Thanks for all of the fabulous reviews. They are greatly appreciated and have helped me to get in gear and finish this story. Thanks especially to Stephanie, Sara, and Rachel for all of their help and time.

I need to drop a warning here. The third journal entry gets a little graphic (sexually) at the end if you don't like or want to read that stuff. I have scaled it down considerably from the original, but if you want to read the original you can visit my website or send me a message and I will get it to you.

6 Into the Looking Glass 6

For some reason Shalimar never remembered Sanctuary being this boring; they spent lots of time sitting around and doing nothing. Shalimar had left her room to check on Lexa, and found that obviously she hadn't given her enough time to calm down.

"Would you like some help?" Shalimar ventured as she approached Lexa.

"Right now, no. What I want is one of these stupid files to lead me to something productive." Lexa snapped.

"Why don't you take a break and let me have at it for a while?"

"No, I'm fine."

Shalimar took a deep breath and thought carefully before her next sentence came out. "I don't want you to burn yourself out. You have been working at this for hours now, and you really should take a break."

Lexa paused as she took in what Shalimar said and her face softened as it occurred to her that Shalimar was just a frustrated as she was. She swiveled on her chair to face Shalimar. "I will need help, but for right now I have to separate these files so we can get a better handle on them. It's more of a one person job. I'll come get you when I get them separated, and we can both work."

"Are you sure?" Shalimar felt a bit defeated, but glad to know that it hadn't turned out into the screaming match it might have in the past, "I feel like we are missing something, and I want to help you."

"I'm good for now, I'll come get you in a little bit, okay?" Lexa said more calmly but with an underlying look of wanting to be left alone.

Lexa was already at her wits end, and Shalimar knew that bothering her too much more was going to end up in the fight she was trying to avoid. While it would be good to vent some frustration, she wasn't in the mood right now.

Shalimar walked back to her room smiling to herself as she remembered the games that they would all pull to liven up Sanctuary. When it was just Jesse and her, they would always be hanging around and trying to annoy Adam. That was the best way for him to give them something to do; even though it was rarely a worth while chore. She felt a pang as she remembered Adam and the truths that had come out from the creator about him and life as she knew it. She took a moment and said a little prayer to anyone who was listening that he was safe. Now he was missing too, and they had less of a chance of finding him then they did Jesse or Brennan. The only good part that she and Lexa had noticed was that they had been holding Jesse and Brennan together for the most part. They were always in the same buildings if not in the same rooms together.

The day was dragging on as Shalimar impatiently waited to go to the new safe house. She flopped on her bunk once again and looked down at the journal and started delving into the next entry.

April 29, 2002

Why, is it that everyone is accusing me of being too protective over Shal? Isn't it ok that I care for her? Adam, Jesse and Emma have all made a comment in the past few days about how I was going off about Zach. I'm not allowed to dislike a guy now? He was scum, and I have to admit I loved watching Shal kick the shit out of him. I was also really pissed that Adam pleaded with her to go back to him and bring him in for this assignment. I'm the damn ex-thief here. I think I should have some say in this crap. All I got was a pat on the head, and an 'Oh your just worried about her as a friend, right?' from everyone. Sometimes I wonder why I'm here.

Then she does it. I don't know how, but Shalimar walked in on me last night, almost as if she read my mind, and asked me to go for a drive with her. I'm getting used to her extremely odd hours, so that didn't surprise me, but I was surprised that she asked me to join her. Shal has kept her distance from my tirade the past day or two and I figured she didn't want to fight about it. This is odd, because she is usually the first one who is anxious to pick a fight.

She didn't say anything else, just grabbed the keys to her jeep and we took off. I finally asked Shal where she was taking me and she told me she was taking me somewhere and it was a surprise. We talked lightly about stupid stuff, but nothing touchy. She pulled her jeep down a path off of the main road, and I have to admit I got a little nervous. I just had no idea what we were doing in the middle of nowhere at eleven o'clock at night. Finally we stopped and she smiled at me grabbed a bag out of the back and pulled or rather yanked me through this wooded area. I'm surprised I didn't twist my ankle or worse considering she was dragging me down a dirt path with all kinds of branches and crap all over. I think she realized how fed up I was getting when she told me it was just a little farther.

I was shocked as shit to see where she brought me. We finally emerged at this little natural hot spring. It wasn't as dark as it had been in the woods because of the clearing and the large moon overhead. I couldn't help but think that this was almost romantic. Shal pulled her bag off her shoulder and started to yank stuff out of it. She is the craziest woman I know. She jacked a pair of my shorts and had shoved them in her bag. She had also stashed a few beers.

Once we were comfortably situated in the water, Shal and I drank and talked for a while about Zach, and she reassured me that I'm the only thief that Mutant X needs. She thanked me for looking out for her, and made me promise that we would always do that for each other. I don't know what the hell possessed me, but I just blurted out "How 'bout you, Shal, do you need another thief?" I think I was red before it finished coming out of my mouth. What the hell was I thinking? Why the hell was I coming on to her; it had to be the setting. I have never spent that much time with a girl, and not put the moves on her with the intention of getting in her pants. Shalimar is just sexy oozed into a wonderful package, and has a natural affinity to being a touchy-feely person. But, oh seeing her in that bikini did little to help my resolve. I care so much about her, but most of the time I think she is just winding me up for the sake of fun. She has to know that she is a little vixen, and I am the ass that pulled her into my lap while we were talking in the spring. Something didn't feel platonic, but it felt absolutely normal between us.

Sometime during our outing we wound up on the ground side by side on the towels she brought talking about everything and anything. We each shared horror stories of past relationships, stories of our old lives, and what we thought about the future. I don't know why, but I was almost unnerved by this strange feeling I have been having toward her. I have never had a girl as a best friend before. I guess that is what I am feeling toward her. I know I care a lot about her and would do anything I could for her.

We talked about Adam losing his memories and how she felt about that. It was probably the weirdest night of my life. I have to admit I felt a lot better by the end. When we got back to Sanctuary she gave me a kiss on the cheek and joked about tucking me in. I can't help it, when I'm with her I become a shameless flirt, but she always plays right back with me.

When she stopped reading she noticed a few of her tears had dotted the page. She always had a fond memory of that night. She remembered how Brennan was stomping all over Sanctuary for the few days prior and snapping about all kinds of stuff. Shalimar had stayed away from him because she was too lost in her own thoughts to console him. It had actually been an indirect idea of Jesse's that they take the trip. Jesse had snapped at her that she and Brennan needed to get over their damn issues and would they kindly go do it quickly so that he and Emma could stop walking on eggshells.

Jesse had been jealous when Shalimar told him what happened. Jesse and Brennan had only a tentative friendship at that point. The two had always seemed to be vying for the alpha male position. Jesse was also mad that she talked to Brennan about it and not him, but after a long talk Jesse accepted that this was something that was better handled between her and Brennan. She had noticed how Brennan had always found reasons to seek her out, more so then anyone else, and Jesse had been quite jealous of the bond that she and Brennan had developed. Was it love that she and Brennan were feeling then?

Flipping the page she noted the date and saw a name on the page. Shalimar debated on skipping it, but then decided against that and read on.

May 15, 2002

I hate admitting to my fears, and even more, I hate being used. Needless to say, the past two weeks have sucked royally. I wanted to find Henry after that whole fiasco and beat the living shit out of him. He tried to kill all of us, but he couldn't be a man about it, he has to invade our dreams. I know it hurts to lose a loved one, but that was just too much. Adam and Emma tried to hide the burns on Shal's arm from me, but I think that just added fuel to the fire. Jesse just about freaked when we got back to Sanctuary, but I have a worse fear then I admitted to. I am amazed that Henry didn't dig a little deeper. I can survive without the team, but I couldn't take it if they turned on me. I used to think that having my powers used on me would be horrible, now after living through that, I think being abandoned and outcast by people that I have let myself know and care about would probably be worse then being shocked to death.

I can't believe that I got sucked into Lorna's trap. I thought I was being cool, and she was a very hot piece. I just couldn't believe that she would want Tony like that. The thief in me had wanted to accept what she was offering. I know that my mind wasn't in a right state, but I feel so guilty for being stupid.

I was going to give up everything I have worked so hard for just because of a hot woman and good sex. She was so hot in bed, but I don't know if that was actually her or her hormones doing that to me. I should have realized that something was really wrong when I was ready to freak on Shalimar. God, I screwed that up big time. We were having such a great time too, playing pool and hanging out. Then we go to retrieve that virus, Shal gets shot, and I thought I was going to have to knock her unconscious to bring her back to get treated. I'm glad she's better now. I get to watch Jesse get his ass kicked tomorrow. Shal admitted to taking a lot of pleasure in kicking Lorna's ass. I only wish I could have seen the look on her face. I felt bad because Shal had to hurt herself to punch Lorna. I can't believe I was such an ass. I think I'm going to swear off new women for a while. I can admit to being perfectly content with the two that I'm living with. I also know that they won't force me into submission for their own purposes. Oh who the hell am I kidding. Those two have me totally wrapped, but at least I know they genuinely care for me and would never endanger me or force me into that situation.

It looks like I am going to be cooking dinner and being the house gopher for a while. I have a lot of making up to do. They have all told me they forgive me, but I am still having trouble forgiving myself for hurting Emma, not to mention the other crap I pulled. I know I am feeling sorry for myself, but damn it, I'm allowed. Emma came into my room tonight and gave me a hug; she then proceeded to smack me upside the head and tell me that my emotional state is throwing her off and to get over it. I guess when she puts it that way I had better do something about getting past it quicker.

Shalimar remembered Lorna all to well. Lorna wouldn't be so lucky if she ran into Shalimar again in a dark alley, hell on the sidewalk for that matter.

Shalimar glanced at the clock and swore under her breath. She wasn't sure how much time she had used digging through Brennan's thoughts, but she was hoping it would have been more. With a sigh she returned her vision to the book. She had been trying to be patient and wait for nightfall so they could move. Lexa was still clicking away on the computer in the main room, and her enhanced hearing was able to pick up Angel and Beau in the next room talking in low voices about his trip.

May 22, 2002

When Ashlocke kidnapped Shal I was blind to anything. I just wanted her back and safe. Jesse wasn't helping matters. Adam was making me crazy with the wait till he makes a move game and Emma was being, well Emma. Adam usually knows what he is doing, but sometimes it drives me crazy because he doesn't let anyone else know the whole thing. I was just so glad to look into Shal's eyes and see the real her there. I have repeatedly played the moment over in my head when Shal kicked Ashlocke off of the catwalk. It was such a good moment.

I am such an idiot though! What the hell was I thinking, trying to kiss Shal like that? Have I completely lost my mind! I know I care about her and worry unnecessarily about her, but where did that come from? One minute we're hugging, and I don't want to let her go, the next I can only think about how her lips would taste. I get around her sometimes and I feel like the loser I was in junior high.

Was I imagining what I felt between us at the safe house? Did I read her right? Did she want me too? Even if it was just for the moment, I can't help but wonder what would have happened between us. I've had this dream where she comes into my room and she's wearing this black negligee thing I saw her in the other night when I walked in on her brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed. It was satin and lace and the satin just barely covered her breasts and her crotch. I thought I was going to explode. She grabbed her towel, but not quickly enough for me not to imagine it on the floor.

I've got to write this dream for posterity if for no other reason. If she ever reads this I am a very dead man! That's not going to stop me though! She comes into my bedroom wearing that sexy negligee and I'm laying awake reading. I asked her if something was wrong, and almost swallowed my tongue after focusing on what she was wearing. She didn't say anything; she just crawled onto my bed with a smile like a cat that got the cream. A fitting analogy if I do say so myself... Her eyes looked like they wanted to devour me whole. I was enraptured from the moment I was able to smell her. Shal always smells like a temptress, but that night it felt like the smell surrounded me. She rubbed along the whole length of my body and kissed her way up my chest. She finally kissed me, and I felt like a drowning man being given air. I never wanted to let go of her lips. It was sweet and sensual. She was toying with me, that was all my feeble mind was was able to come up with. I can even remember how the fabric tasted as I teased her skin through it with my mouth. Her skin tasted salty and sweet at the same time as I kissed down her neck and shoulders.

It felt like a lifetime and a second all in one. The next thing I'm aware of is my pants were off and she was overtop of me. I moaned her name, and she grabbed my head and pulled me into a kiss. If I had to die I wanted this to be it.

Then I woke up. It has been a long time since I have woken up with that uncontrollable ache. Morning wood was normal, when I was fifteen, but I thought I was going to scream, in pleasure or pain I didn't know or care at the time. Maybe I just need a girlfriend and need to get laid more often. Needless to say I have been avoiding Shal all day because I don't want to have to explain why I'm blushing when I see her. Where has my brain gone?

Shalimar almost choked as she read the dream. She was aroused and a little scandalized all at once. She didn't know that he dreamt of her like that. She also remembered that incident in the bathroom too well. He had walked in, just in a pair of blue silk boxers. She had berated herself for thinking totally carnal thoughts of them on the floor. Now that remorse was lost and buried.

Before she had a chance to process the entry anymore, she heard footsteps approaching the door and hid the journal under her pillow.

"Shal?" Lexa asked as she came through the door then stopped when she saw the slight flush to Shalimar's cheeks. "Whatcha doin?" Lexa smiled wryly.

"Nothing," Shalimar covered, studiously avoiding Lexa's gaze, "Why do you want to know?"

"Mmm hmmm, ok well when you're done with that, I need some help with the decryption, and I told you I'd tell you when I needed you." Lexa said with an air of disbelief.

"Yeah, give me a minute, and I'll be right out." Shalimar said as she finished folding a shirt to put in her bag.

As Lexa walked out Shalimar blew out a sigh of embarrassment and relief that she wasn't tormented any worse. She grabbed the journal and reread the entry. She couldn't believe that he would write that. She remembered the sparks that were starting to flash between them at that time though. She had woken up from more then one sordid dream about him, so why would he be any different?

Pulling herself together, she went to the bathroom and ran some cold water over her face and dried off. She tried to put those thoughts to the back of her mind as she went to help Lexa, but every now and then one would creep up and cause her flush with the thoughts of dreams and what she and Brennan shared. Shalimar sighed to herself; she really needed to get laid. The only problem was she didn't want anyone aside from Brennan. Swallowing that fact she tried even harder to push on and decrypt the files.