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Part Five

"Sammy? What are you doing here?" Instinctively I reached for Oliver's arm.

"I know you came to the set today." He stepped closer. "I saw you feeding the monkeys donuts from the refreshment table. You shouldn't have given one to Samson. He's on a low-carb diet."

"Ahah! So you were there! Why didn't you talk to me?"

"Because I was mad at you for last night. But then I realized you must have feelings for me after all, if you snuck on set just to catch a glimpse of me."

"Wait – what?" Oliver interrupted. " You went to see him? After you spent all that time trying to get rid of him?"

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but nothing came out.

"'For stony limits cannot hold out love, and what love can do that dares love attempt.'" Sammy quoted. "She could not contain her love for me, and so she sought me out in secret. I feel your loss deeply, Mike. 'One fire burns out another's burning. One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish.'" He took my hand and pressed a thorn-less rose into my palm.

Oliver gave Sammy a dirty look. "Haven't you run out of quotes by now? Geez, how long is the play?"

"There are 25,409 words to be exact, so–"

"Woah, slow down there, pal." Oliver clapped him on the shoulder. "You need to branch out. Try some new authors. Variety is the spice of life. And you –" He turned to me. "Make up your mind, will you? Either you like him or you don't."

"I don't! I swear it! The only reason I went to the set was because –" I bit my lip, trying to think fast. "Because I wanted to write a piece on it for my creative writing class. Think about it. 'Romeo: The Later Years.' They had elephants and monkeys and African huts and people with paint all over their faces. And hey look, I learned a new dance." I waved my arms wildly in the air and jumped around like I'd seen on a TV show once. "It's cool, huh? I even snuck a peak at Samson's script. He's playing the role of the monkey king who lays out a banana trail leading Romeo to his lover. How can that not make for a good story? My A+ is in the bank."

I could tell Oliver was debating whether or not to believe me. Sammy clearly didn't care one way or the other.

"It's okay," he soothed. "I can see that your attraction to me is still on a subconscious level. The very deepest part of your soul sent you to me today. You want me, but you don't want to want me."

"Dude, do you listen to yourself when you talk?" Oliver asked.

"Sometimes, but that can get confusing."

Oliver shook his head in disbelief.

"Mike and I need to have a little pow-wow - now." I steered Oliver toward the waves.

Sammy followed on our heels, so I turned around and pushed him onto the sand. "Sit and stay, Romeo. I'll be back to deal with you in a minute."

Mom had told me once that there were two ways to do everything. The honest way, and the dishonest way. Tricking Oliver into being my boyfriend was the dishonest way. Coming straight out and telling him I liked him would be the honest way. I knew what I had to do, what I should do – and yet it was the scariest thing in the world. I would've rather sung at a thousand concerts in front of tens of thousands of people, than admit to my best friend I liked him.

And so the dishonesty had to continue.

"Oliver, please help me."

He rubbed his temples. "Girls are exhausting. I need another hot dog."

"Is that a yes?"

"Um, let me think – no."

"Great, thank you!" I squeezed his arm happily, then realized what he'd said. "Wait - what? Why not?"

"I told you already, Mike doesn't have girlfriends. Last night was a one-time deal."

"But…but why?" I whimpered.

"Because of my reputation, duh." He fixed the angle of his baseball cap, then started making strange rap noises. "I'm Mike I like to party, chillin' playin' eatin' hearty, and those girls they aren't so smarty, 'cause I'm freaky freaky freaky freaky cool."

I stared at him, momentarily speechless and somehow ridiculously amused. "Again I ask, what reputation? Oliver, please, I really need your help. You can break up with me later. It's just for tonight, just to get rid of Sammy."

"That's what you said last night."

"Well, I didn't know he'd come back!"

Oliver thought for a minute. "I still haven't gotten my payment, you know."

"Fine. I'll send you two platters of salmon rolls, and –" I grabbed a girl who was walking by us in shorts and a bikini top. "Hey, sweety, what's your name?"

"Katie." She smiled.

"Katie, nice to meet you. This is Mike. He's a good kisser. Yeah, that's right. Now stop staring and go tell your friends. Go on! Tell everyone!" I shooed her away and turned back to Oliver. "There. Satisfied?"

He looked at me oddly. "You must really want to get rid of Sammy."

Oh, did he still not have a clue? "Are you in or not?"

"Oh, all right. But I want the salmon rolls delivered by mid-week."

Sammy jumped up as we approached. "You two have a very volatile relationship. If I didn't want you to break up I would suggest couple's therapy. I can recommend a great counselor. She helped my parents when they were fighting over where to put my great grandma's urn. Dad wanted it over the fireplace and Mom wanted it in the bedroom."

"They fought over that and they're still together?" I raised an eyebrow.

"No, they got divorced. That's not a good example, is it?" He rubbed his chin. "But she also helped me through my problems. I used to suffer from anxiety, mental instability, and a fear of expressing myself."

"Really…" Oliver muttered. "Who would've guessed?"

"But now I'm a new man, and I won't let fear keep me from pursuing my own happiness."

Oliver folded his arms over his chest. "Have you ever thought about getting a dog? Dogs makes people happy. I had a dog once." He looked down sadly. "He choked on a pretzel and died."

"I thought Bruno was your dog," I said.

"No, Bruno is our cat."

"He's a cat!?"

"Hard to believe, hmm? I blame it on Mom's stuffed peppers."

Sammy ignored our little interlude. "Why would I want a dog when I could see Hannah's beautiful face every day? 'He that is strucken blind cannot forget the precious treasure of his eyesight lost.' She is more beautiful every time I see her."

"You just saw her five minutes ago," Oliver protested.

"And now her cheeks are glowing. Ah, 'men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze.'"

"Sammy, what part of 'I have a boyfriend' do you not understand?" I was really getting frustrated. The guy just wouldn't quit. He was like the energizer bunny, only without the fuzzy ears.

"Boyfriends come and go," he said. "The average high school relationship lasts four weeks. Probably less for you two. But what we have, Hannah, it will last forever."

That was it. Sammy was going down.

"The only thing that's gonna last forever is the screaming in my head!" I grabbed his shirt collar and yanked him toward me. "Listen up, Mister. If you don't make like a three-legged possum and skedaddle, I'm gonna duct tape you to a pole and stick you in the middle of the paintball crossfire. They can use you for target practice."

Oliver cleared his throat. "Um, Hannah…they're not playing anymore."

"Not helping."

"Sorry."

"So what's it gonna be, Sammy? A quick getaway, or a mouthful of paint?"

He gazed at me with stars in his eyes. "I would swim across a sea of paint if it meant you were on the other side."

This was one of those times when I really wanted to try out one of Roxie's puma kicks.

"Ugh! I can't take this anymore." I glared at Oliver. "You fix him!"

"All right, all right. I've got this one. You just sit back and watch. Smoken Oken's gonna turn Sammy's hopin' into mopin'." He straightened his clothes and casually approached the little devil. "Whatup, Romeo? I think it's time you and I had a talk, man to man. You're going about this all wrong. Girls these days, they aren't looking for poetry and flowers."

"They aren't?"

"No, 'course not. They're all about having fun. Take my girl here for instance." He sidled up next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. "I didn't do a single romantic thing to win her over. Not one. You wanna know how I did it? I reeled her in with a freaky fresh rap, a funny joke, and a fruit fly impression that was so realistic, she came after me with a fly swatter."

"A fly swatter!" I growled into his ear.

"Do you want me to help, or not?"

"Fine."

Sammy pondered Oliver's words of wisdom. "So you're saying that if I give up Shakespeare and tell jokes instead, I can win Hannah's heart?"

"No, I'm saying that if you leave now, I won't have to hit you."

"What?"

Oliver rolled his eyes. "Sammy, my point is that girls are different than they were in the sixteenth century. Your best bet is to just sit back and let them come to you. In fact, if you smile a lot, keep your hair brushed, and say absolutely nothing at all, they'll flock to you like a bee to a honeycomb. The less you do, the better. That's my philosophy."

"Great advice, Dr. Phil," I muttered.

Sammy thought a moment longer, then shook his head. "But I don't care about other girls! I only want Hannah!"

"Well you can't have me, so get over it!" I grabbed Oliver's hand. "Come on Mike, let's go."

"Remember, be the honeycomb." Oliver winked at him as we turned away.

"Wait!" Sammy cried desperately. "I haven't told you about all my special talents! I can sing Mozart operas and play the ukulele. I can name all fifty states and their capitals in alphabetical order – forward and backwards." He chased after us. "I was champion at the state putt-putt competition. I even speak Chinese. Hannah, don't go!"

We lost him in the crowd, but I heard his shrilly voice over the chatter around us, and it sent chills down my spine.

"'A plague on both your houses!' You will regret the day you turned your back on Samuel Jonathan Wright Forster!"

Oliver seemed oblivious to Sammy's threat – he went straight for the hot dogs. I tagged along after him, worrying about Sammy but not knowing what else to do. So far all he had done was make himself a complete nuisance. Maybe that was all he had in him.

Or maybe not.

Tracy's voice came blaring over a speaker system and interrupted my thoughts. "Okaaay everyone, it's tiiime for the annual Marshmallow Warz contessst. Would the first contestants pleeease step up!"

Marshmallow Warz contest? What in Uncle Earl's name was that?

Someone seized my wrist and shoved me none too gently toward the bonfire. It was Lilly.

"You and me," she said, eyes narrowed. "Let's have at it."

"Have at what?" I tried to pry her hand off my wrist.

"Oh, I think you know." She stuck a marshmallow stick in my hand and speared it through a plump marshmallow.

This was turning out to be a very stressful evening.

Lilly gave a thumbs up to Lupe, who was holding a green flag and had a whistle in his mouth.

"Wait, I don't even know how to play!"

"It's easy, Hannaaah," Tracy explained. "The first one to catch their opponent's maaarshmallow on fire wins."

Lupe blew his whistle, waved his flag, and the games began.

Lilly hit my stick with hers, pushing it over the fire. She looked all wild and fierce.

"I don't even remember what we're fighting about!" I snapped my stick out of the fire, then dove back in to attack hers.

"Then you better start remembering! 'Cause you're goin' doooown!" She caught hold of my arm with both hands and held my marshmallow stick firmly over the flames. Instantly it caught fire, and she shrieked in triumph.

"Hey, isn't that against the rules?" I demanded while doing the same exact thing to her. Both of our marshmallows burned up and fell into the fire.

"Stop wasting them!" Oliver cried. He tried to fish them out with his own stick.

Lilly and I ignored him. By now we were attacking other things – our hair, our clothes, our jewelry. We tumbled onto the ground and went rolling.

"Ooooh, watch out for my umbrellaaa!" Tracy called after us.

The crowd cheered. Half were chanting Lola, the other half Hannah. I wondered briefly how Lilly had gotten so many fans.

"Lola, this is crazy," I said, pinning her down. She kneed me in the stomach, and we tumbled again. And again.

Finally Oliver grabbed me by the waist and picked me up off of Lilly. She started to lunge at me, but Lupe caught her. The guys held us as we glared back at each other.

"Say you're sorry," Oliver commanded.

"No!" We shouted in unison.

"Well, you're not going anywhere until you do. I've got all night. You, Lupe?"

"Si."

Lilly and I stared each other down for a long moment, and then at last I caved. "Fine. I'm sorry."

Lilly's nose twitched. "I guess I'm sorry, too."

"Now give each other a hug." Oliver pushed me toward Lilly.

No sooner were my arms around her when she clutched onto me like a little girl, sad and fragile. I heard her whimpering. "I'm sorry," she squeaked.

All the tension left my body, and I held her close. "Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry for ruining everything. I was just trying to help. I thought the orange index cards were a really good idea. I even made little hearts over the i's, and –"

"Shh, it's okay," I said quickly, not wanting her to say anything else in front of Oliver. I smoothed her hair against her back. "I know you were trying to help. You're the best friend a girl could ever want. I'm sorry, too."

When her tears were dried up, I stood back and released her. I noticed her shirt was torn along the shoulder strap. "Oh, Lola, this was your favorite shirt."

She looked pitiably down at it.

"Why don't you go back to my house and pick something else out from you-know-where." I winked at her.

She brightened instantly. "Ooooh! Lola likey!"

After Lilly trotted off, I turned my attention back to Oliver. He had a marshmallow stick in each back pocket, both filled to the top with roasted marshmallows.

"Mike, what are you –"

"Shh!" He took my hand and started pulling me down the beach. "This party's about to get busted," he explained. "I saw the police car."

"And you stole the marshmallows so we can wave them in surrender when we're caught?"

"No." He picked up a jog. "Gabby and Davie wanted to make a sandcastle out of them, so I had to rescue them."

Why did I even bother to ask sometimes?

We came to a quiet part of the beach and stood where the waves crept up around our toes. Oliver pulled out the marshmallow sticks and handed one to me. The gesture was so simple, so sincere, that it sent goosebumps all over my skin.

We ate the marshmallows in silence, then started laughing when we heard the sirens down the beach. I liked Oliver's laugh. It was the happiest laugh I had ever heard.

"Are you gonna eat the last one?" Oliver looked at the lone marshmallow on my stick. "It's calling my name."

"Not so fast, Mister. It called my name first." I slid the marshmallow off my stick and opened my mouth as if to eat it. At the last second I stopped and shoved it onto Oliver's nose.

"Hey!" He jumped back. "What are you doing?" He scooped the goop off his face and smeared it across my forehead.

"Now who's wasting marshmallows?" I teased. I started toward him again, intending to retaliate –

And tripped over my own two feet. I landed face first in the sand.

Oliver laughed as I sat back on my knees and spit the sand out of my mouth. "If it helps," he said, "you look cute when you're all grainy."

"Not funny. I'm gonna smell like beach sand all week." I brushed it off my face.

"Hey, I know what will get rid of the sand smell." He kneeled in front of me.

"What?"

With a big grin he dropped a piece of seaweed onto my hair.

"Eww! Gross!" I jumped up, swatting at my hair until the seaweed fell off. Then I started swatting at him. "You're gonna pay for this!"

He took both my hands in his to quiet me, and I fell abruptly silent. Oh God, he was like six inches away. I felt the blood rushing in my ears, felt the tingling in my hands. It would've been so easy to just lean forward and –

A burst of light flashed from nowhere, and we both jumped back. Then another flash, and another.

The paparazzi!

I grabbed Oliver's shirt and dragged him along as I ran up the beach. We passed a group of on-lookers, and I saw in their midst a tall blond-haired guy with bright blue eyes.

And his evil grin reached from ear to ear.