Disclaimer: The awesome characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

Naruto liked to consider himself as an optimist. Of course he was. Did he not live his whole childhood hated and yet managed to smile. And to think that even in a situation like this, he wowed to be the Hokage one day. Now that he thought about it, maybe his suitors had been after the to-be his power that was the rank Hokage.

But back to the situation and being the optimist that he claimed to be. There had to be something. Like say, now he wasn't going to get hurt by rejected love-seekers, but killed by a shady organisation, also known as Akatsuki.

Oh yes, Naruto had gotten himself into deep trouble by doing absolutely nothing.

It's a long story, thought it is actually quite short, but I don't feel like telling you, so here it goes.

Naruto was sitting on top of Yondaime's head, and by that I mean the Hokage monument. Completely minding his own business, only thinking through all his options, just like he had planned to do ever since he learned all his suitors were still on missions and he had time. Oh, lovely time.

That is until Itachi and his blue shark of a man partner, Kisame, just happened to appear behind him, none too good intentions in mind. For a brief moment Naruto wondered how the hell they could just walk in there like it was nothing, but then realised. Oh yeah, it was Itachi, an Uchiha. They were special.

Well fuck.

That being the last thought Naruto could manage before he so wisely decided to look into Itachi's eyes and fall victim to his Sharingan. That wasn't the most pleasurable experience, mind you.

And when he woke up, what do you know; there he was, in a forest, accompanied with a weasel and a shark-man-thingie. Things didn't look too good for Naruto, not at all. So he decided to do the right thing and challenge the two S-rank missing nins into a fight!

Oh, how amused Kisame was. So very amused. Unlike Itachi who just didn't do amused.

"And what do you think are the odds on you winning against the two of us?"

"Zero percent," was Naruto's immediate reply.

Itachi raised an eyebrow at the so very proud way the Kyuubi container had said it. Naruto thought the chances of Kisame choking on his own spit from all that laughter were pretty high.

"I don't care, just fight me!"

Even if he had hardly any chance of winning by himself, being killed in a battle against Aatsuki members was better than… being killed by the Akatsuki while they were sucking the Kyuubi out of him. But his opponents seemed to be aware of this also.

"Ah, shut up you."

Kisame said, having finally tamed his amusement.

"We can't risk fighting you Naruto-kun. As we have observed you-"

"You mean stalked."

Naruto cut Itachi's speech, crossing his arms in front of his chest and giving a sceptical look.

Itachi just shrugged. 'Whatever work for him.'

"As we have stalked you, you are quite rash when in battle and we'd probably end up killing you. Not to mention that self harming justu you have. Quite inconvenient."

Kisame was smiling again, shoving a row of, er, well sharpened teeth.

"Yeah. We need you alive so we can kill you later."

Well this was just peachy. The two of them would avoid battle with him no matter what. And if Naruto attacked them anyway, the result was usually sprawling with Kisame until he just sat on the blond (that heavy bastard) and that wasn't nice at all. So Naruto pretty much just tagged along with them. But not quietly, no.

He had a plan. A plan to kill himself before they reached the Akatsuki headquarters. He planned to perish by annoying Itachi to homicide!

"So, Itachi. That Sharingan of yours… you'll create your own alternative world and control it, right?"

Itachi didn't reply, just continued walking forward, obviously doing a very good job ignoring their noisy captive. Kisame was listening the conversation, or rather, Naruto's monologue, with great interest.

"Assume one of you lot is a pervert and created quite the world for your enemy. I heard that Kakashi-sensei got 'thrusted' by 'swords'. By thousands of Itachi's. And to think I was worried why he was smiling in his coma."

Itachi didn't react in any way, which was quite disappointing. Naruto let out a frustrated sigh and Kisame was twitching, trying to keep himself from laughing out loud.

That shark thingie was Naruto's second option, but he turned out to be too easygoing for even Naruto to annoy. Maybe that was part of the Akatsuki training. To not to be affected by the annoyingness of ones captives, therefore lowering the chance of unintentional homicides. Naruto snapped his fingers in disappointment. Of course, just his luck.

So now all that there was to do was to try and think the positive sides of his situation.

1# He got rid of the situation pestering him back at home.

2# He'd get to know who cared for him when/if he was rescued.

3# The weather was rather nice.

4# Itachi wasn't half bad-looking…

Naruto had many times wished he'd have a family. Though he admitted that this was the first time he wanted to be part of one specific family. Oh, what he'd give to be a Hyuuga and have the Byakugan to see what was underneath that not body flattering robe of the Akatsuki members. Naruto had a feeling it was a waste that Itachi was wearing one.

That's why he kept on clinging to Itachi, trying to take it off from now and then. Of course, Itachi somehow managed to always stop his intentions by doing nothing, and pushed Naruto away without him even realising. But that didn't stop him from clinging on the man again. And again.

In the end, Itachi didn't even bother to shove him off anymore, just let Naruto sit on his lap or hang off of his arm. Itachi didn't mind even when Naruto one time crawled under his robe while he was just coolly standing still.

Kisame was having the time of his life.

-o-o-o-

It took them a good while to get back to Akatsuki headquarters, no thanks to the blond Kyuubi container. But as they arrived to the said destination, standing on a cliff with the sun shining from behind them creating only three cool silhouettes and all that, what they saw was a current battleground.

The Akatsuki members were fighting against Konoha shinobi, and would you look at that, if Naruto squinted his eyes, he could make out a murderous looking Sasuke, a raving Sakura and a Sai looking Sai.

And suddenly he felt like crawling under Itachi's robe again.

"Well, this is rather unfortunate."

Itachi sure didn't seem concerned about the situation. The organisation he had been part of was obviously losing this battle. The power of love was scary.

And Naruto didn't feel like going down there after he had followed Itachi here without much protests. Those three would probably kill him and after that hug him, crying happily that he was safe and not killed by the Akatsuki.

Naruto shuddered, stealing a glance of the still uninterested looking Itachi. Kisame seemed rather calm too.

"Aren't you gonna go and help out?"

"With two legendary Sannins there and other for some reason quite determined shinobi? I don't think so."

Naruto could understand that. He was their ally and even he didn't want to go. But this seemed to be the end of Akatsuki's plans. Wouldn't that mean..?

"Does that mean you'll let me go?"

That was the first time he saw a change in Itachi's expression. A smirk grew on the man's lips.

"No, I think I'll keep you."

He then turned around to walk into the opposite direction the fighting took place, Kisame following him. Naruto looked between them and his gone berserk friends. Shrugging his shoulders, Naruto also turned around to follow Itachi and Kisame.

"Hey Itachi! Since your not practically part of the Akatsuki anymore, you'll take that robe off, right?"

"No, it's comfortable."

Naruto pouted. He really wanted to see what was under it. Well, that would be Itachi, obviously, but he wanted to see Itachi. So he just fastened his pace to walk behind Itachi and lifted the hem of the robe, revealing Itachi's assets. Itachi didn't bother to stop this, only continued to walk forwards. Naruto shared an approving look with Kisame.

And so began the adventures of a feared group that consisted of a weasel, a shark and ramen topping, who actually never topped.

-END 1-

The first ending was supposed to be Sasuke but I felt like doing Itachi, so... Itachi it was! And I had weird mental images of Naruto crawling under Itachi's robe. XD ZOMG! Cute!

And is it just me or did this turn out to be a threesome with KisaItaNaru? I'm not sure, but I swear that wasn't my intention.

Oh, and please ignore the fact that why Itachi hadn't been killed by Sasuke, or why Sasuke wasn't out to kill him. I didn't feel like thinking up such complicated explanations.

Anyway! Don't be lazy and review