ever survive that again. But Edward held me closer, pushing my hair from my face. Even in crazy time, he was being gentle. Not crushing my ribs. I broke into a slight jog to keep up, and we passed through the crowd, into an alley. And Edward let out a sigh of relief, slowing to a casual stroll. "That's it?" I asked.

"Yeah. We're supposed to stay out of sight for a few days. A shirtless vampire, even in the shadows, draws too much attention. And then your reaction, mine, and... Let's go," he whispered. "Alice is meeting us nearby and we can get a hotel room."