So sorry about not updating, guys. I'm horrible for procrastinating or forgetting projects =/ here's another chapter, albeit a short one:

I would have dozed off as I lay in the hot water, letting the warmth seep into my very bones, but I knew Jasper would worry if I spent too much time in the tub. Once I was sufficiently warmed, I climbed carefully out of the bath – realizing that my coordination would be even worse in my achy, tired state – and dressed in the clothes Jasper had hung on the doorknob. He'd left a pair of Esme's deep blue cotton pajamas, which I pulled on gratefully. I left my wet clothes in the bathtub and wandered downstairs.

"Jasper?" I called softly, knowing he would hear me wherever he was.

"I'm in here, Bella." His voice came from the kitchen, deep and quiet. I gravitated towards it without having to think about it. It was good to hear the crystalline, clear voices of the Cullens again.

I walked into the room slowly, perhaps with a little trepidation. Though I certainly didn't blame Jasper for my catastrophic birthday party, I knew that my presence caused him a good deal more stress than it did the other Cullens. He was leaning against the counter, his arms folded over his chest, staring at the ground. He glanced up at my approach, his face concerned.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, walking to meet me in the middle of the room, my hot chocolate in hand. He stopped and handed it to me when we were an arm's length apart, then took a step back, looking guarded.

"A bit," I replied. "Jasper….I-"

"Don't mention it," he said. A haunted look crossed his face. "I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't…well. No more of this jumping off cliffs, okay?"

I gave a nod and tested the temperature of my hot chocolate. It had cooled off a little, so I took a sip, sighing contentedly as warmth spread through my body.

"You seem…oddly at ease, here with me. I thought…" Jasper trailed off, a dark look stealing over his dark eyes. If I was honest with myself, I suppose it should be natural for me to be a little tense around him, but as per usual, my reactions were never on the same level as those of normal people.

"I don't blame you for what happened, Jasper. I should have been more careful…"

"Don't try and blame yourself, Bella."

I tried to smile. "How about we both stop blaming ourselves? What's done is done. Besides…he's already-" I winced as an invisible hand snagged a handful of my insides and wrenched them all out of place. I thought it would be a relief to be partially whole again, but apparently now there was just more of me to hurt. Jasper felt my pain – I knew by the echo of it I saw in his eyes – and rubbed his hand wearily over his forehead. I felt guilty for adding to the stockpile of grief he had to contend with every day, and wrestled with my own agony, but it only seemed to fight back harder. The relief that his presence had earlier brought on was gone now, and reality set in. I realized that my excitement earlier was only because I associated the return of even part of the family with the return of him. The weight of my pain came crashing down once more with such force that I fell to my knees, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. Jasper was at my side in an instant.

"Bella?" he said, kneeling beside me. I couldn't answer; I just sobbed harder into my hands. I felt Jasper's calming presence surround me, but it only slowed the flood of grief; soon, the force of the waves would shatter the barriers he'd set up.

"Bella, please, talk to me," he pleaded. Another stab of guilt pierced my heart as I realized that he could feel the crushing weight of my agony, barely diluted. So I tried to pull myself together, my arms wrapped around my torso – not trying to hold myself in one piece, but to keep the remaining pieces from being jarred by the turmoil raging in my heart. I knew it was a futile effort, and suddenly I could not contain my grief. Words spilled from my lips – the dam had broken.

"It's m-my f-fault," I sobbed, my breath coming in sharp gasps. "Y-you all l-left and it's m-my fault…if I c-could have b-been b-better…if I was w-worth it…if he c-cared-"

I would have gone on, continued to stammer and sob until I'd worked myself up to the point of an attack of some sort, but I was suddenly swept into a stone cold pair of arms, my face pressed against a shoulder that was not granite, but marble – softer somehow, but still just as impenetrable, just as solid as the shoulders I so well remembered.

That thought would have sent me over the edge, would have been the final shove to topple the already tipsy structure of my mind, if not for Jasper. He did not shush me, but rocked me gently back and forth, his arms close around me without being tight. He simply sent waves of peace over me, keeping up a steady crooning of "Bella, Bella," that was just as soothing as his special gift.

I didn't know how long we sat like that – Jasper cradling me in his muscular arms, me clinging to him with every last ounce of strength I had, sobbing the diseased portion of my heart out. It felt like days. The sun had set on the dreary afternoon before I cried myself out. I pressed my face against his shoulder, his cold skin soothing to my hot, swollen eyes. Jasper continued to hold me, though, until he felt the weight of my grief ease. It had not completely lifted, but its mass was much less now. I could bear it, rather than be crushed by it.

I felt him begin to draw away from me, and I wound myself out from the protective circle of his arms, sitting cross-legged on the floor, head in my hands. My breathing was hard and shallow, but it came easier now. The lead that had filled my bones was gone, leaving a strange relief behind it.

Another few minutes passed before Jasper tentatively broke the silence. "Bella?" he asked. His voice sounded odd.

I looked up hesitantly, wondering if I wanted to see his face – to feel the shame I would feel when I saw the disgust I was sure would be there. But his face was devoid of any repulsion – I saw only relief there, mingled with concern and that strange tenderness. There was also a strange triumphant look there. His face still looked strange to me – and then I realized that his guard was down. There was no thirst in his eyes, though he knelt mere feet from me.

"Bella…I…I had no idea," he said, his deep voice made husky by worry.

I had to struggle a moment to remember how to use my voice. When I spoke, it was made nasal, hoarse by my tears. I was so tired my words were coming out slurred. I had cried myself out entirely; it felt like there was nothing left of me to feel anything. The numbness was not unpleasant – anesthetic rather than lead. "S'not your fault," I said, stifling a yawn. "None of you could have known."

He shook his head fervently. "Bella, we knew you better than this. We should have known how it would affect you..." A shiver crawled over his skin, and he shut his eyes tightly, squeezing them together as he spoke. "I won't leave you like that again, alone with no one to help you cope. Unless," he added hastily, "you want me to…"

Slowly, cautiously, I leaned forward, opening my arms a little awkwardly. He caught my meaning and drew me carefully into his arms again. I hugged him tightly, resting my chin on his shoulder, eyes closed. "No, Jasper…I'm so glad you came back…thank you so…" I mumbled, unable to finish my sentence. I was just so tired…"
"Sleep, Bella. I'll look after you," he promised.
"Charlie…"

"Don't worry about Charlie. I'll look after this. But please, rest. You need to recover…"

Before he was finished speaking, I'd drifted off to sleep, my cheek resting on his shoulder.