- I am so happy to be here with you.

It was raw and honest, and came straight from his heart. She could feel it. Feel how happy he was to be there, with her. The seriousness in his voice had caught her off guard. They had been joking around and then he had changed the mood completely. She had kept staring at him; her face a mix of surprise and a bit of fear. She hated that she became scared. Still. She shouldn't be scared of him. But she was. Because what he said flung open a door into a new realm for them.

She had missed him terribly. She had missed his friendship terribly. She knew she wanted more than just friendship, but she wasn't ready for it yet. Her brain wasn't able to keep up with the changes of the day. So many things were still left unsaid. Jim had surpassed them all with that tone in his voice. So many emotions surged through her body that for the second time that night she had wondered if her heart was going to split from the pressure. Jim had looked at her, waiting for her response.

- Sure you wouldn't rather be out looking for friends in the park?

It made absolutely no sense. She knew it as soon as the words came out of her mouth. Desperation had taken over and she acted on autopilot.

Avoidance.

Over the years she had become an expert in the field. In a second she had taken them back to joyful banter mode. She could see Jim breaking eye-contact and swallowing hard before he barely uttered a…

- Nah..

She cursed herself for being weak. For the first time that evening her courage had forsaken her. She felt like crying, but she forced her feelings away and looked up at him with a smile.

- Okay then.

Pam was early. Dwight and Oscar were the only ones there when she walked in. It was Monday morning and sleep had been sparse. Her weekend had consisted only of drawing and painting, her fingers still a little blue and green from it. She had needed to paint not to go completely crazy with restlessness.

A soft kiss. Late Friday afternoon. In the parking lot. All she could think about.

***

Click.

The door opened. Not him.

- Good morning Phyllis.

- Good morning Pam.

Their date had been awkward and wonderful all at once. It had been amazing to be able to just sit and talk to him again; to have him all to herself. The whole date had felt like an out of body experience. She had pondered when reality would set in, disclosing it as merely a dream. Little by little she had let reality sink in; the date was real. It had been overwhelming and a bit scary, but mostly it had been amazing. Their date had been good, but she had worried that she might have blown it with her response to Jim's honesty. Turned out she hadn't. Jim had regained his composure and just looked at her, first a bit disappointed and then indulgent. He knew her too well. She'd felt embarrassed that he could see her that clearly, that he could see her fear and weakness. She had wanted to show that she had changed, to prove her strength to him, but for a moment she had lost it.

He had taken her back to work to get her car, and they had been joking about office stuff and it had all felt comfortable and safe. When they exited his car she had already started to plan their next date, which she'd hoped would take place the next day. They had walked over to her car and as she was fidgeting with her keys she had suggested they'd meet for a movie the next day. Jim was on board at once, but then his face went blank and he said.

- I cannot believe this, but I can't tomorrow.

- You can't?

- No…damn. Listen, I have promised my brother to come up to New Jersey this weekend and help him move. I was planning to leave tomorrow, after work. I had totally forgotten about it.

- Oh.

She tried very hard to disguise the disappointment in her voice, but he picked up on it immediately.

- Yeah, sorry about that. Kind of sucks, but I think I have to.

-No, no of course. Yeah, don't worry about it. I understand. Yeah.

- You see, his wife is six months pregnant and should not be doing any heavy lifting. My brother made me swear I'd help him make sure she carries nothing heavier than toilet-paper.

- Hehehehe…..brother patrol.

- Hehe….well…that's how it is.

- Really Jim. Don't worry about it. I totally understand. And by the way, did NOT know that you were going to be an uncle. Congratulation!

- Yeah, the whole family is exited. This will be their first child, so you can imagine.

- Wow.

- Yeah, it's great.

- You'll be a wonderful uncle.

She could see that her comment made him proud. Pam had always felt that Jim would be a great father one day. There was something about him that made him get along with people, even children. She had never been good with children. She hadn't even been that interested in having children, but as she stood there, watching Jim smiling, something inside shifted.

- Thanks. I hope so. I am really anxious for her to get here.

- Her?

- Yeah, it's a girl.

She looked up at him and knew her face had to be showing everything she felt for him. He looked down at her, his eyebrows raised.

- What?

- Oh…nothing. That's just really great. I'm…..

- You're?

- I don't know, I'm just really glad to know that about you.

- Know what?

- That you're going to be an uncle.

- Oh….well, good.

- I mean, it's just good to know things about you that's not purely work related you know.

- Yeah…guess, I understand what you mean.

- Yeah.

- So does this mean I'm forgiven for bailing on you this weekend?

- Absolutely. We'll do that movie thing next week.

-Can't wait.

With that he had taken her into his arms and given her a long embrace. She had driven home with a huge grin on her face. The next day at work they had both, for once, been awfully busy and they had just been able to steal a couple of moments together at lunch. The tone was light and they both made sure to be casual when surrounded by their co-workers. At four-thirty Jim picked up his bag and went over to her to say goodbye. As she watched him leave the office she couldn't believe how much she already missed him. She looked around. Her co-workers looked busy, and she decided to slip out for a minute, hoping to catch him before he left. To impatient to wait for the elevator, she ran down the stairs. She saw him as he was unlocking his car.

- Hey Jim! Wait a minute!

He turned around with a surprised, but happy look on his face. She ran over to him.

- What's up?

- Oh, nothing. I just wanted to tell you something.

- Okay.

She looked at him for a couple of seconds as she regained her breath. He looked at her, amusement in his eyes.

- So, what is it?

- I just wanted to tell you to have a good weekend.

- Oh. Well, thanks. You too Pam. That's it?

- No.

He took a step forward and she could almost feel him against her. He scanned her face, waiting.

- No?

- No…I wanted to tell you something else too.

- Okay.

She took another step forward, situating herself right in front of him.

- I'll miss you.

She'd put her arm around the back of his head and pulled him to her. The kiss had been quick and soft. His lips warm against hers. She had pulled away quicker than she had wanted to, but the kiss had taken her by surprise. She hadn't planned to kiss him. When she looked up into his eyes, she was almost floored by the emotions in them. She turned around and walked away. As she reached the door she had turned around catching him in the same spot looking at her.

- Bye Halpert. Drive safely. See you Monday.

She had escaped into the building before he could give her a response. She chuckled at the memory. She felt proud of herself. She had been thinking of that moment the entire weekend.

***

Click

- Hello little Pamster Hamster.

- Morning Michael.

- It's going to be a good week. I can just feel it. Any messages?

- No.

- Okey Pam-i-lam. I'll be in my office.

Click

- Good morning Angela.

- Good morning Pam.

She yawned and decided to go get herself some coffee. She had never been much of a coffee drinker but she could definitely use some caffeine today. When she returned to her desk Jim still hadn't come in and now the clock was ten to nine. He had to be just around the corner. She decided to go through her e-mail-box while she waited.

Click

She looked up. There he was. She couldn't stop the smile that started to form on her face. She tilted her head and looked up at him as he leaned against her desk.

- Hey.

- Good morning Pam. How are you?

His voice was so sweet and she could feel her stomach flip.

- Great. How are you? Did you finish all the moving?

- Oh…I'm good, and yes we finished.

- So now they're all settled in their new house?

- Yes. It's a great house. Porch and picket fence and all that. When I was up there it suddenly dawned on me how "grown up" my brother has become.

- Yeah…I suppose a wife and child will do that to a guy.

- Yeah.

He looked down at her smiling.

- So, how was you weekend?

- Oh you know. Painted a few pictures, cleaned my apartment, went on a couple of dates…

- A couple of dates huh? I hope they were satisfactory?

- Nah, not really. I'm holding out for tonight though.

- Oh…?

- Yeah….thought about taking this great uncle to be out to the movies.

- That sounds good. I hope you'll have a good time.

- Me too.

- Okay then. Talk to you later. Time to do some work.

She could feel him smiling as he walked away. It took all her will power to return her eyes to the computer screen. She spent the rest of the morning going through e-mails, sending out faxes and drinking coffee. From time to time she glanced over at Jim and she could see him trying to look pre-occupied with phone calls and sales reports, but there was always a smile lurking at the side of his mouth.

***

PING

Her instant messenger popped up on her screen. It was Jim.

Jim: If you do not stop looking at me I'll never finish my work.

Pam: Don't blame me for your poor work performance.

Jim: I think I just did.

Pam: You're such a dork.

Jim: Hey, that hurts

Pam: A little sensitive today are we?

Jim: Guess I am.

Pam: Why's that Halpert?

Jim: Oh you know, got this hot date tonight.

Pam: Really? Anyone I know?

Jim: Maybe.

Pam: Elaborate.

Jim: Well, she kissed me in the parking lot the other day. Did you happen to see her?

Wow. She hadn't expected him to bring up the kiss in an IM conversation. She felt flabbergasted and tried to type a response.

Pam: No, don't think I did. But maybe I'll catch another kiss tonight.

As she was about to press "Send" the door opened and she turned her head to see who it was. Her heart started to race as she saw Karen turning around to close the door behind her. She quickly looked over at Jim, a worried expression on her face. Jim hadn't seen Karen yet and he lifted his eyebrows to ask - what?
Then Karen was at her desk.

- Hello Karen.

- Don't even… Any messages for me?

- No.

Karen didn't look at her, but she could feel the anger permeate from her. She turned and walked away from her, uttering only two words as she walked past Jim's desk.

- Kitchen, now!

Jim looked down, took a few breaths of air and followed her. Pam had hoped he would look at her, but he hadn't. As the kitchen door closed she could see Karen's hands begin to gesticulate. From what Pam could see, Jim didn't say much. He sort of just stood there, taking it all in. She felt so bad for him. Wanted to run in there and tell Karen to shut up and leave him alone. Ten minutes into her monologue the level of Karen's voice grew high enough for their co-workers to hear. Several heads lifted as she went on and on about him being a jerk for treating her this way.

- DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

Pam could see Jim looking down into Karen's raging face. He shook his head while saying something that was impossible to hear.

- YOU USED ME AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS SORRY. THAT YOU ARE SORRY??

Pam could se Jim moving closer to her, grabbing onto one of her hands.

- DON'T YOU F*****G TOUCH ME. DON'T YOU EVER F*****G TOUCH ME.

Karen wiggled her hands free; hitting him in the chest to get him to take a step back. He raised his arms in a way to indicate for her to calm down.

- CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN. THAT'S ALL YOU EVER SAY ISN'T IT? WHY DON'T YOU CALM UP A LITTLE BIT? SHOW ME THERE'S A TRACE OF FEELINGS IN YOU. HOW CAN YOU TREAT SOMEONE LIKE THIS?

Pam couldn't listen anymore. Every accusation Karen threw at him felt like a knife blade that was hitting them both. It was almost lunchtime anyway. She figured she could slip out of there unnoticed. She directed her phone to voicemail, took an apple from her purse and went out of the office. She walked into the stairwell and sat down. Karen's voice was still ringing in her ears. The lovely morning had been ruined. She ached for Jim, he didn't deserve Karen coming down at him so hard. She ate her apple, trying to focus on something other than Jim getting an earful in the kitchen.

When she walked into the office twenty minutes later most of her co-workers were on their lunch break. Jim and Karen were no where to be seen. She walked towards the break room, running into Phyllis on her way. She looked at her and said.

- They went out.

- Who?

- Jim and Karen. They left.

- Oh, ok.

She turned around before Phyllis could say anything else and headed back to her desk. She wasn't in the mood to gossip with the others. She couldn't even bear the thought of it. Another twenty minutes went by and she tried to concentrate on a game of minesweeper, but she kept hitting the mines.

Click.

Karen walked back into the office, her eyes a little red. Pam wanted to say something, but she came up empty. Karen walked straight past her and sat down at her own desk.

Click.

Jim walked in. His eyes were exhausted and resigned as he looked at her. She mouthed "I'm sorry" and he smiled at her, while walking quickly past her.

Her IM window was still open and she deleted her last sentence and replaced it by another one and hit send.

Pam: You okay?

Jim: Yes.

Pam: Sure?

Jim: Absolutely.

Pam: I'm sorry she came down on you so hard.

Jim: I deserved it.

Pam: No, you didn't.

Jim: Yes, I did.

Pam didn't quite know how to answer him so she closed the IM window and returned to her minesweeper.

A little before five people started to head out and she was about to turn of her computer when her IM pinged.

Jim: Meet me in the stairwell?

Pam: Sure.

She turned off her computer and collected her things. She looked up at him as she was leaving her desk, but he kept staring at his computer. The stairwell was warm and she took off her jacket and sat down, waiting. Some minutes later she heard the click of the door and she turned around to see him closing the door behind him. He sat down next to her.

- Quite a day huh?

She tried to keep her tone light, but one look at him and she realised this wasn't going to be one of those light conversations.

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be. It's not your fault.

- I know, but I feel guilty.

- You shouldn't. It would never have worked out. It isn't your fault.

- Oh.

- Don't get me wrong. We might have been together longer if you hadn't….

- If I hadn't?

- Said the things you said on the beach.

- Ok.

- But it never would have lasted.

- Ok.

He looked so exhausted and she wanted to put her arms around him, but she didn't.

- I think she was out of line in there today.

He lifted his head, but continued to look straight ahead instead of at her. He didn't say anything at first. Pam got the feeling he was contemplating what to tell her, again.

- She wasn't really that out of line. Much of what she said was true.

- Jim…what happened in New York?

He turned his head and looked into her eyes. She was surprised to see a hint of moisture in them. He shook his head before he placed his hands over his face, rubbing up and down. Pam hadn't seen him like this before and it startled her.

- God Pam…..I don't even know where to begin.

- Okay. Take all the time you need.

- Okay.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes and Pam started to worry that he might never speak. She wanted to do something, say something, to let him know that she was there for him, no matter what. Then her body suddenly acted on its own. She slid herself right next to him, her body pressing against his. Then her hand found his and their hands intertwined.

- Jim. Let me be here for you. Talk to me.

- I don't know if I can. Not about this Pam.

- Listen Jim, I know how difficult this must be, but you need to trust me on this. I'm not going anywhere.

She kept stroking his hand with her thumb; urging him to go on.

- I….

His voice died as he gasped for air. Pam knew he had to let it out; she just wasn't sure how hard to push him. She could feel that she was on the verge of breaking through to him, but she could also feel the chaos in his head. Maybe now wasn't the best time, maybe she should give him some time to get the days events sorted.

- Okay. Listen, I have a plan. What do you say we skip that movie tonight and order some take-out instead? We can go back to my place and then we can talk.

He turned his head and looked at her again; a little smile forming at the corner of his mouth.

- That sounds really good Pam.

- Alright then. It's already half past five, let's say we get out of this stairwell and scoop out some food.

- Yeah.

She stood; her hand still intertwined with his, and dragged him up. She would get him to talk. At home.