If I owned Grey's Anatomy, it would be 70 Mer/Der, and 30 everyone else!
Meredith finally fell asleep. Izzie came in and checked on her before she went to bed. Meredith was moving around, and whimpering "Nate" in her sleep. Izzie didn't know what to do with for friend. She sat a glass of water down on the table next to Meredith's bed and quietly walked out. Meredith tossed and turned. Her sleep wasn't peaceful. It was full of haunting memories of a man she once loved.
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"So, are you almost ready?" Ian asked, as he tied his shoes.
"For what?" Meredith asked as she took one last look in the mirror and ran her fingers through her hair.
"To go out." He said. "It's Saturday. It's our night to go out."
"Every night is your night to go out!" She said, rolling her eyes. "Besides, I have a thing."
"I know you do. You have two very nice things!" Ian said walking up from behind. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his hands on her breasts.
"Hands off." She snapped as she smacked his hands away.
"Ow. So what is this thing?" He asked, looking at himself in the mirror. "And can I come?"
"No, you cannot." She laughed. "It's just a thing. No big deal. Go ahead and leave. Maybe you'll get lucky!" She said. She thought to herself how abnormal that was. To tell your husband that maybe he would get lucky.
"Maybe I will!" He said with a chuckle. "Well, have fun at your thing..." He said as he walked out the door.
Meredith sighed a big sigh of relief when she looked out the window and saw him climb into a cab. She didn't want him to know she was going on a date. That was against the rules. Ian said he wanted to have fun. He didn't want to date or be in a relationship with anyone else. So meaningless sex, that was okay. Going on a date, having feelings that was a big no no. She smiled at herself in the mirror. She was going on a date. She heard a car pull up. She looked out the window to see Nate. She went outside and met him at the car.
"You look amazing!" He said, as he looked at her in her dark green dress. Her hair was laying softly on her shoulders.
"You don't look so bad yourself!" She said as she looked at him.
"Shall we go?" He asked, opening the car door for her.
"We shall..." She climbed into the vehicle.
They drove the shot distance to the nice restaurant. Nate kept looking over at her. She fascinated him. He didn't know what it was, but he couldn't stop looking at her, When they arrived at the restaurant, he opened her door. She laughed, no man had ever done that for her. The restaurant was busy, luckily he had made reservations. The sat at a quiet table in the back. He looked at the candlelight dancing on her face,
"So, I want to know everything about you, Meredith. Intrigue me." He said with a smile. The waiter came and he ordered a bottle of wine.
"Well. You already know I was born and raised in Seattle. I grew up lonely, I was an only child. My mother divorced my father when I was seven. My mom was always busy. She is a surgeon. She never had time for me. I was raised by a nanny until I was thirteen. By then my mom said I was a teenager and I could take care of myself. So I did. She sent me to private school. I worked my ass off to please her, and I graduated early. When I was eighteen I got the hell out of her house. And now I am here..." She explained as she buttered a piece of bread.
"Interesting. Sad, but interesting. I can't imagine growing up like that. I have three brothers and two sisters. I grew up in a big family. Family is so important to my mom and dad. We didn't have a lot. My dad worked two jobs to support us all, but we were happy. I got a full ride scholarship, and here I am..." Nate told her, as he sipped his wine.
"I always wonder what it would be like to have a family..." Meredith trailed off sadly. "But, I'm okay. I can take care of myself."
"I have no doubt in my mind that you can." He said with a smile. She took a bite of her bread. "But maybe you need someone to take care of you for awhile. Lighten the load." The waiter walked up and they put in their orders.
"So, biochemistry..." She said, trying to change the subject.
"Yeah, I know. It's kind of dorky, but it's what I've always wanted to so." He said quickly.
"So, you want to be a surgeon." He replied. "Like your mother?"
"No! Not like my mother." She retorted. "Like me. I want to be my own person. I will not stay in my mother's shadow. I have a feeling it would be very cold there. Shit, you get like ten feet from her and you need to put your coat on!" She laughed, he joined her.
"She's your mother!" He said, defending Ellis.
"You do not know her. We don't speak." Meredith said with a sigh.
"That's sad." He said quietly. "Family is everything."
They ate their dinner and made small talk. He couldn't keep the smile off of his face. She was so frank, so fresh. She said whatever she wanted, and she didn't care what anyone thought. She was herself, and she wasn't interested in changing for anyone. They both decided it was time to go. They walked out to the car quietly. He opened her door, and she sat. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. She hadn't been on a date in a very long time.
"Dinner was great." Meredith said as he sat in the driver seat.
"Yes, it was." He answered.
"So, do you want to go back to your place?" She said, quietly. She was so used to having sex, she didn't know how to do anything else. He knew this is what was on her mind.
"Meredith..." He started. "You don't have to have sex with me. This was a date. I want to get to know you. You are amazing. I just want to know the real you..."
"Um." She said. She was embarrassed. Now she was not feeling like a common everyday whore, She was feeling like a cheap whore. She was feeling like she was trying to promote herself to him. "I didn't mean for that--" She said, which was a lie.
"Oh, God! I'm so sorry. I just--" He stopped talking. "God, now I feel like a complete ass!" He said, not looking over at her.
"Look. I am a whore. But not a prostitute. I like sex. I don't expect anything for it. I just expect a good fuck. An intense, body shaking, all consuming orgasm..." She said bluntly. "So my point it, I don't do it for money. I don't do it as a payment. I do it because I like it..."
"I didn't mean--" He started. Now he had no idea what to say. "I want to get to know you. I don't want sex. I want long talks by the fire. I want to know you." He said, satisfied with his answer.
"Are you gay?" She laughed.
"No, I am definitely not gay!" He laughed.
"Okay. This has gotten weird..." He said quickly.
"Yeah, it has. Why don't you just take me home?" She said quietly.
"So, I screwed it up?" He said sadly.
"Sex, yes." She laughed.
"Good, I didn't want sex." He replied. "I want another date. Tuesday?"
"Yeah. Tuesday would be great." She said as he pulled up to her house. "I really did have a good time..."
"I did too." He said with a smile.
"Thanks for dinner. Goodnight." She said as she climbed out of the car.
"Goodnight." He said with a smile.
Meredith walked up to the house and unlocked the door. That was the first time in a long time that she didn't go home with a guy. It felt good. It felt empowering. Not even a kiss goodnight. She took a shower and laid down in her cold bed. She knew Ian wouldn't be home for hours.
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Meredith and Nate had had several successful dates. They had been going out for over two months. She was having a harder and harder time sneaking around behind Ian's back. Not that she cared. He didn't love her, so what was the difference. She really liked Nate. He was a nice guy. He was kind and genuine. He was the kind of guy you could trust with your life. She found herself caring more about what she did when she was around him. He made her want to be a better person. She grabbed her books and headed to the university. He day went slowly and boring, but that all changed when she saw Nate on the grass with a picnic basket and a blanket.
"Hey. What's this?" She asked with a smile
"This, is all for you my dear." He said, motioning for her to sit down. She sat. "So, I hope you like peanut butter and jelly?" He asked.
"Of course." She laughed.
"And apple juice?" He asked again with a smile.
"It's all I had in my house. Sorry!" He apologized.
"No. It's perfect!" Meredith replied. It was perfect. It was sweet. He finished his sandwich and laid down on his back, leaning against a tree. She finished hers and laid her head on he lap.
"So, are you ever going to invite me to your house?" He said with a chuckle. "I'm beginning to think it's a front. Is it cardboard? Do you walk in the front door and into an alley?" He laughed, she did too.
"No." She sat up and looked in his eyes. Their faces drew closer, she leaned in and their lips met. His tongue delved deeply into her mouth. Kissing him felt perfect. It felt right. After a few minutes she pulled away. "This is--" She said out of breath.
"Too fast?" He said with concern.
"No, no. Not at all." She started. She was getting nervous. "I really like you. I mean really like you. You are great. Amazing and I-- I um--"
"Yeah?" He said, his body stiffening up.
"I really need to tell you something, and I am not going to lie. I am scared to death." She said, breathing in deeply.
"Meredith. You can tell me anything. Really." He convinced her. She believed him. She had never had such a strong connection to anyone in her life.
"You have changed me. You make me want to be a better person. The last few months have been the best months of my life and--" She exhaled quickly, and sucked more air in. "I'm-- I'm-- I'm married." She spat out. She waited for the storm. The yelling. It had to come. She was scared of the yelling. But what would be worse than that, would be the disappointment.
"Okay." He said slowly and unsure of what she was saying. He was processing it.
"Yell. Hate me. Do something." She said quickly. The silence was killing her.
"I um. Will your husband kill me? Should I be scared?" He said seriously. She laughed. "What?"
"That's funny." She laughed.
"I just want to know why? Why would you have an affair?" He asked.
"Do you remember the night at the bar? The first night?" She asked. "I was there, you said you were watching me. I came in with a guy..."
"Yeah. I know who you're talking about. The guy dancing with all the girls. I figured he was your brother. Which now I realize was stupid because you are an only child..." He trailed off.
"That's my husband." She said sadly.
"But he--" Nate started saying.
"We got married in Las Vegas. We were drunk off our asses. I was sad, I hated my mom. So I came back with him. It was never really a marriage. We just stayed together and it works. He sleeps with other girls. I sleep with other guys. It works. I have a home to go to every night. I know it sounds a bit ridiculous. I've never really had anyone..."
"I think I get it. I mean it is dysfunctional as hell, but I get it." Nate said with a laugh.
"We've always agreed that we wouldn't date other people, but you. I really like you Nate. I didn't want to wonder if we had a shot." She said looking at him.
"No wonder you were so sad." He said nonchalantly.
"What do you mean, sad?" She asked.
"When I met you, you looked like you had given up. I just don't want you to give up, Meredith." He said, kissing her on the head,
"I don't want to give up." She said, leaning over and kissing him.
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Life was going well for Meredith Grey. She was happy. Truly happy. She had never felt this way. Nate made her feel like she mattered. They have been together for six months. She was still with Ian. Ian was growing more and more suspicious of her. She didn't pay any attention to him, and that was asking him jealous. Nate had met her a a few clubs. The one time Ian was there. All Meredith could think was how stupid he was.
"What the hell is going on with you?" Ian asked angrily.
"What do you mean?" Meredith said walking into the kitchen.
"You haven't been coming home at night..." He pointed out.
"I have been staying over. After all the fucking, I've been too tired to come home." She laughed. It made her sick. Who is okay with that? If Nate did that to her, if he had other girls, she would die.
"Oh." He said. She sat down on the sofa. He sat next to her. She turned the t.v. on and started watching. He leaned over, placed his hand high on her thigh and kissed her.
"What the hell are you doing?" She said as she pulled away. It made her sick.
"I am kissing you." He said obviously.
"No." She said coldly.
"No? What do you mean, no?" He said loudly. "Look. I know something is wrong. I haven't fucked my wife in a very long time."
"Nothing is wrong." She said flatly.
"Oh yeah, it is. Is there a guy?' He asked questioningly.
"Well, of course. There are many..." A lie. There was only one. And he was the only one that mattered.
"No, this is-- No." He shook his head. "There is a guy. I have never seen you like this" He said, jealously seeping out of him.
"There is no guy!" She yelled.
"There is. I won't have it!"
"There isn't. And you know what? If there was, and there is not, what is the difference? You don't give a shit about me!"
"I-- I. I just want to fuck my wife." He said quickly. He pushed her down on the sofa. He did care. He wasn't admitting it to her, anyone, or himself. She couldn't control herself around him. She hadn't had sex with Nate yet. He insisted that they wait. She was beginning to wonder if he even had a penis. She hadn't had sex in six months, six long months. Ian laid on top of her and kissed her neck. She could feel his erection pressing up against her. That was when she lost all control. She ripped his shirt off, buttons flying everywhere. He unbuttoned her pants and pulled them down. Everything was rushed. He needed her. He thrust into violently. She cried out. It was a mix of pleasure and guilt, and she couldn't take it.
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Meredith laid in the bed with Nate. He was studying for a test. She laid her head on his chest. It was something the always did. She wasn't a cuddler. He turned her into one. She couldn't stop thinking about it. The sex. The hot, dirty sex. Ian had a hold over her, a hold she could not control It loomed over her. The guilt was sickening.
"I had sex with Ian." She blurted out loudly. She cringed. She had no idea why she said it.
"What the hell?" He said loudly. He never yelled. He wasn't yelling, he raised his voice. She didn't move. "We are sitting here, and all of the sudden you say that."
"I- I can't take the guilt. I had to tell you." She said tearing up. "I didn't want to. I told you I was a whore." She began to sob. "I'm a whore...now you are going to leave."
"Meredith, calm down. You are not a whore. He is your husband. I don't have a right to say anything..." Nate said sadly. "There are no rules. What we're doing, it can't have rules, because it is breaking any rules that there are..."
"There are rules. There are rules because I-" She gasped.
"What?" He asked, looking into her eyes.
"I love you. I am in love with you, and I can't breathe." She said softly. "I am afraid that I will screw it up, and it will kill me because I am so in love with you it is pathetic!" She cried.
"You love me?" He asked with a smile.
"I do." She said as she looked up into his eyes.
"I love you too. I didn't want to say it. I was afraid I would scare you away. But I love you, Meredith Grey. I have loved you for a long time." He leaned over and kissed her. He rolled over on top of her, kissing her more deeply. She rolled him over and pulled her shirt over her head. He just looked at her. He was amazed. She pulled his shirt over his head. He was buff, and was shocked at how good he looked. He unclasped her bra and began kissing her. She pulled his pants down and took off her own. She straddled him, placing him inside her. They both let out gasps. Sex with Nate, it wasn't dirty. It wasn't like any other sex. He wasn't the best lover in the world, but he made her feel loved. And that was exactly what she needed.
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"So, this is the first time you have been home in a week." Ian stated loudly.
"Yeah, I- Well-" Meredith stammered. She could barely go along with the lie anymore.
"You have a boyfriend." Ian stated angrily.
"No!" She shouted. "No, I do not have boyfriend." She said, slamming the cabinet door.
"Dan saw you will him. He said you two looked pretty close." He said matter-of-factly. "Do you know how it feels to have your friend tell you that your wife is dating another man?"
"Oh come off your high horse! You fuck anything that walks." She said yelling at him. "He is just a friend."
"Yes, I do. But I don't care about them. I don't love them." He stated simply as he sat down on the sofa heavily.
"Oh, and you love me..." She rolled her eyes and walked into their bedroom. She threw some clothes in a bag. She hadn't been keeping anything besides a toothbrush at Nate's.
"So you are going to him?" He said as he walked into their room.
"No, I am not. I am staying a friend's." She said not even looking up at him.
"This isn't acceptable. This is against the rules. No relationships..." He said smoothly as he grabbed her hand to stop her from packing.
"I am getting too old, Ian." She said as she pulled her hand away.
"How long? How long have you been "friends" with this guy?" Ian asked coldly, looking into her eyes.
"A year." She replied, almost cracking a smile.
"A year!" He shouted in shock. "A fucking year!"
"If you cared. If you were around. You would have noticed." She said sadly. "Goodbye Ian." She said as she walked out the door.
It was late when she pulled up to Nate's apartment. She could see his bedroom light on through the window. She grabbed her bags and walked up the stairs to the second floor. She slid her key into the door lock and turned the handle, juggling the bags in her arms. The apartment was quiet. She slide off her shoes and walked into the bedroom. When she walked in, he looked up from his book and smiled.
"Hey." He said with a smile. "So you brought some stuff."
"Yeah. I did." She said softly.
"I made you a bath." He said quietly.
"You did?" She asked happily. She really needed it.
"I did." He said with a smile.
"Oh, thank you. I need it." She said with relief. She walked into the bathroom. There was a hot bath full of bubbles waiting for her. He had lit candles all over the bathroom. She had never met anyone like him. He was kind. He never yelled. He loved her unconditionally. She thought long and hard as she soaked in the bathtub. She made her decision. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She heard the door open.
"You look like you need this." He said as he handed her a glass of wine.
"Oh God yes." She replied. She took a sip.
"Are you okay?" He asked, with concern.
"I will be." She said with a weak smile. He leaned over, kissed her and walked out. She soaked for a long time. When the water got cold, she climbed out. She dressed in a tee shirt and walked over to his bed and leaned against his chest. She breathed in his scent.
"I'm going to ask Ian for a divorce." She whispered softly.
"You are?" He said with a mixture of surprise and happiness.
"I love you. I want to be with you. You aren't second best and you don't deserve to be. So, I am leaving him for good. I want to be with you." She said quietly. He leaned down a kissed her deeply.
"You are the only woman I ever want. It doesn't matter what happens, as long as I'm with you. I will follow you anywhere." He said happily. He wrapped his arms around her. She quickly fell asleep. He just watched for hours. She was everything he had ever wanted.
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Meredith went back home the next day. Nate's apartment had a flood, so he decided to go home and visit his parents for a few days. He offered to take her with him. She had already met his parents on several occasions. She absolutely loved them. She stayed home. She needed to tie things up. She knew that she couldn't just tell Ian she wanted a divorce. It had to be done just the right way. She didn't want anything from him. She didn't want his money. Ian was in a better mood now that she was back. He knew Nate wasn't just a friend. He wanted to keep her in his grasp. Meredith went to school and did everything she normally did. She did not want Ian to know what she was up to.
Nate called on the phone and let her know that he was back. She was laying on the couch. She didn't know that Ian could hear her from in the bedroom. She told him how much she missed him, and how much she loved him. They decided to meet at the club that night. He told her he couldn't wait to see her. He had missed her so much. Meredith picked out her nicest outfit. She was so excited to see him. She couldn't wait. She took a shower, and started to get ready. She was just drying her hair, and finished getting ready. She took one last look in the mirror.
She got in her car and drove to the club. She had never missed someone so much in her life. She felt like she wasn't complete without him. She had butterflies in her stomach. She parked her car and went up to the door. She had been coming there for years. They wouldn't let her in. She argued with the bouncer, and finally a half an hour later, she was in. She looked all around for Nate. He was no where to be found. She walked up to the familiar bartender and asked him if he had seen him. He hadn't. Finally she tried calling him It went straight to voicemail. I never did. No matter what, he took her calls. She waited for hours and hours. He never showed. First she was angry, then she started to worry. When the club was ready to close, she made her way to her car, she made sure to drive by his apartment. There was no lights on, and his car wasn't there. She drove home. She slowly walked through the front door and threw her purse down.
"So how was your date?" Ian asked.
"It wasn't a date. It was a drink, at the bar. I'm married, remember." She answered "It's against the rules. Just sex, that's what you said, right? He didn't show, anyhow." She said angrily. She was sad. He was never late. She had a sinking feeling in her gut. Something was not right. He was always around. He was never unavailable for her.
"So he stood you up." He suggested.
"No. He probably had something to do." She snapped. She liked Nate. Nate was a nice guy. Ian was just her husband. Their marriage was a complete joke. It wasn't a marriage, it was sham. She heard Ian chuckle. He knew something. Little did she know that she would never see Nate again. And the thought of that, it crushed her. It hit her like a ton of bricks, she was completely in love with Nate, and now he was gone.
The next day, Meredith went to Nate's apartment. Everything was gone. The apartment was completely empty, as if no one had ever lived there. In the middle of the room sat her two bags that she had brought over not even a week before. She sat in the middle of the apartment and cried for hours. The only man she had ever loved walked away. He never said anything, he just disappeared. She looked everywhere for him. He had withdrawn from Oxford. There was nothing about him in the paper. She had always wondered if he was hurt, or even worse, dead. A year later Meredith was in the park, sitting on a bench with her friend Gina. She looked over at the fountain and her heart leapt out of her chest. It was him. It was Nate. She jumped up and ran over towards him. By the time she reached where he was, he was lost in the crowd. She walked around for hours, but never found him. She felt like she had lost him all over again. Before she thought maybe he had a reason to be gone. But seeing him in the park that day, she could only come to one conclusion: He had just walked away from her.
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"Meredith Grey!" Ellis screamed, causing Meredith to jerk awake. Her head was pounding and her pillow was soaked with tears. She heard the bedroom door open. She didn't acknowledge it. Ellis walked to the side of the bed. "Get your stupid ass up!" Meredith slowly sat up in the bed. "How could you be so stupid? I am so humiliated. My daughter. My daughter is the intern dumb enough to sleep with her Chief of Surgery! In his office. I pave the road to success in gold for you. I am the reason you have made it so far. And what do you do? You sleep your way to the top. What the hell were you thinking? You don't have to sleep with the Chief! I always knew you would take the easy road. Why work when you can play and still succeed? I can't even look at your face, you disgust me! I have to go..." Ellis screamed as she stormed out of the bedroom and out of the house.
"You're right Mom. You are completely right..." Meredith whispered. She had given up.
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This is what Meredith knows and remembers about Nate. There is another piece of the puzzle that will come in later. She and Nate were both totally in love with each other, and he just walked away. And now Chase has done the same thing. So now, Mer has given up. What will happen next?