AN: Due to the way the second season ended and the third began I had to take a few liberties with the timeline. I pretended that the season two finale actually happened in the beginning of October. I needed an explanation for the snow and cold and that seemed to work without extensive changes to the existing storyline. I figured that far north it isn't completely out of the ordinary to have snow that time of year.

As I promised here is the second chapte of my 2 chapter update. I try to live up to my promises. I hope you like!

I really hope that the second journal entry isn't too graphic. I seriously tried to make it as low key as possible without omitting it. Let me know if I did bad!

For all disclaimers see previous chaps.

Thanks again to Stephanie, Sara and Rachel, not to mention all of the reviewers! Hope you enjoy.

15 Premonitions or Delusions 15

Shalimar woke up a few hours later surprised to find that she had fallen asleep. She realized she must have been more exhausted then she had originally thought because her mind was still muddled. The prospect of joining the others and dealing with the new findings had no appeal right now. She heard Beau and Angel and possibly Lexa downstairs working on something… probably contingency plans. She momentarily felt guilty for not being there to help but right now she didn't feel like she'd be much help. Realizing that she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, Shalimar dug the journal out from under her pillow and began to read.

March 16, 2003

For not having a lot of work to do, it seems like we are constantly busy lately. We got Vic and Claudia safely into hiding over a month ago, and we haven't had any real contact with Adam's people since. Vic pissed me off, but I guess I just can't stand a rat… no matter what the reason. Emma gave me an earful saying I don't know what it's like to be scared like that. I don't know where she gets off though. I never put myself in a situation that stupid. I admit to having dealt with a lot of characters that would make the team shudder, but I always knew the score. Vic did too getting in, so I don't know why I have to have so much sympathy for him. I just don't know why I have to have so much sympathy for someone who knew what he was getting into in the first place. I'm glad that Raymond's going away for a long time. He isn't a good guy by any means.

On the other side of things, we have been doing a lot of updating on security at a few of the safe houses that had been broken into by the GSA last year and we haven't used since. We figure, since the GSA's database was mysteriously destroyed a few months back, we can fix up the safe houses and use them as last resorts. So Shal and I have been busy reloading an entirely new software program into the safe houses with new access panels. I discovered that she is good at hacking into things on a computer, but has no ability to deal with wiring and repair. Of course I will have a permanent bruise on my shoulder as a reminder never to call her a blond electrician. She wired at least two of the panels backwards, and we were almost locked in. From then on Adam sent Jesse with me to do the wiring.

The retribution for the comment came a few days later when Shalimar had Jesse pull up one of the security cameras from the school and made an 11 x 14 sized print of me driving the school bus. I tried my hardest to get it back from her, but she is a lot faster and used the unfair advantage of jumping to the second level when I tried to chase her down. She now has it hidden away in her room, and warned me that the next serious girlfriend I have is going to see it. She just doesn't play fair sometimes.

Emma has been shadowing Adam recently, even more so then normal, but hasn't been very open with any of us. She has been withdrawn at times, locking herself in her room, and acting very strange. I have tried talking to her a few times, and she has been pushing me away. Jesse said the same thing has been happening to him. I think Shalimar and Adam are the only people to get through to her lately. Shalimar is just too stubborn to back down when she knows that something is really wrong. I don't know what would happen if she lost Emma. Shal was talking a few days ago about how bored she was at Sanctuary when she didn't have another girl to talk to. I guess I can understand that. She was stuck here for years with just two guys to talk to, and I think I would go nuts if all I had were women living with me. Well then again…

We haven't had much time to go out with all of the upgrades that we have been doing. Adam has done diagnoses on all of us twice in the past three weeks, which is odd from our normal once a month check ups. When we asked, he just said he was recalibrating the machines and wanted to make sure the readings were normal. I just hope we're not going to go through another power growth spurt again. The last one was almost enough to destroy Sanctuary!

Shalimar remembered having fun with Brennan while wiring the safe houses. No, she was never meant to be an electrician, Brennan had that right. She also remembered that picture she had made of him in the school bus was all too funny to look at. She was pretty sure that Jesse and Emma had made themselves copies too. She had mounted it inside her closet door. He knew better then to go into her closet. She flipped to the next page and began to read the next entry.

April 10, 2003

I don't think I have seen Adam this hell bent in a while. Ever since Eckhart sold him out to that judgment panel, he has been on a tirade. He has been locking himself in his office for hours and telling us all to go away and leave him alone when he is in there. I guess we all got too comfortable with the idea that we don't have to deal with Eckhart and have been focusing on different things.

I thought Shalimar was going to go nuts when she watched Adam get taken and his source take off leaving her to try to save him. She was on a mission to find Adam and anyone who got in her way was in for it. I love having her on my side. She is one of the only people I have ever met that I know I can place my trust in fully, and that she would die before letting me down. She does it for all of us, but I can't help but think that she is one of the only reasons I have stayed here when things aren't going right.

That Tribunal was a bunch of self-righteous pompous asses. I mean really who are they to judge things when they aren't even a part of what goes on. They hide from the world and think they have the right to condemn other people. Yet they take the word of a mad scientist like Mason Eckhart who runs wild doing whatever genetic experiments he wants. I hope that blowing up the place kills their 'vigilante justice' for a while. I won't even try to delude myself into thinking that we have stopped them.

Other then Adam being captured, we haven't run into a whole lot lately. We finished the safe house checks and upgrades a few weeks ago, and now Jesse and Adam are doing most everything from Sanctuary. That has left most of us with a lot of spare time. So yesterday Shalimar and I decided to pull out our paintball guns and have some fun in the woods out back. Of course when Emma and Jesse saw Shal and I preparing for some type of war game they both wanted in. So the four of us decided to go out back and have some fun.

I knew that Shalimar was going to be my worst nightmare, but I didn't realize that Jesse had improved his aim significantly… must be all those damn video games he's been playing lately. We were going to play teams, but then opted to do an "every man for himself" game and no limits on power use or shots taken. Big mistake. Emma was shot three times in the first 20 minutes and Jesse got me within the first 10. I have to admit I was gunning for Shalimar though. She had gotten me bad before, and I wanted to get her this time around. I was doing good, acting stealthy, and then Jesse inadvertently came around behind me and got off a shot right in my back. I shot back at him but missed completely.

I was still on the hunt for Shalimar, and knew she was hiding somewhere. I was guessing up in the trees so she would have a good vantage point. I looked all over and couldn't find her. She had shot Emma and took off, and then she got Jesse. I followed the sounds and saw her flying like Tarzan through the trees and ran to keep up. I finally got her when she was in mid flight. I must have shot off 10 paintballs, but hey two hit and that's what counts, right?

Of course I had distracted her enough that she landed on a weak branch that gave under her weight. I have never seen her fall, but the girl must always land on all four. I was temporarily stunned and scared that she hurt herself. She took that to her advantage and pulled her gun out from the back of her pants and shot me. I think we must have shot off half of our paintballs at each other. When our CO cartridges finally ran out she tackled me and we began wrestling, trying to smash some of the unbroken paint balls on each other. We called it quits and headed back to Sanctuary after running out of ammunition and covered from head to toe in pink and yellow paint. On our way back, Emma and Jesse had called us saying that they were setting up a picnic at the table and we should stop playing and come eat.

All and all it was one of the really good days. We had a ton of fun hanging out and laughing. Jesse had paint splattered all in his hair, and Emma had it all over her neck. I think we killed the hot water in Sanctuary for the next 24 hours, but that stuff doesn't want to come off once it's hardened and crusted onto you!

I know that I have lots of issues… I probably need to seek therapy… but Shalimar was coming out of the shower tonight as I was going in and I couldn't help but be disappointed that I wasn't there to wash off the paint from her. So of course I start to get this fantasy going while I was in the shower.

I walked in on her. Initially she looks at me and tries to cover up. She had just gotten in and her hair was still mostly dry. She had paint all over her body. I offered to help her get cleaned up, and after a brief blush of modesty, she acquiesced. I have never seen Shalimar naked before, but the Shalimar in my fantasies has the most perfect body. I'm actually convinced that my fantasies and reality probably look almost identical. I have seen her close to naked enough times to get a feel for her dimensions. I just stare for a moment while I make a show of taking off my clothes.

Blood is quickly redistributing itself and I try to concentrate on not being too eager. That all changes when I see her looking me over with want in her eyes. She quickly catches my eye noticing me noticing her and turns around wetting her hair under the spray. Sanctuary actually has a circular shower system that spurts water like rain all around you. Shal looked so beautiful with the water cascading over her shoulders that I had to bend down and taste her skin in the guise of a soft kiss on her shoulder where she didn't have paint splashed.

She shivered like a chill went through her and quickly handed me the soap. I lathered my hands and washed her back taking my time to knead her muscles and then got her shampoo and washed her hair. I love the smell of her shampoo. It smells almost like a field of flowers. I massage her head and gently wash out all of the shampoo and she asks me to do it one more time, so I do.

Shal then spun me around and began to do my back and neck. I loved feeling her hands scrubbing my skin and then working my muscles with her strong and talented hands. She has given me a ton of back rubs, and the woman could be a professional masseuse. I feel my knees weaken as she rights the muscle in my lower back that has been bothering me all week. I feel her flesh come into contact with mine as she reaches up to shampoo my hair. She finally rinses the soap out of my hair and spins me once again.

I must blush because she smiles and begins to soap my neck and shoulders working her way slowly down to my waist but stopping before touching me where I'm aching for her touch the most. She then lathers her hands again and puts the soap into mine. I work the soap in my hands as I feel her working her way down my front and each side of my hips. I stop my hands from shaking just before I reach for her shoulders working my way down. It has become a game of sweet torture as to which one of us will give first.

I've lost, I realize as her hands softly and deftly play my body like a harp. I grab the sides of her face and pull her into a kiss that is returned with equal fever. I suck her tongue into my mouth and taste her sweetness. She is moaning and writhing against me in the most delicious of ways.

I needed her right then. I backed her up to the wall and picked her up and she wraps her legs around my waist.

Of course being alone in the shower wasn't quite as much fun as my fantasy would have been. I know that I shouldn't fantasize about her, and it's even dumber to write about them. I feel like I need to do it sometimes though. I think it keeps me sane or from grabbing her and kissing her senseless some days.

Shalimar felt like she was hot and ready for a cold shower from reading the fantasy. She wished they had time to do that one, and she would have to remember it for when Brennan was well again. She remembered a faint feeling of disappointment that he wasn't there for her shower, but her fantasy had been a lot less interesting. Even then they had wanted each other, but refused to act on it. Sometimes she regretted not just grabbing him and kissing him with all her heart and soul sooner. She resigned herself to being content with what they had though. Flipping to the next page she realized that there were only two more entries. She felt a wave of depression hit her and wondered why he had stopped writing. Part of her wanted to save the last two entries, but a larger part begged to know what they were. She acquiesced to the larger driving force and began to read anew.

May 2, 2003

I just had one of the most amazing nights of my life, and nothing really happened that was extraordinary. I guess the past few weeks have been leading up to it though. My powers out of control and nearly killing me… Emma risking herself to save my life… Me almost getting Megan killed in the process of losing control of my powers… Emma being possessed by the dead fireman… Shalimar being mind raped by that asshole, and Emma doing whatever the hell it is she did to him… (I'm wondering how strong she really has become.) To say the least… The past few weeks have been hell. Which is probably what made tonight so special.

Adam finally gave us the night off, realizing that we all needed a mental health reprieve. We basically badgered Adam until he agreed to give us a day off but with the stipulation that we do something together to refocus as a team… which was his way of saying that we are not to go to the bar or do things on our own. It was kind of a weird request when he told us, but now it makes perfect sense. We all racked our brains for something to do that would get us out of Sanctuary, but fit into Adam's specifications too. Jesse and Shalimar finally came up with an idea that appealed to all of us.

So around 6 pm last night we grabbed up the big tent and our sleeping bags and trekked down to the beach to have a cookout, bonfire, and slumber party of sorts. It sounds really stupid, but it was just what we all needed. Shalimar still wasn't nuts about the bonfire idea, but with the rest of us sitting there she refused to sit it out.

We started out the night making shish kabobs and then roasting marshmallows over the campfire. Jesse has an innate talent at campfire cooking. He managed to impress all of us with his ability. Then we all sat around and talked for hours… mostly about stuff over the past few months. We discussed how our powers were growing and changing.

Shalimar pulled me to the side and we talked for a few minutes while Jesse and Emma had taken their turn getting more wood for the fire. She told me that she would always remember where home was, but sometimes I am the one she worries will forget. She and I have come to an understanding that she needs to be out at night and do her thing, but I will most likely be waiting up for her when she gets home. Just to make sure she's alright.

The rest of the night was spent in-between deep and light conversations. We would go from talking about what we wanted to change around in Sanctuary to deep heartfelt discussions of what this past year or so had brought all of us. Jesse talked about the feelings of helplessness when he couldn't control his phasing. Emma talked about how her powers were scaring her sometimes. I admitted to my desire to have a lack of near death experiences. Shalimar talked about what it was like to have heightened senses to the point she had to concentrate not to listen in on people's conversations.

We managed to construct the tent without any problems. That was a first for us and we all had a good laugh about it. We eventually wound up playing cards and a round of monopoly. I don't know how I got suckered into that one, but it was fun and they let me be the bank man. Of course Shalimar had to take a stab about making sure all of the play money was there when we finished!

We were debating about falling asleep when Shalimar stripped down to a pair of shorts and her tank top then proceeded to go tearing out of the tent and jumped into the water. The rest of us just looked at each other shrugged and joined her. So there we were in the near-freezing water in the middle of the night having splash fights and body surfing. We eventually got too numb to stay in the water any longer and retreated to the embers of the campfire and threw more wood on to stoke it and warm ourselves. Jesse and Emma shared a blanket, Shal and I shared the other. Shal was shivering so I wrapped myself around her and kept her warm. We retreated to the tent shortly after and fell asleep.

I'm not sure why I woke up, but I know when I looked around Jesse and Shalimar were missing. By the light coming from outside the tent, I could tell it was nearing dawn. I poked my head outside and found the two of them huddled under a blanket on a large piece of driftwood facing the sea watching the sky and speaking in soft voices. When I approached, they looked up and smiled at me, then extended the blanket as an invitation. We sat in silence watching the sky change colors, and a little while later Emma came out soon after and huddled under the blanket with us. The four of us just sat and watched the sunrise wordlessly. It sounds strange, but it was the most comfortable thing. As the sun rose out of the water, I couldn't help myself but recite one of my favorite poems by Robert Frost:

"Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold,

Her early leaf's a flower,

But only so an hour,

Then leaf subsides to leaf,

So Eden sank to grief,

Then Dawn goes down to day,

Nothing gold can stay."

We all sat in silence and Shalimar stroked my hand. We all felt that something big was on the horizon just then. We aren't sure what it is or how soon it will be but I believe that we will face it as a team and as friends.

Shalimar felt her heart clench at the memory of that night. It was the last time they did anything together before the debacle with her father and Emma's death. It was strange… even then, they knew that something big was going to happen. The poem by Robert Frost that Brennan had recited had fit everything so perfectly. It talked about so much in just a few lines… The realizations of life and the harshness of reality that are thrust upon you even when you try to hold them at bay. Sometimes she wished to return to their previous lives where they enjoyed some ignorance of the Dominion and the horrors that were Adam's deepest and darkest secrets.

Looking down she found the last entry. Her finger trailed over his sharp and slanted handwriting and began to read.

October 30, 2003

I'm not sure what to do anymore. This Lexa bitch just shows up out of nowhere and proceeds to try to run our home and our lives. I'm pissed off at the world for taking Emma away. I'm even more pissed for having this self-centered, know-it-all, high horsed bitch come into my home and act like she is the Queen Fucking Bee.

Shal and Jesse don't want to leave their home. I can't blame them. They have pretty much grown up here. I don't want to leave either of them with this ego-maniacal princess though. So much has happened in such a short amount of time. It seems like just yesterday we were having our picnic on the beach. I can't believe it was almost five months ago. I read that entry I made and realized that our summer has been really crazy. We had been chasing leads for Eckhart and trying to protect as many new mutants as we could.

I think Shalimar is still confused about her dad. I talked to her and Jesse for a long time last night. Jesse and I both agreed that Shalimar should call the hospital and talk to her dad just to make sure he is ok. She loves him as much as a scared daughter can.

I don't feel any remorse for killing Eckhart. I probably should, but I can't bring myself to because of what he has done to all of us. He almost killed me. He was evil. I don't think he ever had a good intention in his life. I've never killed anyone in cold blood before. It bothers me that I'm not bothered more.

Shalimar has become my strength. She was ready to tear down the place brick by brick just to save me. Maybe that's why I've decided to try to be more aware of other women. I can't keep going the way I am with her. It's not fair to her or myself. I've come to terms with the fact that I will always care for her deeply, but there is too much between us to risk taking things any farther.

Jesse has been the first to accept Lexa. I'm not a fan of her. When she kissed me at the casino, I couldn't help but kiss her back. I don't know why. Stupid sex drive! I realized later that she was battling me for dominance. She wants control and to be the leader. She is going to have a fight every step of the way before I give in. She doesn't care about Shalimar or Jesse and I know they can both look after themselves… they have proven that more then enough times. But they are nothing to Lexa except expendable. I have thought of leaving but I realize now that my fate still lies with this team. I need to be here to protect and keep watch over them whenever and however I can.

That was it. Shalimar read the last few lines over and over. He had stayed because of her and Jesse. There were no more entries. Not even mentioning Samantha or the child that Ashlocke's remaining crew told him about. In a way Shalimar was happy about that. She knew that he had a connection with Samantha that would have changed her and Brennan's relationship forever. She felt selfish and wrong for being glad that the other women hadn't had time to take Brennan away from her.

Deciding not to dwell on negative thoughts and punish herself for things beyond her control, Shalimar decided to get up and go talk to the others. Judging by the sun it was late afternoon already, and they still had some planning and packing to finish before tomorrow.

Okay I'm sorry the journal entries ended there. I hope your not too mad! I needed to show a change that occured in Brennan though between Season 2 and Season 3. His character changed a lot and I felt that some of the character ideals he started with weren't priorities for him anymore. Both he and Shalimar had very bloody scenes in the first ep of the 3rd season involving on screen deaths of other characters in a more grapic display. That was a big change from the previous. I needed to show that their characters were changing.

The poem is by Robert Frost and I have to thank S.E. Hinton who wrote the book, The Outsiders, (If you haven't read it you might want to try it!) That was the first place I was exposed to Robert Frost's work. The poem fit so well with what I was writing I had to include it. I also have to thank my english teacher who got me hooked on the book way back in grammer school. She was one of those teachers that change your life.

If you get a chance check out some of Robert Frosts other poetry. It is very good.

Okay, begging to know what you all thought. I don't care what you write, it doesn't have to be long. Like it, hate it?