Chapter 2
What Child is This?
Spoilers: There are no spoilers, but once again, it is a continuing saga of Hostage, or another view on the aftermath of the violence that occurred in Hostage.
Again, I need to remind you that this story is really odd. I don't know where it came from. It's like following the yellow brick road. Please forgive any mistakes. I tried to take my time with this, but I needed to get this out. Oh, and by the way, the weird stuff is yet to begin. KR
And so it begins….
Doc watched as Kitty stood by his examining table. She stood facing the door, trying to decide what to do.
"You're gonna have to tell him sooner or later, Kitty." He said scratching his head as he looked over her. She lifted her head, her eyes closed tightly, as the tears continued to fall. "No matter what, know that that big galoot out there loves you with all his heart."
Kitty looked at him and his heart broke in two. He could see so much sadness and confusion in her blue eyes. He didn't know what else he could do to help her. His friend, whom he loved with all his heart and soul, was in need of a miracle. One that he wished
To God he could have provided her with. But she was indeed pregnant. And most likely, it was Bonner's child. Lord knows, Matt and Kitty had been together for eighteen years, and no child was born to them even though they were careful, but Doc suspected that Matt was left sterile after that bout of smallpox when he was just 26 years old. Kitty hadn't known about the illness, she came to Dodge some two years later. But here he stood watching her trying to deal with this news.
"Doc, will you please send Matt in here, I need to speak with him for a bit." She looked at him and he smiled. Trying to convey his support in that smile, but only succeeding in letting her know that he was feeling pity for her. Kitty tried to muster up a smile, but she felt so numb. Her mind felt like mud and she wasn't even sure that she'd be able to say anything to Matt. How was she going to tell the man she loved, that she was carrying another man's child? Doc nodded and slowly headed for the door. He turned back to see her move to lean against the edge of the table. Lifting his chin, he smiled slightly then prayed that all would be alright as he walked out of his office.
"Doc?" Matt asked, as soon as the door closed. He and Festus had stayed at the top of the stairs on the landing, waiting for Doc to finish with Kitty.
"Go on in, Matt, Kitty wants to talk to you." He said trying not to sound so solemn. But Doc knew that he couldn't hide the pain and fear in his voice. He could see it in Matt's eyes, when they lit up with alarm. Matt slowly reached out for the doorknob, turned it and entered Doc's office.
When Kitty looked up, Matt was standing only two to three feet away. She couldn't hold back the tears, and suddenly it was like a downpour as the tears fell. Matt immediately wrapped her in his arms. Her face pressed into his chest as her body shook with the fear of what could possibly happen. He was a big man. The U.S. Marshal in Kansas and this would probably hurt his pride and she knew that would not be good. Maybe, she could just tell him she was sick and needed to go away for a while, but she knew that wouldn't work either, because he'd follow her no matter where she went. What had she done wrong to deserve this. Why did Jude Bonner ever have to come along, for that matter, she should have stayed hidden in her bedroom, instead of confronting him. Damn her, for her honor and compassion and damn those three for putting themselves at risk. Damn the whole world for what it had done to her. She felt so angry, so scared and even in his big strong arms, she felt so alone.
His strong arms tightened around her as his big hands gently began to rub her back, up and down, trying to soothe away whatever it was she was feeling. Seeing her hurting like this scared him. No, it terrified him. He knew what was to come. He wasn't a stupid man. One thing he had learned about Kitty, was that she loved him completely. So completely and thoroughly that she never lied to him. He also learned a great deal about her body. What she liked and disliked when making love. What she craved during these love making sessions, and when certain things were going on with her body, like a woman's time of the month, he knew to stay out of her way the first few days, she usually had quite a temper and everything seemed to bother her. From his snoring, to his reading habits, everything bothered her. He couldn't fault her, he understood what she went through when it was her time. He had gotten the nerve up to ask her about it. Kitty was more than happy to tell him if it meant he would be more understanding and more forgiving when it came. And he was. He always gave her room, and time to relax and be by herself. He noticed the subtle changes in her body about a week ago. Her breast seemed more tender when he caressed them during love-making, and they seemed swollen.
"You wanna tell me what's wrong, Kitty?" He asked holding on to her.
"No!" She mumbled into his chest.
"Why not?" He asked kissing the top of her head.
"Because you'll hate me!" She said keeping her face hidden in his chest. Matt gently pushed her back so he could look into her eyes. But she would not look up at him, her head was down as she tried to hide the shame she felt.
"I could never hate you, Kitty, please look at me and tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded, but all she did was shake her head no. "Kitty, you're starting to scare me, please tell me."
"Matt, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She covered her face with her hands as he pulled her back into his embrace.
"What's wrong, why are you sorry?" He asked rubbing his big hands over her shoulders.
"I'm pregnant, Matt!" She said as she tried to push him away, but he would not let her go. "Please don't hate me, Matt. Please!"
"Hate you? God! Kitty…, this isn't your fault. I don't hate you! I could never hate you. I love you, more than you will ever know." He said cupping her face and forcing her to look into his blue eyes. She didn't see hate in them. Or any kind of doubt, only love for her. "I love you, Kitty."
He had thought his words would bring comfort, but what they brought was anger. Her eyes lit up and he saw the fire in them as her nostril flared slightly. "You love me? How can you still love me, knowing I'm carrying that bastard's child? That man raped me, beat me, then passed me around to his men like some common whore, for all I know it could be any one of those men, who fathered this child. Do you still love me now, Matt? Do you still love me knowing he had his hands on my body, knowing that he took what was yours? Do you still love me knowing he gave me a child that should have been yours?" She said angrily. How could he tell her he loved her when she felt so dirty. She didn't' want him to love her, she wanted him to hate her as much as she hated herself.
"Now everyone will know the truth about Kitty Russell, I'm just a common whore!" She yelled at him.
Grabbing her lower arms, he angrily pulled her to him. "Don't you ever say that again,
do you hear me? You want to hate someone, then hate me, it's my fault that they kidnapped you, it was my fault that he took from you, what is mine. And make no doubt about it, you are still mine. You will always be mine. You are my life, my whole world, and I will always love you. Nothing he did to you could ever change the way I feel about you, do you hear me?" She didn't say anything as she hid her face by keeping her eyes down. Matt released her one arm and gently lifted her chin. "Kitty, look at me." She slowly batted her long lashes at his gentle words and slowly lifted her red eyes to him. Tears now fell down his own cheek. He placed her palm flat on his chest over his heart. "This heart of mine, beats for you. It knows no other love, nor has it ever known a love like you. You are my life, I love you." His words were not simple nor did they go unnoticed. She allowed her hand to feel the beat of his heart beneath his rising chest and she knew that she was home. She wasn't alone, not by a long shot. But this was not going to be easy. This was going to be very difficult and they both knew it. Reaching up with her free hand, she gently wiped the tear from his cheek with her thumb, then pulled her big man down towards her, as her warm, trembling lips caressed his. "We will get through this, I promise. We'll get married….."
"No!" She interrupted him as she pulled back from his grasp.
"What?" He said surprised.
"I said no, Matt, we are not getting married." She said as she crossed her arms over her breast.
"Why not?" He said running his hand through his curls. He was confused now, she didn't want to marry him, why not? His mind began to formulate an argument for any reason she could possibly throw at him.
"I won't marry you and have you raise another man's child, then hate me for the rest of your life. I won't do that to you. I can't." She said pleading with him.
"I don't understand, Kitty. I love you and you didn't ask me to raise this child, I'm telling you that I wanna marry you and we will raise this baby together. I love you and I will love this child because it is a part of you. I will be a good father." He said stepping over to her, but Kitty dodged his arms and moved around him to stand by Doc's desk.
"No." She said simply. "I won't do it. I won't marry you because of this child." She said.
"Give me one good reason." He said to her as he leaned against the table.
"It's not your child. I won't make you live with my shame." She said as she turned and walked out of the Doc's office. She headed down the stairs and Doc and Festus watched her step down the last step. She said nothing as she slipped between them and headed back to the Long Branch. Doc looked up at the top landing, when Matt did not come out immediately, he climbed the steps to his office. Festus saw that Kitty was quickly heading into the Long Branch and he headed after her.
When Doc entered his office, Matt was sitting on his chair leaning forward, his head in his hands. "What happened, Matt?"
"I asked her to marry me." He said softly
"You what?" He said surprised.
"I love her, Doc. I wanna to be there for her. I wanna help her raise this child." He said looking up at him. "She said no, Doc. Kitty said no."
Doc said nothing as he pulled a glass from the cabinet and opened the bottle of brandy that still sat on his desk. He poured Matt a glass and he gulped down in one shot.
"Why'd she say no, Doc, why?" He said confused.
"I don't know, Matt, I think Kitty has some odd sense of honor that requires she bear the shame of what Bonner did to her, alone. She feels she has to bear this burden alone." He said scratching his chin.
"She said that, Doc, that she wouldn't make me bear her shame." He stands up and looks at the door. "I love her, Doc, more than words can say. She has been a royal thorn in my side from day one, and I love her. I even love that temper of hers." He smiles as he remembered back to a time when Kitty was much younger, she had actually gotten into a fight with a man, and attempted to scratch his eyes out when he had called her 'a no account whore.' Yes, she was a saloon girl, and she would talk to men, entice them to buy her a drink as well as themselves, but she did not sell her body to those men, or any other men for that matter. There was only one man she was interested in, but he always seemed too busy to bother with her. Smiling, he remembered, grabbing her and throwing her over his shoulders as he took her up the alley and the back stairs of the Long Branch, and gently deposited a very angry, very stubborn redhead. She hadn't even realized it was Matt and took a swing at him, clipping him in the jaw and actually leaving a slight bruise.
"Ooh, Oh, Matt, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you." She said looking up into the laughing eyes of one very tall Marshal. That was the moment she fell in love with him. That was also the night she had lost her last boundaries of her childhood. At 19 years old, she became a woman, his woman. Just who seduced who wasn't quite clear, but they made love well into the night. As the morning light came in through the curtains, he opened his eyes and stared down at the woman in his arms. She lay on her belly, almost on top of him. The sheet was low around her hips and her naked breasts were pressed tight against his bare chest. He felt his morning erection stirring and his hands began to roam over her naked flesh. Before she was fully awake, he had her turned onto her back and pinned beneath him. She awoke with a gasp as he moved slowly into her. Her eyes flew opened as he was fully embedded within her tight sheath. She smiled at him as he looked down at her and began to move his hips, first in slow sensual motions. But the fire began to burn white hot and his hips thrust harder and faster into hers. Kitty pulled her knees up, until the soles of her feet where along side of his hips. She still felt that slight pinching, but that was something she would live with, her body was on fire and yearning for completion.
"Matt? Matt, where were you?" Doc said looking at him oddly.
"I was remembering that time that Tully Granier made the mistake of calling Kitty, well, let's just say he implied she was a working woman." Matt said.
"Yeah, I remember that, she busted his nose." Doc said scratching his head. "That woman has a mean right hook." They both laughed.
"Yes and a stubborn streak to go with it. I'm gonna get her to marry me, Doc. I don't know how, but if she thinks this was the end of it, she's mistaken. I'm not ready to let go." He smiled as he went back to the memory and heard her scream as his fingers danced over her woman's jewel. She had still be so sensitive from the previous night that within minutes, she was crying out her release, into his mouth as he covered hers to keep Belle from coming in. "Yep, that woman is in for a fight, Doc." He said putting his hat on and heading out the door.
TBC