CONQUEST
Chapter 12: Imoment
Disclaimer: I own nothing
An: Please review, on with the story..
I woke up the next morning, numb. I had gone home that day. Troy hadn't called or maybe I hadn't been here, either way, we weren't speaking, he knew that it was over. But yet I didn't want to be.
I turned over in my bed, I was numb, cold and sore. I had been crying to the point where I just didn't have any more tears left. I promised I would never cry over somebody, I hoped that I wouldn't love him enough to cry, but I did, and boy I cried.
The light of the morning peered through the windows, and I rubbed my eyes. It was an unfriendly light, yet it was a light to let me know that I had to get up. It was the weekend and I had a lot of homework to do, not that I was thinking clearly enough to even do very much, but I had to make a start.
I opened the doors on my balcony and stepped out onto it, letting the fresh air, clear my head, even if it was only momentarily. The heat from the sunlight, filled me up from the tips of my dainty hands to the top of my raven black curly hair. I shook my head and headed back inside, heading to the bathroom in haste. I knew that I had to be clean, even if I didn't feel like it. I felt so unclean, the touch of his hands lingered on my skin, it made me shiver that I let him have that hold over me, though I hated to admit it, he still did.
I closed my eyes as I stepped underneath the shower, letting the hot water wash clean my wounds, that I knew would never heal. My head was filled with thoughts of him. How I wanted him right here, right now. He was like a migraine that wouldn't ease. Always there, controlling me. Just when I thought I had him sorted out in my head, he goes and drops this bomb on me. I was going to end up in a mental home, if he kept going the way he was going.
I had never been so confused by anybody in my life. But for two blissful days we were happy. I was happy, content and not confused. But here he was again doing it to me. Keeping me hostage to him, not letting me go. I felt so trapped. All I wanted to do was sleep, though that never heped much because whenever I tried to go asleep, it took hours (and several sleeping tablets) later before I could go.
I got out of the shower, slowly wrapping a towel around my waist. I shivered at the coldness that swept across me, but I couldn't help but feel refreshed. I headed to my room, taking out the nearest pair of sweats and jumper I could find. I didn't need to make an effort. Not that I ever really did.
Pulling out the books from my bag, I wondered if I would ever be happy again, like the way I used to be. Ugh. Sex complicates everything, I mean, look at the sex addicts-the teen parents. The broken hearts. The criminality of it all. I wanted to shoot every man's testicles off at the moment with the way I was feeling. It wouldn't bother me if I got shot for it, it would be worth it, save every woman from the pain of a man.
That was the rational side talking though. I wasn't feeling very rational though, my other side was reminding me of Troy, of how caring he could be. After two hours of trying to do homework, I slammed the book closed and headed out the door. To the park. I needed some air, some freedom. The wind whipped around me as I pulled my jacket from my waist and onto my body. I looked like crap. But I didn't care. Who was there to impress? Me, myself and I. That was it.
The leaves on the trees were beginning to shed their leaves, reminding me that it was no longer summer and that I was no longer really ever going to be free. I would have to work, take on every responsibility I could and still be okay to have a boyfriend. Though the last part didn't seem to appealing. None of it did to be honest.
I found a bench at the end of the pathway, which meandered on and on through the park and sat down, gladly taking in the fresh air that spiraled around me. I closed my eyes, gladly and breathed in deep, trying to push away all of my worries, all of the Troy memories I had. In the background I could hear his voice, clear and fresh. Ugh. I sighed to myself, I really was going crazy. I shook my head and opened my eyes. I laughed quielty to myself at my madness.
But the voice was getting stronger and I shook my head vigoursly
"Gabi" the voice called
Ugh. Voice go away. I groaned
"Gabi" the voice called again
leave me alone
It was coming closer now, I couldn't deny that I was not hearing voices anymore. Because I knew that he was near. He was somewhere.
"Mon Jakey we'll go say hi to the nice lady"
I whipped my head around, who was Jakey and why were they coming over to me . I began to panic
"Hi" Troys voice came
I was too afraid to look "Hi" I answered
"I wanted to introduce you to somebody" he smiled, gesturing towards the little boy on his leg
"Troy" I whispered, "I don't need this"
He shook his head. He wasn't hearing any of it. "I know that I was wrong Gabi, but I want to make it right"
"You can leave" I mentally kicked myself
"Let me introduce you to the best little guy on the planet" he smiled, as the child looked at him
"Troy, leave" I managed, getting up to go
"This is my son, Jake" I winced at the words
"Dada" he said, clamering at Troy
"Ssh Jakey its ok" he said picking him up in his arms
I looked at Jake and I could see that he was so like Troy, from the cobalt blue eyes to the sallow skin, he was definately Troy's. Though I couldn't help but be awed at the cuteness of the child. It still didn't make up for what he had done to me. Troy had betrayed me, lied to me. About a human life, it was something so unforgivable, yet I needed to forgive him. He seemed so sorry.
I didn't know what to do. The path stretched out before me, so tempting to just walk away. Though I found myself glued to the spot, he had drawn me in and I could feel the wave of confusion wash over me again.
"I wanted to say how sorry I was" he sighed "I love you Gabi"
"You should have told me" I whispered, looking into the orbs that couldn't get me out of
"I know, but Gabi, Jake had nothing to do with how I feel about you, I have never loved anybody the way I love you"
"Words" was all I could say, though it was enough in the present situation
"I may have a child, but it doesn't stop me from living my life" he said, kissing Jakes head to soothe him
"But you should have told me, I wouldn't have run"
He shook his head "That's what they all say"
"Troy I know that you get it on a weekly basis so please" I said, trying to not fall for it
"Yes but they didn't know"
"I'm sure they did" I sighed
"Okay fine, they knew, and they ran after they slept with me, so that's why I decided that I would just use them for fun"
I nodded, trying to take it all in. But it was too hard. He was telling me the truth. Or I thought he was. He seemed so genuine. But then again, he was a good actor.
"Am I any different" I asked, wanting to believe him
"I would never use you, I love you" he said "I mean I cried when we made love, does that not tell you anything"
"Why are you bringing it up" I asked
"Because I'd never made love before" and then he kissed me, so gently that I thought he was going to break into a million tiny fragments at any moment
I pulled away, he was so confusing. I looked at his baby in his arms. The child looked back at me, straight into my eyes and I knew that all my confusion had melted away again, even if it was only for a moment.