Derek awoke. He looked over to see Meredith, still in a peaceful asleep. She was snuggled up into his side. He could feel her warm shallow breaths on his skin. He had taken her shoes and dress off when she had fallen asleep last night. To his surprise, she never woke up. He pulled the cover up to her chin, feeling her cold cheek with his lips. He could tell that the stress had been getting to her and she needed a break. He was very happy to oblige.
"Hey sleepy head." Derek said sweetly as he walked into the hotel bedroom holding a tray. "I thought you were never going to wake up." He said with a slight chuckle as he looked at her, sitting on the bed, leaned up against the headboard. Her hair was in a tousled mess, and her makeup had run.
"Mmm." She moaned as she closed her eyes.
"I hope you're hungry." He said as he carried a tray over with a strawberry and whipped cream cover belgian waffle.
"Oh wow." She said with a smile as he sat the tray on her lap. He walked around and sat on the bed, next to her. He watched as she cut off a generous bite and shoveled into her mouth. He chuckled softly. "What?" She said with a giggle.
"Are you hungry?" He asked with a grin.
"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked smartly.
"Oh you just look like you haven't ate in a week!" He returned, causing her to fling strawberries at him. "Hey! If you're going to throw food, at least make it in my mouth!" He laughed.
"You are terrible." She said as she pretended to pout.
"Mer..." He started to apologize. She quickly shoved a big bite into his mouth.
"Thank you, Derek." She said softly as she turned and looked into his eyes. His hair was a mess, and he needed to shave, but to her, he had never looked better.
"For what?" He asked as he cocked his head to the side.
"For being wonderful. For being you." She answered softly as she leaned in and kissed him on his soft lips. She quickly pulled away. "Okay...you definitely need to shave..." She giggled as she went back to eating her breakfast.
"That bad?" He asked. "I've been thinking about growing it out."
"Oh yuck!" She said as she stuck her tongue out.
"Okay, maybe not..." He joked. "And I think you have spent too much time around Anna..." He joked, commenting about her sticking her tongue out. "So I tricked you into marrying me..."
"Yeah, I guess you did." She said with a faint smile.
"So have you picked a date?" He asked her with raised eyebrows.
"You're kidding, right?" She asked with a laugh.
"No." He said as he stared into her eyes.
"Just be happy I said yes." She joked. "So, you get us this nice suite, and got no action..." She joked as she took another bite.
"Yeah, well... You looked a little tired. You were out in less than five minutes." He pointed out. "And that is not why I got it..."
"Well, you could get some action in about...oh, let's see...five more bites?" She said as she cut up the rest of her waffle. She quickly put on in her mouth.
"Four..." He counted as she chewed. "Three..." He said again.
"Oh screw it!" She said as she threw the plate on the table. As she turned towards him, he grabbed her and rolled her on top of him.
"God you're amazing." He muttered as he began placing kisses on her warm, soft chest.
"You're not so bad yourself..." She answered with a moan.
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Before Meredith and Derek could enjoy their suite, Derek got paged and had to go to the hospital. She was disappointed, but she wasn't going to let him know. She could tell he was already upset about it himself. She called for a cab, and jumped in the shower. She jumped back when she saw her makeup stained reflection. She shook her head and laughed. She couldn't believe Derek didn't say anything.
"Merediff!" Anna squealed as Meredith walked into the front door.
"Hey there." She said as she bent down, receiving a hug from the small child.
"I missed you! Where did you go?" Anna asked eagerly.
"Well, Derek and I had dinner--" Meredith started, but wasn't exactly sure how to proceed. She was quickly saved.
"Oh! That's the dress I picked out with Mr. Derek!" Anna said loudly. Izzie walked in from the kitchen. "It's so pretty! Mr. Derek and I knew it was perfect."
"Yes it is." Meredith returned with a smile.
"Did you have a good time?" Izzie asked as she walked in with her apron on.
"I did..." Meredith returned softly as she thought about the previous night's events. Izzie's eye caught something shiny. There was light reflecting off of Meredith's hand.
"Oh my God, Mer!" Izzie screamed as she ran up and grabbed Meredith's hand.
"What?" Anna asked as she looked up at the two of them.
"He asked you! He asked you to marry him!" Izzie said as she took her hand and looked at the ring. Meredith nodded her head yes. She started counting diamonds. "It's gorgeous! Eleven diamonds! Eleven!"
"You and Mr. Derek are gonna get married?" Anna asked with wide eyes, mouth agape.
"Yes...yes we are..." Meredith said, wondering how Anna was going to react to the news.
"Yay!" She screamed as she started dancing around. "Merediff an Mr. Derek are gettin' married! Merediff an Mr. Derek are gettin' married!" She sang loudly.
"Congratulations, Dr. Grey." Jane said as she walked in from the kitchen. Meredith looked at the nanny. She was in her late thirties. She had a kind face, that was why they hired her. Not to mention she came with fantastic references.
"Jane, how many times do I have to tell you...Call me Meredith." She said with a serious tone, which included a smile.
"I'm sorry, I forget." She said with a sigh. "That's a beautiful ring, Dr...Meredith." She said as she looked at it. "Okay, Anna, it's time for your lunch. And you need to take your medicine." Jane said as she grabbed her and walked into the kitchen.
"So, how did he ask?" Izzie said with a giggle.
"At the Space Needle. It was perfect..." Meredith said with a sigh. She and Izzie sat on the sofa and Meredith told her all the details. Well, maybe not all of them.
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Meredith frowned as she walked through the hallway of the hospital. Derek was right, she had been working a lot. Last night gave her a taste of happiness. She had a taste, and she wanted more. This is what she had worked all her life for. She was born, raised and groomed to be a doctor. A surgeon. Someone who cuts. That is what she wanted, and that was what she would have. She just had to figure out how she could pull it all off.
The locker room was empty. She had never seen it so empty. She was all alone. Bailey had her working strange hours lately. She had the feeling she was being picked in. But in the same time, she was able to be home when Anna was awake. o maybe she was being merciful. She quickly peeled her clothes off and grabbed her light blue scrubs off. She moaned when she realized she didn't bring a shirt to wear underneath. She smoothed her shirt out, and her ring caught on the fabric. She looked down at it, smiled and opened her locker. She stuck it in her purse in the very back.
"Dr. Grey...how nice of you to join me." Dr. Bailey said as Meredith walked out into the hallway.
"Where do you need me?" Meredith asked as she walked towards her.
"Why don't you do all of my post-op notes?" She said as she handed her a stack of files.
"Right away..." Meredith said as she grabbed them with a huff.
"Are you huffing?" Dr. Bailey asked.
"Like drugs?" Meredith said smartly.
"No! Not like drugs, like huff." She said as she did it.
"No. Not me. No huffing here." Meredith said as she smiled and walked away with her armful of charts. She found a seat at the nurse's station, and sat down heavily. She had just gotten there, and she was already tired. She laid back in the chair and rubbed her aching neck.
"Well if it isn't the future Dr. Shepherd." Derek said as he leaned in, kissing her neck from behind.
"Hey you..." She said as she turned around giving him a soft kiss.
"So how does it feel?" He asked as he grabbed her hand softly. "Where's your ring?' He asked with a look of disappointment. She looked down at her bare hand.
"Um---" She stammered as she continued to look at her hand. There was no indentation. It was bare, like nothing had ever been there. "Well..."
"Mer..." He said, waiting for an explanation.
"Well- I was afraid to wear it. I don't want to lose it. And if I get to scrub in, I don't know what to do with it. And I don't want to lose it--" She said again.
"You already said that." He pointed out. "You don't want anyone to know..." He said, thinking aloud. He looked at her face. It was true, he could see it.
"No-- I-- Izzie knows!" She said quickly. "And Anna, and Jane."
"The people that practically live with us." Derek returned. "They were bound to find out eventually. You must not have gotten the ring off fast enough."
"Okay. Fine. I am not ready to tell everyone. Not yet. Soon maybe. Bailey will be on my ass..." She started as she looked off in the distance. She didn't want to look into his eyes.
"She knows that we adopted Anna. She knows we live together. I'm sure she realizes that we were eventually going to get married." Derek stated his case. He looked into her eyes and saw uneasiness. Uneasy, about what? He thought, getting angry.
"Derek. I want to marry you..." Meredith pleaded. She looked at his eyes, they were cold. His body language, stiff. She went from sad, to defensive, herself. "God Derek, what the hell is your problem?" She snapped as she returned his icy glare with one of her own.
"I feel like I am the only one making an effort. You take two steps back, I take two forward. You take five more, I take five more. Why can't you just stand there?" He asked. "Why do you have to run?" He asked as he ran his fingers through his hair. His breathing, turned deep. He walked back and forth.
"Derek. You are blowing this way out of proportion!" She shouted, causing everyone to look. She watched him pace faster. She wanted to grab him and make him stop.
"Am I?" He asked as he stopped and stiffened up. Thank God. Finally he stopped his fucking pacing.
"Yes, you are. I do want to marry you. And I am not afraid to tell anyone." She said, trying to believe it herself. She looked down at her feet. She was wishing she could just run off. That was what she usually did.
"Really?" He asked, unbelieving. "Because you just said five minutes ago that you were."
"Really!" She said boldly. "And I said I wasn't ready. I never said I was afraid, Derek!"
"Sure." He muttered as he turned away. He began to walk angrily.
"Derek Shepherd, don't you dare walk away from me!" She seethed through her teeth. "Don't be a pussy!" She shouted out down the hallway. His face turned to shock, and he wheeled around, walking back to her.
"Me? You!" He said as he walked back over. "You are the pussy."
"Yes, I am." She said with a coy smile. He shook his head. "And if you want it..." She said as she turned her chair and looked at the chart. "Too damn bad..."
"Everyone!" He shouted loudly, causing the numerous doctors and hospital staff to look at him. "I have asked Dr. Grey to marry me...and she said yes." He said with a huge smile. Everyone began to congratulate them. Meredith heard applause. He looked down at her, as she scowled.
"You're an ass!" She said through her teeth. She looked up at him, grabbed her handful of charts and marched off down the hallway. He sat down in the chair, ran his hand through his hair, and leaned back with a sigh. Now what?
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Meredith stomped her way down the hall. She was mad. No she wasn't. That didn't even begin to describe how she felt. She was irate. She felt betrayed. He knew she was vulnerable. He knew she was apprehensive. Instead of being a good, understanding guy, he purposely yelled it out in front of everyone in the hospital. It was humiliating, especially since she charged away like a lunatic. She didn't want her mom to know yet. And Richard, or anyone else. She just wanted to blend in for awhile. She was so used to trouble following her. It would be nice, for once, to not be the source for the latest hospital gossip.
She quickly found a quiet spot to work on the charts, by the lab. Every time she tried to work, she thought about Derek. She thought about how bad he had just hurt her. And she wasn't even sure that he realized it. Maybe she was blowing it out of proportion. Maybe not. But she did know that right now, the thought of laying next to him, made her blood pressure go through the roof. For the first time, in a long time, she was happy that she would be sleeping in an on-call room tonight.
Meredith was mid way through her sixth chart when she heard clicking heels. Her first thought was Addison. She would be happy to talk to Addison. Or maybe not. Because Addison made her realize how much she loved Derek and how perfect they were for each other. Then she would feel bad, and want to apologize. Right now, she wanted to be mad. She continued listening as she wrote. No, it wasn't Addison. Whoever it was had shorter legs and a smaller stride. And the clicking seemed annoying. It was quick. Click, click, click. Then it stopped. Right outside the door.
"Hello, Dr. Grey." She heard the most annoying voice in the world say. It actually made her skin crawl.
"Holly." She said through her teeth, without looking up.
"So I hear congratulations are in order." She said sarcastically as she walked up a few more steps. Click, click, click.
"Is that so?" Meredith muttered distractedly. She wasn't going to give her what she wanted. She wasn't going to say it first. She wasn't going to look at her.
"I have to say, I am surprised that he asked you." Holly spat as she glanced at the chart Meredith was working on.
"I believe this is confidential." She said as she flipped the chart shut. "So... what the hell do you want?" She asked as she glared at her.
"It's funny. Laughable even. I mean, Derek, he's intelligent, he is successful, he is good looking. And you. You are like a scrawny little teenager, trying to overachieve. Chasing the boy around. You are like a puppy, they're cute and wired and a lot of fun, then you'll just turn into an old bitch. He is prime rib, and you are ground beef. See, Derek doesn't realize it, but I am at his level. We even look good together. You are plain. You are a kid. How is he really going to relate to someone who is ten years younger than he is? So, you need to think about what you're doing. I would hate to see you hurt when he realizes that he made the mistake of a lifetime." She said in her sickeningly sweet, even tone. Meredith looked into her eyes. She was conniving. She was evil. She had never seen anyone like her. Holly was the only person that she truly despised.
"You don't worry about me." Meredith returned with a fake smile. She had all she could do, to create it. "And Derek...I will be able to satisfy him in ways that will keep him happy for a very long time..." Meredith said as she grabbed her charts. Is there anywhere is this whole freaking hospital where I can work?
"So the trial, it's going well..." She said as Meredith reached the doorway.
"What did you say?" Meredith asked as she whipped her head around.
"The trial. The Livingston's. It is going really well. Henry Kissinger is representing them well..." Holly said with a giggle. Henry Kissinger? He was one of the top defense attorney's on the west coast. He was cut throat. They didn't have the means to afford him.
"Kissinger..." Meredith muttered to herself.
"Oh yes." Holly said happily. "You should have seen their faces when I told them that I had hired one of west coast's the top attorney's for them. They are so sweet, and their granddaughter...It was the least I could do. I consider it an investment..." Holly finished with an evil smile. "Well, have a good night, Dr. Grey." She said as she walked away. Meredith could hear the clicking of her heels. Meredith watched her walk away. She threw the charts as hard as she could at the wall, and let out a growl. Paper flew everywhere. Charts were scattered on the floor. How could she do that? How could she be so evil? Meredith laid her head down on the desk and sobbed. After an hour, she pulled herself together and picked up the charts. As she walked down the hallway, she ran into Dr. Bailey.
"Did you get those charts done, Grey?" Miranda asked. Meredith handed her the stack and she flipped one open. "What the hell happened to these?" She snapped.
"Um, they fell." Meredith said dumbly as she looked at the floor.
"I have never seen charts so torn up. I swear, Grey." She muttered. "Go get some sleep. I think we may have a busy night ahead of us."
Meredith walked off to the nearest on-call room. She was distraught. She had no idea what to do with herself. Her anger towards Derek was high, and then Holly had set her over the edge. And now, as she pulled her shoes off and crawled into the bed, all she could think of was Anna. That innocent girl. She had been through so much. She had been so brave, and now everything might change. But maybe it wasn't just Anna. Maybe it was herself. Maybe Anna would be fine going back to her old life, but her, she was another story.
Meredith sobbed. She sobbed so hard that she couldn't breath. She couldn't hear. She couldn't function. She felt like she was dying inside. She didn't even hear the door open. She could sense him. She couldn't hear, because her sobs were so loud. She couldn't smell because her nose was plugged up. She couldn't see, her eyes were blurry, but she could feel him. She felt him lay down next to her. His strong arms wrapped around her. She wanted to succumb to his touch. She wanted him to make it all better, but her couldn't. Or she didn't even want him to try.
"Go." She said loudly. She pulled away from him and rolled over, facing the wall.
"Meredith..." He said, it rolling off his tongue like a fine wine.
"I said go." She growled. "Go home to Anna." She cried out. She was so distraught. It wasn't just him. It was everything. It was all too much. She was going to lose everything soon enough. Why not just do it now. End it. Tear off the band-aid. It felt like it was all spiraling out of control. It was ending. She could see everything getting blurry. She could see the landmarks swirling. She was just waiting for the impact, and then the explosion. The explosion that would even out everything, ending it all.
"Meredith--" He tried again as he put his arm around her. She smacked it away.
"I said go, Derek. Fucking go! Leave me the hell alone! I can't take it!" She said loudly, struggling to breathe. Her breathing continually getting more rapid. She was feeling faint. "Get out!" She yelled for the last time, shoving him away. He looked into her eyes. He knew he couldn't do anything now. She was upset, and angry. He didn't want to make her worse. She was right, Anna needed him. "Go!" She screamed. He quickly left the room with his head down. He felt like he had been kicked in the gut. She laid there, struggling to breathe, trying to fill her lungs with the oxygen needed to live. Apparently that wasn't mean to be...finally it all went black.
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Okay, so Meredith is apprehensive. It's a big step. It was okay when they were together, but telling everyone is overwhelming. They have so much on their plate, and it's hard to deal with it all. Derek likes to push. Sometimes Mer needs it, and other times it's the worst thing he can do...