Derek laid on the small sofa in his trailer. Before he had met Meredith, he loved his trailer. It was simple. It was perfect for him. But now, it was his own personal prison. And he was in the prison because of his own actions. He knew it was going to be another sleepless night. Two nights he had been away from her. Two nights too long. He knew it had to be fixed. But he also knew that flowers and a card weren't going to cut it. Meredith wasn't a flowers type of girl. He had to figure out what to do. He had been angry with her. And insanely jealous. But amazingly enough, most of it was gone. It was gone because the remorse he felt for saying what he said, had taken it's place. He jumped up from the sofa and grabbed a spiral notebook out of the cabinet. He had things to write.

Meredith laid on the sofa. She was feeling better physically, but mentally, she was still upset. She looked over at Anna who was munching popcorn and watching the movie intently. Meredith was watching, but it wasn't even coming close to absorbing into her brain. All she was were a bunch of colors moving on the t.v. Her thoughts were on Derek, and what to do next.

"Do you have to work tomorrow, mommy?" Anna asked as she looked over. She had seen the movie hundreds of times.

"Yes, I do." Meredith said sweetly, so as not to bring on suspicion. She knew that Anna had an idea that something wasn't right. But Anna had enough stress on her own.

"Where is daddy?" Anna asked as she looked at Meredith. She was studying her face, and her reaction.

"Um, he's at work." Meredith said quickly as she turned away and faced the t.v.

"Again. Oh. Daddy said he wouldn't work so much. And he's working a lot..." Anna said questioningly.

"Well, I guess daddy lied." Meredith spat. She immediately wished she hadn't said it. It was the wrong thing to say to a child. It was her own anger spewing out. The last thing that she wanted was Anna angry at Derek because if something she said in a moment of stupidity.

"No he's not." Anna said frankly.

"You're right, Anna. He's not. I'm sorry. I was just--" Meredith said trying to fix her mess. She looked at Anna's face. She was waiting for Meredith to bury herself deeper.

"Lying? You are lying." Anna said. Meredith was taken aback by Anna boldness. Anna's face was like stone. She was solid and she wasn't backing down.

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked with raised eyebrows.

"You lied. Daddy isn't working. I heard Izzie and George talking about it. They said you and daddy got in a fight and you made daddy stay at his other house." Anna shouted angrily.

"Anna, calm down." Meredith said as she looked at her.

"No! No cause you and daddy are fighting, and now I won't have a family! Because daddy will stay away and it's all your fault!" She whined.

"Anna. Daddy and I are-- We are not-- We are still your family." Meredith explained. "Anna, come here..." Meredith said as she pulled her close, Anna collapsed into Meredith's side. She cried for a few minutes and then looked up.

"Why are you fighting?" Anna asked as her brown eyes met Meredith's green.

"It's complicated." Meredith said, avoiding the question. Anna looked at Meredith and she new she would have to elaborate. "Yes, we did get in a fight. And daddy and I both said mean things to each other."

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me?" Anna asked, like the answer was so simple.

"Because a little girl like you doesn't need to worry about stupid grown up stuff." Meredith explained, as she grabbed some popcorn.

"Did he say he was sorry?" Anna asked.

"Yes, but--" Meredith said quickly.

"Well, if he said he was sorry, why can't he come home. Why can't we be happy?" Anna asked dumbly.

"Well, I'm just-- I'm still mad." Meredith finally admitted.

"You always tell me to say it's okay when someone says their sorry. You said that it makes everything better." Anna said, calling her out on her previous talk.

"Well--" Meredith started, unsure how to finish. Anna was right. She did always say that you should accept someone's apology.

"I want daddy." Anna shouted.

"Daddy isn't here." Meredith explained.

"I want him to come home. Now!" She shouted.

"Anna! Behave yourself. Derek won't be home tonight." Meredith said frankly.

"No! I want him!" Anna shouted as she threw the popcorn down.

"Anna Elizabeth! You stop this now! You are way too old to be having a temper tantrum." Meredith said in shock. She looked at the popcorn all over the floor.

"I want daddy. And you are mean. You're mad at daddy so you won't let me see him!" Anna yelled as she jumped up and ran up the stairs. Meredith quickly ran up after her. Anna was sitting down in the corner of her room.

"Anna..." Meredith said softly as she crouched down in front of her.

"No! Go away." She said as she smacked Meredith's arm. Meredith looked at her in shock. It hurt. And it hurt bad. She began to cry. She quickly walked into her room and picked up the phone. He was the last person she wanted to call, but she had to.

"Meredith!" Derek said in shock. He couldn't believe she had called him. "Are you--Oh my god. I'm so sorry--"

"Derek." She whined. "I need you to come over. It's Anna. She won't talk to me. You need to talk to your daughter. She hit me, Derek. She hit me..." Meredith cried.

"I'll be right over." Derek said as he jumped into his car and sped off. Meredith sat on her bed and cried.

Meredith walked downstairs and began picking up popcorn. She couldn't believe this had happened. It was her fault. If she had thrown the book away. If she had been honest with Anna. If she had tried harder. With every thought, her tears flowed more freely. She heard the door open. Derek walked over and looked at Meredith crouched on the floor, picking up popcorn.

"Meredith..." He said. It rolled of his tongue so softly, so perfectly. She wanted to give in, she wanted to run into his arms and let him hold her. That's what he always did. He held her, he protected her. But at the moment, she needed to be protected from him.

"I'm fine. Go to Anna." She said as she continued. His head dropped, and he walked up the stairs. Meredith waited a few minutes and then went upstairs. She leaned up against the wall, and listened.

"Why won't mommy let you be sorry?" Anna asked softly.

"I said very, very mean things. I was being selfish. I love Meredith more than anything. I wish I could go back and take all the words I said back. And I was stupid." Derek said softly.

"But she should let you be sorry. She says you always have to let someone be sorry." Anna whimpered.

"That's not always true. Usually it is, but sometimes you can't. What I did was very bad, and mommy can't let me be sorry. It's not her fault. And you should never, ever hit her. She loves you just as much as I do. And when you hit her, it hurt her feelings." Derek told her as he stroked her hair.

"I didn't mean to." Anna told him. "Are you going to leave forever?" Anna asked.

"No. I will never leave you." Derek said with a faint smile.

"Can you stay? I want you to come home. I don't want you to stay at the other house." Anna said softly. "If mommy won't let you, you can stay in my room. Cause it's my room, and she has to let you stay in my room."

"Well, I think that is up to mommy." Derek replied. "And you need to go to bed." He said as he stroked her head.

Meredith leaned against the wall and slid down. It broke her. God she loved him. She didn't want to lose him. She wanted to lay next to him every night. She wanted to wake up to his blue eyes. His eyes pulled her in. They were what made her happy. They made everyday a perfect day. It could be a horrible day, and all she had to do was look into his eyes. She heard his footsteps. He paused and then sat down next to her.

"Are you okay? Did she hurt you?" Derek asked Meredith as he looked at her. She avoided eye contact.

"She just smacked my arm. I'm okay. Physically at least." Meredith said. They both sat in a silence for awhile.

"What do we do, Derek?" Meredith asked softly.

"I don't know." He admitted. He could smell her soft flowery scent. All he wanted to do was pull her close. He needed her in his arms. But he couldn't, and he knew it.

"Do you want this to be over? Because if you need it to be over--" She said as he tears welled up.

"Meredith. You are the love of my life. I can't walk away from you. I don't want to walk away from you. It can't be over, because I can't live without you." Derek said softly.

"Good. I don't want you to." She said in a whisper. She admitted it. It didn't make it right. It didn't make it perfect.

"Good." He agreed. "There will never be a day, when I won't regret every word I said that night." She ignored his words. She heard him, but she wasn't ready.

"You can sleep on the sofa tonight." She told him. "You need to be here if she wakes up." Meredith touched his leg. The touch, woke him up. He had longed for it. He had missed it. She did too. She missed him. But she still wasn't ready for things to go back. She quickly stood up and grabbed a pillow and blanket. He watched her move across her room. So soft, so perfect. She walked to him and placed the blankets in his arms.

"Goodnight, Derek." She said with a faint smile.

"Goodnight, Meredith." He whispered as he walked downstairs. It wasn't perfect, but he'd take it.

------------------

Derek awoke to the sun in his face. Not that he was complaining, at least he was under the same roof as Meredith. He slept well, even if e was on the lumpy sofa. He closed his eyes, not ready to get up. Not ready to face the day. He thought he heard a sound, and he slowly opened his eyes to see Anna right in his face, looking at him.

"Hi Daddy." She said with a big smile on her face.

"Hello sweetheart." He said as he pulled her into a hug.

"I'm glad you're still here." Anna said happily. "Cause mommy can't cook breakfast." She whispered into his ear, causing him to laugh.

"Well, let's get you some..." Derek said as he stood up, his hair a tousled mess.

"You look funny." Anna said with a giggle as she pointed to his hair, and ran into the kitchen.

"How about pancakes?" Derek asked as he looked in the cupboards.

"Pancakes are good." She said as she grabbed the mixing bowl. "Are you going to be staying here again?" Derek looked at her. He wasn't sure. He and Meredith were closer to being happy again, but they weren't there yet.

"Um. Well, I hope so. I think I will be." Derek answered honestly.

"Good. Cause we're a family, and families stick together." Anna said cheerfully.

"They do, huh?" Derek said with a chuckle as he stirred the batter.

"Yep." She told him frankly. "Are you taking me to school."

"Sure I am. Mommy is at work, right?" Derek asked, not knowing for sure.

"Uh huh. I heard her this morning, she gave me a kiss. You too." Anna explained.

"What?" Derek asked.

"I snuck. She came down and gave you a kiss. I went back to bed and played with Sandy. She almost caught me." Anna said as she grabbed the syrup out of the refrigerator. Derek had to smile.

"I think Jane is picking you up from school. I have surgery at eleven." Derek told her as he flipped the pancakes.

"Will you be home before I go to bed?" Anna asked with a hopeful look.

"Of course I will. And we can have pizza." He said with a smile.

"Yay! I love pizza." She said happily as he sat her Plateful of pancakes down in front of her.

---------------

Meredith stood there, next to Dr. Bailey, retracting. She was happy to be in on a surgery. Happy to be distracted from what her life seemed to be at the moment. It was a complete and utter mess. She watched as Miranda worked diligently. She had a feeling. It was her Derek radar going off. She slowly glanced up to the gallery, and there he was. He wasn't watching the surgery. He was watching her.

"So did you two kiss and make up yet?" Miranda said as she glanced up at Meredith.

"Um. What do you mean?" Meredith asked, playing dumb.

"Don't play dumb. I say the battle scar you left on him yesterday." Miranda said with a chuckle. She had to laugh. Such a little woman leaving such a big mark.

"No. We didn't." Meredith admitted.

"You both need to get over it." Miranda said frankly. "I'm sure whatever the fool did, he didn't mean it. He's my boss, and as long you two are doing this, I have to deal with him. And as long as he is making my life hell, I will be making your life hell. So get over it..."

"Easier said than done." Meredith muttered as she looked up, catching his eye. He gave her a slight smile. She returned it, but he couldn't see under her surgical mask.

The surgery had complications and ended up taking much longer than it should have. By the time it was over, it was already time for lunch. She ran down to the cafeteria and grabbed a salad and headed outside. She needed some fresh air and sun. She saw Alex and George sitting at the table. She knew that Izzie and Cristina were both in surgery.

"Hey." Meredith muttered as she sat down. She was secretly grateful that Izzie and Cristina weren't around. She didn't want to talk about anything. She leaned back in her seat and took a bite of her salad.

"So, I hear you and Shepherd are over." Alex spewed with a chuckle. Meredith nearly choked on her salad.

"What?" Meredith said loudly.

"I mean let's face it. You weren't even married a week, and you kicked him out. I'd say that means it's over. I thought you'd at least last a year..." Alex said as he shoved his hamburger in his mouth.

"Derek and I are--- He's staying at the house." She looked over at George.

"Yeah. Shepherd was there last night." George said, backing her up.

"I'm just saying. The nurses are all talking." Alex returned frankly.

"You know what, fuck the nurses. Derek and I will be fine. We are fine. We had a fight and we will be fine." Meredith said as she pushed her salad away.

"That's and awful lot of fine you got there." Alex pointed out.

"Why don't you just shut your damn mouth, Alex. I was happy it was just you two, because I thought you guys, not so much you George. I thought you, would keep your mouth shut. So just shut the hell up." Meredith said as she leaned back. She looked over to see Derek and another doctor looking at her. Apparently she was loud enough to attract some attention.

Meredith quickly stood up and walked away. She had to get away. Somewhere quiet. Somewhere she could think. She walked fast, not hearing the footsteps behind her. She walked down to the basement, deep in thought. She quickly collapsed and let the tears fall onto the gurney. She felt his soft touch on her back.

"Meredith..." He said softly. "Are you alright?"

"No." She said as she sat up. "I am not alright. Are you satisfied? I am not alright. Because I was stupid and didn't burn that damn book. And you were stupid and read it. And now nurses are saying that we are getting divorced. And I just want things to be the way they were, and I don't know how to go back. I just need it to be okay. And it's not. And I'm not sure it will ever be okay. Because you hate me, because I am a whore. And I hate you for invading my privacy, and not giving me a chance to explain. And all I want right now is for you to hold me. And you can't. And I understand that. Because even of you did. You don't want to. So no, I'm not alright." She rambled on quickly, gasping for breath.

"Meredith." He said as he climbed on the bed next to her. "There is nothing I want more than to hold you." He said as he pulled her close. "And I don't think you're a whore. I have never thought that. I was angry, and stupid, but I never thought it in my heart. I could never hate you because I love you too much. And things will never be the way they were. Because I told you on our wedding day; with you, everyday gets better. And I meant that. We hit a bump in the road. Well, I drove us into a wall. But damn-it, I am going to get out of the car and move it. Because this isn't over. And I will fight for you forever." He told her as he wiped her tears away. "I love you." He said as he kissed her head. "And it's okay that you are mad at me. I can take it." She sat there in his arms. As mad as she was at him, when he held her, it all went away.

---------------

Meredith threw her bag onto the floor. She saw Derek's car in the driveway. Not that she wasn't expecting him to be there. He was there for Anna. And after the talk they had today, they were both feeling a little better. Not completely whole. But a whole lot better. Meredith heard Anna giggling. It made her smile. Anna needed Derek. She needed Derek. Meredith slowly walked into the kitchen. Anna, George, Izzie and Derek were all gathered around the table eating pizza and talking.

"Hey guys." Meredith said as she walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a water.

"Hey, Mer." Izzie and George said as they ate their pizza. Derek looked up at her and smiled.

"Mommy!" Anna said happily.

"Hey baby." Meredith said as she walked over and gave Anna a kiss on the head.

"Daddy got that gross pizza for you." Anna pointed to the box.

"Thanks." Meredith said as she walked over to the counter, opening the box. She threw three large pieces of her feta cheese pizza on the plate and sat at the counter.

"You can sit here." Derek said kindly. He started to get up from his seat.

"No, you're fine." Meredith said, waving him back down. She took a big bite and caught Derek looking at her out of the corner of her eye. "What?"

"Nothing." Derek said with a smile. Meredith turned around and continued eating.

Derek spent the evening with Anna working on home work. Meredith was catching up on laundry. They didn't really speak. Meredith wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't sure how to act. So much had changed. Derek had Anna take a bath and took her to bed. Meredith heard Derek reading her a story as she walked by her room. She had to stand a listen. It made her smile to see Anna so happy. Derek gave Anna a kiss goodnight and flipped her light off. Meredith smiled as he walked into their bedroom and grabbed his blanket and pillow.

"Derek." She said as he walked out. He stopped and looked at her. Her green eyes met his blue. There was a moment. All of their feelings came rushing back. "You don't have to sleep on the sofa."

"I don't?" He asked in shock as he stopped and stared.

"No. I mean. I know that sofa kills your back, and you have surgery in the morning. I would hate for you to hurt tomorrow. And I need Bailey off my ass. So, if you want to sleep in the bed, you can. Only if you want to. You don't have to." She rambled. He chuckled. It was a quality that he loved.

"Only if you-- If it's too soon..." He said uneasily.

"Well, I still have laundry to do. So... I won't be up for awhile. So go ahead." She said as she grabbed her laundry basket and walked out. Derek watched her walk away. He sighed as he peeled his clothes off and laid in the bed. He pulled her pillow close. It was good to be home.

Derek slept for a couple of hours. He rolled over expecting to feel her warm body. Even in his sleep, he was drawn to her. His eye flew open and the emptiness. He looked over at the clock. It was two a.m and she was no where around. He was hoping she hadn't slept on the sofa. He threw the blankets off and headed down the stairs. He was surprised to see a roaring fire in the fireplace, and her standing in front of it.

Derek crept quietly. He didn't want her to notice him. He leaned against the door frame and watched her. She was crouched down on the floor. She methodically tore out a page, one by one and crumpled it up, tossing it in the fire. He watched as the flames took it over. The orange glow, eating away at the edges. He could see the fire reflecting off of the shiny matte surface of her book. The book. He could hear her whimpering. It broke his heart. He slowly walked up and crouched next to her, pulling her close.

"You don't have to do that." He said softly as he kissed her temple.

"I do." She cried. "I should have done it a long time ago."

"Meredith. I am so sorry. I should have never read it. I just-- I thought that it would help he understand you better. I know that sounds foolish, but it's the truth." Derek explained.

"You never let me explain. But, I understand why you wouldn't want to hear it." Meredith said as she continued to crumple up pages.

"I'm ready to listen." Derek said softly. "As much as it hurts, I'm ready. So, please, tell me."

"Derek. l love you. You are the best lover I have ever had. It doesn't matter what the book says. The book was immature. It was my way of getting back at my mom. Putting the most forbidden things in the book. It was my secret revenge. It started as a joke, and it just grew. I had sex with a lot of men. I was in pain. I was in pain for a long time. All those men. It was the first time. I didn't keep updating, Derek." He cringed at the thought. "I'm saying...the first time we had sex, it was in the back of your car, for god's sake. I didn't think it would mean anything. I wasn't ready for it to mean anything. But it did. I fell in love with you. I never thought I would. But I did. I never met for you to see it. I forgot about it. I never met to hurt you. I know I can't undo it, but--- I love you Derek. And you are the best lover I have ever had. And you are the only man I have ever truly loved." She said as she looked into his eyes. "So I am burning it. Because you are the last entry. You are the last man. You are enough for a lifetime." She said as she threw the whole book into the fire.

"I love you, Mer. And I will never stop loving you. As much as it hurt to read it. You are who you are. And I love you. No matter what you've done. I love you. So let's put it behind us. Because I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. The past is the past. The only thing I am concerned about is the future." He said softly. Meredith leaned and kissed him. Their tongues danced softly. It was surprising for both of them, their true feeling were the same as they always had been. She pulled away from him.

"Wait here a second." He said as she jogged upstairs. He quickly came back down. "Here." He said as he handed her the spiral notebook.

"What's this?" She asked as she grabbed it.

"That is everything bad I have ever done. Right down to shaving Mrs. Nelson's prized Himalayan." Derek said with a faint smile.

"Derek. I don't- You don't have to give me this. I don't want it. I don't want to know." She said as she pushed it back to him.

"Meredith, please take it. Please read it. I trust you. I trust you with my life. With my secrets. I trust you more than anyone. Read the book. When your done, do what you want with it. But please, read it. Because I want you to trust me, like I trust you." He said softly. She nodded her head as she sat the book next to her.

"I love you." She whispered into he chest as she laid her head down.

"I love you too." He returned as he smelled her hair. Life is good.

As Always...Please Review!