My World
Chap 2 – Five Clowns and Two Stiffs
In a dark and desolate room stood a single round table, a lamp hung right above it illuminating the table's top. There were four seats surrounding the perimeter, and three were occupied. The three chairs were simple wooden things that anyone could get anywhere. The fourth one, was well adorned with green and purple jewels, and satin purple cushions, and gold rims. The seat of the chair had a card on it that read "RESERVED! TUSHIES IN THIS SEAT WILL BE SPANKED!" followed by the signature scrawl of "HAHAHAHA!"
Everyone around the table was pretty quiet. Save for a random click of a hook on the table top. The silence continued till finally, a sharp pound of a fist to the table made everyone look up.
"So exactly why do we have to dress up like this? It's ridiculous! This whole thing is ridiculous!" Jafar emerged from the darkness and showed his painted face, white grease paint was clumsily placed on his face, and a round red clown nose was squished at the tip of his nose and his lips were painted crimson red. His black turban had green crayon drawings all over it, with miscellaneous pictures of Batman falling into a dozen deadly traps.
"This guy has a thing for clowns," Morgana popped her head out of the darkness as well, "And don't think I'm thrilled about dressing up either." Morgana's own little dress up was revealed, her face was colored white, orange and black to mimic the colors of a clown fish, and over her head was a fish bowl.
"And who are you suppose to be again?" The last figure cloaked in darkness inquired at Morgana.
"Ursula's more attractive sister, Morgana," she scowled at the man in darkness. "And let me guess, you're Captain Hook-er."
Captain Hook grumbled as he slouched over onto the table. His face was painted like a whore. There was heavy eye shadow over his eyes, false eyelashes, and a pair of painted crimson lips on his face. "Oh shut it! I'm not the only one who looks like an idiot!"
Jafar rolled his eyes before placing his elbows on the table top and resting his chin on his knuckles.
"So why do you dress up like this if you don't want to?" Jafar looked from both Morgana to Captain Hook.
"For the same reason you are," Morgana replied, "I want part of the cut on this deal." Morgana retrieved an invitation written on a child's birthday card with violet crayons. The other two had received the same invitation that told them vaguely of getting immense power. And if they wanted in, they had better come wearing the costume the host had assigned to them personally.
"Not to mention I heard some pretty harsh rumors about this guy." Captain Hook said as he leaned back in his chair. "Some bad things happened to people who didn't play by his rules." Silence followed the group again before Captain Hook continued, "But they're just rumors."
Then out of the darkness a malicious chuckling was heard, the three looked around to see where it was coming from and found the Joker's sharp teeth poking out from the darkness.
"When is a rumor," he walked over to his reserved seat, his spats clicking on the ground, "not a rumor?" He showed himself to be wearing a lustrous royal purple king's robe over his purple suit. He removed the card from the seat to reveal a large and pointy thumbtack which he quickly batted away. Then from out of the darkness another voice chirped up.
"When it's the truth! Right Puddin'?" The Joker's eyes grew large, and his smile fell, she wasn't allowed to be giving away his punch-lines!
"Excuse me for just one second!" He scurried back into the darkness, there was a muffled argument going on between the Joker and the female voice. Suddenly there was a thunderous yelling come followed by a loud WHACK! Then a clownish looking woman was kicked out of the darkness and skidded across the floor over to the table. She was a pretty looking girl whose blonde hair was fancifully made and whose clothes matched those of the Joker's royalty motif, except only in red and black.
The Joker came out again, he looked at the girl who was picking herself up off the floor, but before she could get up, he kicked her hard in the knees, and kicked her again underneath the table. There were a few cries of hurt as the girl was kicked so randomly and viciously, but none of it was heard as she disappeared under the table. The Joker coughed and slicked his hair back with a hand carelessly.
"Sorry about that," he seated himself in his own specially prepared seat, "Miss," he angrily looked at the table, as if he could see her through the wood, "Harley Quinn sometimes likes to make herself heard when she should just be seen." No one said anything; the whole introduction had gotten a little awkward after he had beaten the girl, didn't he think it was a little too soon to be showing them that?
The Joker's face brightened again.
"But I digress! So, how has everyone been? Eh?" He looked around the table, someone coughs. "No plots to control their own little worlds? No secret bridge games I haven't been invited too?" Silence. "Ja-fart? Morgana Pheeling? Captain Hook-er?" He looks at each one of them respectively, the smile still stuck onto his face. "Oh ho ho! I see, all business and no fun!" The Joker leans back in his chair.
"Joker!" Jafar musters through gritted teeth. "We don't have time for this!"
"Oh! Someone here is in a rush to get back to Kansas!"
"Tell me what exactly we're getting out of this or," Jafar pauses, "or we're leaving!"
The Joker begins to giggle, his smile gets wider. For some odd reason, the room seems to get colder – though there are no windows.
"A deserter in our midst! You know, desertion is punished to the highest extent." He kicks Harley under the table. "Harley, get the bags."
Harley scuttles out from under the table, "Yes sir!" and runs into the dark.
Joker continues sitting in his seat smiling, he glances at his wrist though he isn't wearing a watch. Then Harley comes back out from the darkness, dragging in her hands two big heavy green trash bags.
"Record time Harley-girl!" He gets up out of his seat and gently pats Harley's head, she squeals with delight as he takes the bags from her and pushes her out of his way. He drags them the rest of the way to the table, the bags appear large enough to fit a human body, and he tosses them onto the table top and all three of the Disney Villain's loom over the bags curiously.
"As I was saying before…" The Joker pauses and makes a face, "What was I saying before?" He starts laughing and rips open the bags to reveal to the three a ghastly scene of the Queen of Hearts from Wonderland and Maleficent with grisly Joker grins on their faces.
The three villains didn't say a word as they look at their old accomplices and acquaintances now placed in makeshift body bags.
"M-maleficent? Isn't she supposed to be…gone?" Captain Hook stammered as he looked over at Maleficent's face.
"Gone? Nope, she's just been in hiding after the Organization proved they were the, well, the better team." He picks up Maleficent's head in his hands, "She was such a stiff little old magician," he starts shaking her head in his hands and then starts raising his voice to a high pitched and over the top feminine voice, "Thank you Joker for putting a smile on my face!" The Joker chuckled as he laid her head back down in the bag. "No problem toots!"
"And what about this one?" Morgana said pointing to the Queen of Hearts. "As far as I'm concerned she wasn't a part of this little convention."
"No, I guess she wasn't." He thinks for a moment before looking over his shoulder. "Harley, why did we kill this one again?" He points at the Queen of Hearts and Harley leans over the Joker's shoulder, "Hmm, I think it was 'cause we wanted to brag about it to the hat guy."
The Joker pauses for a moment and then bursts into another hysterical laughter. "Oh right! Hehe, wait'll he gets a load of that when we get back to Gotham." Joker continues laughing, and Harley starts to laugh with him.
The three villains looked over at one another and shrugged. They had no idea what the two clowns were talking about – but obviously it didn't concern any of them. As the two continued their rolls of laugher Morgana leaned in closer to both Jafar and Captain Hook.
"These two are nuts!" Morgana whispered to the two of them.
"Maybe we should take our business some place else." Captain Hook snarled under his breath.
"Hmm," Jafar looked over at Maleficent's lifeless body. "They are the only two to have defeated Maleficent, not even the keyblade wielder, as it seems, completely obliterated the witch."
Morgana and Captain Hook looked over at Jafar in surprise. He seemed just a few moments ago unwilling to comply with the mad clown duo, and now he seemed all in favor for them.
"What are you saying? They're unreliable business partners!" Morgana whispered furiously.
The Joker and Harley soon began to reel back their laughter; they were already starting to gasp for air. Jafar sat back in his seat and looked over at Morgana and Captain Hook and gave them a small smile.
"Leave if you want," he continued smiling, "but you know what he said about deserters."
A/N:
To answer some questions that may come to mind...
Okay I think it's safe to say that this is the part of the story where I like to pick and choose parts from KH2 and stuff. In fact you can almost see it as a KH2 remake with the Joker in it. So incase you've all been thinking "WTF!! Ya Maleficent was like gone! The darkness or watever ate her!!1" Well ya, but in the KH2 she like revived and crap along with all her minions and stuff which is why Jafar is here, and Captain Hook never got obliterated because he ran away lol.
Okay another thing that might come up, "Morgana?! WTF!? And where the hell the other peoplezzz at!?" Okay, like I said this is the part where I pick and choose from KH2, in KH2, when Maleficent was like telling her slave to like find out where everyone was, he comes back and says they all have better things to do. So I kinda used that same thing here, only less obviously stated, people just didn't want to waste their time - I mean, I wouldn't either if I got a card like that. But also - since I eave this part kind of ambiguously - perhaps the Joker never intended to invite more than those three? Well think about it - the Joker is a - hands on - kinda guy so, doesn't really want a lot of help to begin with. Also take note that theres only one magical being in this group and that's Jafar -hmmmmm! Obviously he doesnt want the others to over power him because he ain't got not powers so - TA-DA! I really leave it up to you to decide what happened to them - not that it matters lol
And lastly another thing that might come up..."OH SHITT! YOU KILLED MALEFICENT?!" Because I know people won't ask about the Queen of Hearts lol. Anyways, This is where it kinda devels into my Jokerized-KH2 some more. See, Joker kinda takes over Maleficent's place in this story - since he kind of plays the same role as she does - as you will see later on. In author's POV I didn't see it necessary having TWO Maleficents lmao. But in a story type of way, it also makes sense, it is suggested the Organization revived Maleficent - so when they did that and saw her as a potential rival - they probably just got the Joker and said, "Hey um, can ya get rid of this lady? She ain't very nice to us." So, he did it! And once again it's suppose to show Joker's threat as a villain because, as I've said before, he's got NO POWERS! So he uses his wit to get things done - so how he killed these two, we'll never know, but we know it involves Smilex and probably some sadistic trickery lol.