Disclaimer - It seems ridiculous that I even have to state the obvious here, but... I don't own anything I'm writing about! Surprise!

A/N - So I haven't updated this story in over two years. In fact, I haven't updated ANY of my stories in over a year. Honestly, adulthood has done this to me- crushed my creative, day-dreaming spirit. But I reread all my stories this evening and decided that I wanted to add a chapter to one of them. And this was my first fic and my longest and tied in popularity with Predator, so I picked this one. It should be surprising for anyone who has this story on alert, to see it's been updated after so long, and- DEAR GOD- four years after I published Chapter 1. Sheesh.

Chapter Eighteen - Pull the Black From the Grey

The anxiety returned and with it the smoking, terrible nightmares, and general introversion. Harry, Hermione and Ron were increasingly friendly with her, encouraging her good behavior. She continued to do well in all her classes. When she wasn't studying, eating or sleeping, she was putting all her energy into evading human interaction. She spoke to her friends at meals, as was polite, but beyond that she tried to get away with as little as possible. Harry kept just as much distance and Ginny figured that was for the best, considering she was, for the most part, still uncomfortable around him. Hermione was the opposite and seemed to go out of her way to try to include Ginny in everything and anything they were doing. For this reason, Ginny had begun to reflexively avoid the trio whenever possible.

Case and point - today. Ginny was on her way to potions when she spotted Ron's red hair much further down the corridor, on an intercept course. Of course Hermione would be with him, as would Harry, and the three of them would look ever so obliged to speak to her. They would greet her with excessive warmth and their earnest expressions would be overdone and ridiculous. And then they would probably invite her to join them later as they did something or other and she knew she wouldn't be able to say no, considering she had turned them down the last five or so times they'd requested her company. Ugh.

So she ducked into the bathroom as fast as she could, almost falling over herself, hoping no one had spotted her. She waited for a moment just inside the door, tense, until she heard the group pass her by with no incidence. Immediately she relaxed and turned towards the sinks, only to freeze again. Draco was eyeing her contemptuously while washing his hands. She had, in her blind haste, run into the boy's bathroom. When she only stared at him, wide-eyed, Draco spoke up. "Well this brings back some memories." His usual sneer was plastered across his face. Ginny watched him as he dried his hands, knowing she should be keeping her promise to Harry and running out the door just as quickly as she had run in. But it had been almost a month since she'd spoken to him, and this was just an accident. Surely Harry would understand...

Draco walked towards her. Realizing she was blocking the door, she almost jumped out of the way, hoping he'd just walk out without another word, without tempting her. Instead, he leaned his back up against the door and continued to look at her. Ginny's eyes avoided his by flitting around nervously. "Are you afraid of being alone with me?" he asked in a tone that suggested she should be.

Ginny felt torn between the impulse to settle things with Draco and the intense loyalty she felt she owed her friends. She couldn't give in to any part of her that wanted closure with Draco, because even though her intentions might be innocent, the resulting actions from them would mean betrayal. It was easier to do what was "right" when she was in control, as she had been the past few weeks, but now here he was blocking the only way out. Here he was edging slowly closer to her...

"I-" she swallowed nervously. "I don't have anything to say to you, Malfoy." She crossed her arms over her chest, hoping she looked defiant, when really she could already feel herself slipping. She clenched her teeth in an attempt to keep in all the words that were now clamoring to be spoken. She needed to get out. Now.

Draco seemed to sense her internal struggled and stepped forward again. "No," Ginny murmured, hoping that if she gave him more words, he wouldn't come any closer. "No, I'm keeping it as it is, as it's always been."

"Always?" he questioned, his head cocked to the side in an exaggerated show of confusion.

Ginny cringed and rubbed her hands across her face a few times before she spoke, her eyes now set on his. "As two simple, lonely souls, we were something different, but we were not ourselves. You and I, in reality, as whole creatures, have always been the same- enemies."

Draco laughed, startling her. The wild glint in his eyes made her look away again. "Whole creatures?" he spat, as if the idea were revolting to him. He laughed again- manic. Another step forward, his expression now slightly smug. "You and I have never been whole."

Ginny felt a pang in her gut as she absorbed his matter-of-fact statement. She looked up into his eyes and suddenly felt more terrified than ever. Escape wasn't an option. No matter how little she gave to him, no matter if she hid everything from him or never saw him again or forgot him altogether, nothing would change. He understood her. And after living a life amongst strangers for so many years, that connection was a hard thing to turn her back on. If there was no war, if every kid was just a kid, not an ally or a foe, then things would be different. The first real human connection of her life and she would run from it because of her loyalty to a cause beyond herself, beyond her irrelevant desires. Everyone had to sacrifice something when taking a side, because sides are black and white and don't allow for all the grey shades of human nature. Something must be denied.

Overwhelmed, Ginny lurched towards the door, barely seeing straight. She felt arms wrap around her. "Let me go!" she croaked, trying to push past him. And then suddenly she was flying out the door and down the hall. He let her go.

After skipping all the rest of her classes that day and taking a long walk around the lake, she was resolved. She knew which side she was on and she knew what loyalty meant, but there were things she had to do. Ginny needed closure. Talking with Draco, from a safe distance, couldn't be a betrayal. She wasn't telling him secrets, she wasn't aiding him in any way... she was simply trying to get information from him so she could figure this whole mess out and be done with it. And what if what you find draws you closer to him? What if you can't be done? What if one answer brings up a thousand new questions? Doubts plagued her.

Regardless, here she sat on her bed, legs crossed, journal open in front of her. She touched the quill to the paper-

Are you there? Dinner wasn't for another hour. She hoped this would be a good time.

The response was surprisingly fast. Yes.

I need to talk to you.

Yes.

I need to know things.

Yes.

Yes?

Yes.

Ok... Do you serve the Dark Lord? That was her biggest concern, so she just put it out there.

Yes.

Ginny clenched her teeth, feeling the pang in her gut again. Is that the side you have chosen for yourself?

There was a few minutes of silence. I have not chosen any side.

You serve the Dark Lord, but you're not on his side?

I serve when I must.

Why must you?

Because sometimes to serve myself, I must serve him.

So you are driven by self-interest?

I guess... you could say that...

And what does He have that interests you?

Another long pause. Someone important to me.

Ginny blinked at his response, dumb-founded for a moment. Who?

I too understand how it feels to be a pawn, everyone clamoring to control you, to use you.

I have to see you. She wrote it without thinking.

When he didn't respond, she wrote again. I have to see you now.

No reply.

She felt herself bursting with anxiety. The tower. Please come. She wrote and closed the book.