DISCLAIMER: I do not own High School Musical or any related characters.

A/N: Okay, so the next chapter is here! I know we're all very excited by my announcement and I know we're all very frustrated with Troy. As it is, he's not a character with which things come very easily. He fights a lot against his instinct and his feelings, which is why it's taken him nineteen chapters to get to a point where he's willing to actually acknowledge Gabriella as someone he can talk too and someone who he cares about. It's also going to take a lot for him to admit his feelings to Gabriella, which is something she might have a problem with sooner or later. As for the Taylor thing, all in good time. Anyway, schools over and I'm looking forward to splitting my time between researching for my Extension History major work and finishing off DF.

I hope you enjoy this new chapter and yes, I feel pretty confident that we all find out who Allie is in this chapter. Enjoy!

Dangerous Fascination

CHAPTER 20

EXHAUSTED

Gabriella felt unbearably tired. It wasn't a type of tired that she was used to either. She'd known the exhaustion one felt when they'd finished an assessment task they'd worked hard at. She'd known the deep, physical exhaustion that came from strenuous activity and she'd known the emotional exhaustion that came from trying to understand why things happened the way they did.

She'd just never known exhaustion quite like this.

It was something close to all three, but it was entirely different at the same time. She was tired of questioning everything, tired of trying to figure out if she was really in love with Troy and if he really felt something. She was tired of trying to regret giving herself to him even while she knew she couldn't. Most of all, she was tired of trying to figure out who he was.

She'd come up with so many different scenarios that might explain who Troy was over the weekend, they'd all overlapped in her mind and still none of them fit. She only had two bare facts to go with as she'd conjured them. There was a girl named Allie in his life six years ago. It had been the only thing she had grasped fully when she'd been able to think straight. She had relinquished the tight grip she'd held onto that fact when she'd realized that Allie had meant something to Troy, had meant more to him than she probably did. It had hurt and the idea that Allie had been important to him and she'd had no idea that Allie had existed before seeing the tattoo.

Her mind, which had already been exhausted from questioning everything from her feelings for Troy to the decision she'd made when she'd opened the door and let Troy follow her into her house on Friday, had sped up as she'd suddenly become terrified at the thought of Troy having loved someone before she had come along. Loving someone so much she was merely a distraction, a short interlude that had made him forget for a moment who he really cared about. She'd toyed with idea, pushed it until a sinking feeling in her stomach had made her sick and she could barely see straight through blurred tears.

Then she'd realized that it wasn't how Troy was.

Troy wasn't the type of person to pine and he wasn't the type of person to freeze his feelings because someone he'd loved as a boy didn't care about him or had abandoned him so cruelly that he'd convinced himself to never care about someone else again. If anything, Gabriella could only imagine what type of revenge he would have taken upon someone who had abandoned him. She'd heard stories from different people about what Troy had done to people who had challenged him or had been foolish enough to threaten him. She'd heard how Troy had pulled the strings and watched the people who got too close fall, either from something as dramatic as being found with drugs or having their reputation destroyed so the star player of the football team was reduced to a nobody in a matter of days.

The stories had been enough for her to know that Allie wasn't a girlfriend he loved above everything else. A girlfriend who had walked away. If she had existed, Gabriella was sure that there would have been a story about that.

No, Allie wasn't a girlfriend who had walked away from him but she was an important person to Troy and Gabriella was so tired of trying to figure out who she was.

None of the other scenarios she'd come up with had even seemed to fit. They didn't match the Troy she knew now and none of them had been terrible enough for her to imagine someone closing their feelings off from the world. But then, she supposed, her dad had left her and her mother without a word and that was enough for someone to refuse to feel, so she was even unable to even convince herself the reason she couldn't imagine what had happened to him was because she wouldn't understand. Because empathy to her was as natural as breathing and she would, on some level be able to empathize with whatever had happened to make him not feel.

Closing her eyes, Gabriella leaned her head back against the headrest of the driver's seat as she felt another wave of the crippling exhaustion crash over her.

She had no idea how she was going to get through school. She wanted to go through school and ignore everyone. She wanted to ignore Taylor and Doug. God knows they'd both caused her enough problems in the past week. She wanted to ignore Christy and Chad. It was mean, especially seeing as they'd been roped into her world because of Troy, but she wanted to ignore them because they would both be preaching the same thing. They would both want her to talk to him. Then there was Troy.

At the thought of him, Gabriella opened her eyes and wished that she didn't feel so torn about what to do with him.

She wanted to ignore him. She wanted to spend the day not speaking, not looking, not acknowledging his existence. Just so he could understand what it felt like when for her when he'd been gone. But she wanted, so badly, to walk through the doors, straight into his arms and nestle there. To simply pretend that she didn't care about the tattoo on his side or the fact that he'd walked out.

A few days ago she might have done that. She might walk into school and simply let Troy tug her whichever way he pleased. But she was through with letting him do that to her. When she'd found the confidence to yell back at him, Gabriella had found that, perhaps, she could ignore him as well. That perhaps she wasn't as afraid of him as she'd thought. It helped that, for the first time, they seemed to be on equal footing. There were things they both didn't want to do and there were things that they both agreed needed to be said. Being on equal footing with him, Gabriella found, gave her a new, liberating power.

It gave her, Gabriella thought as she opened her eyes, the power to ignore him and get away with it.

With that thought swirling in her brain, Gabriella grabbed her book bag and got out of the car. Shutting the door and locking it, she chose to ignore the looks some of the students loitering in the car park gave her. She understood the looks and, for the first time because she'd only realized why she received them, she resented them as well. She didn't want to ignore Troy with an audience. It was going to be hard enough to ignore him when a large part of her was terrified she would see him walking towards her and crumble so far she would reach for him before she knew what she was doing. But to do so with an audience would be more painful than she planned on it being.

"You know, if you think any harder those lines are going to become permanent." Gabriella barely jumped at Christy's voice, wondering why she hadn't thought she would run into Christy in the car park and wishing she'd thought about it for a little longer.

"Good, at least it gives me some sign of intelligence." Gabriella replied, remembering what Troy had said about her intelligence and how much the comment had hurt.

"I'm not even going to ask why that's important to you." Companionably, Christy slid her arm through Gabriella's, the contact a warning to those watching them and a way to keep Gabriella near.

"Then don't." Gabriella's tone was short as she contemplated shrugging off Christy's arm and then realized that Christy would still remain resolutely at her side even without the contact.

"Oh I won't. I'm not even going to ask you why you're in such a bad mood, although it's actually really tempting." Gabriella forced herself to roll her eyes at Christy's conversational tone, why hadn't she thought to ignore Christy as well? It would have saved her the idle conversation she knew they were going to engage in.

"I probably wouldn't tell you. Though," Gabriella turned her head to the blonde. "You've probably guessed by now." It was a credit to Christy that she simply raised an eyebrow at Gabriella's exhausted tone.

For a moment, the two girls simply walked side by side silently, Gabriella trying to not close her eyes and give into the exhaustion that she was struggling to push into a box. While Christy contemplated what she should say next in case it caused Gabriella to be pushed a little further over the edge.

"You know, he's not going to let you ignore him." Gabriella glanced at Christy, surprised by her blunt honesty and wishing that the blonde hadn't bothered to bring up Troy because her stomach turned at Christy's words, Gabriella drew her arm away from Christy's and folded them across her chest.

"For once, Christy, I don't care what he thinks I can and cannot do. If I want to ignore him, then I'm going to ignore him." Gabriella schooled her tone to coolness and watched as Christy's brow rose. Ignoring the disbelief in Christy's eyes, Gabriella nodded once and stalked off.

Well Bolton, Christy thought as she watched the brunette go, she may be in love with you but she's definitely not going to make it as easy for you as you think. Fighting a smile, Christy shook her head and headed for her own locker.

As she approached her locker, Gabriella closed her eyes for a moment, wondering if this bad mood would fade or if it had something to do with her decision to ignore Troy. She found it didn't matter as she opened her eyes and met the stares of a group of sophomores who were all watching her curiously.

"Oh for God's sake, take a photograph it lasts longer!" Her temper frayed as the sophomores all went red and looked away, all of them made a grateful escape as the bell rang. Gabriella wasn't sure what she was more grateful for, the sudden rush of students staring to get to homeroom or the knock she received as they all rushed past.

She banged into the locker, off balance and with a reeling temper that was more volatile emotion than real anger, and slid down to the floor.

She didn't want this. She didn't want to be stared at. She didn't want to ignore Troy. She didn't want to be exhausted. She didn't want the fact that she was in love with him to hurt. She wanted him to tell her who Allie was. She wanted him to stay instead of leaving her hanging. She didn't want to be in this limbo where they were something and nothing at the same time.

She wanted Troy. That's all. She just wanted Troy. All of him. She wanted the ice, the amusement, the rare temper. She wanted the touches that told her he cared; the strength she knew was there.

Tears welled up as she curled into a ball, exhausted, hurt, angry but most of all aching with the need for him to let her in fully. To be something to him.

"Gabriella?" The gentle, confused voice had her drawing in a ragged breath as she realized there was someone crouching down beside her. Wiping her eyes on her knees, she looked up, hoping that what she was feeling didn't show.

Chad looked down at the girl with gentle eyes, realizing that she was more of a mess than his best friend and wanting nothing more than to soothe the pain she was feeling.

"Hi Chad." Her voice cracked as he took a seat beside her, sliding his arm around her shoulders in an offer of simple friendship and comfort that had Gabriella's eyes filling again.

Rubbing a hand down her arm, Chad spoke. "I know he isn't the easiest person to deal with but he cares about you. A lot." The gentle words had Gabriella's throat clogging and she fought the tears that wanted, desperately, to spill over.

"If he cares so much, why can't he just tell me what he wants to tell me? Why can't he just accept that I want him for who he is?" She asked sniffling slightly as Chad's hand continued its path up and down her arm.

"Because he's spent so long pretending that he doesn't need anyone, he's spent so long knowing that no-one will ever be able to handle who he is to the world and accept who he thinks he is, that you opening yourself up to him is wreaking havoc on his system." Chad answered gently and Gabriella fought back a sob at his gentle answers, knowing that they made sense and wishing that they didn't.

"Why can't he just take a leap of faith? Why can't he believe that I really do want him, that I love him?" Gabriella asked and Chad's hand paused slightly at her second question, wondering if Troy had any idea of the effect he'd had on Gabriella before it continued up her arm.

"I can't tell you why, exactly, he can't. Because it's not my place," Chad hastened to add when Gabriella shifted her head from his shoulder to look up at his face. "But Troy's still trying to figure out how to handle it. He's human, Gabi, not a machine. Some things have caught up with him and he wants to make sure he can handle them before sharing them with you."

Gabriella wasn't sure whether it was the quiet assurance in his words or the casual use of her name that had the tears falling, but Chad's gentle assurance was more than anyone could have given her and she laid her head against her knees and gave way to tears.

Chad's arm remained resolutely around her shoulders as they shook with silent sobs that she had spent the weekend fighting. Though she knew that tears were useless and they would exhaust her more than she already was, Gabriella was too tired to fight their rapid fall. Her cheeks were wet even as she tried to wipe them and she shuddered with violent sobs.

"Gabriella? What's wrong?" The alarm in Troy's voice had her head snapping up as people began to mill in the hallway, some walking past without a second glance, others standing around, watching her.

For a moment, she stared at Troy, his eyes showing concern he hadn't thought to mask as his hand rubbed the side of her leg. Her temper bubbled even as tears kept streaking down her face and she scrambled to stand, Chad's arm sliding from her shoulders as she moved.

"What's wrong? That's all you can come up with? What's wrong?" She hissed at him as Troy remained crouched down, looking up at her. She saw his eyes go blank, watched as the light switched off the concern and felt her temper boil.

"I think it's a generally asked question when one comes across someone who's crying. You were crying, weren't you?" Troy rose from his crouched position stealthily, his voice cool in contrast to the heat of her own.

"Of course I was crying." Gabriella snapped back. "But then, I'm surprised you know what crying is. It requires emotion." His eyes went black so suddenly Gabriella wasn't sure why it provoked her temper.

"Careful Gabriella, don't say anything you don't mean." Troy warned and she pushed a hand through her hair, ignoring the way a circle was forming around them as she stepped forward so she could glare up at him.

"Anything I don't mean?" She repeated furiously. "It's better than saying one thing and meaning another. Isn't that what you're good at? Saying something to someone and then watching them fumble around as they tried to figure out what you mean. What the hell happened to saying something and meaning it?" She spat out at him and Troy's hand rose slightly before it curled into a fist and dropped to his side.

"Saying something and meaning it? Where have you been living? La la land? You're an idiot if you expect people to say something and mean it. No-one does." Troy's words were bitter and Gabriella had the fleeting impression that he was speaking from experience, before she resented his words.

"I'm an idiot?" Her voice rose slightly as she pushed against his chest. "I know I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot because I actually believed I might mean something to you. I'm an idiot because every time you told me we needed to talk, we had sex. I'm an idiot because I want you to say something and mean it; I'm an idiot because I actually believed there was something more to you." A muscle ticked in his jaw as she shouted the last part, forgetting about the audience and wanting to provoke him into another shouting match.

"Why does it matter to you to believe that there's something more to me?" The explosion had people rocking back on their heels and heading off Miss Darbus as Gabriella barely flinched at his words. Her own temper, provoked already by his cool words, burst at the first sign of his own.

"Because you matter to me! Why can't you accept that? Why can't you accept that I care?" She hadn't thought she could get louder, but she managed. She managed to be louder than him as she gave herself over to the temper that was a fragile defense against the tears that wanted to escape.

"Because you can't care about me! What the hell did I do to make you care? What did I do to make you believe that there's something more to me?" Troy shouted and Gabriella refused to back down as he advanced on her, gripping her arms tightly as he looked down at her.

"Why can't you just accept that I do? Why is it so hard for you to believe that maybe I like you because of you? God, why are you so intent on pushing everyone away!" She pushed at his chest again, wriggling free of the iron grip he'd held her in place with.

"Because you have no idea who I am." Troy replied icily as Gabriella pushed away the hair that was falling into her eyes.

"Why don't you enlighten me then? Why didn't you tell me who you were before we ran into this little roadblock called feelings?" Gabriella snapped at him, furious with herself for feeling the tears that had dried up at the temper that had boiled before and furious at him for believing that he was less than what he was.

Troy's fist clenched as he raised a hand to rub over his face. "I'm not doing this here." He spoke resolutely and Gabriella closed her eyes in a desperate measure to control her tears.

"When will you do it then? Never? Cause that's what it feels like!" Gabriella barely realized how desperate her tone was as Troy opened his eyes and looked down at her.

For the first time, Gabriella realized how drained Troy looked. The look of exhaustion in his eyes matched her own and for a moment she wondered what that meant. She wondered if it meant he'd spent the weekend trying to figure out what he wanted and didn't want. Why he'd walked and why it hurt.

"Now." He spoke quietly and, for the first time, Gabriella heard the collective gasp from the crowd as they witnessed something they all thought they would never see. Troy seemed to hear it too and Gabriella watched as his eyes went from weary to ice in a matter of seconds.

"As entertaining as I believe this has been for all of you, I'm sure your teachers have been expecting you." The authority was there, as was the warning in his voice and Gabriella watched as every one of the student's winced slightly before a furor of movements began.

She didn't get to see the way the students began to talk, didn't hear the scenarios that began forming as they began to try and pull together a back story for the argument between Troy and Gabriella. She didn't notice the way their eyes followed her or the way some of the girls sneered at the thought of her breaking the untouchable Troy Bolton.

She didn't hear any of them because Troy had taken her hand in a vise-like grip and pulled her away from the crowd. His eyes focused ahead and his body taut. There was enough temper left in her for Gabriella to resent the way he pulled her along the hall. There was enough exhaustion to offset any sought of scathing comment that might set off another public argument between them.

She barely comprehended being pulled up a staircase or the blast of fresh air as they reached a landing that was more exotic, leafy jungle than school science experiment. Instead, she yanked her hand from Troy's stepping away from him with a look of resentment twisting her features.

"You could have asked me to follow you instead of yanking me along the hallway." She snapped at him when he didn't say anything. Troy didn't respond, instead he looked away from her, up and over the healthy green plants and towards the mountain range that loomed in the distance.

Gabriella noticed the look in his eyes, the melancholy turn of his face and it worried her. Before she could stop herself, she reached over to touch his back, letting her hand settle there as her temper fizzled slightly.

"Where do you want me to start?" His voice was strained when he spoke and Gabriella snatched her hand back at the chill it had acquired and the lifelessness.

"Wherever you think it begins." It was an open statement because she knew she had forced him into the corner. She knew she'd forced this out of him and guilt, never a nice feeling, stole over her.

"How about we start with the very beginning of my sordid tale?" He asked scathingly and Gabriella bit her lip at his bitter tone.

"Okay." She nodded, wanting to get somewhere as much as she wished for the cold ice she'd grown accustomed to. There was so little life in his face when he turned to her that she wondered what was happening inside him.

"I was a mistake. A one night stand gone awry. Mom and Dad were both in their early twenties when they got drunk and high one night at a party and had sex. I was the result." His voice was emotionless as he spoke; giving Gabriella the impression he was reciting something, not telling. "Mom found out she was pregnant and, being a two years younger than Dad, freaked out. She was going to abort; she always said that her mistake had been telling Dad that she was pregnant. He stopped her. They went to Vegas and got married instead." His eyes had gone black as he spoke and there was no warmth in the way he was speaking about his parents.

"Troy…you don't –" Gabriella started and he cut her off with a scornful look, reminding her that she wanted this.

"Christy and Chad don't know that. They don't know Mom was going to get rid of me. I never told them because it was one more reason to hate her. Anyway, they got married and moved out here to Albuquerque, Dad had gotten the job here and Mom moved because she had too not because she wanted too." Troy took a deep breath as he spoke. "She had me. And I was the problem. She hated me from day one and vice versa. It was bad enough that I'd messed up every plan that she'd made but I was also the reason she'd married a man she didn't like and grew to hate." Gabriella closed her eyes as he spoke, trying to imagine what he would have gone through and opening them when he let out a humorless laugh.

"Don't bother trying to imagine it. You can't. You're too nice." Gabriella frowned at him and waited. "I'm told she liked me for my first year of life or something like that. I was a distraction for her but then I began to favor Dad more than her and it pissed her off. The one thing she could use against my Dad actually liked him. It was unfathomable." His voice was flat, emotionless and Gabriella wondered how someone could ignore a baby, hate a baby for loving both parents and not just one.

"I was three when she got into hard drugs. Coke, E, Speed, you name it, she took it." Gabriella jumped when he interrupted her thoughts and she paled as she comprehended what he'd said. "I'm surprised she didn't overdose when I was under five." Troy muttered and Gabriella suddenly felt sick, wondering if she really wanted to hear this.

Unconsciously, she stepped closer, reaching out to touch him and then snatching her hand back when he fixed his eyes on her face.

"She hid the drugs from Dad; she even hid the excessive drinking from him. He worked long hours because he didn't know she was draining his resources going to her dealer. I was six when they finally split. Somehow she got custody of me. Dad fought hard though and I spent more time at his house than I did hers, anyway. He's probably the only reason my heads not fucked." Troy let out another humorless laugh and Gabriella felt tears welling as he rubbed a hand over his face.

"Dad, Chad and Christy all saved me from ending up with depression and a psychiatric ward. I spent more time with them than anyone else." Troy muttered and Gabriella nodded. "I was nine when she got pregnant again. I don't know how, honestly, she just came home one day and told me that maybe this one wasn't going to ruin her life because it was already fucked. I always got a feeling that it was her dealer. When she didn't have money she just offered whatever she had and because she wasn't a sparkling conversationalist, I doubt she offered him stimulating arguments." This time she did touch him, not because he needed to but because she heard a glimmer of something in his voice. Her hand slid over his wrist and she held on.

"Allison Amanda Grey was born a couple of months later." This time Gabriella heard grief and felt lost when Troy tugged his wrist away. "She was perfect and the only thing that had me staying with Mom. I was already telling Dad I wanted to live with him before Mom came home with her. I'd had enough before Allie came home. I'd had enough of Mom getting high in the living room and then proceeding to remind me how much she didn't want me. I'd had enough of how drunk she got when she didn't have the money for drugs. I'd had enough of hiding in her room every time her friends came over because all they did was get high or drunk and then proceed to pick on the one thing that was defenseless."

Gabriella took a step away from him as he spoke, there was something else now. Not quite grief and not quite anger. It was dangerous and volatile and, perhaps for the first time, Gabriella felt truly frightened of Troy.

"Troy – I…what happened to Allie?" Gabriella asked tentatively, terrified of the answer and wondering how it could get worse.

"She got depressed. Straight after Allie was born. Post-Natal Depression, apparently. It wasn't. She'd been off the drugs and alcohol too long. She was fucked up before, but going off them screwed with her even more. She began to hallucinate and then she went back on them. She nose-dived. I spent more time with Chad's family than I did with her in the last three years of her life." Troy shook his head and Gabriella realized he was forcing himself to remain emotionless. She wanted to curl an arm around him, hold on until the story was over and his shoulders slumped. She forced herself to remain still, knowing he would reject it.

"I was twelve. Allie was three. I'd spent three years trying to protect her from Mom, trying to make sure she wasn't harmed by the drugs or the alcohol or her friends. God, I was raising her and I was only twelve. She knew it too and she hated me even more for it, because I was twelve and I was refusing to allow her to twist Allie around, use her for her own purposes." Troy sighed and closed his eyes.

"I was with Chad. We'd gone to the park and I'd left Allie with Mrs Danforth. I figured she'd be okay there. Mom had been gone for a couple of days and I'd finally made the decision to tell Dad outright what was going on. We needed to get out of that house. Anyway, Mom was high. Completely off her face when she arrived at the Danforth's place. I don't know, really, what happened but she wound up running out of the house with Allie and Harriet's got a scar on her shoulder where Mom stabbed her." Gabriella could see what was coming, she could see it in her minds eye even as Troy looked over the top of her head and out into the mountains, his eyes far away as he kept his face carefully blank.

"I was walking home with Chad. I heard Allie screaming even before I knew what was happening. She was crying. Crying even as Mom shouted at her to shut up. I ran for them, furious because Mom had shown up off her face and furious because she was holding Allie. She was holding my sister and she had this look in her eye. Like she'd finally let go of whatever sanity she was holding onto." Gabriella opened her eyes as he let out a breath. "She just gave me this look. She wanted to watch me try and save my sister. I was frozen and then she got into the car, set Allie on her lap and calmly, very calmly, ran the stop sign at the end of the street and got hit by a semi-trailer. They were both dead on impact." And you watched, Gabriella thought, horrified, you watched your mother and sister die. Troy's shoulders slumped and she realized that it was the end of his story for now. It was the end of the emotionless recitation.

"Troy." Gabriella stopped, unsure of what to say and he turned to her for a moment.

"Now you know why I am the way I am. My mother was a drunken drug addict who killed my sister. Happy?" His tone was scathing again and thought it should have relieved her, it didn't. Instead, it made her stomach twist. He looked away again and Gabriella bit her lip.

Silence stole over them. Gabriella wasn't sure how long they stood there. Troy facing the mountains, her looking at him, watching him. Her mind reeled over everything he'd told her, lingered on things that he would need to clarify and found holes he would fill in later. She realized he felt guilty, realized that he blamed himself for what happened to Allie and hated his mother for being who and what she was. He was cold because he had been taught not to feel early in life.

Then her mind shut down. She stopped thinking as she realized now wasn't the time to poke, prod or analyze. Instead, she let what she felt for him guide her actions.

"Oh Troy." Her arms slid around his waist and Gabriella pressed her forehead to his shoulder. "I'm so sorry." The words slid out easily, as easily as the way she forgot she'd goaded him into telling her. She closed her eyes and then felt him slip his hand into hers and link their fingers together.

It was enough; Gabriella thought tiredly, it was enough for now.

A/N:...well, was that okay? Weird? Completely unexpected? I felt so sorry for Gabriella in the middle bit, she was so determined not to be vulnerable but vulnerable anyway. And then Troy. That's actually been planned for a while, but I'm not sure whether or not I pulled it off. If you're sitting back in the computer chair, going 'wow' than I've done what I wanted, if you're not, let me know. I'm nervous about this chapter. It's like a bomb that's been waiting to explode and then now that it finally has, I'm not sure whether it's made a big enough bang. If that makes any sense. So let me known and I promise, this story'll be finished within the next two weeks! (Okay, thats a stretch but who knows, I might actually achieve it!)