In Memory's Wake Chapter 13: Some sort of joke, a harry potter fanfic

Title: In Memory's Wake
Author: Cocoa-Snape (aka CocoaSnape)
Pairing: Snape/Harry
Disclaimer: No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

In Memory's Wake by CocoaSnape

Chapter 13: Some sort of joke

For the two men waiting in the main ward of the hospital wing, it felt as though Poppy Pomfrey was taking an eternity to emerge with some word on her patient's condition. Harry was pacing back and forth anxiously in front of the Headmaster, who was seated on the edge of one of the beds that normally reserved for infirmed students. The ward was empty and quite dark, the only light coming from a lamp in Poppy's open office.

Dumbledore glanced once again at his pocket-watch and found it was approaching 5 o'clock. It had been a long night. He'd been up very late thinking about how he was going to work around Severus's refusal of therapy. After coming to no useful conclusions on the matter, he'd forced himself to go up to bed. He'd been asleep less than an hour before Harry's Patronus had woken him, delivering the boy's frantic message about Severus's collapse.

They'd been waiting for almost thirty minutes now, and although Dumbledore knew that Poppy's examinations were always quite thorough, his worry was increasing by the minute, along with his fatigue. Harry looked positively exhausted himself.

A moment later, Poppy entered the room. Both men's gazes shot up.

"From my limited examination, he appears to have suffered no injury. I'll know more when he wakes up. Headmaster, may I speak with you a moment?"

"Of course."

Dumbledore entered Poppy's office, leaving Harry to wait restlessly outside. She closed the door after him. The medi-witch had no idea that Harry and Severus were lovers, but even if she had, she wouldn't have discussed her findings with the young man. Severus had long ago listed Dumbledore as next of kin on his medical records, permitting her to discuss his health with the Headmaster if warranted.

"How is he, Poppy?"

"Considering he sustained no injuries during this collapse, I have to confess, I'm a bit surprised to find him in such a poor state." She paused a moment before continuing, "For one thing, he's undernourished. I've given him a general vitamin infusion and a nutritional supplement. My scans also detected some mild liver toxicity, which I've also treated. When I ran a generic scan for toxins to eliminate that as a cause, I was stunned by the results."

Dumbledore could guess at once what Poppy had found.

"He had countless potions in his system, and at truly astounding levels. Everything from Anti-anxiety to Dreamless Sleep to Draught of the Living Death. Needless to say, these are all highly addictive, potent substances that should not be taken together and certainly not at the concentrations I found. Do you have any idea what would prompt Severus to do such a thing?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath before replying solemnly, "I'm afraid so, Poppy, but unfortunately I cannot discuss it."

"Well," the medi-witch continued, unfazed by Dumbledore's lack of explanation, "he's very lucky he didn't accidentally kill himself."

Despite his suspicions of Severus having been overmedicating himself, Dumbledore was still surprised to hear the extent to which Severus had gone in the past few days to dull his pain. And Poppy's words prompted him to wonder if perhaps Severus had tried to silence the pain in the ultimate way. A suicide attempt was not in Severus's character – but then again, his mental state had been radically altered after the incident with Voldemort.

Given all that Poppy had told him, Dumbledore was relieved that he had not left Severus's life to something so trivial as luck, as Poppy put it. Although Severus hadn't known it, a few days ago, Dumbledore had managed to elicit the relevant words from him. Along with a properly timed incantation on Dumbledore's part, the oath had been binding.

"Severus, promise me you won't do anything else to hurt yourself."

"Alright, but I need… I need you to do something for me."

"In return for you not harming yourself?" Dumbledore asked in astonishment. "If you're trying to inspire my confidence, my boy, you're not succeeding."
"Stop being so dramatic, Albus. I'm not going to kill myself if that's what you're implying."

"Promise me."

"Fine, fine," Snape replied dismissively.

"I need to hear you say it, Severus."

"For Merlin's sake," Snape sighed. "I won't kill myself, alright? Now will you do me that favor?"

It'd been enough. Dumbledore would have preferred Severus's word that he not harm himself in any way, but without telling Severus his intentions, he'd been content that his friend was safe from irreparable injury as he used the time to find Severus an appropriate therapist to treat him.

For all his wise years, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had no idea how close he'd come to losing his friend – how it was by that oath alone that Severus had not been able to drink that second vial of Living Death, which would have most certainly left him in an irreversible coma.

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Harry was beside himself with worry by the time Dumbledore entered the ward.

"How is he?"

"Madam Pomfrey says he appears to be fine. We'll know for certain how he is after he wakes. But in the meantime, Madam Pomfrey would like to hear your recounting of what happened on the tower. As would I."

A minute later they were in Poppy's office and Harry was struggling for the words to describe the horrible events of only an hour before.

"He was so upset. I've never seen him like that – his eyes were kind of glazed over and he looked like he was about to fall over. He kind of stumbled and so I tried to help him, but he pushed me away. I tried to tell him it would be alright, but that only seemed to upset him more. The more I said, the worse he got. I see that now. I should have left. I wasn't thinking," Harry almost sobbed.

"It's alright, Harry," Dumbledore said gently, trying to reassure the young man.

"And what exactly were you two talking about that caused Professor Snape to become so agitated?" Pomfrey asked.

"Uhmm…" Harry struggled for an answer, and said the first thing that came to mind. "My Potions homework." He winced at the ridiculousness of his answer and looked sheepishly at Dumbledore, who gave him an encouraging nod.

"Potions homework?" Pomfrey replied incredulously. "He was that agitated over Potions homework?"

"You don't know how he gets when it comes to our assignments," Harry tried to insist.

"What happened just before he collapsed?"

"I begged him not to… not to fail me. To give me another chance. Not right away," Harry hastened to explain, eyeing Dumbledore intently. "I mean on the next assignment. I didn't mean to…"

Harry was close to tears now as the import of what had happened hit him once again. He was certain that this was entirely his fault.

Dumbledore, sensing Harry's anguish, stood and placed his hand on the boy's shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze. Harry's tears fell freely.

The medi-witch looked totally dumbfounded. "Mr. Potter, this is not your fault."

"Madam Pomfrey is right, Harry," Dumbledore whispered behind him, the words causing Harry's chest to constrict.

"What happened just before Professor Snape collapsed?" Pomfrey asked.

"He started to shake and then I saw he was falling. I caught him before he hit the ground."

"Are you sure he didn't hit his head?"

"Positive. I caught him." Harry hesitated a moment before asking, "Can I see him when he wakes up? I mean, only if he's feeling up to it. Never mind, he probably won't want to see me. Forget it," Harry finished anxiously.

"Perhaps we should leave that decision up to Professor Snape," Dumbledore offered gently, knowing that the last thing Severus would want to do is see Harry.

"Of course," Harry replied. Harry eyed the Headmaster, who was standing serenely next to him. He couldn't understand how Dumbledore could be so calm at a time like this.

The elder wizard was anything but calm. He didn't want to add to Harry's agitation, but learning the circumstances surrounding Severus's collapse had served to only heighten his concern. He would have much preferred it if Severus had stumbled and hit his head on the stone, if that had been the cause of his unconsciousness. But from Harry's simplistic description, it sounded very much to Dumbledore that Severus had suffered a mental breakdown that had precipitated his collapse. And if that was indeed the case, Severus would not be well when he woke. Far from it.

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It was with great anxiety that Dumbledore waited for Severus to awaken. With his permission, he'd viewed Harry's memory of the events on the tower that had triggered Severus's collapse. Harry's reluctance to show Dumbledore the memory was overshadowed by his desire to help his lover in any way that he could.

To Dumbledore's dismay, the memory had only confirmed his suspicions that Severus had suffered some sort of mental breakdown. He'd asked Harry to wait outside in the main ward while he and Poppy waited for Severus to regain consciousness.

Dumbledore could see the first rays of the sun peeking out from the horizon, and he wondered how this day would unfold itself.

The moment Severus began to stir, Poppy was shining the illuminated tip of her wand in his eyes and Dumbledore could hear Severus's protests.

"How are you feeling, my boy?"

"Besides blind, you mean?" Snape retorted.

"Severus, stop being such a baby," Pomfrey responded at once, accustomed to the Potions Master's terse demeanor. "Now answer the question."

Snape took a deep breath and propped himself up on an elbow. He immediately winced and grabbed his head. "I have a horrible headache."

"I'll get you something for that," Pomfrey offered and retrieved a vial of Snape's own Headache Reducer. "Any other symptoms?"

"Hmm, I don't think so. I'm starving."

"Well that sounds like a good sign," Dumbledore said, smiling broadly as Severus not being any worse for the wear. It was a profound relief after expecting the worst for the better part of two hours.

"So, is either one of you going to tell me why I'm here?" Snape asked.

"You don't remember?" Dumbledore asked.

"No."

"That's perfectly normal," Pomfrey chimed in. "Given the stress Albus mentioned you've been under, a mild retrograde amnesia surrounding your collapse is to be expected."

"You collapsed on the Astronomy Tower, Severus. Does that ring a bell?"

"No. Sorry."

"Can you tell me the date, Severus?" Pomfrey asked.

"March 10."

Pomfrey nodded and continued, "Can you tell me what you've been covering in your first year lesson plans this week?"

"That's not a very good question as their rudimentary curriculum makes it such that I've been covering the same thing this week of March for the past 16 years, but we've been reviewing simple analgesics."

"Well then what about with your seventh years?" Poppy asked.

"I believe we just finished Ageing Potion and are in the process of beginning preparations to study the Draught of Peace."

"Is that right, Headmaster?" Pomfrey asked.

"Hmm…" Dumbledore said thoughtfully, "Unfortunately I don't know Severus's lesson plans."

As Pomfrey conferred with the Headmaster about that, Snape was staring at them with amused fascination. "Perhaps," he suggested, cutting through their conversation, "it might be helpful to your diagnostic examination of my person if you ask me questions to which you actually know the answers," he finished with a satisfied smirk.

"I don't know, Headmaster," Poppy said with a smirk of her own, "but he seems alright to me."

Dumbledore smiled. "You do seem better than I've seen you in many days, Severus."

"So I can go back to my quarters then?"

"Not so fast, Severus. I still have a few more tests. But you should be free in an hour or so."

As Snape grunted his distaste at that proclamation, Dumbledore excused himself. "I'll be right back, Severus."

Dumbledore exited the private ward and headed through Poppy's office towards the main ward, knowing Harry was anxiously waiting for word about Severus.

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After reassuring Harry that Severus was doing well, Dumbledore urged him to go back to Gryffindor Tower and get some much needed rest. Dumbledore started back to the private word to bid Severus goodbye before going back to bed himself. He passed Poppy on the way.

"All done with the examination?"

"Everything looks good, Headmaster. I'm just going to get Mr. Potter now."

"Whatever for?"

"Well, he seemed rather insistent on seeing Professor Snape earlier."

"Poppy, I don't think it's wise to bring Harry in to see Severus just now."

"Severus said it was fine."

Dumbledore's eyes bulged. "He did?"

"Yes. When I told him Mr. Potter was anxious to see him, he said to bring him in. He said he was looking forward to it, in fact."

"I see. Alright then." Dumbledore couldn't quite believe what Poppy was telling him. Severus had spent the past week avoiding Harry and it was Harry's presence that had precipitated his collapse into unconsciousness. And now he was suddenly willing to see him? He wondered if Severus was pushing himself too far once again.

Dumbledore entered the private room and spoke without preamble. "Poppy tells me that you're willing to see Harry."

"Yes. This should be interesting."

"Interesting?"

"Yes, Poppy told me what happened before I collapsed. That he was responsible."

"You don't remember the conversation you were having with him?"

"No."

"You two were talking about your last Death Eater meeting."

"Excuse me?" Snape asked, obviously shocked. "Why the devil would I be discussing that with him?"

"It seems you finally took my advice and decided that it was the best way to gain closure with him on the matter."

"I don't understand. Why?"

"Well," Dumbledore replied, "what happened does concern him, after all."

"It does?" Snape asked, his expression blank.

Dumbledore took in his friend's confused expression and asked hesitantly, "Severus, do you remember the last Death Eater meeting you attended?"

"Of course I do. The Dark Lord was thrilled about my rescuing McNair, Malfoy, Wormtail, Avery and Dolohov from the raid we planned. He'd tortured them by the time I got there."

When Snape stopped, Dumbledore prodded, "And?"

"And what?"

"Severus, I know this is difficult, but you did black out. Please just tell me the rest."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Snape demanded.

"You remember nothing else from that meeting?" Dumbledore asked.

"No."

"I see," Dumbledore replied, somewhat stunned by this new development. "Poppy mentioned retrograde amnesia, but I assumed that was related to the collapse, not events of last week." Dumbledore paused a moment to consider what he'd just learned. Given the insurmountable stress he'd been under, it was obvious that Severus had blocked out the dreadful event altogether.

"So what exactly happened at this meeting?" Snape asked.

"We can discuss the particulars of that another time," Dumbledore replied, trying to change the subject. No need to reopen that wound immediately. Not when Severus appeared stable for the first time in over a week. "Poppy's bringing Harry in."

"And he wants to see me to discuss what happened at the meeting?" Snape asked.

"No. He's just worried about you, Severus, that's all," Dumbledore supplied, puzzled by Severus's strange attitude.

"Ah, I get it," Snape said, his eyes filling with sudden understanding. "This was some sort of prank! He's responsible and he wants to make sure I wasn't injured, wants to apologize so I don't give him a semester's worth of detentions."

"No…" Dumbledore began but then trailed off. Suddenly, the strangest idea entered his mind.

At that moment, Harry burst into the room. "Severus, thank God you're alright," he said, moving towards the bed where Severus lay.

"Severus?" Snape repeated, the tone of his voice too complicated to discern.

Harry had been far too worried about Severus to keep his distance now. Without thought, he reached his hand out to his lover's cheek. "I was so worried," he said as he stroked Severus's jaw with the backs of his fingers.

Snape smacked Harry's hand away sharply. "What the fuck is going on here?!" Snape snapped angrily. "Potter, are you drugged or something?"

Dumbledore's pulse had accelerated beyond measure. Everything was falling into place.

"Harry, please go wait in my office for me. The password is 'chocolate bunnies.'"

"But professor―"

"Harry, please, it's very important. Severus is not well."

"The hell I'm not!" Snape interjected sharply.

"Harry, this instant…" Dumbledore said firmly. One glance at the Headmaster convinced Harry he should listen and he left the room.

"Albus, what's going on?" Pomfrey asked.

"Severus," Dumbledore began, ignoring the medi-witch, "tell me about your memories of Harry over the last few months."

Snape's expression was somewhere between puzzled and wondering if the elder wizard had finally lost his marbles. Nonetheless, he knew better than to argue with the Headmaster, so he answered the question. "What is there to tell? Despite my best efforts, the boy's aptitude for Occlumency is as dismal as ever. He shows some promise in Defense, I'll reluctantly admit, but overall, he's been his usual irritating self."

Dumbledore's eyes widened. "I see." He'd been half-expecting such an answer, but hearing Severus speak about Harry this way after the way their relationship had progressed shocked him still. It took Dumbledore a long moment to process the import of Severus's words.

"Is there something else I should remember?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath as he considered his next question carefully. This was no time for discretion. If what he thought was true, then Poppy would need to know it as well. "Severus, am I to understand that you have no recollection of having a romantic relationship with Harry?"

In his peripheral vision, Dumbledore could see Poppy's eyes go wide, but it was Severus's expression that showed the greatest shock.

"Is this is some sort of joke?" Snape asked.

"No, Severus, it isn't."

Snape's expression was gravely serious as he studied his employer and friend for a long moment. Finally, he turned to the medi-witch and said seriously, "Poppy, I think you've got the wrong man in the hospital bed."

"Perhaps I do," she agreed.

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Author's note: It's an evil place to stop, I know…but I hope you'll forgive the cliffhanger of sorts.

The next chapter sees Dumbledore and Pomfrey trying to make sense of this (and explain it to us!). Also, Harry finally gets his chance to speak with Severus.

Thank you as always to Ketsurui and Molvanian Queen-In-Exile for the beta.

Feedback is always greatly appreciated.