Chapter Nineteen

Edward ordered me more room service the next morning and I ate it all in the main area. Emmett was sitting with me while Edward packed up my things and Alice gathered the bags of clothes she'd bought me. We were finally given the go-ahead to leave Volterra, and it came as a relief. It seemed to have taken so long for whatever reason. Edward seemed the most relieved. Maybe because he thought there would be a problem with me knowing so much about vampires. No fight, no war, and we were clear to leave. He saved me only the best twenty roses for me to take home. Our flight was at eight in the morning. We were up early to leave. Alice met us in front of the hotel with a grin. I raised an eyebrow as Edward opened the back door for me--Emmett got shotgun while the others were on foot headed back to Florence, then Forks. "No Porsche this time?" I asked Alice, glad to have my best friend back! And I would miss the Porsche actually--I had the feeling that Alice really liked it.

"No. They can't all be like that," Alice replied with a giggle.

"Am I missing something?" Edward inquired. "I've been a little distracted the past few days--don't say anything, Emmett!" I laughed. "What Porsche?"

"Tim stole a Porsche!" Alice exclaimed.

"Liar," I muttered, climbing in behind her. "Alice stole it and I was whining about it being too obvious."

"I'll miss it," Alice sighed. "It was amazing! Smooth ride, speed, great color!"

Edward shrugged, tossing me my backpack easily. "I'll get you one for Christmas," he promised, squeezing my hand. I didn't bother buckling into the hideous car that I didn't recognize. It must have been some foreign car and not made in the past twenty years. I leaned into Edward with my feet next to the door. He closed his arms around me, and I was able to sleep the entire drive back to Florence, which came as a surprise.

I hadn't realized how exhausted I was. I didn't want to sleep because I feared I would miss something, but I was hopeless to fight. Edward's gentle touch was so refreshing after so long without him. Sleeping came so easily. Like breathing. I could have slept for years. I slept, surrendering to the exhaustion that had built up. It was no use fighting it anyway. When I got home, I'd be grounded at the very least. Edward woke me up when we reached the airport in Florence. His arm around my waist, we boarded our flight. I sat next to him, holding the bouquet of wild flowers, my other hand folded into Edward's. My thoughts were on Charlie. For the first time, I realized he had no idea where I was. Even if he had known, I would be grounded just as long. Edward would be yelled at just as much, and Charlie would be just as angry. We couldn't rush the flight, and it was faster than going on foot, even with Edward carrying me when he was the fastest of all the Cullens. I would handle the running away later. Right now, I just wanted to be with Edward, absorb the moments, enjoy every second. Edward was back! He was returning to Forks with me. I would never lose him again. I would make sure there was some way I became a vampire. I sighed. "What're you thinking about?" he asked, and I started to think my sighs were a sign that I was deep in thought.

"Well, you know that thing I always used to ask you for?" I mumbled quietly, and Edward nodded. I caught the annoyed look. "I'm not going to ask right now! Stop looking at me like that! But if you couldn't live without me for a month and a half, why do you think you'll be able to do it for longer?"

"That's different. You were alive and hurting because of me before. In the case that you do die, I would know you're in a better place," Edward replied.

"What if I go to hell?"

Edward rolled his eyes, not bothering to reply. I smiled at him. I'd forgotten how handsome he was when he was annoyed! He was always handsome. Certain looks really got to me though. Usually he would have been furious that I brought it up, especially in a moment like that. Only annoyed then. He was still as happy as I was. "Who died?" he asked suddenly, glancing over at me. He saw my confused look and squeezed my hand. "When I called, Jacob Black told me your father was making funeral arrangements. Who died?"

"Oh. Sorry. Uh... Harry Clearwater," I answered quietly. "He had a massive heart attack."

"I'm sorry."

I rested my head on Edward's shoulder then. Charlie's anger would be horrible! I knew that much at least. I knew I would be lucky to be grounded less than the rest of the time I lived with him, and I wouldn't move out until after my eighteenth birthday at the very least. So a long time. The entirety of my senior year! Worst case scenario. Edward was coming back to Forks, but I wouldn't be able to see him much until Charlie freed me from my punishment, and I didn't know if Edward would still agree to the night visits after everything. There was always school... I couldn't believe how fast time had flown by. It was nearly August. School was starting August 24th--Charlie had already enrolled me for my senior year. I smiled--Edward would be there! That was something to celebrate, even under the tension of the knowledge that I would soon have to face my dad. I hoped Edward would be in all my classes. I let out another sigh and looked at Edward. By his thoughtful look, I knew he was thinking about the same thing I was. We were headed in the same direction and he would arrive at the thought I'd just come to if he hadn't already--where were we and were we really okay?

"Edward," I began, turning in my seat a little. "How do you want to do this exactly?"

He smiled. "Ah, look who's reading my mind."

I allowed myself a small smile, then moved the arm rest up so I could move closer to him. I really wanted to sit on his lap, make sure he knew I wasn't mad. I just needed to know these things. I had to have a few more answers. "Can we just be serious for a minute, please?" I requested. We, not him. I would have preferred to joke around, make sure it didn't end in either of us being hurt. But it wouldn't solve anything that way. "I need to know how we are, Edward. I need to know the truth about absolutely everything. I need to know that we're okay once we land in LA, then Seattle, then Port Angeles, then on the ride to Forks, after we face Charlie, and all of that. I don't want to assume we'll always be okay because we are right now. I need to know we're really okay and not just avoiding the truth."

Edward nodded thoughtfully, then cleared his throat after what seemed like forever. "You're right. It's just that I don't want you to have to relive all of that, Timmy. I don't ever want to see you hurt ever again. Whether it's emotionally, physically, no matter the methods or who hurts you."

"I won't relive it, Edward, because it's over. And I won't be mad. I just have to know. Was Alice watching me while you were gone?" I asked, chewing my lip and sending a glance over my shoulder towards Alice.

Edward shook his head once. "No. She probably should have been, but I tried to tell myself you would be so angry that you wouldn't be too badly hurt. Alice figured out the reasons on her own, and she disagreed. She said that I was being stupid. I was in a way, but I couldn't dream of hurting you. Alice's visions aren't always certain or clear. She only sees things once the decision has been made. Like when you went cliff diving. She can't control when they come; they just come. She can specifically watch someone or something, and it makes the visions come easier, but she wasn't watching you. I wanted to erase myself from your life because I thought it would be easier for you to forget me. Apparently, I was wrong about that too."

"Where'd you go?"

"All over." Edward shrugged. "I left Carlisle. He was teaching night classes. Alice was researching with Jasper, trying to find out more about her past. I'll let her tell you, love," he told me when I glanced at Alice again--I wanted to know what she discovered. Alice couldn't remember her human life, which made the fact that she could find out anything amazing to me, interesting, and listening to Alice was amazing, whatever she was saying. She was my best friend! "Emmett and Rosalie were off on their own. I didn't want to be around them when I couldn't tell them why I left you. It complicated things. I couldn't face any of them. I started running. Just anywhere to keep my mind busy. I couldn't stop worrying about you. I hadn't been gone five minutes before random accidents started coming to mind. All of them were things I could have prevented or things that really hurt you. I wanted to get your screams out of my head. I kept trying to run from the memory of how honest you were that day and the image of your face in my head that day. I could never get it out of my mind because I knew how much I hurt you. Just the shock and disbelief hurt me. I couldn't escape from the knowledge of how much I hurt you. I couldn't face my family and I didn't want to be around them, pulling them down in my depression, my absolute need for you. So I called every few days, trying to reassure Esme that I was all right. Every time, she just kept saying that if I was that miserable, I should go back to you. It was true, but I kept reminding myself of what happened when you were asleep..." His voice faded, and he sighed. He hated himself for that. I smiled at him, wishing I could have said something to help. All the things I could have said would have revealed he was a vampire to every passenger on the plane though. "I went to Alaska, all over Canada, London, Chicago, back and forth between a ton of places. I never settled down anywhere. I tried to exile myself from all humanity, as Carlisle did when he first discovered what he was. Wastelands, empty mountains, anywhere I could get away from other humans.

"To be honest," Edward continued softly, "I looked for you in every crowd when I was with humans. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I kept thinking that you would somehow show up around the next corner. I thought I'd hear your laugh in a crowd full of girls going out to lunch or see your eyes looking for me in a crowd. I knew that you were looking for me, but you weren't leaving Forks. I had to get away from humans before I went mad, and I was going to away from them too because that thought kept coming that you might be there, even if it was nearly impossible. It was the worst time of my life simply because I knew how much I hurt you. I can't ever let myself do this to you again."

I nodded, molding myself into his frame. "What do I have to do to make it easier for you to be around me?" I whispered.

"Nothing."

I pulled myself out of his arms to give him a firm look. There had to be something! He was crazy if he didn't give me something. "Edward, that's not true, and you know it as much as I do! There's something that helps, even if it's tiny. We're in this together, okay? I want to help." Edward didn't reply. He stared at me, and I sighed. "If we can't just be honest with each other, this will never work. I know there's something I can do, Edward. Please, just tell me."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I don't want you to change your entire life to help me. The big things wouldn't help. Your throat and your wrists are most tempting. I can handle it though. I just have to make sure the same thing doesn't happen again. So a break after hunting before I go see you."

"Okay. And I'll wear a long sleeve shirt and a scarf," I said.

Edward smiled and kissed my cheek softly. "Can you ever forgive me? I wasn't there to witness it, no, but you looked miserable when I saw you. There was no sparkle in your eye and your smile was... it was like another person was looking at me. You've changed so, so much."

"You have too," I replied. I saw Edward's confused, and amused, look. Vampires couldn't physically change. They were forever stuck in the perfect state. "It's your posture," I explained quietly. "You're more proud to be with me now, therefore your shoulders are squared more. But at the same time, you slouch because you're still mad at yourself. The way you look at me too. You're always worried. It's like you're always apologizing too. I really wish you wouldn't. Can't we just completely start over on a clean slate? Let's start over and we'll do it the right way this time around. Complete honesty."

Edward nodded. "All right," he said, and he fell silent. He pushed my head down onto my shoulder, obviously wanting me to sleep. I couldn't sleep because there was still at least one point we had yet to cover. He would ask it soon. I knew that. I waited patiently, unable to sleep. Edward sighed finally. "Do you... hate me?" he whispered. "Or resent me even a little?"

I sat up straight to look at him. The answer was the same word Edward had been telling me in my dreams for so long, destroying me with. No. The word used to haunt me, but I wouldn't answer any other way. There was no other way to answer. Edward wanted a simple yes or no. The no had turned my life into hell when Edward spoke it. Now all of that couldn't be erased, but it would be healed with the same word. No. Life was a strange thing. It takes you in circles, doubles back and circles again. I took Edward's face between my hands and shook my head, meeting his eyes. I had to make him believe this with every ounce of his mind and body. I had to make sure that he never doubted it, not from the second I said my answer or anytime after. He had to be sure. "No," I answered. I shook my head, more fiercely that time. "No. I don't hate you, and I never did. Hate seems so possible when you're this in love, but I never hated you once."

"Do you trust that I won't hurt you again?"

I nodded. "Yes, I do trust you. You left, but it was for the right reasons. You were trying to protect me. I understand it now, so I do trust you. I'll trust you'll always do what you think is right, but please, dear God, let him tell me he'll do it in other ways next time," I muttered.

Edward grinned, and kissed my hand. "That's a promise, love. So you won't get mad if I ask Charlie if we can move on?" he asked. He saw my alarmed look and smiled a little. "I just want to do this completely right. I know he'll be angry. I understand that. He's the police chief of a small town and I made a huge mistake, really hurt his daughter when he never approved of me in the first place. I want to do this right from the very start. I want to make sure nothing like this happens again. On either side of this... whatever. Who better to judge than Charlie Stone?"

"He's biased," I mumbled.

"True. But that's the idea. If I can get him to agree to let me continue dating you, then we know we're really okay. Complete honesty, right? He'll be most honest. It's all over how much I hurt you, love. I can't heal that or change the past or even make it go away, but I want to help you. I want to make sure you feel more safe than ever before."

"And what if Charlie says no?"

Edward shrugged, trying to cheer me up at the sad question. I couldn't imagine what would happen then. "Well, sneaking around was never ruled out in that case," he joked, and I couldn't tell if he was even a little serious... Damn! I hoped he was because I couldn't live without him for a day now. I had to be with him always. "If he does say no, I will prove to him that I didn't mean to hurt you and that I'll never do it again, that I love you more than ever, and that you'll always be too good for me, like he thinks because it's true, but I don't want you to doubt anything or to ruin your relationship with your father because you're lying to him about me. For me."

"Edward, do you have any idea how angry he's going to be, how mad he's been at me lately? He'll yell, scream, cuss probably, then yell some more. He can't deny that I'm a thousand times happier when I'm with you. And he'll attack you verbally at least! I might have to ask Alice to go in and steal his live rounds and his gun too..." I muttered, glancing at Alice again, who was grinning past me at Edward.

"I don't think bullets could hurt me, love."

"Not you! Him!" I said. "What if they like... bounce off you and hit him...?" My voice faded as I realized how stupid that sounded, and Edward hugged me close as I blushed in embarrassment. "But after all the yelling, screaming, possibly shooting as well, I think he'll be fine with this. He'll accept you as much as he ever die before, I'm sure," I explained with a small smile.

Edward chucked, then he demanded that I sleep some more. We pushed the other arm rest back so I could remain in his arms more comfortably, tuck my feet under Alice, and I folded one hand into Edward's, trying to think of how we were going to explain my disappearance to Charlie. He would be furious no matter what. I sighed deeply because there was no good way to explain it. No right way. The truth was always best in those situations, even if he sent me to a mental facility for my suicidal actions, but Edward and I had to avoid certain points, like him being a vampire, the Volturi, the cliff diving, the motorcycles, the hallucinations... Almost all the important points. Cutting those out made the story useless and unbelievable, or so Charlie would think... I fell asleep long before I was even close to a conclusion. Edward's caring arms made it so easy to sleep soundly. Our hurry wasn't so bad on the way back and we had a two hour wait in Seattle. I borrowed Alice's phone to call Charlie, but as I assumed, there was no answer. So I left a message on the home phone, Charlie's office phone, even Jacob's home number in case he could get a hold of the search team or the FBI or whoever Charlie had out looking for me. All the messages were exactly the same. I'd practiced it for quite a while in my head. "Hey, Dad, uh... it's me, Timberlee..." Oh, shit! "Um... Edward was in trouble, and it's kind of a long story. You'll hear it later, I'm sure..." That is the wrong thing to say! He'll get mad about the last part... "We're all okay and we're on our way home." Damn! Why did I have to point out the fact that Edward was okay? Wouldn't it be better if I lied and said Edward had amnesia or brain damage? "I'm okay, perfectly fine. Uh... Bye," I finished. What was I supposed to say after that when I knew what was coming? Love you? See you later?

I closed my eyes and handed Alice her phone with a groan. I felt sick all over again. Just a different kind this time. So sick I wanted to cry. Edward was going to be attacked by Charlie! Yelled at, screamed at, reminded of everything that I'd already forgiven him for. Edward massaged my shoulders gently, feeling my tension as I tried to come up with a reasonable story that was easy to remember. "Uh, he's going to kill me!" I told Alice, who sat on the floor, picking the wilted leaves off my roses.

"No, he won't!" Alice exclaimed, but she couldn't understand the situation. Jasper was her husband. They had been together much longer. And he was part of her whole family, not an outsider. They were both vampires, living in the same house, inseparable. With me and Edward, it was too complicated. And Charlie only made that worse. "He'll be mad, yes, but he won't kill you. Stop worrying. When he sees how happy you are to be with Edward again, he'll be so glad and it'll be fine."

"You say when he sees how happy I am. I think it should be if," I muttered. And Alice's words didn't help me at all. Harry Clearwater was one of Charlie's best friends. Charlie needed me not to give him anything else to worry about at the very least. Right after Harry died, I ran away to Italy without any trace and without leaving a note even or any hint to what had happened. No one knew! Jake had knew that Edward had called me. If he told Charlie that, Charlie would assume I'd committed suicide or something. Both my trucks were in the driveway or parked on the curb... The more I thought about it, the worse it got. Jake would definitely tell Dad how Edward called me. After that, Dad would go crazy to find me. I doubted they had traced my ticket to Italy yet if they had even found it. And if they had, they wouldn't be able to track me all the way to Volterra because I'd stayed out of sight almost the entire time and we drove. He had only a few conclusions to come to since I didn't take either of my cars, and I knew one was suicide. Another would be that I ran away to go find Edward, taking a cab or just walking. A third would be that I was kidnapped.

"Why didn't you answer your phone after you talked to Jake?" I asked Edward, trying to distract myself.

"Oh, I threw it away," Edward told me, playing with my hair. "I'm surprised no one got it before I got it on my hunting trip actually. I had to get it. Then I realized how many times you tried to call me back or tried to. It made me feel really stupid." He sighed and helped me up as it came time to board our last flight. Seattle to Port Angeles. That was the longest flight yet when it was only an hour long. I wondered if Charlie had gotten my message yet. If not, he'd be out looking for me. If he did, he was waiting for me at home. I couldn't imagine all the things he could come up with to say to Edward, and I had no doubt he would hold nothing back. I was so sure that he would yell and scream at Edward until he felt even worse than he already did, though that wouldn't be hard. I was ready to defend Edward with everything I had. I was just nervous, wondering how long my grounding would be... Summer would be extremely long without being able to spend all day with Edward. It was about half over, and school would start soon. Then I would see him daily, and the nightly visits--if we continued to have them--would help. But it wouldn't be the same as all day, everyday as we had before. I wanted to be with him every second now, falling in love all over again as he held me.

After our plane landed, Alice hugged me and announced that she was going home on foot with Emmett. Edward's Volvo was waiting for us, and he helped me inside. I was glad he sped all the way back to Forks because I wanted to get this over with. I had no doubt in my mind that Charlie would be the angriest person alive when he saw Edward. I was probably going to be yelled at, but my fear was for Edward. He had his reasons to leave, and we couldn't explain them to Charlie. That wasn't fair or right! I wanted to be able to tell Charlie about how Edward had left to protect me, but then the Volturi really would come for Edward when I explained that he was a vampire. Edward was the only reason I knew about vampires.

Upon arriving at the house, Edward parked behind my new truck and nodded. "Nice ride," he commented quietly. A simple observation. He wasn't going to make this any harder than it had to be. He wasn't going to try to cheer me up. If I got too happy then, I'd breakdown once we were inside. He knew that.

"Timberlee!" Dad yelled, and I cringed as Edward helped me out of his car, then to the front door. I was shaking. Dad was furious. I could imagine him red-faced and the veins on his forehead about to burst.

I pushed the door open, sending a glance at Edward as we entered the living room. No gun! That was a good thing... "Uh... Hi," I mumbled.

"Where the hell have you been?" Dad demanded. "No! Don't even answer that. We'll get to that later. What the hell is he doing here?"

"Dad, please, it's not like it seems. Edward--"

"Edward is leaving now. You're grounded, and you're never to see him ever again. If he comes anywhere near you or my house, I swear..." He didn't finish because--I'm sure--Edward could have filed a police report about the threats Charlie had in mind.

"Dad!" I yelled, trying to get him to stop glaring at Edward. "Would you just listen to the explanation, please?"

"No, I won't. Do you have any idea how worried I've been? I came home from work, the house totally empty. Your backpack gone. Your toothbrush, toothpaste, everything you would need to run off and escape wherever. No note. No car gone. No reason for you to leave! I thought you were with Jake. I waited up until midnight, thinking you two were in Port Angeles or something until Billy called me saying that Edward called, Jake answered, told him about Harry, and--"

"Actually, that's bullshit!" I exclaimed. "Jake didn't say anything about Harry, and that's how we got into this mess."

"So you're blaming this on Jake?"

"No. I'm saying he needs to learn how to communicate more clearly."

"You shut your mouth, Timberlee. I'm not done. I called your mother, Phoebe, everyone I could think of that you might go to. Your mother just about died of worry and couldn't sleep at all. She's been calling me every ten minutes to ask if I knew anything else. I called her, thinking you were headed home, and she's even more worried than I am. I spent all night on the phone, and you didn't tell anyone where you were going! You completely disappeared. I filed a missing persons report, Timberlee! Do you have any idea how serious this is? You could have been dead. And you didn't even call me until much later. I've been sitting around here for days, worried sick, waiting for the investigators to come up with something, and there was absolutely nothing. You booked a flight to LA, and that was as far as we got. But you were nowhere in LA, so that information was pointless. And then you let him near you, into this house?"

"Dad, please! There's really an explanation for everything if you would just listen."

"No. Absolutely not. You're never to talk to him again. You're leaving for LA the day after tomorrow. Period."

I fell silent, waiting for the outburst, the tantrum to come. I would not leave Forks. Ever. There had to be some way around it, any way. I glanced up at Edward when he squeezed my waist. "Dad..."

"Timberlee, I'm not going to argue about this. I haven't slept in three days. I'm not the one who disappeared like that. Edward is leaving and you're not going to argue about this anymore. After I've caught up on sleep, we can discuss it maybe."

"Maybe? Dad, that's not even fair! I just said there was an explanation."

"I said we would discuss this some other time. Under the circumstances, I think I'm being very fair and very calm."

I sighed again. That much was true. No bullets shot at Edward. No horrible comments... yet... And he said that Edward had to leave. Maybe they would never come, but I refused to go without Edward. He had to come back! We would find some way to make Dad understand, even if we had to come up with some stupid story about how I ended up being pregnant after all and ran away to Vegas to get married. Then later on, we could come up with another story to explain a miscarriage or an abortion or whatever. Surely Carlisle would be able to help us come up with a reasonable story about how I lost the baby. And the hormones would have explained all the crying, and the nausea. I ran my hand through my hair and turned to Edward. "Uh..." I started quietly, trying to figure out what to say in front of Dad. He would never let us out of his sight right now, and I really wanted to kiss Edward, ask if he would come that night, try to figure out a way to see him every possible second. I was about to cry though, freaking out because I couldn't stand the thought of going back to LA.

Edward took my face in his hands and made me meet his eyes while Dad was about ready to punch Edward or something. "Don't," Edward whispered. "It's all right. I love you, and thank you... For everything. And I'm glad I still have you."

I nodded, unable to glance at Dad. I didn't care if I got in even bigger trouble then. I felt like Edward would disappear again. "You'll always have me," I replied, and Edward smiled at me. He turned, walked to the door, and he was in his car within seconds. I ran up to my room to watch him go from my window. He blew me a kiss and sent me a reassuring nod before he drove away. I smiled because I knew that meant he would come at night. Once Charlie was asleep. That was all I needed to know. We would be okay. We would get through this. We really were okay. No matter what Charlie said... And I knew there would be some way to get out of going to LA. Mom would side with me after she heard the parts of the story we could tell her. That was an advantage on my side, and my new happiness was another advantage that continued to grow every second, even as I waited for Edward.