Tag am Meer (my new family)
Does it make a sound when a heart breaks? Master Ansem could not answer me that question, no matter how often I asked. His studies were all heart-based, hearts flew around in his laboratory, pounded in strange glasses or were drawn more or less anatomical correct. A pity my one was not with me.
The days were filled with study, work and even more reading then before. I easily became one of his best students, working without as much as a day off a month. More and Master Ansem would have dismissed me, lowering my rank. A day was enough to stay 'a good stundent', and yet gave me time, I used to walk to the huge castle down in Hollow bastion and call first mum and then Myde.
My mother never talked much, but she constantly worried about me. Usually we talked a couple of minutes and then she would hang up. That went right for me, because that way, I could do the second call faster. It was always Myde who answered the phone. My breath hitched when I heard him mumble: ''Hello?'' My knees were weak and I had to lean back onto a wall. Then I started talking, or just left him talk. Listening to his wispers and his breath helped me a lot during my studies, but it was not what I wanted. It was not him. When the calls were over and we said ''goodbye or maybe I love you'', I always felt empty and could not focus on anything for the rest of the day. Of course, knowing he was healthy and, as far as I can tell, happy relieved me. Naturally I was afraid something could happen to him when I was not there. And here you see the problem: I was not with him.
Braig and Dilan used to talk of their 'hot and steamy adventures' on their own free days, showing of at an unnatural rate. After these trips, they talked about nothing else then babes or boobs, or how amazing Soandso looked naked. To be honest, I think they did not even believe themselfs.
Once they asked me if I wanted to join them, but I just said: ''I have the most beautiful person I could imagine waiting at home for me. Why should I?'' They left me alone after that, but from time to time they asked how she looked like. In their chaotic way, they made me like them. I had always imagined having older brothers like them, joking, drinking and laughing.
The others left the lab close to never, working hard every day. Elaeus, Braig and I shared a room, but Even and Xehanort remainded mysteries to me, though we studied the same things. As if they were too busy with their science to waste time with the outside world. Secretly we were a bit afraid of the cruel rumors of what they did when the Master was gone. And then one day, Braig and Xehanort were gone. Dilan made fun of them, said things like: ''I knew they had something going on.'' but we both knew it wasn't true. He vanished shortly after this and then Even too, as if we lived a cheap horror movie. Only Elaeus and I remained, afraid to run away. But also afraid to stay. We were trapped. Later that day, he went down the Lab to the room of awakening, where Xehanort used to work. I heard him scream once and then it went silent. The silence seemd to creep up the stairs to where I was standing.
Terrified, I turned around and wanted to leave, but a strange black creature stood in my way. An unknown pain appeared in my chest, where the heart used to be. Frightened, I noticed it wasn't there anymore. I fainted from fear and pain, entering a black world of nothing. Ienzo was nothing, my aching chest was nothing, the fact that I wanted to call home the next day was not important anymore. Trying to sit up, I opened my eyes, waiting for my normal world to come back, but it even smelled different now. I felt a cold table under me, simmilar to the one we used for anatomical studies.
''Welcome number six.'' Light floated my mind, painting my view white. I had to blink, just to notice one of my eyes was covered with hair in a strange color. Xehanort had put on a wired coat made of... leather? If it would not have sounded extremly dumb, I'd have said it was made of darkness. He went on talking as he noticed I was awake. ''You are choosen to be a member of the marvelous Organization. Consider yourself lucky you survived.'' ''Survived..?'' The sarcastic answer I had planned was cut short by the fact that this was not my voice. I panicked. ''Xehanort, what the hell is going on?!'' ''Xehanort does not exist anymore, Zexion. He was weak, controled by simple things as feelings. My real name is Xemnas and you shall speak of me as number one, the Superior.'' My mind told me he was totally mad, but I felt he was telling me the truth. And what a confuzing truth it was. Stubbornly, I decided to trust my mind and relplied: ''Who gives you the right to decide what and who I am?'' He seemed to have planed that I asked this question, for his face showed a frightening something that could not be called a smile. ''It has not been my choice. The darkness changed you to what you are now: nothing. And it declared me as your master.'' Xemnas spead his arms, turning around until he had faced everything in the room. ''As the master of all of us''
I followed his streched arms and met empty gazes. Even, Braig, Dilan and Elaeus stood in the same room, also dressed in dark coats. They looked totally blank, almost like puppets. ''Is that.. some kind of joke? Or a new religion? Please, I want to know what's going on'
Everyone turned away, as if they could not stand watching me. My new Superior smiled again and then shook his head. ''There is no need for you to know, for you are nothing. A nobody like us. Instead you should stop acting agressive and feel flattered to be part of our small family'
I searched my memories but a laugh as cold as Xeha...Xemnas' could not be found. He was not my family, he was.. Nothing. As I thought of my past, I came to the conclusion I did not have one. It was gone from my mind. Like my life had started a couple of minutes ago with my awakening. Faces, voices... my memory was empty exept for Xemnas, Dilan's, Even's, Braig's and Elaeus' names. And a color. Blue green. Strangely I did not feel like crying, no matter this was not my body and these people were nothing but names to me. I felt different, colder, more like Zexion then Ienzo.
''So you noticed.'' it was no question, Xemnas just said what I thought. ''Yes'' ''Then welcome to your new life.'' Indeed, I did not want to cry. I wanted to see the sea. And drown.
''But, there would be a way to get it back. In case you want it back. Follow me and together we regain what we have lost in this tragical accident.'' I smirked doomily. ''A contract with the devil?'' ''You may call it however you wish but always keep in mind that the darkness has already got your heart. Why not your soul too''
Something told me that it was not right. That there was another way, a place where somebody was waiting for me, no matter how I looked or felt. I didn't listen.