Chapter 4. Realizations part one: Past

It was extremely surprising to see Lee walking by the village at that time. He looked around the streets, the shops and the marketplace, with the mild curiosity of someone who is rarely involved in common town life. Since he was always training or studying, he never got time to look around at ease.

Suddenly, he stopped. With his instinct enhanced by training, he pressed himself against a wall almost before knowing what was it. He looked through the small alleyway, and saw a group of youngsters he knew very well...

Those were his fellow classmates, the ones who always made fun of him, calling him dork and mocking him around for his taijutsu. They had passed the exams, but their sensei didn't judge them worthy of becoming Genin, unlike him and his team.

Why? They obviously had ninjutsu and genjutsu at levels he would never have. Why was it that he sported a headband, and the others wore none?

They were sullenly creating a mock figure, almost a scarecrow with a hitai-ate on its forehead, out of a training post they were beating at.

Lee's heart sunk. He would never do a thing like that. He loved the shinobi world, respected his hitai-ate more than anything... he had sweated it. They seemed to have lost the confidence in themselves, and whatever reason they had to become shinobi, it didn't seem to be a very worthy one.

You cannot mock or blame your dream for you not being able to achieve it...

He inbreathed, set his face straight and decided, and walked through the alleyway. Several heads were turned at him, several eyes were fixed in his figure. The anxious pleasure they obviously gained from watching his bandaged hands irritated Lee to no end.

They... they envy me. They expect me to fail, again.

He couldn't believe they did. Usually, it was him who envied them. No, it was not this awful, unhealthy envy he could breathe in this place... it was the desire of being accepted among the others. He knew he was different, he was always different, but only now he had accepted that fact. What was more, he got help in concentrating solely on his forte.

He had always been prepared to give his everything. Many shinobi would never sacrifice their likes and looks, their commodities and personal space, to devote it to achieve perfection. They only wanted to have skill, not perfect skill. Lee's dream was perfection. Becoming a fine ninja... so simple, yet so complex.

His bandaged hands reached for the hitai-ate. There was a murmur of uproar from his former classmates, many moved towards him, but stopped before even reaching him. They were superior in number, but technically, that much-mocked dork was now their superior in rank.

- You should not do that with the symbol of the shinobi of Konoha.
- Are you telling us what we should do? – a defiant voice answered, and there was such despise in it, that Lee closed his eyes.

They expect me to be scared of them, to run away as before, even though I am a Genin while they are just Academy students.
- No. I am telling you what anyone in Konoha knows. That you should honor your hitai-ate and work hard to be deemed worthy of it.
- It's no big deal, the headband – a raucous wannabe-nin shouted from behind. – If someone like you obtained it... We can't respect something that is given out of favor or pity.

Lee's cheeks flushed purple. The hitai-ate shook in his bandaged hands, as he turned and confronted the wannabe shinobi. With such rage in his eyes, everyone chose to take a large step back.
- Are you saying that this is a gift?! For me?! MAYBE FOR YOU!! Nothing has ever come cheap for me, I was cursed with my inability but I never asked to be pitied or helped! You know better than anyone, and no-one would have given me this – he pointed to his forehead – as a treat! It was because... because... because I deserved it!!

He started to walk away.
- What are you going to do with the spare? Go and earn a pat in the back for stealing it from your former classmates?

Lee stopped dead on his tracks, turned round, and his eyes screamed bloody murder.

Was it me who wanted to be like them? I would rather be dead!

- No – his voice shook with the effort of maintaining it steady. He understood they were provoking him to prompt him to fight them, and then Gai sensei would know and punish him. – I am taking this back to the Academy now. That is the place where it should be kept... a hitai-ate is no plaything.

He walked on without looking back... the Genin knew better than to stay. In a sense, Lee felt he had walked away from a substantial part of his past, without getting revenge or trouble. He felt pride and his heart widened, just as when he opened the book and read the paragraph.

Finally, he arrived. Standing at the Academy door, his serious eyes were filled with small flashbacks that appeared in every corner. But now, he was completely alight. It is better to forgive, if I held grudges against them, or answered them in the same tone, I would not be this happy now.

Iruka was in the staffroom, as usual. His body seemed slightly battered, just as if he had come back from training. In the midst of a check test spree, he felt a foot-knock on the door, gently.
- Come in! – he called, just to see the Genin graduate pulling the slide-door open with his teeth.

- Ah! Lee! What do you think you are doing? Let me help you.
- Thank you very much, Iruka-sensei – the Taijutsu overachiever was surprised. – Did-did you just call me Lee?
- Of course, in private I can call you Lee. When you graduate, you are a ninja just like me and like all of Konoha's shinobi. Others may still call you Lee-kun, but not in a diminishing way. You've came of age as a shinobi, that's another meaning of the hitai-ate.

True! I was always laughed at because I was so adult! So that might be the reason why I graduated and they did not!

- Uh... I found this hitai-ate, and I thought it would be better to...
Iruka laughed so loud, that Lee was taken aback.
- I never thought I would see this! Rock Lee, you are lying, and you're a terrible liar!
Lee's eyes turned to saucers, as red widespread all over his face.
–Me-me lying? Iruka-sensei!
- You came across your former classmates just as I was about to tell them off. I was the training post! Henge, you remember? The jutsu that troubled you so much...

The transformation jutsu...

– A-are you okay?
Iruka laughed again. – Yeah, twenty-twenty! Anyway, those bandits you tried to protect are grounded! You have some guts, Lee, going one against nine... I think Gai-sempai is all too pleased with your attitude. You fit his ninja type perfectly.

Really... I-I do?

- I-I want to ask you something, if it is not forbidden.
- Sure, what's it? – Iruka was puzzled. What would Lee want? – You want to see your file?
- Yes. M-my file.

Iruka scratched the back of his head. Lee had asked permission once, to check the Rokku family members. He, of course, found out he was the only Rokku or Rock in the Academy. What would he want to check in his file?
- I-I am sorry. I just want to... to see how I arrived this far.
- Dedicate as always, huh? Do you need me to come with you and help you?
- Do not worry, Iruka-sensei! I know I can get the files I wish by myself! –

Always the challenging type, Lee. Iruka rose, took a key from a hang and walked towards the library. He unlocked the door and motioned Lee to enter.
- Okay, there you are. But leave everything in order. And tell me when you're done!
- Yes, Iruka-sensei!
- Call me Iruka, okay?
- No! I mean, I cannot! –

Sure, he was asking too much of the ever-so-polite Lee. As the boy left towards the archive library door, Iruka heaved a sigh.
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The door creaked when the boy pushed it close. Hundreds of files were ordered alphabetically in the shelves. They were divided in three sections: red dots over those who had failed the exam, green on the graduated ones, yellow for the rejected or deceased ones.

He went towards the green dot archive. MNO and PQR were together. He climbed to a small stool, reached for the file in the third row, top right corner. And... the stool swayed.

To avoid falling, Lee waved his arms frantically, brushing accidentally the end of the M row, second shelf. A pile of files fell down, as the stool steadied itself and the Genin climbed down, ashamed at the mess.

Great! Congratulations, you clumsy!

Mentally asking for forgiveness to the owners of those files, he picked them, gingerly ordering them again. He noticed that one folder had all its contents spilled on the floor.
His heart skipped a beat as he read the name on it:

"Maito Gai"