hey everyone. I don't really like this chapter at all so im sorry. i just kinda had writers block. anyways sorry for about grammer (sp?) and spelling. anyways can u try to get me to 85 reivews?

I didn't know what to do with myself. No matter what happened I couldn't find the energy to try to even fake happiness. I stayed away from my family. During the day I would play piano for hours, ignoring the worried thoughts and hushed conversations. At night I would walk aimlessly through Forks.

I felt guilty . Whenever Bella would enter my thoughts, my heart would crumble and my self loathing would increase ten-fold. I told her I would be there for her. When she needed me, when she was hurt and crying I proved what a monster I was. I walked away. I ran because her hurts caused me pain. I was selfish, and in turn I damaged a broken angel.

I didn't know if she healed. All I knew was her face twisted in pain while tears fell down her face as I betrayed her. All I knew was her voice as she called for me. I hated myself with a burning passion. I knew I was a monster but how could I do that to her? I hated myself and I hated life.

I sat in a meadow I found. It was night, the clouds in the sky had gaps between them showing the glistening stars. I sat laying on the ground starring at the stars. A rustling in the forest caught my attention.

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I asked her, not moving my gaze form the heavens.

"I came to talk to you." She said as she laid beside me. "Why do you avoid us/"

I sighed. "I don't know I-"

"Liar!" She interrupted me. "You do know . You just don't trust anyone enough to open up to them. Everything that goes on in your life you face alone it doesn't have to be like that."

"No Alice, your wrong. It does have to be that way. I love you all, but I can't be like what you want me to be."

"I'm not saying we want you to change. I'm just saying you don't have to carry the weight of the world. You can come to us for anything. You know that. We just want to be a part of your life."

I didn't answer her. I mean, what do you say to that? I loved them but, I don't know.

She hugged me and I hugged back. We stood for a while, staying like that. For once, the pain of everything lessened. I sighed.

"I'm worried about you. This can't be healthy. The family has talked about this and we decided you need a distraction." She said.

"You've been talking about me?!

It's not like you would talk to us face to face. Anyways, we decided that your going to school with us in a week."

"No!" I shouted. I don't want to go back to school.

"You are. You need something to do to get your mind off of your problems."

"And school will do that?" I asked sarcastically.

"It's decided. Please do this." She said.' If not for me than will you do it for Esme?' Alice thought. Her head filled with the image of Esme sitting at the piano. She had a pained look on her face. Her heart was broken. I t could be seen in her face. Her eyes lost the normal sparkle. Her face was sad and her hair was messy.

"God," She said, "I know we are not damned like Edward thinks we are. Please show him this. Show him what he really is. Show him what we see him as. Show him how you see him. Please." Esme prayed, rubbing her hands together. "Please."

"STOP IT! Please Alice. Please."

"Do it for Esme."

"Fine. For Esme." I said, as I sat down. She hugged me again.

"I'm sorry that I did that. It was for the best. Trust me." She said as she leaned down and kissed my cheek. "We love you Edward. We really do." She said. She got up and walked away.

I laid in the meadow starring at the stars until the sun rose making them disappear. I got up and walked home.

When I got to my house, I saw Esme watching me from my window.

"Esme?" I called out in a small, quiet voice knowing she heard me. A second later she was by my side. I wrapped my arms around her, shocking her.

"I love you mom." I said, my voice ringing with sincerity.

She returned my hug.

"I love you to." She whispered.

I let go of her and walked to Carlisle's office. I went in without knocking. He looked up from his office.

"Did Alice talk to you?" He asked.

I nodded.

"And what is your answer, Edward. Are you going to school next week with the others?"

"You guys pretty much already have made the decision that I'm going."

"Don't say that. We would never force you to do something that you are against. So will you go?"

"Yea, I'm going."

"I'm glad. This will be good for you."

And so I waited for school to start. I tried to live. I wanted Esme to be happy and how I was living was hurting her.

It didn't help much. They all saw through my facade but they knew I was trying.

The first day came all to soon.

I drove my Volvo to the school parking drawing the stares of the entire school population. When I got out of the car I was assaulted with the thoughts of three hundred students. Alice was right My problems were the last thing on my mind. I just had 300 high school students problems fill my mind.

I glared at Alice and she smiled at me. 'You will get over it' she thought.

She grabbed Jasper's hand and together they walked away. The day was horrible. The classes were pathetic, the teachers didn't understand what they were talking about, and the students were self-centered creatures.

All that they thought about was us. The girls compared themselves to Alice and Rosalie, while picking out the hottest guy. The guys were thinking of ways they could get into my sister's pants.

It was utterly repulsive. Still I was miserable. Whenever I saw these kids I was filled with rage. I remembered the tears Bella cried over them. And then I remembered my failure and my burning hatred of myself grew.