BAD GRACE - quantum witch © 2005
see Prologue for warnings, rating, and summary
In which the entire cast and crew are gathered, and the final player steps onto the stage.
6:04 – THE FINAL EQUATION
THE FIFTH SEAL OPENED, and Agnes smiled. She looked down upon the fair-haired young man carefully arranging the reliquaries and artifacts. Then she spoke, because now she knew she would be heard.
"Jeremy Wodensvale…"
Wensley jumped straight back in alarm, and stared at her translucent form, his hand clutched to his throbbing heart. "DearGod!" he screamed softly, "Who are you?"
"I be Agnes Nutter, young manne, you who art nam'd Appointed by God. And I needeth be taken strate-way to where the Christ sharl be very soon."
"Er. Aren't you supposed to have gone toward the light, or something like that?" he squeaked. Nothing in his science classes had prepared him for an event like this. It was more like the movies he'd watched as a kid.
She laughed gently. "Goode sire, there be no such thyng, I am sad to say. Now, please, takest my relic down and rush thee offe to where I tell ye. It be verie urgent indeed."
Wensley, hands shaking, removed the case with the blackened piece of wood, a remnant of the stake to which Agnes had been tied, and fled the building.
THE SIXTH SEAL OPENED, and volcanoes erupted, shaking the earth. The air filled with molten rock and ash. The sky turned red hundreds of miles away from each volcano. Three massive hurricanes built within seconds and flattened everything in their path. Two major fault lines shook and great gaps opened in the earth, sucking entire cities down into its maw.
Those who weren't killed instantly ran in terror, crying it was the end of the world. Tragically they were right.
In both Heaven and Hell, there was very nearly as much commotion. This had caught absolutely everyone off guard.
THE SEVENTH SEAL OPENED, and for a moment there was silence that stretched to every corner of the earth and beyond. Then chaos once more erupted. The seas were thick with ash from the volcanoes, and everything within began to die.
The kraken chose to stay in the deep this time. It had had enough of trouble.
ALL THIS TOOK PLACE WITHIN MOMENTS, and none of it happened where Lower Tadfield could see it or feel it. It was, as before, a haven of utter calm. It had to be.
The little girls arrived at the playground of their Primary school, as per Deedee's request. It was her birthday weekend, and this was her favourite place.
Rachel first gathered them together and gave them each a small package. "I know it's your birthday, Deedee," she smiled, "but this is for everyone. It's something small, but it can always become somethingbig. You remember that, okay?"
They all thanked her for their gifts and hugged her. Then they went to play, for though they knew Rachel was special and interesting things always happened around her… still they were just kids and this was a playground.
While the girls played on the swings and jumped rope, Ginger set up the refreshments on the nearest table, then sat despondently on the bench. She was unsure what to do anymore. Her Boss hadn't made an appearance at all. It seemed her destiny was falling apart. The last seven years had been a waste.
The pretty young girl with the black curling hair had come over and was sitting beside her now. Ginger smiled down at her and asked, "Aren't you going to play with the others?"
"Not yet," Rachel said. "I think you need to know some things…" She pointed toward the school sign.
Ginger looked that way, and gasped.
Edengarth. Oh, dear God…
Then Rachel said of the refreshments, "There's only enough for seven here. Not enough for all the people coming…" She reached out her hands and Ginger watched in shock and awe as the crisps, biscuits, cheese, fruit and punch multiplied to cover the entire table. "There. I doubt anyone else will bother eating it though, so I've probably wasted my time. Just like you feel you have for all these years… But you've found me. Aren't you proud?"
Ginger gaped. "You… you're a girl…"
"I know, my parents told me so, plus we just had our classes about that stuff.."
"But… I wasn't expecting…" And the woman felt a shiver as the air around them seemed to grow colder and hotter at once. From the edges of her vision, she believed she saw more people were arriving, hundreds more.
And then, most remarkably, a man dressed in an International Delivery uniform was in front of her. "Mrs. Tylluan, nee White?" he asked. "Package for you." He held out the form, which she blindly signed. "Have a good 'un, I'll just be off and moving to Hawaii, if it's still there." And he ran, calling out, "Come and seeeee! Bugger all this!"
In a daze, Ginger opened the box and found a diamond circlet, which she placed on her head. And then she knew What she was.
She rose and stared coldly down at Rachel. "You are my destiny, child. Your destiny is to bring Peace to this world, and to die for our Sins."
"Really? I don't remember anyone tellin' me all that. I knew about the peace part, and I'll do my best. But I dunno 'bout the other part."
"Yes, you shall. If anyone would know, it's me." And roughly, Ginger-Pride took Rachel's arm and hauled her toward the hopscotch board in the center of the playground. "Girls!" she shouted. "We're going now! Look at the sky, it's going to rain. Come along."
They stopped their games and ran toward her.
And they all disappeared into thin air.
Around the edges of the playground, Others came striding forth. Three Horsepersons and Six Sins stood around the spot, with empty air that flickered like great heat rising, and smiled. With a nod, the Horsepersons stepped back and the Sins walked forward, and vanished.
Famine took a deep breath. "Pity, this time it seems we are to stand aside and let others do the real work."
"Well, it was bit strange last time, too," War responded. She'd really wanted to stab something. "I'm sure we still get to ride out after they're done. That's what we were told before."
"It's okay, they'll do a good job," Pollution smiled dreamily. "We really prepared them, I think. I do hope they make it out of there, though. I rather liked my Sin. She was a real slob, that one."
CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE LAY TOGETHER in the angel's bed, glowing in more ways than one.
The experience hadn't been at all what either had been expecting. But as neither had ever before been so intimate with another being of their own calibre (and one of them hadn't been with anyone, of any sort, at all) there was no way they could have anticipated the intensity. The way they'd fused together, it had clearly been beyond bodies. It had been their very essences that had merged.
It had been damned good. It had been divinely wicked. And they had done it twice in twenty minutes, unable to stop. They were strongly considering a third go at it, when something else got their undivided attention.
"Shit!" they both yelped simultaneously, sitting bolt upright.
"Christ!" Crowley shouted.
"Eve!" Aziraphale yelled.
Looking at one another in terror, they breathed, "Rachel."
They were dressed in less than a second, and winging their way toward the school in another.
ACROSS TOWN, ANATHEMA'S HEAD SHOT UP IN ALARM. "My baby!" she screamed and ran from Martha's house. She got as far as two blocks on foot when Pepper and Brian found her and pushed her, still screaming, into Pepper's car and drove her wherever she babbled for them to go.
IN HIS OFFICE, NEWT REPEATED THE SCENE. Except he remembered he had a car, and used it.
WENSLEY DIDN'T HAVE A CAR, but the museum wasn't that far from the school. Panting he was halfway there when Adam's rented car screeched to a halt beside him. "Get in, damn it!" Adam shouted, "She needs us!" He nodded politely to Agnes' spirit. "Glad to see you again."
"And you as well, Young manne. You hafe turn'd out fyne."
"Thanks ma'am. Now let me concentrate before I kill the rest of us." Adam drove like all of Hell was behind him.
CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE ARRIVED FIRST, fluttering heavily to the ground. Neither had flown a great distance in many years, Aziraphale for more than he cared to count. Breathing heavily he said, "Now… what? Where… is she?"
"Some…where nearby," Crowley panted. "Can sense her…"
Then they saw the Three sitting on the bench, having refreshments.
"You've got to be kidding me," Crowley declared flatly. "Famine, didn't think you'd eat anything, let alone jaffa cakes."
"They're empty calories, of course I don't mind," Sable smirked.
The Horsepersons rose and War drew her sword threateningly. "Think you're outnumbered, boys. Even if you had weapons, I think… yes, I know… you're both far too, hah, shagged out to manage a decent fight."
"That was exceptionally tacky, madam," Aziraphale winced, but he and Crowley began backing away. What War had said was true, in every sense of the word.
The Three moved forward, grinning like evil itself. And when the angel and demon reached the center of the playground… they vanished.
"Damn, we keep losing people." Famine sighed.
"Oh, well," Pollution said, dropping a plastic punch cup onto the pavement and watching it blow away in the lazy wind. "Let's just eat the rest of the snacks and relax. I'm sure we'll have plenty to do once they've finished."
War sighed. "This is getting tedious, honestly. It's a waste of a good sword."
WHERE WERE THEY ALL? It was neither earth, nor Heaven, nor Hell. But it felt like a bit of each. And there was soft background music, very much like Rachel used to hum.
They all looked around themselves, and saw that they were separated into giant spheres, each one a different colour, and connected to one another through something like tubes, making a giant and very complicated unit. But try as they might, there was no passage between them.
In each sphere, save three, was a young girl and a Sin Incarnate. The only one not afraid and crying was Rachel, who stood in the highest sphere. This one was so white as to be unreal. It nearly blinded anyone who looked directly at it.
"Friends," came Rachel's soft voice, traveling through the pathways to each of the girls, "don't worry. I know what to do. It won't be long, and then we can leave and have the cake, you'll see."
They began to calm down and, sniffling, nodded. Rachel always seemed to know when things were going to be really bad. If she said this would turn out all right, they had to believe.
Suddenly, appearing in the two spheres nearest Rachel, came her uncles. She smiled at them both, knowing they were happy at last and could be in the proper frame of mind to do their jobs.
"OhhhmyyyygGoooodddd," Crowley whined. "We've died!"
"No, no," Aziraphale said, concentrating. "Someone has constructed a Sephiroth as a holding place between the realms. We're in… I'm in Binah, and you're in Chokmah. Hmph, I get the female Sphere? Figures."
"Heavenly Spheres?" Crowley panicked. "I'm going to be burned alive!"
"Nonsense. Were you burned alive touching me?"
"You're not that heavenly... Uh, not that it's a bad thing."
"Oh, my goodness!" Aziraphale looked around now. "Rachel's little friends and women… no. Sins." He turned toward Rachel behind him, in Kether. "Ah, a complete set. Dear, are you all right?"
She nodded. She didn't need to explain so much to the two of them.
They were silenced briefly by a new arrival at the very bottom of the Tree. Adam came barreling wildly into multi-coloured Malkuth, panting and yelling. "You!" he pointed at Aziraphale, and looked as though he would throttle him given the chance. "You were supposed to be watching her, guarding her from this!"
"Hey, back off!" Crowley shouted. "She sent us away, she might have known this was happening! Ever think of that?"
"No, no," Aziraphale sighed, "Adam's right, I should have been…"
"I knew," Rachel said quietly, but Adam still heard. "It's all right."
He looked at her in dismay. "But… why? Why do this? It's not necessary. I finished it last time, I- "
Her gaze was calm and serious, and suddenly he understood. He nodded, silent now.
And they waited.
STILL MIGHTILY CONFUSED, ANGELS AND DEMONS arose or descended into the Spheres, joining those already present. The young girls whimpered at the sight of these new arrivals, but Rachel sent a calming whisper and they grew silent again. The Sins were also silent, because they needed only to wait until the last One arrived.
The silence was broken by Crowley yelping in fear.
"Hello, zzsnake," said Beelzebub. "Fanzzy meeting you here."
"Ohshitohshitohfuck," Crowley whispered, eyes closed. "What did I ever do to deserve this?"
"I have a lizzst if you want it," the arch-demon laughed.
"Leave it off," said the accompanying angel. "He's here for a reason, and that reason must be fulfilled."
"Szztuff it Razzziel," Beelzebub sulked, but he left Crowley alone. For now.
"Oh, dear," Aziraphale said, eyeing his two new companions with distaste. He hadn't met Lucifuge before, but he remembered Tzaphquiel and how the angel liked to simply stare. It was a bit disconcerting. "So, er, how's Heaven?"
The angel stared at him. "Heavenly."
"…Of course…"
Down in Malkuth, Adam was having no fun either with his pair-up. The angel was actually having more trouble than him because the demon was Naamah, who was trying alternately to lick Adam with her long tongue and slash at the angel with her claws.
"Oh, get off it, would you!" the Antichrist finally shouted at them both. "I've had it with this shit."
The voice of her Master's son silenced the demon, but the angel said, "I am Sandalphon, and I do hope you shall come to our side."
"The hell with sides," Adam declared. "Sick of that too. Just stand there and shut up."
And the angel was shocked to silence.
In Kether, Rachel was calmly regarding the newcomers. Metatron stood there flaming, glaring at the arch-demon Moloch, who simply glared back. "Christ child," the angel said, "fear not. The Seals may be opened and the earth on the brink of destruction, but we shall prevail. Heaven is meant to do so."
"Hm. If you say so. Don't remember hearin' that part," Rachel mused quietly.
Metatron's head turned imperceptibly her way, brows raised. He hadn't been told that part, either, come to think of it.
OUTSIDES THE SPHERES, ANATHEMA AND NEWT came screaming onto the playground, barely noticing one another in their panic. Brian and Pepper ran to Wensley, who was already there and looking worse for the wear.
"What the hell is happening?" Pepper demanded.
"Not sure at all. But Adam's in there," he indicated the barely discernable wavering of the air. "And he went in with a ghost named Agnes Nutter –"
"What?" yelled Anathema and Newt together. They stormed over to Wensley, their eyes wild. "Is Rachel with them?"
"Er, as far as I understand any of this, yes. Adam and Agnes went in to help her… do something. After that, I have no idea."
"Oh God oh God oh God!" Anathema paced back and forth like a mad lioness unable to touch the Spheres, but seeing them slightly better than the others. "I can sense her in there! My baby!"
Newt walked around the playground to the other side, hoping beyond hope for something to help… and saw the Three.
"Who the hell are… wait a minute… familiar," Newt frowned.
"Hello, little man, care for a crisp?" Famine swept his hand over the table. "Fairly tasty, full of fat, entirely lacking in nutrition."
Anathema came dashing around the Spheres and yelled, "What have you done with our daughter?"
"Oh, for crying out loud," War sighed, standing up and hefting her sword over her shoulder. "Hey, lady, back off. Unless you think you can take me."
"Don't be stupid," Anathema grumbled, "I'm a pacifist." But she hauled her fist back and planted it solidly against War's jaw. "Now tell me where my daughter is!"
War shook her head in surprise. "Wow, that's never happened before." She straightened up and her companions stood beside her, ready to throw down. "I think we'd better try that again. You're a bit outnumbered, here…"
"Think again!" shouted Pepper, striding forth with Brian and Wensley.
"Yeah," Brian declared. "We took you on once, we can do it again."
"Uh, yeah," Wensley said, clearing his throat. "With no weapons or anything."
The Three laughed wickedly. "Even if you did have 'weapons', as you put it," Famine said harshly, "last time was different. Your Antichrist was calling the shots, and right now he's a bit busy."
"And besides… there may be more of you, but you're only humans." Pollution smiled an oily smile. "So you're still far outnumbered."
"No, I think we can call it fairly even," came a dark and deadly voice. Hastur crept forth, looking far more demonic than he had in seven years. "I know my lady is in there somewhere, and I suspect you Three are involved. So until she comes out and I can see for myself… I think I'd like to kick your asses for a while."
And he launched himself at the Three in a flurry of claws, teeth and, unfortunately, maggots.
The humans stood back and let him have fun.
FOR SEVERAL MINUTES, THERE WAS relative silence in the Spheres.
Finally, Metatron spoke up. "Okay. What now?"
"Indeed," Beelzebub hissed. "There zzhould be zzomething happening… right?"
"Maybe someone forgot to join the party?" Metatron asked.
And there came a great shuddering of the Spheres, heralding a final arrival.
"Oh, now you've bloody done it," Crowley whispered.
From the invisible Sphere of Da'ath, hidden beyond the connecting webs, directly between the top three Spheres, came He who had arranged the entire matter, He who desired the true End of the world.
GREETINGS, EVERYONE, intoned the Angel of Death. I DO HOPE I'M NOT LATE FOR THE PARTY. GET IT? LATE?... OH, NEVER MIND, HUMOUR WAS NEVER MY STRONG SUIT.