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Chapter 20—These Dreams

Darkness on the edge
Shadows where I stand
I search for the time
On a watch with no hands

I want to see you clearly
Come closer than this
But all I remember
Are the dreams in the mist

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night, I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake, the further I'm away

--"These Dreams" by Heart

Jessica lay on the tough bed in a restless sleep. Her body shifted and turned continuously through the night as her dreams plagued her with uncomforting thoughts and memories.

A young girl dressed in Winnie the Pooh pajamas, sat in a stationary ambulance with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She watched in a daze as the black smoke filled the dark sky as she breathed in the clean air the oxygen mask—that sat snuggly on her face—provided her.

"What's your name sweetheart?" a kind voice asked the small girl, as she removed the mask from her face. The girl turned her head to look at a woman dressed in various colors of blue.

"Jessica," she mumbled out softly.

"Well isn't that a pretty name," the woman said, with a smile on her face. "Well Jessica, my name is Katie and I'm a paramedic."

Jessica nodded her head dully before turning her head back to the black smoke coming from her house.

"Jessica, how about you look at me dear," Katie said, while rubbing Jessica's back softly. "Now, how old are you dear?"

"Four."

"Wow, you're a big girl aren't you?" Katie asked sweetly. Jessica nodded her head softly.

"Where's my mom and dad?" Jessica asked, looking at Katie with big curious brown eyes.

Katie turned her head away quickly and her eyes darted quickly to the two large black bags on two stretchers.

"How about we worry about that later, hm?" Katie asked, keeping the waver from her voice.

"No, I want my mom," Jessica stated stronger.

"Jessica," Katie began softly, but she was cut off by Jessica's small voice.

"Momma, momma," she called as she jumped from the vehicle.

"Ouch," Jessica cried as she fell to the ground from the jump.

"Momma, I hurt myself. Mommy," she shouted as she ran around looking for her mother. "Daddy, where are you?"

Jessica flew up in the tiny bed; she had small sweat beads covering face. Jessica—with tightly shut eyes— tried to catch her breath, but there didn't seem to be enough air in the room. Jessica opened her eyes slowly, and looked around the tiny dark room.

She couldn't understand why she was dreaming of her parents deaths because she hadn't thought of it in years.

Jessica laid back down slowly and shut her eyes once more. She wished more now than ever that Sirius was here to hold her, and whisper sweet and soothing words into her ear.

She tried to imagine him holding her now, his arms were wrapped tightly around her, and she drifted off into another nightmarish sleep.

Jessica sat at the front of the church in all black. She didn't really understand what was going on, but she did understand that her mother and father were never coming back.

She sat stoically as the priest spoke words of comfort to her and the rest of the mourners.

Jessica walked to her parents' coffins with small tears running down her face. She barely noticed as someone picked her small form up to look at her parents' peaceful faces.

The person who lifted her to view her parents silently sat her back on the ground, and she heard—although not understanding—all of the gossip and mystery that surrounded her parents' faces and bodies.

"Did you see that? Not one burn mark! And they died in a fire, but not one burn mark!"

"I thought they died in a fire."

"Did you see any burns? Because I didn't. Did you?"

Jessica shot out of her sleep once more. Once again her breath was labored, but this time she was thoughtful and shaken. She didn't remember seeing any burns on her parents' either, and if she remembered correctly—which was shaky in itself because she was so young when it happened—they had died because of the fire.

'Maybe the smoke caused their deaths,' she thought sadly.

"But no one ever mentioned the smoke, only the fire," she said softly.

Jessica tried to shake the dream from her head, and the feeling that things had not been as they had appeared when she was a young girl.

"Mom, dad I need you both now more than ever before," she spoke out softly. "Sirius I need you too."

Jessica lay down, once again, on the bed. But this time sleep did not come, so she merely stared at the wall, hoping for her thoughts to run dry.

Here I am
And beyond the reach of my hands
She sounds asleep and she's sweeter now
Than the wildest dreams
Could have seen her
And I Watch her slipping away
And I know I'll be hunting high and low

Sirius lay in his bed while the darkness of the room consumed him. Jessica had been missing for about six hours, but to him it felt like six days.

Sirius sighed, and positioned himself onto his back, like so many other times, but only this time there was no Jessica to curl up against him and lay her head on his chest.

His bed felt so cold now, and he didn't think it would ever get warmer unless Jessica was in it with him. And the coldness seemed to transfer from the bed to him, or maybe the coldness he felt within was transferring to the bed. Sirius wasn't sure; all he knew was that he felt so cold without her.

Sirius couldn't help but blame himself for losing her. 'If I hadn't been such a prat she wouldn't have left. And had I been a stronger fighter she wouldn't have been captured.'

He tried to shake these thoughts from his head because he knew that Jessica would be upset with him for having such thoughts, but they wouldn't leave him.

And just like Sirius' thoughts wouldn't leave him, sleep would not come to him. No matter how many times he would shut his eyes, they would always open and show him the darkness. And the darkness would taunt him and remind him that he was alone. And he would be alone until he found Jessica.

'I will find her,' Sirius said strongly to himself. And it was with that thought that a restless sleep finally captured him.

A few hours later

Sirius bolted up from his sleep. His breath labored and his face moist with sweat. The dream that woke him was slipping fast from his memory, but he knew it involved Jessica and Voldemort.

Sirius laid down slowly in his bed, and felt himself back at square one because it seemed that sleep was eluding him once more. So he merely began staring at the walls once more.

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