Hello Beastie

Disclaimer:

Me: I own thwack ouch!

Me: I own wallop ow!

Me: I own-

S.M: GRRRR!

Me: sigh Fine! I don't own Twilight, Happy?

S.M: nods

Important: Hello All! I know its been a while coming but I'm stuck slap bang in the middle of my GCSE's right now and I just haven't had the time. I've got two mini stories to tell you before you read. :D . The first happened in my English Lit exam yesterday. One of the plays I'm studying is Blood Brothers, which about two twins called Mickey and Edward. Imagine how distracting it is trying to concentrate on exam when you have the name Edward staring you in the face, just inviting you to start daydreaming. And to top it all off, want to know what happened when I had 15 minutes left to finish an Essay? The plot bunnies attacked! Sooo watch out for a new and unusual story popping up on my homepage in the next couple of days. The second story, happened about a week ago when I was halfway through writing this here chapter. I got a review and PM from a user called HistoryInTheMaking who has helped me out with a few ideas before. So this time she very kindly sent me some more. Now here's the freaky part! The ideas she sent me corresponded almost exactly with the half of this chapter that I had already written! How scary is that?! I decided to incorporate in a few of the bits and pieces I hadn't already got because I really liked them. So here's the lesson, people, if you have an ideas for this story tell me! Shout-outs for everyone who does!

So this one is for HistoryInTheMaking! May we all bow down to her Edward-esque mind reading abilities. XD

Hello Beastie

BPOV

Damn, this bed is heavy! I thought as I dragged it screeching down the aisle. I trudged along at a snail's pace pulling the heavy frame with my handcuffed wrist. Edward had left me to find Emmett and I'm sure he knew exactly what I was doing but there was no way that was going to stop me. Suddenly, there was a crackling noise in my ear. I still had my earpiece in! I halted on the spot.

"Bella!" A voice crackled.

"Rosalie!?"

"I'm here Bella. Edward's coming back in second. I need you to distract him. And do it well Bella, this is important!"

"Why-"

"Just do it Bella" Interrupting me in the style of a Nike commercial. I sighed and racked my brains; I couldn't let the team down now. But before I had time to formulate one of my master plans I was lifted gently and put down on the soft bed. I was going to have to wing it this time, but that was a little difficult with Edward's bronze-haired head grinning down at me.

"You're just too darn pretty" I grumbled, thinking aloud.

"Ummm, thank you, I guess…?" He was pretending to look at me like I was crazy but I could see the smugness in his eyes. What followed next was the closest to an awkward silence that I have ever experienced with Edward. I sat twiddling my thumbs and looking anywhere but him as he smirked down at me. He knew.

"Sooo…" I began.

"So"

"What do you want to do?"

"What would you like to do? I'll leave it to you"

"Hurry up!" Rosalie hissed in my ear. Edward chuckled for no apparent reason and Rosalie cursed.

"Uhh…well….we could…umm…what I mean is…ahh…" I had a plan now. It was pitiful. But it was a plan. "Sooo, you're Edward…" I said lowering my lids in a way that I hoped made me look alluring but probably just made me look retarded.

"Perceptive as always" He smirked.

"I'm Bella…" I said huskily.

He raised his eyebrows and nodded.

"That means together we're… Bedward" I trailed off, pouting my lips a little, patting the bed and feeling like an idiot. He stared at me for a moment then burst out laughing. I could hear Rosalie and Emmett in hysterics through the earpiece. Way to boost a girl's self-esteem. Scowling, I flopped down on the bed. Well, if that was how he was going to play it, I was going to have to stop playing nice. I didn't want to resort to this but I was left with no choice. That fact did not stop me feeling immensely guilty though. With a sigh I closed my eyes and gathered all my concentration. With all the acting I had to do tonight it deserved to be an Oscar winner. Rose worked out what I was doing and whispered instructions in my ear so softly that I struggled to hear them.

Gradually, I slowed my breathing, taking deep breaths in as large gaps as possible. I heard the bed shift as Edward leaned over to watch me. Believe me this did not make it any easier. Edward had watched me sleep so many times that the smallest mistake would give me away. As Rosalie instructed, I let my eyelids flutter lightly to make it look like I was dreaming.

"Keep it up Bella he's buying it, I can tell!"

I let myself toss a little and kept my lids fluttering. Now for the hard part.

"My magic markers…toast…no, not that one…stupid pretty boy…" I sighed. Apparently this was the sort of gibberish that I spouted when sleep talking. I heard Edward chuckle softly.

"…NO!..." I twisted awkwardly in my fake sleep. "No Edward… come back… don't go…come back…he's gone…gone…I'm…broken…" I don't think I ever felt so guilty as when he started stroking my hair and whispering comforting words. I could hear the pain in his voice.

"I'm coming Bella!"

I let my eyes flicker open with a sigh and found myself staring back into Edward's topaz ones. A dart of shock flew through my stomach as I saw Rosalie towering behind him looking triumphant and hold a gagged Emmett in a headlock. Edward was completely unaware.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered. Confusion registered in Edward's eyes as Rosalie rolled hers behind him. With a grin, she leaned down and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hello Beastie" She said sweetly.

EPOV

At this moment in time, I was having a bit of a predicament. What with being strapped with my brother onto a bed, with my fiancé stood on my chest brandishing a paintball gun, wearing a SWAT outfit, and all. That's right, a SWAT outfit, I don't know in where on earth they found them but that's what Bella and Rosalie were wearing. If you are wondering why I wasn't struggling to get free at this moment, it was because I physically couldn't move. Care to find out why? I'll tell you. Because when I turned round after being propositioned and then almost worried to death by Bella to see Rosalie stood behind me, she just about castrated me. Personally, I don't see the amusing side of being kicked in… well lets just say even if I had been able to have children before, there was no doubt about it now.

Dude, they're gonna kill us! Emmett thought at me

I sighed and hit my temple with my forefinger, using the universal signal for "Uh, duh!"

Bella narrowed her eyes at me and cocked the paintball gun a little; I knew she hated it when we had these unvoiced conversations.

Hey Eddie! I glared at Emmett. Seriously, you're good at the flowery mumbo jumbo crap, give me something to sweet talk Rose!

I hated to admit it but "the flowery mumbo jumbo crap", as her so eloquently put it, was just what we needed.

"Bella" I whispered as smoothly as I could. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Bella, my love" I let my eyelids droop a little and gazed at her intensely, remembering how she had once said that this "dazzled" her.

"Oh no!" She gasped and dived at Rosalie. She squeezed her eyes tight and clamped her hands of her ears, shouting as loud as she could "LALALALALALA!"

Well that went well Emmett thought sarcastically.

"Trust me; it went better than you think." I whispered so that only he could hear.

Seriously, Ed, give me a hand

I smirked and whispered a few lines of Shakespeare to him. It wasn't earth shattering but it would do.

Really, chicks dig that? He asked bemused and I shrugged.

"WOULD NOT A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME SMELL LIKE FEET?!" Emmett boomed extravagantly in an English accent. Well that stopped Bella in her tracks. Rosalie's jaw almost hit the flaw. Emmett was grinning, still not realizing that he had not said it correctly and my Bella was giving him a look which wouldn't have looked out of place if she'd snapped her fingers in a Z formation and said "Oh no she did-dnt!".

"What?" Emmett asked, looking a little confused now.

"Smooth Emmett," I said sarcastically "Real smooth."

"Was that not what I was supposed to say?"

"You. Just. Told. Your. Wife. She. Smells. Like. Feet." Bella enunciated each word at him.

"Ah"

"Speaking of Rose, where is she?" I asked, realizing that she had disappeared. I detested this ridiculous rule stopping me from reading the other teams thoughts. Bella pointed to the mother and baby aisle, a place where I definitely wouldn't expect to find Rose. I looked over to see her hacking away at a stroller with a crow bar. Armed with 4 stroller wheels and a chassis from God only knows where, she stalked back towards the bed and slid under it. I had a terrible feeling that I knew exactly where this was going. In a matter of seconds she was back out again, looking triumphant. Bella, who could see exactly what had happened from where she was standing on the bed, had a wide, mischievous grin on her face.

"Better hold on tight there, Spidermonkey!" She called to me.

"Spidermonkey?" I questioned, raising and eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's a new thing I'm trying out" She smiled and then squeaked in surprise as Rosalie lifted her backwards off the bed. I felt my heart tug as she moved away from me.

Suddenly, the bed spun and all I could see was a swirl of colour. All I could hear was Emmett screaming like a girl, as usual… It was exactly what I had thought. Rosalie had attached wheel to the bed. It shuddered to an abrupt halt and I saw Bella and Rosalie perched on the end of the frame.

"So how bout it Bella? What do you say to us taking our boys for a ride" Before she had chance to answer, Rosalie kicked off with a stiletto-ed foot and we were propelled down the aisle. We jerked around corners and ricocheted through the store at an exhilarating pace. I could hear Bella's thundering heartbeat as if it were my own and I knew that we would have to stop soon. However, a scream other than hers or Emmett's rent through the air.

"NOOO! NOT THE EYEBROWS! ANYTHING BUT THE EYEBROWS!" But that sounded like…

"Carlisle?!" Rosalie hissed pulling us to a halt. We all paused in shock, when suddenly…

"BELLAAA!" My head almost ripped out of its socket as we all spun to look at the direction the scream had come from. Down a small flight of stairs there was a pair of double doors labeled "Staff Lounge". We all spun back to look at Bella. She looked amazingly confident as she clambered back on to my chest, standing up and spread her legs shoulder width apart. She was so beautiful. The sound of her pounding heart gave away her nerves as she slowly lifted the paintball gun and locked her hands on the trigger. I clamped my hands on her shins knowing exactly what would happen if she was allowed to "bed surf" unaided. Narrowing her eyes slightly she crouched in a feral position. I was amazed that she could have passed for one of us.

"You know what to do Rosalie" She growled. And with that we went flying down the stairs and crashed through the doors…

So there you have it! Oh by the there's on my poll for this story that a friend suggested to me, so go vote!! Waaaaaaaaaait!! You have to review first :D Reviews make me write and cheer me at this really, really stressful time (Final Physics exam soon bites nails) Love you all! I'll post the next chapter title here when I know it…

Hannah xx