Hey, here is the new chapter. forgive any grammar and spelling mistakes you see. anyways hope u like it and review.
I called Alice the moment I was far enough to not be seen. She answered before the first ring was finished.
"Hello Edward."
"Hey Alice. I'm coming home."
She sighed. " I know. Do you know if this is what you are supposed to do?"
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do Alice. If I stay I'll live in pain knowing I couldn't do anything to help her. I'm just so confused."
"I know. From what I have seen about her life, I understand why it hurts you. But I have this feeling, mind you it's only a feeling, that there more with her in our future. Anyways, it will be great to see you again. I missed you greatly. Without you are family just is not as complete."
"So where are you guys?"
"We are in Denali visiting Tanya and her clan. She's been asking about you. She will be happy you are coming to see her." She said in a joking voice.
"Funny Alice. Hey, do you think my coming home could stay secret? I would love to surprise them."
"Okay. Hurry up though."
"I'll be running."
I started running. It felt amazing. For a while I was free. Free from doubts, free from fears. I was free from myself. I ran to Alaska non-stop. It was absolutely amazing.
I arrived in Denali. I hunted, lowering my thirst and walked slowly to the Denali house. It was night time. The moon was golden, half of it was hidden behind the clouds. The stars lit the sky shedding light in the atmosphere.
For the first time in a while I realized what a monster I was. When I was with Bella, I never recalled my past, but here in the silence my mind would not shut up. I remembered the faces of the men as I killed them. Their last thoughts were of fear and despair. I was no better then them. They were not innocent but that did not change the fact that I murdered them. I was a soulless monster that preyed off of the blood of the living. I was damned. I belonged in hell.
When I finally got to the house I stood outside and listened. I could hear my family in the living room. Jasper and Emmett were gambling n who would win in the video game they were playing, Rosalie and Alice were talking to Tanya and the others about the latest fashions and what not, and Esme and Carlisle were watching them with amusement.
'Welcome, Edward.' Alice thought while still talking.
I slowly walked to the door and opened it. A silence fell over everyone and I hear d their curious thoughts.
"I'm back." I said in a quiet voice and everyone ran to meet me.
A chorus of Edwards rung in the air.
Someone slammed into me and wrapped their arms around me.
"You are Back!" The person said in a small voice.
"Hello Esme." I said, hugging her back. She was happy and for that I was glad.
I greeted everyone getting many hugs. Even Rosalie hugged me, saying she missed me.
We all gathered in the living room. We talked for hours filling me in on what I missed. When they were done an awkward silence hung in the air. I knew they expected me to tell them what was up with me but I couldn't.
Carlisle was the first to break the silence. "So, why did you stay in Forks?"
I froze. I didn't know what to tell them.
"It's personal." I said looking everywhere but at his eyes. All of my family was shocked. All but Alice.
"Since when do we have secrets?!" Rosalie asked.
"I just can't tell you guys. It's complicated." I said.
Silence hung over everyone. Their thoughts were confused. They didn't understand what was going on with me.
Finally Alice stood up. "Well, it is great that you are back Edward." She took one look at my ragged clothes. "Tomorrow we are going shopping!" She said. The more she thought about it the more excited she became.
After that the atmosphere became less tense. Conversations started, Emmett and Jasper went back to their game. My thoughts went back to bella. The only image I could see was of when I left her. All I could see was her sobbing, mumbling for me to come to her.
"Edward!" A voice yelled, breaking me from my thoughts. I looked to the owner of the voice and saw Jasper looking at me with a worried look.
"What Jasper?"
"I've been calling your name for a while. What's wrong? I'm getting some powerful feelings from you."
"Nothing." I said as I stood up.
Alice came running downstairs. "I'll go with you." She said.
"I didn't ask you."
"Has that ever stopped me?"
I laughed. Together we went for a walk.
When we got back Everyone was doing their own thing. No one but Tanya bothered me about what happened in Forks. I never told her though.
For four years I was with my family. I smiled and pretended to be happy. I would conceal my emotions from Jasper and I would smile and join in with the family.
I wasn't happy though. In fact, my life was a living hell. Thoughts of Bella were always my companions. I was worried about her constantly. I loathed myself for abandoning her. I lived in shame of leaving her and in shame of my rebellious years. I was utterly and completely miserable.
Alice was the only one who knew about Bella. Alice was the only one who knew I was miserable and it hurt her. She would spend her time trying to make me happy. I would laugh and smile at her but she always saw through it.