CONQUEST

Chapter 8: Ilove

Discalimer: I own nothing

An: People please review..I need to know what you think..it doesn't take too long does it..anyway on with the story

It had been two days since that incident and I hadn't spoken to him. I hadn't wanted to. I was going to give myself up to him. To give my life to him and he was willing to take it. And now he went, he left me in the car too shocked to move, to do anything. I hadn't been able to tell anybody, it was my little secret, my mom would have gone nuts and my father..well is it wise to tell him something like that?..eh nope..

My mom hadn't noticed anything different, but my dog Mitchie wasn't so self centered. She was one of those ugly but you have to love it kind of dogs. We got her from a local dog breeder and I loved her. She knew what I was like..you know like a best friend..sad yes..but she knew that I was upset and she came to me, bone in mouth, ready to listen to what I had to say. Oddly enough I loved talking to her..she wasn't like anybody..she didn't judge me..and now I was some crazy lady who talked to her dog..but I'd take it any day to being with somebody who would fuck me over.

I was done with him..in love with him..heartbroken..yes but in reality did I ever really know him? So why should I be so upset? I knew that he was npt good enough for me..selfish it sounds but I knew somebody like me wasn't..well you know..well suited to him..we were in different leagues and I belonged in the group with morals and he belonged to the group who had none.

I imagined how it would go many times over a million times in my head and never thought it would end like this, me sitting here, eating cookie dough and watching Juno. I loved that movie though, that girl had such courage to just do what the hell she pleased, she had such spunk, but I couldn't help but wish that I was like that..not the whole baby adoption thing but to have such control of her life.

I wondered to myself weather he hated me or whether he had realised that I was just ugly enough for him to keep away from me..I didn't like the first option, so I hoped for the second. For some reason, I didn't want him to hate me, even though what he had done was so horrible, it would have been easier..no..I wanted the second one because it meant that he didn't hate me..he just found me unattractive. But what he had done had left me numb, and alone, regretting what I was going to do. But as I reflected, watching Juno give birth, not really paying attention, I wondered, if he gave me that option again..would I give in? I shuddered at my own response.

I would have never done that before..but it was something about him that made me want to scream, made me want to cry, made me want to fall for him, I was sure that I wasn't the only one. I promised Pay that I wouldn't go near him, and I did, I crossed that line, in fact I was so far over that I knew there was no going back. He wanted what he couldn't have and I made it difficult for him to get it, and Pay warned me, so I knew that I was going to have to tell her.. that I was weak, that I had fallen for him.

Like a wimp, I chickened out when she answered the phone, asking her what History assignment we had for the next day, she thought I was slightly weird, seeing as I never had to ask the homework, but I couldn't, I couldn't betray her like that, I had a feeling she was still battered from her experience with Troy, I didn't need to bruise her any more with my almost experience with Troy. So, knowing what the History assignment was, I decided to get to work on it, trying to focus on the 1916 Easter Rising, yes in our history, we had to learn about other cultures. I tried, many times to do it, but I knew that any chances of doing it well hung like a thread..I knew that I didn't stand a chance..he filled my mind.

This..game that he played wasn't funny anymore, so tired and dejected I let him fill my head as I drifted in and out of sleep, knowing that I had let him win. It annoyed me as I had always thought of myself as strong, together, and never relied on a guy to get me through, especially one like him. But his face, no matter how much I wanted to get rid of it for all he caused me, still kept appearing in my head. His voice telling me that he loved me, though I would never believe it.

It was that same odd tapping noise that awoke me this time, though, I hoped it was him, because even though he had humiliated me, I still loved him, still wanted to kiss him, to make love to him.

Stepping out of my bed, I pulled back the drape, and looked out. It was him. My heart fluttered, I couldn't breathe. Opening the door, I let the cool air fill my lungs and the wind whip my hair out of my face. It was a cool October night and I couldn't help but shiver, but it was this shiver that made me realise that how he had hurt me, really was unacceptable, unforgivable in fact. Though I couldn't bring myself to leave his eyeline.

"Gabi" he said, climbing up to reach me

I wanted to hit him.

"What" I growled, sounding as angry as my mind would allow

"I'm so sorry"

I scoffed, I may be in love with him, but I wasn't stupid, I know when I was being played. That apology was going to go in the category of most convincing smooth talking. But he wouldn't pull the wool over me yet, I wouldn't give in, no matter how much my body ached for his kiss.

"You really expect me to believe that" I asked, hoping I wouldn't show that I wanted to believe it and go and jump on him and make out with him

"No" he said, hanging his head "I don't know what to do"

Good acting. Pfff. Yeah Right was my inital reaction. Since when did the stud need any help with the fairer sex?

"I'll tell you what" I said, wishing I didn't have to, but for my pride, I had to "You can help me, you can make me hate you less if you leave"

His eyes were pleading, like they had never been before, they were enthralling and I was finding it hard to escape the pools of blue that glinted in the light of the streetlights. I wanted to kiss him, to have him in my bed, right here, but I couldn't because he didn't love me, no matter how good an act he put on, no matter how much I told myself ,I couldnt believe what came out of his mouth, I knew that when I really came down to a decision, with rational thought on my side, that I had to get on with my life, without him.

"Please" he was on his knees "You don't know how much I regretted that"

"Get up" I spat

He got to his feet quickly. He would do anything I asked now. And I couldn't fall for it, because, given the choice I know that I would do it all over again. I would kiss him and regret it, I would make love to him and regret it, I would do anything he asked me, but I had to detach myself because he was bad news for me, a bad move. It would make me lose, and I felt that I had already lost, I had let him in my life, and that was spinning out of control, he had won, could he not let me alone, to be myself, so that I could be normal. I had lost he had won. What was he attached to me for? I fell for him, he could tell his friends, that I was willing to sleep with him, he had gotten under my skin and I lost. Wasn't it enough?

"I'm sorry" he repeated, putting his hand to my cheek

I let it there momentarily, feeling the roughness of his skilled hands on my soft cheek, but then I pushed it away, knowing that I wouldn't be able to control my next actions if it stayed there.

As he stood back, his eyes began to tear up, his voice cracking in places.

"Go" I managed to choke out

But he stayed.

"Leave" I asked my voice catching in my throat

"No" was what he managed to say, through the tears

"Will you go" I pleaded

He shook his head "I'm not going until you come with me" he pleaded

I shook my head "I'm not going anywhere with you"

His tears continued to flow "Please"

Why wouldn't he leave "I'm not going" I shouted

"Gabi" he said, taking my hand and kissing it

All logical thought was lost, he was standing here, pleading with me, crying and I knew that I couldn't do this, but yet I wanted to. I didn't know what to believe anymore. I wanted to be with him, to go where he asked, like before, but yet I wanted him to go and leave me alone.

"Where would you take me to" I asked, all logic failing me

"Just trust me" he pleaded

So in my pjs, I stood, unaware of where he might take me, of what I wanted to do, the cold getting to me. I would not and could not trust him as far as I could throw him, which wasn't very. I was confused, more confused than I had been in my entire seventeen years. "I can't"

"Just this once" he sighed, pulling me further into the night

I ended up in his car, wearing a very embarrassing pair of pjs, and thinking how stupid I was for letting myself do this. I knew that it was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn't help but stare. After a silent drive we arrived at our destination, which surprised me, I didn't think of here.

It was the dance studio, but it was lit with a soft glow and he was silent as he pulled me out of the car. We walked in silence across to the dance studio, where he let me in. The room shocked me, it was lit with hundreds of tiny tea lights, some aglow, others had gone out from the time had tried to get me here, there was a small blanket in the corner, and I wasn't sure where he was going with this.

But I didn't get time to think, as he placed a gentle but emotional kiss on my lips, my world began to spin at an alarming rate. He pulled away, looking into my eyes, his face sullen, serious, I couldn't decipher the exact emotion that he had. I still wondered if he was planning on anything tonight, I told myself that I was only here to get him out of my face, so that he would leave me alone, but I knew that it was a lie, I was here because I couldn't stay away, because in the end I would do anything he asked me to. I was weak.

He gave me one last look "I love you"