Derek woke up to the sun in his eyes. He didn't get drunk last night. He stayed up thinking. Addison was right. Meredith was what he wanted. She meant more to him than anything. The thought of losing her made him sick to his stomach. So he was rebuilding. He was going to fix it. He could accept whatever she did or didn't want. If things were meant to be, they would be. He couldn't wait to get to the hospital. He couldn't wait to see her face, to look into her green eyes.
Derek didn't have surgery until ten. He knew that Meredith probably had rounds. He was hoping he would be able to request her for his procedure. That would break the ice. That would get the ball rolling. The thought of being with her again made him feel whole.
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Meredith yawned whole-heartedly. She was tired. He hadn't slept well since who knows when. But she did know when. It was the last time that Derek was there. The last time he held her in his strong arms. If she closed her eyes tight enough she could still feel him. She could still feel is arms and his shallow breath as he chest rose and fell against her. She could smell his familiar scent. She slowly opened her eyes and came to the sad reality that was before her. She pushed him away, and she had no idea how she was going to bring him back.
"You look tired." Izzie said as Meredith walked in slowly. The bags below her eyes looked as if she were taking a month long trip.
"I am. I couldn't sleep." Meredith said as she ambled over to the coffee pot.
"Do you see the irony here?" Izzie said with a chuckle.
"What?" Meredith said as she stirred her coffee.
"You fight with McDreamy, and you can't sleep. But when you fight with McDreamy, we sleep like babies." Izzie said with a chuckle.
"She's right." George agreed. "I have never heard anyone scream louder than you."
"You guys are a pain." She moaned. Izzie sat a plate of bacon, eggs and toast in front of her.
"Eat!" Izzie demanded.
"I'm not hungry." Meredith said as she pushed the plate away and laid her head on the table.
"Yes you are. I have to feed you. Without Derek, you would starve. We all know you won't feed yourself." Izzie pointed out as she handed her a small glass of orange juice.
"Fine." Meredith replied as she pulled the plate towards her. She grabbed a piece of crisp bacon and took a bite. "I miss him..." She moaned softly. She was finally admitting the truth to herself as well as others.
"We know..." They said together.
"Just call him." Izzie said.
"I don't know. I said we needed space. Now I should give it to him, right? Who am I kidding? I don't want space. I want Derek. I want him so close that no one can tell that we are two people." Meredith explained.
"Tell him that." Izzie said reassuringly. "Tell her, George."
"She's right. I'm sure he is waiting for you to call. I am sure he has been moping around for the last few days." George said as he patted her on the back.
"You two were made for each other." Izzie smiled as she spoke. "When I think of you, I think of you and Derek. I can't imagine either of you with anyone else."
"Really?" Meredith asked.
"Seriously." George agreed.
"I will talk to him today." She said quickly. "Today is the day."
"Good." Izzie said with a sigh of relief. "Seriously, I can't sleep without the loud sex now. It just way too quiet!" Izzie joked. Meredith hit her with the newspaper.
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Meredith was assigned to the pit for the morning. She didn't care. She was sure that things were improving. She was going to talk to Derek, and they were going to be okay. She needed them to be okay. He was the glue that held her together. Without the glue, she was just dust. He was the water and she was the plaster. He made her whole. She was thinking about what she was going to say to him as she was walking down the hallway. She was brought back to reality as she slammed into someone.
"Hey!" Nick Watson said with a smile. "You just about knocked me down!"
"Oh, hey. Sorry." She apologized. "What are you doing down here?" Meredith asked.
"Oh, I just roam the hospital when I have nothing else to do." He said with a chuckle.
"I have a hard time believing that you have nothing to do!" Meredith joked with a hint of flirtation.
"You'd be surprised. Here I am busy. I never even get to go home. In turn no social life!" Nick told her.
"I know how that feels..." She laughed. "So how is Anna?"
"She is doing really well." He said with a nod. "You saved her life!" Nick said with a grin.
"How is she feeling?" Meredith questioned, as she brushed the hair out of her face.
"Well, her temporary foster family brought her in yesterday, actually. She is doing--" He started to explain. Meredith's jaw hit the floor.
"What do you mean, foster family?" She asked with an undertone of panic.
"Oh, I guess you haven't heard. Can you grab a cup of coffee?" He asked as put his hand behind her back.
"Of course." She said, not caring if she really could or not.
"Wow. I figured someone would have said something." Nick said in shock. "But then again, you are on the surgical floor." They walked up to the coffee cart. "What do you want?" He asked her.
"I can get mine." She said quickly.
"No, no. I insist. You did save my favorite patient's life." He said. "I'll have a double espresso. And Dr. Grey will have a..."
"Black coffee." She spat out. She didn't even like black coffee. But the way her day was now going, she needed something bitter.
"Lets sit down." He said as he walked her to the chairs in the lobby.
"So, what is going on?" She asked. She couldn't keep it in any longer.
"Oh. Well, it seems when I talked to social services, I stepped on a land mine. I called because I could not see how anyone could deny their grandchild a chance to get better. No matter how much I hated the donor, I could never do it. So anyway they checked for signs of abuse, and there were none." Nick said with a sigh.
"And..." She said with a hurried tone.
"Well, they did some checking. Mr. and Mrs. Livingston didn't add up. Nothing added up. It was like they appeared out of thin air. So social services did some digging, and passed it on to the police. It seems that they were wanted fugitives. Their names, social security numbers, essentially their whole identities were fake. So, they were arrested, and Anna was taken. She had no other family." He explained.
"Oh my God." Meredith said as she covered her mouth. "Oh my God." She repeated as her heart jumped into her throat. She felt Nick's hand over hers. It offered some comfort.
"I know." He said softly as he saw a tear run down her cheek.
"She lost her mom, and then her dad, and now she has no one. She has no one." She said, gasping for air. "Something needs to be done." She said as she stood up. "This will crush her. She doesn't even have a chance!" She said as she paced back and forth in front of him.
"Well, if it's any consolation, the family she is with seems really nice." Nick said with a hopeful voice.
"It's not. She can't take this. It will break her. She is only six years old." Meredith said as she continued to pace.
Nick stood up and put his hand on her shoulder. She continued pacing. She paused for a moment and put her hand on her forehead and closed her eyes. Nick looked at her face, she was in distress. He never thought that it would affect her so badly. He did the only thing he knew to do. He pulled her into a hug. She sighed as he wrapped his arms around her and he pulled her close. Little did they know that Derek Shepherd was walking in the entrance. Derek stopped dead in his tracked. He immediately felt sickened by the sight. Someone else's hands on her was too much.
"Six is young. She will be okay. She will probably find a family, and put all of this behind her." He said. She quickly pulled back.
"No she won't. Believe me. She won't forget. You remember things at that age. I have to do something, I have to...I have to go!" She said as she pulled away and ran off.
Derek stood there puzzled. It definitely wasn't what he thought it was. At first glance it looked way too friendly. But seeing the look on Nick's face, and the look on Meredith's as she ran away, he knew it was bad. Something was wrong. Whatever it was, was bad. He walked over to Nick quickly.
"What's going on?" He asked Nick. He wasn't nice, he wasn''t short. He was indifferent.
"It's Anna..." He said with a sad sigh. "I don't think she's going to be okay..." He drifted off.
"The transplant didn't work?" Derek asked sadly.
"No, Anna will be okay. It's Meredith I'm worried about..." He said as her figure disappeared.
"What's wrong with Meredith?" He said with concern.
"Anna--" He started as his pager went off. "It's 911. I have to go." He said as he ran off.
Derek stood there more confused than ever. What the hell is going on? What is wrong with Meredith? He quickly started walking in the direction he had last seen her. He jogged up the stairs and ran up to the surgical floor. He began searching. He had to find her. He had to make sure she was okay. After forty-five minutes of searching, he still hadn't found her. He was just heading to the basement when his pager went off. He sighed and dropped his head as he walked back to the surgical floor.
"Dr. Bailey?" He shouted as he saw her walking away from him.
"Yes, Dr. Shepherd?" She asked.
"I need an intern. Make it Grey." He said flatly, hoping to keep away a comment of favoritism.
"Grey went home." Miranda answered. "You can have O'Malley."
"Why did Grey go home?" He asked her.
"What is it with you people! Just talk to her yourself. First she is asking about you, being all worried. And now you are asking about her. It was easier when you two were together..." She said quickly. He gave her a look. "She went home for personal reasons." She finally said. "Talk to her yourself. I am not your messenger."
Meredith had asked about him. She was worried about him? Somehow he found comfort in that. He found comfort in the fact that she still cared. Maybe it wasn't too late. He needed to be with her. He needed to check on her. He knew she could self-destruct. Especially if she didn't have anyone to talk to. He grabbed the chart for his patient. The surgery had to be done. It couldn't be postponed. Luckily it wouldn't take too long. The minute it was over, he had to go find her.
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Meredith drove home frantically. For some reason this had hit her hard. Maybe it was because she grew up without a father. Not to mention her mother was rarely present. She grew up without a family, and it had taken it's toll on her. She wasn't going to let that happen with Anna. Not if she could help it. She quickly pulled in her driveway and ran into the house. She began throwing things around, looking for a phone book. After searching in a frenzy, she found the number for social services. She immediately called the number.
After twenty minutes on hold, Meredith was finally able to work with Anna's case worker. The conversation was quick. She said she wanted to have a meeting with Meredith. Meredith wanted to get the ball rolling as quickly as possible. Luckily she agreed to have a meeting with her today.
Meredith's knuckles were white as she drove to Carol's office. Carol Baker was Anna's case worker. She was the one that made all of the decisions. She seemed happy to hear from Meredith. Or perhaps a little relieved. Meredith had on a nice sweater and dress slacks. She wanted to make a good impression. She wanted this to work. She sat down in a waiting chair. The place was crummy. The paint was dull and chipping. The artwork on the walls was old and plain. She didn't like being here in this cold place. She didn't like that this was happening at all.
"Ms. Grey?" She heard. She looked up to see a woman in her fifties. She had soft gray hair in light curls. She looked pleasant. Meredith walked up to the woman quickly. "I'm Carol Baker." She said as she stuck out her hand.
"Meredith Grey." She returned with a handshake and a smile.
"Let's go to my office." She said as she led the way.
Meredith took a look around the office as she sat down in the worn chair. It was different than the waiting area. It was bright. It was happy, hopeful even. Drawing from children adorned the walls, along with many pictures. Some were family, others were obviously kids she had placed. Meredith breathed a sigh of relief as she sat back.
"Well, I have to say I was very happy that you called, Ms. Grey." Carol said with a weathered smile.
"Please, call me Meredith." She stated with a faint smile.
"Anna Livingston is a very special girl." Carol stated. Meredith nodded. "How exactly do you know her?"
"Well, I kind of knew her father. She was also a patient at Seattle Grace, where I work. And I donated bone marrow for her." Meredith said, hoping that was enough.
"Oh, you donated the bone marrow that saved her. That is very special indeed." Carol agreed. "So what exactly is it that you do, Meredith."
"I am a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital." Meredith stated proudly.
"So you are a doctor?" Carol asked. Meredith nodded. "This is good. This is very good. You see, we have been having some trouble with Anna." Meredith's face dropped with worry. "Oh, no, don't worry. It's just that her temporary family has not been able to get her to talk. In fact, apparently her doctor is the only one she has spoken to since she was brought in. She is shy, and with all of this change... I just wish she had family to take her in. I hate to see this sort of thing." Carol said sympathetically
"She has gone through a lot..." Meredith drifted off.
"So, I think that this may work. Of course, there will be a home inspection. There is tons of paperwork you must fill out. And if everything checks out, we will go with temporary custody until the outcome of the trial is known. If Mr. and Mrs. Livingston are found not guilty, they will most likely regain custody. I do not, however, see that happening." Carol explained as she handed her a pile of paperwork.
"So what exactly happened with them?" Meredith asked nervously. "I mean, why were they arrested?"
"Well, it seems that they were involved in some sort of peace rally forty years ago. Their group bombed a building and killed ten people. They were the only ones that were not caught." Carol explained. "They had been hiding out all these years."
"Well, that's not very peaceful." Meredith said with a chuckle.
"That's what I thought." Carol agreed. "Okay, well I have another appointment coming in. It was nice meeting you. We will press on as soon as you get that paperwork filled out."
"Thank you, Mrs. Baker." Meredith said as she shook her hand.
"No, thank you, Dr. Grey." She responded with a handshake and a smile.
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Meredith rushed home and began filling out paperwork. The questions they were asking her were unbelievable. She ended up rushing around the house and grabbing tons of records. She sprawled everything out on the table and began filling things out. She wanted to cry about halfway through. Her hand cramped up from all of the writing and her eyes weren't seeing straight. She jumped up and grabbed a soda. She rarely drank the stuff, but she needed the caffeine, and she didn't think the sugar would hurt either.
Carol Baker was shocked when Meredith showed up in her office, just a few hours later with all of her completed paperwork in hand. She commented on how Meredith must really want this and she hand never seen the packet completed before two days. Carol said that she would take a look over the paperwork, and they scheduled a home visit for later that same day.
When Meredith walked back in the house she wanted to cry. She just wasn't sure if it was out of sadness or joy. She quickly changed into an old pair of jeans and her warn Oxford tee shirt. She had to clean. She had to make sure everything was just perfect. This couldn't be screwed up.
She started from the top, down. First she dusted. It was a mess. She had never realized how bad it really was. They had been living in a haunted house. Next she vacuumed the rugs. Every time she thought she was getting somewhere, she found something else to do. Not to mention she kept getting side tracked. Then she realized that she hadn't grocery shopped since she and Ian had went. That was just something else she had to do. Not to mention the grass needed to be cut. She had let the lawn service go. She figured that she or George, or at the time, Ian could do it. Working long hours did not agree with that.
Begrudgingly she went outside and started the mower. She hadn't really done much grass cutting. In fact, she couldn't ever remember doing it. But she managed. She got it done. The weed eater was an entirely different story. She ended up getting grass all over herself. Not to mention she was throwing rocks and sticks at herself. After that she wanted to take a nap. She went inside and sighed, realizing that she still had a ton to do in there. She sat down, covered in green grass stains, and prayed she was doing the right thing.
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Every time Derek thought he was done, someone else needed him. He sighed and agreed to go along to just one more consult, or just one more check up. It was getting on his nerves. He still didn't know what had went on with Meredith. Finally around four in the afternoon, he was done. He rounded on his last patient. He was free. He quickly changed into is clothes and hurried out to his car before someone else asked something of him.
Derek was somewhat nervous about seeing her. He had is planned in his head. What he was going to say, what he was going to do. He was ready to take a step towards her. If she didn't make the step, he would so it for her. He knew she was scared to move forward, and he had come to accept it. As he pulled up into her driveway, he went over his speech one last time. He walked quickly up the stairs and to the front door. His face turned puzzled when he looked in and saw her scrubbing the floors. He knew that she cleaned when she got upset. Now he was worried.
"Hey." He said as he opened the door that was not locked.
"Hey." She said as she glanced up, but kept on working.
"What's going on? Are you okay? Miranda said you took a personal day." She kept cleaning. "Meredith!" He said loudly.
"Oh! I'm sorry." She said as she stood up.
"Are you okay?" He asked. He looked at her. Her hair in a messy ponytail. Her jeans were dirty and covered in green. Her Oxford shirt was a mess. "Wow. You are...dirty." He said in shock.
"Yeah, I've been busy." She said as she looked around the almost clean house.
"I can see that." He said quickly. "Meredith, I'm so sorry, but..." He said as he looked into her eyes.
"Anna's grandparents went to jail." She spat out. She was afraid to hear what he was going to say.
"What?" He said, taken a back and surprised at the change of subject.
"She's in foster care, Derek." She said as her eyes welled up.
"Oh..." He muttered softly.
"I am trying to get custody of her." She told him quietly. "The social worker is coming in three hours." He started to laugh.
"I'm sorry...Did you really just say you are trying to get custody of her?" He said with a chuckle.
"Yeah, I did." She responded angrily. "Is that funny?" She spat.
"Uh, a little." He said, still chuckling. "Come on Mer, what can you do for her? Feed her take out and fast food? Hopefully she can cook and clean, or she's out of luck." He said smartly.
"I can't believe you just said that." She said with hurt in her eyes.
"I see. So you can adopt a child, you don't even know. A child who's father tried to blow up the hospital. Who's grandparents are in jail. And her mother, I'm sure she was no winner, considering she didn't even have anything to do with her child's father. So, you can adopt a child like that, but you can't be the mother of my children?" He spat with anger.
"Derek--" She said with tears coming down her face.
"No. You want children. You just don't want children with me. It's good to know..." He said as he began to walk away.
"No!" She said as she ran up and grabbed his arm. "You can't do this to me."
"You? It's always about you... What about me, Meredith. What about me?" He said as his face started to drop. She could see the hurt in his eyes. "You are killing me here..."
"She is an innocent child. I had a shitty life growing up. I was alone. I had no dad, and my mom acted like I was baggage. She did whatever she could to keep me out of her hair. I had no family. Just a mother who didn't want me. I can't stand here, and watch this little girl suffer like I did. She has no one. I love you Derek, and I need you. I need you to support me. I support you-" She said with tear filled eyes.
"You support me? Is that why you avoid me? Is that why you won't have my children?" He asked.
"I don't know what to do! I don't know what I want! Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't even try. I would be a shitty mother, right? Just like my mom... I am an intern. I work long weeks. The thought of having a baby scares the hell out of me. I am scared. I can't be hurt again, and I don't want to hurt you. That's what we are doing. We keep hurting each other. I just want to stop. I need you. I need you more than ever. So will you be there for me? Because if not, I need to get a lot stronger, really quick, because I am not sure I will make it." She sobbed as she finished her speech. He looked into her eyes, and felt tears welling up in his own.
"Oh God, Mer. I love you. I can't not love you. I came here- Well, I came her to say this: I said things I shouldn't have said and I'm sorry. I want to live the rest of my life by your side. It doesn't matter what I want. Because at the end of the day, all I want is you. I want whatever makes you happy. So I am here, by your side no matter what. No matter what crazy schemes you get me in. I am here." He said as he pulled her against him. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his chest. He kissed her on the head.
"God, you stink!" He said as he took a whiff of her hair. Instead of the normal lavender smell, he smelled gas, grease and cleaning products.
"Thanks." She said as she pulled away.
"You smell like you have been working your ass off." He pointed out.
"I have." She moaned.
"So, let's clean house." He said as he took his place on the floor.
"Really?" She said as she looked down at him.
"Really." He answered. She joined him, and they both knelt on the floor, scrubbing together.
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So Mer has lost her mind... And they have made up, thank God because it was killing me! Sex tomorrow! What do you think about this Anna situation? Please review...