From the second he got up this morning, House had this overbearing itch and knew a great deal of effort today would be required to scratch it. Over and over again. He hadn't felt this mischievous for a while, so today he was going to make up for it in spades.
First stop logically had to be Cuddy's office. He needed a basic warm up and pushing her buttons was the ticket. He performed his usual abrupt entrance and sat down, waiting with deep impatience for her to look up from her work and say something antagonistic.
After feeling House's deep glare pierce through her to the point where she could no longer ignore it, she gave in. "Just make your point House. I'm in meetings all day today."
"Cameron said she saw you and Wilson having lunch at the mall."
"And you aren't pestering Wilson over this because…"
"Because teasing you is more fun. She said you were looking pretty cozy."
"No she didn't."
"Okay, no, she didn't. She did say she had a nice chat with you both."
"It was a two minute hello. She mainly told us about her shopping for maternity clothes, which is something I brought up because of the large number of bags from maternity shops in her hand."
"That doesn't mean you weren't getting all friendly with Wilson. Come on, what charming stories did he tell you to get you to swoon all over him?"
"Not that its any of your business, but we mostly talked about what we always talk about, hospital stuff. There was also a disturbing image brought up about you running around wearing nothing but a diaper, but we won't go into that."
House smiled at her attempt to render him speechless. "I knew Wilson would share my secret fetish."
"Very funny. Now, was that all you wanted?"
"Nope."
"Well, get on with it."
"The negotiations are going too slow. Can't you use that killer instinct of yours to speed things up?"
Cuddy let out a deep sigh. She didn't have time for this, but if she didn't address his nosiness he would never go away. "These things take time, and considering it has little impact on you it's none of your concern."
"If it means I'm losing my two remaining fellows and needing the hire a whole new team, it is my business."
Cuddy actually couldn't argue with that point. "Fine, yes, THC is dragging their feet and Princeton General isn't bending. I'm not able to get anywhere, and neither is Pamela."
"Why are they dragging their feet? Diagnostics is not a money maker by a long shot."
"It's lipstick on a pig. It makes all the ugliness of the bottom line look very pretty when they see the statistics in terms of lives saved. It's a big sell to investors and donors."
"Ah, I see, they are reluctant to let it go because they don't want to share the prestige."
"Yep. This would all be so much easier if Dr. Chase wasn't so damn good at his job."
House gave a quick nod and got up, deciding he had enough of this conversation.
"I know that look," Cuddy chided suspiciously. "You're up to something. First sign of trouble and you'll be joining your fellows in private practice."
House got up and opened Cuddy's door. "Help, help, I'm being repressed!" he shouted out to the general open area.
"Since you've finally realized that this an autocracy and I'm supreme ruler, now you can go do your job." Cuddy wasn't taking any of his crap today.
House left with a smile and a feeling of satisfaction that his quest had been fulfilled. Cuddy put her head down on her desk. Now she couldn't finish her paperwork for sure. Her mind started running wild over all the possible scenarios that a scheming House could pursue just to make her life miserable.
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Cameron came back from the trip to the bathroom. Her doctor was right about one thing. The trips were less frequent in the second trimester. They still happened more than if she wasn't pregnant, but at least it could be worse. She sat down at the conference table to continue where she left off. Files were scattered about the table and she was ready to check out the new lab results. She looked down though and found something was missing.
"Missing something?" Foreman asked from the desk when he saw her looking all around.
"The lab results, they were right here. So was my pen."
"You sure you placed them there?"
"I'm positive." She frantically started leafing through each paper, hoping they got mixed in between.
"You must have put them somewhere. Let's face it, you've been a little forgetful lately."
"No, no, they were right here. I swear."
"Someone just handed me these," said a familiar voice coming from behind. House limped toward her. "They were found in the ladies room." He gave her the missing lab results and pen.
Cameron was shocked, not recalling at all taking those with her. "Sorry, it must be this pregnancy fog thing."
"Be careful, we have confidentiality to protect." Cameron nodded and continued with her study of the files.
House passed by Foreman and they shared a silent snicker before going about their business without another word.
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Chase looked at the number calling his cell phone. He didn't recognize it, but for some reason he was feeling adventurous. He had no reason to screen calls this morning.
"Uh, yes, is this Dr. Chase?" asked the remote voice.
"Yes."
"I was given your name and cell number by Greg House. My name is Bonnie Wilson. He said you were in the market for a realtor."
Chase grabbed the back of his neck, wondering what House was up to this time. "Uh, I suppose so. Did you say your name was Wilson? Any relation to-?"
"Second ex-wife. You are in luck, because I just got my realtor license and I am taking new clients."
"Oh…great," Chase said half-heartedly. He was so getting House for this.
"Is there a time we can get together?"
"I will need to talk with my wife. She works for House. It actually might be better to work through her. She's the decision maker." He knew Allison was going to kill him for that, but he had too much on his plate already.
"Maybe I'll stop by and introduce myself to her then. I have some personal business with James anyway."
"Great, my wife's name is Allison. I'm sure she'll be pleased to meet you." Chase fought back every urge to snicker even though he was setting himself up for big trouble.
"Thanks, you won't be sorry. I'll talk with you later Dr. Chase."
Chase closed his phone and felt both amused and fearful. He didn't know what wrath he feared worse, the pushy realtor or his angry wife. He would just have to deal with that later. Right now, he could laugh about it.
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Cameron came in wondering where in the world she misplaced her stethoscope. She could have sworn it was in her lab coat, but as she went to check the patient it was gone.
"What are you missing this time? Need some help scatterbrain?" House shouted from his office, noticing the search.
"No, got it." She said pouting as she spotted it sitting by the coffee pot. Strange, she hadn't been getting coffee lately. Why would she leave it there?
Wilson walked in right as a dazed was Cameron leaving. "She looks confused and mad."
"She keeps misplacing things."
"Pregnant women are supposed to be a little forgetful."
"Yeah and it gets worse when her boss and co-worker keep moving things on her."
Wilson couldn't avoid laughing at his friend's audacity. "She's going to figure it out and you guys will pay."
"We're already paying. Might as well have some fun while we are."
Wilson shook off his amusement, ready to get to the real reason for the visit. "I got an interesting call from Bonnie this morning."
"Bonnie?"
"You know, ex-wife number two, the one you maliciously sent over to Cameron and Chase."
House's big blue eyes lit up from his smile. He did do that, didn't he? "Oh yes. She needed help getting her real estate business started. Helping people is what I do."
"She's the worst realtor in New Jersey!"
"No wonder she divorced you. Give the girl a break, she needs a confidence booster."
"You're up to something."
House opened his mouth for the witty comeback but stopped himself. He guessed the repressed thing wouldn't work with Wilson. Too bad because it was damn good. "No, you and Cuddy are up to something."
Wilson's confused stance was pretty much the signal for House to further illuminate him.
"You two both came out of Dr. Stetson's office this morning. She having another fertility treatment? Why were you there?"
"None of your business, and none of your business."
"Come on, with you, everything is my business. You can tell me, or I can find out by being very sneaky and will feel resentment and betrayal later."
"Yes, because my most important goal here is to spare your feelings. Just let it go."
House laughed preciously. "You know that will never happen."
"Yep, but it felt good saying it." Wilson replied resignedly.
"Fine, enjoy your false sense of security right now. You know I'll find out what's going on eventually. Sadly though, I have another cause that I must stick my nose in where it doesn't belong. Tell me, what happens to the PPTH board members once the merger happens?"
"Certain members of our board will get seats on the new board."
"Do you get a seat?"
"No, that is going to be reserved for some of the more senior members. Cuddy probably will. Final approval still has to happen but I know who will be there to exert some influence for this hospital. Why are you asking this?"
House's roguish smile said it all. "I've got a plan."
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Everyone waited patiently in the nearby café wondering why they yet again agreed to one of House's secret meetings. Haven't they learned by now? If there was one guarantee, it was he never ceased to surprise them with his latest schemes. This one ought to be good.
House and Wilson entered through the door, covertly wearing sunglasses so not to be recognized.
"Sorry House, but the cane and the limp are a dead giveaway." Cameron said mocking his efforts.
"Yeah, but I look pretty cool." House limped over to a whiteboard that was sitting by the entrance. He dragged it gracelessly to the set of tables where everyone was gathered, generating a loud obnoxious screeching noise in the process from the easel legs grinding against the tile floor. The small gathering of patrons throughout the restaurant stared him down in contempt over their pleasant meal being disrupted.
"Take a picture, it lasts longer." House told them childishly.
"That's the whiteboard for the lunch specials." Cameron had to point out verbally what the others already concluded.
"Duh. Okay everyone, differential for a ham on rye."
"With or without cheese and lettuce?" Chase asked getting into the spirit of things.
"Why am I here? This sounds like your doctor stuff." Pamela was not in the mood to humor House today.
"Oh, this involves you." House erased the illegible chicken scratch that passed for lunch items and wrote at the top "other options". "We're a team, and things aren't moving fast enough. We need to band together and examine alternate strategies."
Everyone threw House a glare of intense skepticism. They weren't buying the act. "You only want less work." Pamela said.
"Okay, fine, I want less work. Does it matter, because we all win in the end."
"Why is Wilson here? He's on the board, isn't that a conflict of interest?" Foreman gazed at Wilson like he was poisonous.
"Officially, we aren't talking hospital business. We're planning a lunch menu."
"So ham and rye could be a code word?" Chase added, still hung up on the sandwich thing.
"That's a perfect idea. Glad you are using your brain for once. Okay, so what passes for ham on rye?"
They all looked at each other, waiting for someone to come up with a great suggestion. "I quit?" Chase said, not really wanting to do that but since it was a differential, all ideas were accepted.
"We go out on our own without hospital support, negotiating with other health networks." Pamela jumped in now ready to play.
House wrote down, 'Grilled Cheese.'
"We use blackmail." Foreman said, not really having anything to use but since off the wall ideas were being thrown out.
House copied out, 'Tuna Salad on Wheat.'
They all turned to Cameron, waiting for her contribution. "We do nothing and stay their slaves."
House wrote down, 'Veggie wrap.'
Chase shook his head. "I'm sorry, what was the Grilled Cheese again?"
Everyone moaned. "House we are getting nowhere with this. What do you have in mind?" Foreman was tired of his time being wasted.
"All right, don't play along." House put the cap on the marker, put it down and took a seat with the others. "I actually came with a plan. Why do you think Wilson is here?"
All eyes fell on Wilson, impatiently waiting for him to just tell them what was going on. Wilson rolled his eyes, wondering how he had gotten dragged into this mess. "I have contacts with the new board of directors. A few of the PPTH members are on the new board, and one key member was just referred to me as a patient. You need to take your case to the top."
"You want us to schmooze board members?" Chase wasn't exactly well gifted with networking. Gossiping yes, networking no.
"Why would they go along with our plan?" Pamela asked. "They don't want to see their prestige go private?"
"Princeton General doesn't. PPTH would be more than happy, especially if your practice was affiliated with the hospital and even setup shop in the adjacent medical building."
"So, friendly board members can pressure Princeton General to give up their property?" Cameron asked.
"Pressure won't be needed. They won't have a choice if there's a majority. It's the classic power struggle that happens with these corporate mergers. Until then, break all negotiations off."
Pamela actually liked what she was hearing from Wilson. "I never knew you were so wicked. It's always the quiet ones that seem harmless. So what do we do now?"
"I'll start introducing everyone to board members. You have to get to know these people well. Which one of you plays golf?"
All eyes instantly fell onto Chase. "I haven't played in years."
"But you've played."
"Yes, but-"
"Okay," House jumped in. "It looks like we are all set there. Foreman, it wouldn't hurt if you learned how to play."
"I get a free pass on this one. No rich well-established white board member expects the brother from the ghetto to know how to play golf. No such out for the rich white Aussie."
Wilson shrugged, knowing that was a copout, but accepting that Foreman had a point. "I'll setup different situations for each of you to meet board members, but we first start with golf on Saturday. There are two members that have regular tee off times at the Princeton Country Club. I'll be playing too."
"I don't own any clubs." Chase said moping over the idea that a part of his day off had to be spent with yet another ridiculous ritual.
"Don't worry, I have an extra set for you to use." Wilson assured.
"I love it when a plan comes together." House said rubbing his hands in delight. He looked at the board and got a rather strange look on his face.
"What's the matter?" Cameron asked.
"I'm hungry. Who wants a sandwich?"
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"Dr. Chase, this is Fred Whitman and Bernard Smith." Wilson handled the formal introductions as soon as they both arrived at the clubhouse.
"Barney," One guy said correcting Wilson as he held out his hand to Chase.
"Pleased to meet you both." Chase shook hands with both men and then it hit him. "Fred and Barney? Seriously?"
They both laughed. "That does get a lot of comments around here."
Chase already couldn't remember who was Fred and who was Barney. They both were grey haired old men dressed as typical golfers in ugly hats so it was hard to tell. One of them looked Chase over while laughing. "That's quite the shirt."
Chase looked down at his bright blue, florescent green, and brilliant yellow striped polo shirt. "Thanks mate." Chase knew it probably wasn't a compliment, but he'd take it with a grain of salt.
"Mate? You from Australia?" The other guy asked.
"Yes."
"Do you know Greg Norman?"
"Nope, never met." Chase actually hadn't had that in a while. He used to get those questions all the time when he first came to the States, like it was common knowledge that all Australians knew each other. He wasn't even remotely from the same part of the country.
"Too bad. He's a great golfer. Anyway, we better get moving. Our tee time is fast approaching."
The four men moved along. At least it was bright and sunny, maybe too much so. Chase had to put on his sunglasses because he was blinded by his own shirt.
As part of tradition, the two members teed off first. They both had nice expensive drivers to compliment their nice expensive set of clubs. Those drivers looked like they were earning their price as they both were able to hit long shots about 250 yards right down the middle of the fairway. The second one to tee off, Chase still wasn't sure if it was Fred or Barney, smirked at both Wilson and Chase with a 'top that' reaction.
Wilson went next and hit a lesser shot that hooked slightly left. Not on the fairway, but not far. He issued himself a little self-congratulation for pulling off a less than disastrous shot and made room for Chase. He went up and tried his best to pretend he knew how to line up a shot. He took his practice swing and given the way he dropped his right shoulder, didn't follow through on his backswing and pushed the club hard like he held a baseball bat instead of a golf club, the others knew that his first shot wouldn't go well. Finally, he moved up toward the ball, swung, and watched his ball make contact with the front tip of the driver. The ball sailed and impressive distance sharply right, slicing directly into the woods.
The others laughed before moving on. "Looks like you are in for a long day mate."
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A hot, sweaty, and exhausted Chase fell on the couch next to Cameron as soon as he returned from the long ordeal. Not a bit of his pride was left intact. Cameron, who was stretched out on the sofa snacking on a huge bag of Sun Chips and reading a bunch of papers, laughed as soon as he fell into the sofa. "You wore that shirt? How did you not blind yourself and everyone else?"
"Ha, ha ha," Chase replied not in the mood for teasing. He was defeated, and generally miserable.
"Oh come on, was it that bad?"
"It was worse. I spent the entire day either in the trees or in the water. Talk about getting in touch with nature. Who had the great idea to put trees on a golf course anyway? Golf was invented in Scotland, right? I don't see any trees on a Scottish golf course."
"So you looked really foolish in front of the board members?"
"You mean Fred and Barney?"
Cameron busted out in laughter. "That's their names? How could you keep a straight face all day?"
"It wasn't easy. Actually I did make an impression. Anytime two older men can look like superior golfers to a young guy like me, well that makes them feel a whole lot better about themselves. We did have a good chat in the clubhouse afterward about our plans."
"You mean the nineteenth hole?"
"How do you know that?"
"I grew up near a golf course. So do we have their support?"
"Yes." Chase nodded weakly, still way too exhausted to give more of an expression than that. He noticed the papers on Cameron's hand. "What you've got there?"
"These are home listings that Bonnie got for us. I think she pulled up every single home for sale in New Jersey. It's hard to choose. They all start to look the same after a while."
"We ready to start looking now?"
"She said we should get started early. Depending on how picky we are, the entire process could take as long as six months."
"Great, something else to deal with. You aren't mad that I stuck this task on you?"
"I was until you were forced to go golfing. I definitely got the better end of the deal."
Cameron stopped talking as soon as her cell phone went off. "It's a message from House." Since House never worked on Saturday, she deemed it to be important. Any serious concern in her face quickly disappeared once she saw the message. She broke into another fit of laughter.
Chase grabbed the phone from her hand and was not as humored by the picture sent as his wife. The grainy photo showed him on the golf course, looking agitated, leaning forward over a pond trying to fish his ball out of the water with a long golf club. "I knew that sneaky bastard Wilson was taking pictures."
Cameron tried to suppress her laughter, but couldn't. She grabbed her side in pain.
Chase very slowly and wincing in great pain pulled himself up off the sofa. "I'm getting in the shower. Once I'm not repulsive anymore I'm coming back to this sofa and not leaving it for the rest of the day. Maybe I can help you go through those listings once you're done mocking me."
Cameron simmered down her laughing. "There's something else we can do too." She pulled out an object from the end table drawer.
"A Fetal Doppler?"
"Being a pregnant doctor has its advantages. Dr. Ades let me borrow it knowing full well we'd know how to use it."
Chase's face lit up. "Have you tried it yet?"
"Nope. I wanted to give you first crack at it."
Any signs of wear were now completely gone from Chase. "I'll be done in five minutes." He raced into the bathroom, leaving a trail of thrown off clothes behind.
Cameron grimaced in pain again as she waited for Chase. The pain from laughing was so worth it this time.
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All was still and peaceful within an hour. Chase and Cameron were on the couch, curled up tightly in each other's arms, sound asleep, their slumber enhanced by the lulling pulses emanating from the instrument's speaker. Their baby's heartbeat.
a/n: I'm not sure why I've been partial to the sweet endings lately, but I can't help myself. Anyway, next chapter will be fun. House hunting. Thanks as usual for reading and all the wonderful comments.