Warum ich? (Left alone)
It was like Ienzo had never been there, like we had never met. I was weaker than ever and barely left my room. At the hospital, no-one had a single idea why I was in the condition I was. They talked about stress and exhaustion, gave me medicine and told me to sleep more, though I knew I could not. The only problem I had was the nightmare I got every time I closed my eyes. Ienzo was there telling me how useless and dumb I was. Then, he would disappear and leave me alone in the dark until the new day begun.
My parents agreed that I was not fit enough for school, so I stayed at home until summer came. Yuna tried her best to cheer me up, as did Rikku and Paine, but none of them could help me. Not when the dark dreams returned every night. The only thing she could do was soothe me after them. I even stopped walking down to the beach, because it seemed so useless. I had promised to wait. No matter if it hurt or not.
Summer passed, but Ienzo never called. My life slowly returned to normal, the memories of him fading into new scars, hurting only when they were touched. The things around me slowly regained their colour. After that, it became autumn and I started to smile again. Yuna was glad I did so, smiling more often now too. She thought I was finally okay. But then, the first snow fell and I was forced to remember his promise, his grin when he left and most of all: him. It made me want to cry.
I started waiting for him at the sea again, sometimes until my hair was wet from snow and my fingers felt icy. He was never there to tell me I could get a cold, or to brush the snowflakes away. One day, when I was sick once again, I decided to forget about him. It hurt too much to wait and I knew he would not be there. I couldn't stand Yuna's worried looks when I left for hours, just to come back coughing and sneezing, eyes puffy from cold tears.
To be fair, I went there one last time, staring at the water in front of me.
It was special that it snowed these last days, like the weather wanted to remind me of his promise. Ironically it was the first snow in years that I had seen. I loved how the single flakes seemed to dance when they fell, but I could not really enjoy it. Everything I could think of was how he saved me, just to push me back down.
"I will not cry. Not today." Useless. Even when I said this, my voice was unsteady and broken.
Watching the sea became too much for me. My sight blurred. "Damn you Ienzo. Next winter. You said next bloody winter." That was it. The end. I would not allow a giant puddle of water to bring me down, nor would I cry again for somebody who probably didn't even know my name anymore.
I blinked until I could see clearly again. Next to me stood a guy, wearing a dark coat like... something from a movie. One half of his face was hidden behind messy straws of hair. I shuddered under his scanning gaze. "Oh. Sorry." How long had he been there? Embarrassed, I wipe my face and tried to laugh my sadness away. Then, something strange happened: the visible eye widened in surprise and he sank to his knees. His face was unhealthily pale but I blamed it on the coat.
Watching his movements I became shocked. I knew this way of moving, the expression. Trying hard to imagine his face without the silvery hair, I felt my heartbeat speeding up. "You?" He didn't answer, but I was sure: Ienzo had come back to watch snowflakes with me and to tell me he had missed me. I went towards him, holding back every emotion until I knew my hopes wouldn't come crashing down.
Carefully, I touched his hands, watched the muscles in his face tense as I lifted the grown out hair away from his face and poked his shoulder like the day we met. No doubt, he had changed, but not enough to fool me.
"It is you." Relieved, I held him close, listening to the heartbeat I had dreamed of having so close to me for months. To be honest, it was just a normal sign of life, but I told myself, this one was like the master of all heartbeats. Thought it sounded a little bit too fast. Maybe he was sick too and had come back to recover. I shrugged the thought away, between a sob and a laugh. What ever was wrong with him, I would not let him go now, even if he died right now. At least, if he did, I could follow him. When he wasn't there, I was lost. Did he know that, I wondered?
"Do you have the slightest idea, how much I missed you?!''
When I said this, I knew I didn't want an answer. Everything was just an unrealistic mix of colour that exploded inside of me. Happiness and relief overwhelmed me and I did the first thing I could think of: I kissed him.
Then it all became black. And I was alone in the dark again, without my body. I knew he had been there and I knew I had been there, but I had forgotten who we were. Thinking this, I watched him walk away like it wasn't me he had held in his arms a second ago. I hadn't said goodbye to whoever he was. My head hurt. Who is he and why did I want to have him with me? Now, I could not ask him anymore. Why was that thought so sad? I didn't know. Maybe I could ask Ienzo. He would know, smart as he was. I closed my eyes and cried out into the swirling darkness around me, hoping he was somewhere there: "Hey. Sorry I had to leave...Oh, I've forgotten something. Silly me: I love you."
And the darkness answered Myde's calls. "As if..."