Please see all previous chapters for disclaimers and begging not to sue me!

Thanks to all who have continued to support me and taken the time to let me know what they think. For the rest of you, thanks for reading!

Extending big hugs to Stephanie, Sara and Rachel again for all their help and time.

5 What to do 5

The day was wearing on slowly and Shalimar knew she had to pack, but it wasn't like she had a ton of stuff to worry about. Everything she owned would fit comfortably within one duffel. Besides, it was just a bonus that her new form of entertainment was the journal of the man she loved. He would probably kill her when he found out she had read it, but they would cross that bridge when they came to it. For now it kept her close to him. As much as she hated reading about his women, it wouldn't have been Brennan without that touch of chauvinism covering the chivalry.

February 25, 2002

Well I guess I have come to realize a few things in the past few weeks. Jesse's father was a covert operative (I thought that was just a joke or a lie he told Jesse.) Adam knows our weaknesses too well, and I don't want to ever see another member of my team die.

Watching Emma lifeless was one of the scariest things I can imagine. I felt like I lost a sister. She is getting pissed at Shal, Jess, and me for being overprotective of her now. She doesn't realize exactly what we went through seeing her like that though. I have even caught Adam hovering over her a few times. For as distant as he acts sometimes, I think that he would have been devastated to lose her.

Shal and I had been trying to open Emma up to being a little looser. I guess we are going to lay off of that for a while now. It is weird to want to protect someone. That is what it feels like with her. I don't have a little sister, but that is the only way I can describe what I feel toward her. I want to make sure she is safe.

Shal on the other hand… I worry about her, but more in the sense that she will bite off more then she can chew before she realizes it. She was trying to take on seven GS agents alone the other day before Jesse and I caught up with her. She was doing fine by herself, but they zapped her once with their stupid shock sticks and Jess and I couldn't stop from jumping in and beating their asses. She was ok, but really pissed.

Jesse and Shal have a relationship that is strange. I see them talking together sometimes at night curled up together on one of the couches or going off together for walks. I wonder if there was or is something between them. I asked Jesse, and he just smiled. Emma seems to think that they have been together so long that they have a bond like siblings. Shalimar is very protective over him, and just about ripped my throat out when I wanted to fess about Jesse's father. I don't blame Jesse if he is sleeping with her. She is definitely one of the hottest women I have ever met, and she has this great infectious laugh.

Shal and I went out the other day to help retrieve a few new mutants from the clutches of the GSA. I have to say I love to watch the girl work. Any woman that can fight in those boots she was wearing deserves credit. She and I have started this weird flirtatious relationship. I don't know how or why it started, but it just kind of happened. It is fun to be able to joke with her. We aren't as close as her and Jesse but we are definitely developing some sort of bond.

Shalimar remembered the first time Emma had died. It was heart wrenching. When she took that breath and woke up Shalimar thought she would never be able to let her go again. The only reason she got through it again was by having Brennan and Jesse to lean on.

A smile crossed her lips at the thought of Brennan worrying about her like that. That smile had morphed into a scowl as he had theorized over her sleeping with Jesse. She thought about it and guessed from an outside point of view that it was possible. She and Jesse had been together for so long that the affection between them was only natural. They were beyond best friends. Confidants and siblings rolled into one. For some reason her bond with Brennan had grown while the one with Jesse had weakened. She promised herself that she would rectify that when they got back.

Lexa had a different way of venting her frustrations. Shalimar heard her clacking away on the keys of the computer terminal from her room. Lexa had been a loner for so long and had learned how to only rely on herself that she had a hard time expressing any emotion. She cursed as again one of the files she had decrypted led to another dead end. "Dead end. Shit! You stupid fucking piece of crap!" This was followed by several other strings of obscenities that made Shalimar wonder if she was best hiding in here for the rest of the afternoon. After a brief debate Shalimar decided to give her a few more minutes before she came out. After being locked up with Lexa for almost 3 months Shalimar had found different ways of approaching Lexa when she was like this. Rule #1, as she quickly found out, when Lexa was cursing up a blue streak, was to give her a few minutes to calm down. Shalimar was normally good at empathizing with emotions, but Lexa sometimes just wanted time to be angry. This was understandable. Shalimar took out her frustration in hard and grueling workouts and Lexa cursed at inanimate objects and worked herself into exhaustion.

Scanning down at the next page Shalimar decided to read the next chapter to kill some time until Lexa had cooled off and Shalimar could go help her.

April 15, 2002

I'm so bored. Maybe if I write it something will happen; the powers that be know that saying it hasn't helped, it has just netted me a nasty bruise on my arm from Shal hitting me. I have been stuck here with almost no action for almost a month. I have even started getting up early to spar with Shalimar. Does the girl ever sleep? She comes in later then I do some nights, and she is up with the damn sun! The GSA have been quiet lately, almost too quiet so something is bound to happen soon.

The last exciting thing to happen was Emma's old friend deciding to join the GSA and trying to infiltrate Sanctuary. I don't know what the hell Emma was thinking, but come on, a GS agent? I don't know if I would go looking for trouble with my old crew again. Girls are so weird. They do this bonding thing. Shal and Emma are always looking at each other and laughing or making little comments when Jesse and I are doing something. I don't think I ever want to know how the female mind works. Their bodies I think I have a good handle on, and I will be happy with that.

I have at least had some time to go and meet some new girls, speaking of. Emma can be fun to have with me just because her abilities. We went out to the club the other night and she landed me a few dates. I think she was getting pissed at me by the end though. I don't know why, I mean we were just having some fun, and besides it's not like she doesn't use her powers on guys. I got denied last night, though. I guess I will be flying with a different wing man for a while.

Jesse and I have been doing a lot of simulation fighting with the boredom that we have both been feeling. I thought that Adam was ruthless when it came to programming the simulations, but Shalimar has a mean streak I never saw coming. We both got our asses handed to us. Then we decided to take turns on creating the hardest simulation and bet on who would win. Jesse and I lost. Shalimar now has no dishes or mopping to do for a month. I think it would have been better to bet money, that way it would have been done and over with then. Maybe next time I should just play cards.

Shalimar had been training harder then ever lately. Part of it was to alleviate the boredom, part frustration, and a big part was the desire to be in top shape to kick some Dominion ass when she had to. Brennan had thought she was bad then? She had nothing but time to train right now, and having Angel and Beau to spar with was a big bonus.

Reading the journal was like taking a step back in time and watching the past happen again. Shalimar shoved the book onto her bed and began to pick up stuff and throw it unceremoniously in her duffel. She had most of the day left to pack, but there was little else she had to do. Maybe she would go help Lexa work on the decryption of the new files that they had stolen.

"Brennan…Jess… please hold on." She whispered her prayer to whoever would answer and got up to help Lexa. Maybe she could help, and they would find something.