Pam could hear a soft swish as the wind grabbed hold of her curtains and lifted them into her bedroom. An almost full moon was dipping above the treetops in the park. It was warm, but the clouds that kept covering the moon were dark. Rain was coming, she could feel it. Rain usually provoked in her a melancholic state of mind. The radio-clock on her night stand showed 11.53. She was not in close proximity to sleep. The evening's events kept playing behind her closed eyelids.

Jim had left a little before eleven o'clock. She had insisted on walking him to his car and Jim had agreed hesitantly, not wanting her out so late. She'd laughed at him and told him she'd grown quite accustomed to taking care of herself, even late at night. Their kiss good-night had been soft and caring. She'd stood watching him drive away until the car lights had disappeared in the distance. The wind had taken hold of her curls as she walked slowly back to her apartment building. The breeze caressing her skin made her feel almost giddy. There was something so sensual in the air. When she had reached the building she leaned up against it, closed her eyes and just let the wind swivel around her. About ten minutes had gone by before she began to feel the coolness of the night and returned inside.

The TV was still playing and her chest was full of chocolate paper and popcorn gone astray. She put away empty cans of coke and figured she'd leave the rest until tomorrow. As she stood inside the kitchen watching the couch, she felt a rush of excitement. It was the same cheap couch as the one she'd bought a year back, but now it contained memories that made her question if she could ever give it up.

Most of the night had been spent on the couch. Pam had felt relaxed and happy, and so grateful that Jim was there. Several times that night she had looked over to make sure he was actually there; their new relationship - still a bit surreal. She had spent so many nights alone in her living room, missing him, thinking about him with his new girlfriend. She was amazed at how the roles were suddenly reversed. Where was Karen tonight?
After the pizza and beer, they'd propped themselves with popcorn and chocolate. At one point they'd ended up throwing popcorn into a glass on the table, Pam winning 5-3. She suspected that he lost on purpose. They'd both started yawning while watching a lame movie on the Hallmark channel. She'd been curled up against his chest, his arm resting on her knee. Jim had been the first to suggest they should call it a night. She had unwillingly raised her head and nodded. She knew he was right, but for some reason she was slightly afraid to let him go. Before he kissed her good-bye he suggested they didn't say anything to the others. Pam couldn't care less who knew, but she could see that he had a point. He'd just broken it off with Karen and it would be disrespectful to flaunt their happiness in front of her.

Pam turned around and opened her eyes in time to get a glimpse of the moon as the curtains lifted. Every other minute her face was covered in the soft glow. She felt every heart beat, every breath of air, every puff of wind that fondled her face. So this was how it felt to truly come back to life; to feel the heartbeats in one's chest; to be in one's body completely; to feel every nerve in that body. She wanted to capture that feeling and tried to find the words to describe it. This was what she wanted for the rest of her life. She thought about the year that had gone by since Jim had turned her world upside down. She'd struggled so hard to find the words; failing again and again, pushing him further and further away. Her mind had been unable to give her the words she had needed. Now she understood why. The clarity of this night had made everything so transparent. Her mind didn't understand the language of her heart. Therefore it could never speak on its behalf. Tonight she'd communicated from her heart. She prayed for the courage to continue to let it speak freely.

Pam drifted off for a few seconds until the memory of his lips on hers jolted her back to consciousness. They had kissed several times that evening; the longest and most passionate one after their talk. She had felt the energy between them; a pent up intensity that was finally released. For a few moments she'd actually forced herself to pretend she was kissing some random guy, because the fact that it was Jim was too gigantic a concept for her heart to grasp. Lying there alone in bed - every image- every touch - every little memory of their night together came rushing back. His hand set low on her back, his other hand on her chin, in her hair, on her neck.
There was something so arousing about those hands, those fingers trailing her skin. If she closed her eyes and concentrated she could feel them. She turned over on her back and opened the top button on her pyjama top. Her breathing quickened a little as she retraced the trail Jim's fingers had made on her neck. She remembered how he'd kissed her on her bottom lip, pressing his lips around it while sliding a finger under her right chin. For a split second she was back there, willing herself to remember every sensation. She slid her finger under her chin, an exited tingle shot through her stomach. What if Jim hadn't pulled away so quickly but intensified his kisses. What if he'd laid her down on the sofa and moved his hands down. Pam continued tracing her finger down her neck. When she hit the end of her pyjama opening she traced her fingers up again. She did it a few more times until her anticipating body refused to be ignored anymore. She laughed a bit embarrassed as she undid her top and threw it on the floor. She'd never done this with him before. Fantasized and explored the sensation of him. When she was with Roy she'd never done anything like this at all. A few months after she left she'd felt compelled to try, feeling ridicules throughout, but after a few times she'd gotten the hang of it. But she'd never fantasized about Jim. Doing so would have brought up too much pain and would have been pointless. Now however…..now it wouldn't be painful and it definitely wouldn't be pointless. She felt a claim to him now; he was hers to think about, to dream and fantasize about. It was one of the most exiting and thrilling sensations she'd felt in a long long time.

She places herself on her back and closes her eyes. It didn't take her long to bring up his image. Lust and love in his eyes. MY GOD…..how could just the thought of it create such feelings in her? How would she ever live through the actual experience? A ridiculously happy smile emerges on her face as she imagines him there next to her; his hands removing the blanket covering her chest. She begins caressing her upper chest before moving her hand further down. Her fingers swirl across her chest, touching her hard nipples. Her heartbeat quickens and soon her breath follows. Her body is begging for a release of the emotions and tension that have built up over the last days. She moves her hands to caress her full breasts, carefully pinching her nipples. What would Jim's fingers feel like? His big hands exploring her body. His lips on her. A warm feeling started to spread as her mind explored the prospect of having him touch her. She can feel her desire rising. Her mind travels as she continues to lightly touch herself. She imagines his hand trailing down her stomach, one of his fingers running along the waistband of her pyjama bottoms. Her back arches at the thought of him. Her body is becoming damp and anticipating. She slips her hand under the waistline and her pelvis rise in expectancy. She's lost in her own world and on the brink of realise when her phone suddenly interrupts. She looks around her, trying to navigate her way back to rational consciousness. Her hand hits a square and blinking thing on the night table and she flips it open.

- Hello?

Her breathing is heavy and she sits up in the hope that it'll clear her mind and lower her heart rate.

- Hi Pam? It's me, Jim. Is something wrong?

- Oh hi! No, why?

- It sounds like you've been running or something.

- Oh…

She could feel herself go red from head to toe. She'd never been more grateful for the dark cover of night and the distance between them. She moves her phone away from her head and takes a couple of deep breaths. A little more composed she can hear the worried tone in his voice as he says.

- Pam? Pam, are you still there?

- Yeah Jim. I'm still here. No nothing's wrong and I haven't been running. I think I've had a ….a…..bad dream or something.

- Oh….sorry about that. So sorry I woke you. I just couldn't sleep and I thought that maybe….

- That I couldn't sleep either?

- Yeah. But I guess you could, so I'm just so sorry I woke you.

- Hehe…..stop apologizing Halpert. If there's anyone I'd want waking me up in the middle of a bad dream then it's you. So what's up? Do you want me to send over some warm milk with honey?

- Hehe…..no no, just go back to sleep. I'll be alright.

- No really Jim, what's wrong?

- Oh, nothing really. It's just that I forgot…..

- Did you forget something here? I can bring it to work tomorrow. Just let me know where to look for it.

- No, nothing like that. I just forgot to say thanks before I left and I thought I should.

- Okay. Thanks for what exactly.

- For being so patient and hearing me out on the whole Karen situation. You were right. It helped to talk about it. I don't know….you were just so great about it all. So thank you for that.

- Oh…you're welcome. I'm glad it helped.

- It did, it really did.

- Jim.

- Yeah.

- You know you can talk to me about anything right?

- Hmmm…..I do.

- So will you be able to sleep now?

- Yeah…I think I will. Thank you Pam.

- Anytime. Try to get some sleep and we'll talk in the morning.

- Yeah. Good night Pam.

- Good night Jim.

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