Forgive me, Edward has a potty mouth. I wish to offend no one. Please be advised of the explicit content, yo. Also I had to incorporate some Edward history and it sounds a tad repetitive.

I haven't written in a long time so I hope it flows together. Let me know if this is going in the right direction.

Review from chapter 4…

Why hadn't I seen her before? Jasper and I were well-versed with all the twenty-two sororities on campus and she looked a little older than the new freshman girls I had yet to learn. I was completely in lust with her as she yelled out something vulgar in reference to Ohio. Could she hold that thought for a couple of hours before I could get her to my apartment?

I had clearly been staring at her for way too long. The crowd had settled back down and the forth quarter had started. I'm pretty sure Ohio was running the ball when she looked at me. I couldn't see her eyes very well under the damn hat but I know she looked right at me. I unconsciously smiled at her, and then stopped abruptly and looked away when I realized what was happening to me.

Edward Cullen

I was getting hard by just looking at a goddamn stranger. What. The. Fuck?

God, it's been way too long since I've had some decent pussy. I am not kissing her, groping or fondling or even touching anything and I am already this wound up? Getting her home sooner rather than later would be best for my current condition. I looked up at her again and like my eyes were fucking magnets to her gaze, she looked up at me again too. I smiled my best confident crooked smile at her that I know fills those bitch's airy heads with lust. She held a moment of hesitation and quickly covered it with a cocky ass grin. She was then immediately talking into the ear of one of the guy's she was with all while looking straight at me and holding her sexy ass smile.

He wasted no time in hoisting her up on his back like she was a goddamned princess who couldn't be troubled to walk on her own. Then he turned and I saw his face that looked like he'd just struck gold or some shit. He was about to get what I was sooooo looking forward to only moments ago. She was taken and just as loyal as I thought. That mother fucker had her perfect legs wrapped around is waist where I wanted them to be on me-only with her turned around. My vision was green. That was a strange emotion I didn't ever remember feeling before. Huh. I couldn't be jealous, could I? They're together and I don't even know her. I thought she seemed taken at the beginning. Why am I upset?

If she was so loyal why did she hold my gaze until the crowds parted for them and they turned to go up the stairs? She eye fucked the shit out of me the closer she got and it seemed as though she was silently daring me to chase after her. I don't chase. I wasn't too preoccupied by this fucking realization to miss her pink and white boy shorted underpants as she bounced up the stairs, on his back, and out of the stadium. Out my reach. Did I just think underpants? God, I need help.

I tried to enjoy the rest of the game but the spoiled child in me held no further interest. All I could think about was her. Her legs, her smile and mostly her rejection. I am never fucking rejected and that cocky smile of hers kept flashing in my brain fucking pissing me the hell off. I was still hard for her too. I hated her and wanted her so much at the same time.

My uncomfortable tight pants could become an issue if I can't find someone suitable to fuck in the mean time. Edward Cullen doesn't whack off because of refutation. Edward Cullen only does that when he chooses to. Because he doesn't have time for more. Emmett and Jasper say it would be best if I stopped referring to myself in the third person but I really feel that it suits me. I am really very important to myself.

Some Serious Edward Cullen insights:

I grew up in no other than the best goddamn city in this entire country, Los Angeles, Cali-fuckin-fornia.

I come from money.

A lot of money.

And that fucking money is so bittersweet to me. While I love my extensive, not to mention impressive, car collection …and the fact that I have been everywhere worthwhile on this god-forsaken planet over and over, money has changed me. And not necessarily for the better.

Indeed, I am an ass. Everything has always come so easily to me. I am not fucking ungrateful; I just learned a little too damn late and a little too embarrassingly that life can fucking hurt sometimes. Before I got to college, I had been so caught up in my parent's little world of country clubs and cock-tail parties that I honestly didn't see how it was possible to live any differently. I mean, those cock-head kids on that MTV birthday show didn't have shit on my life.

I am honest enough, at least with myself, to admit what a fucking slap in the face it was to find out the extent of poverty in the United States--- The discrimination, the racism, the intolerances and all the fucked up situations in this world. Shit, I am not a stupid motherfucker; I was just naive and sheltered. Where I come from, we DO NOT bring shit like that up. Ever. I was eventually convinced that the world just wasn't as bad as it really was. I had friends and fun and anything I wanted. Anytime.

Needless to point out, I felt like a total duesch when I moved in my first year of college to the dorms- a suggestion from my dad because he wanted me to experience college the same way he did. The right way, he said.

I moved in with my cousin Emmett because his dad suggested the same fucking thing and because Emmett was going to be playing football and should live near practice and campus and shit. This dude Jasper Whitlock from Texas got assigned to live with us as well and my fucking eyes were forced open.

Jasper Whitlock had to work 2 jobs in order to make enough money to pay for his portion of room and board. He was the first person in his family to even go to college and he came here on a scholarship. I was fucking proud and fucking ignorant to smile because my dad's companies sponsored hundreds of scholarships… And I was just so excited to actually meet someone who had received one.

Shit, it turns out that I am a very fortunate bastard with no goddamn idea what is really going on in this world and it hurts to find that shit out when you're 18. I felt betrayed and stabbed in the back by what I thought was a great life.

Another fucked up thing about Jasper's life was that he had a really hard time with mine. After I heard about all of Jasper's struggles to get to school here, I was almost ashamed…or embarrassed to mention that I come from where I come from. I didn't want him to know the extent of my fortunateness. I was smart in hiding it from him because when Emmett opened his big fucking mouth and elicited all the information about our family, Jasper felt it fucking necessary to be intimidated by my capital worth-- Like I had magical powers or some shit.

I mean, when Jas told me in drunken confidence three months into school that his uncle who was homeless and apparently illiterate, died…of rabies. Because his alcoholic, destitute uncle decided to live in an abandoned warehouse with about 40 other people and about 400 other rats and plagues and infection and…yeah, I didn't believe him. Jas fortunately put me in my place and started schooling me on real life.

I am one lucky son of a bitch; it is true. –But it's not just because my dad has more money than Jesus. I am even luckier that God or whatever powers that be made Jasper realize that underneath it all, I am still a normal fucked up asshole like the rest of us. I finally learned that yeah, I may have many privileges and I am blessed as hell, but I am an alright individual and I care about humanity. I neglected to mention to anyone else where I really came from again, and from then on I asked Emmett to keep his big mouth shut about us. People discriminated us and held me at a higher standard just because my family is who they are. I don't want to be responsible for shit like that.

And I definitely had to learn quickly that you couldn't trust people who said they were your friends. I also became conscious to the fact that a person had potential to be nice, a person could be smart. But people, as in a group of them, are fucking stupid…and disloyal and can stab you in the fucking back with a prison shank when you least expected it…Jasper has awfully odd relatives.

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I have come a long way in 3 years. That whole ordeal with Jasper and the money shit was the only hard thing I really had to deal with thus far. I already have my Bachelor's because I am brilliant and I completed four years of school in three because generals and pre-med were cake for me. I get off on small accomplishments like never getting anything less than an A on a paper and never having an incorrect answer on any test.

However, I have a feeling all that shit is about to change. I have just started medical school this year and it seems that I am due again for another fucking challenge in my life. I guess it's only fair that the universe is finally catching up to me. My dad lectured me again today how much more work I'll have to do in med school and how much less time I'll have to do it in. I regret never listening or really preparing for it. I was born with a fantastic fucking photographic memory and apparently a hidden talent for alliterations. I just know shit because I'm awesome. I was too cocky and proud to prepare myself for this. Goddamnit, why does shit like that always have to come back and bite me in the ass?

I will be getting mine this semester because it's only been one fucking week and I am already struggling. Not as bad as some other students, sure, but I am not the best. And I fucking have to be the best. Absolutely no distractions this year.

Girls do not usually count as distractions because I am like God to them and they know not to fucking bother me unless I solicit their company. Shit, I have yet one more thing to thank god every night for, I am good-looking as fuck. Sometimes I even ask myself why I get to be blessed again. What can I say except God loves me and so does my mom.

So why is this chick bothering me so much? I just saw her in a crowd once. She looked completely ordinary and was wearing a baseball hat for hell's sake. Except that was just it-The smile she gave me was anything but ordinary. She was sexy as hell, there is no use lying to myself. She is my ideal girl and I want her. I want her. I want her. I want her.

In the midst of my tantrum, I realized Jas and James were making their way out of the game and I started to follow. What is on the agenda for tonight, because if I can't have my girl tonight, I need to find some other chick to take care of my business?

La Bella

I was so happy for Jake but I kept getting text messages from the twit to meet her and Rose outside the game and get ready for football game after parties. Apparently Alice had big plans. I looked up while we were all cheering for Jake's first college touch down and got big ass butterflies in my gut. There only several people down from us, was a God-like creature. And he was looking right at me with a small smile twitching… I had to resist the urge to look behind me and check for Rosalie. When he looked away he almost looked annoyed. Maybe he was looking somewhere else after all.

About five seconds later I could no longer resist the urge to look at him again –just one more time- I told myself. He was just so perfect. And oh my gosh, look at his I Just Got Fucked in the Women's Bathroom at Half-time sex hair. I am wet. That's my favorite kind of hair. I'm in trouble. He was looking at me again, at least I hope it was me or my next move could be slightly humiliating. He gave a cocky crooked grin that I'm sure worked wonders on all the lucky ladies who got to be with him. I however would not be so lucky. Guys like him are dangerous for me. Not that I fall for them or anything…it's just intimidating, I guess. I can not be held responsible for my panties around them and I don't like being with guys that are prettier than me. This guy was not just pretty, he was beautiful.

I should probably get going because if I gave him a chance to walk over to me and talk, I might attack his face with my tongue. I leaned into Embry and brushed my fingers over his neck lightly. "Hey, can we get out of here before Alice comes and kidnaps me?" I looked at the mysterious sex-god the entire time. I knew I had mere seconds left to memorize him so I'd be able to take care of myself later with him in mind.

Embry chuckled lightly, "Yeah, what you ladies doing tonight?" He's probably wondering if I was going to be available later for the booty call. I am not a tease on a normal basis but Goddamnit, this was an emergency.

"We can go back to my place if you promise to protect me from the little dueschbag. She wants to force me to go to frat parties and crap…" The only thing that could have gotten Em away from football is the promise for some 'action' later. He probably thought he was going to get more than I was willing to give him, poor guy. I, unfortunately for Embry, am very selective. He hitched me up on his back and carried me away. Away from where the other half of me begged to go back and assault a stranger.

My virginity was lost long ago and I am by no means a prude. I am willing to try almost anything once. I just feel like it's something that requires a low meaningful number. I need to feel some chemistry with them. I need to feel more than just friendly, companion-like comfort. I don't have anything to do with it if it's going to be just a boring old regular fuck. Where is the passion in that?

You see, after Rose went through the most horrible nightmare known to mankind, she had to go to counseling and therapy for years. She still goes now except it is much less frequent and much less traumatizing. She is strong and I admire her for being able to move on with her life. God knows I still have several abandonment issues that I need to move on from as well…and what Rosie went through is a lot worse than me.

At first she had a series of panic attacks and anxiety when the first guy she tried to go out with got a little too handsy with her. She eventually overcame her issues and out of I think retaliation for Royce, she started sleeping around a tinsy bit…in my opinion. I think she did it just to prove...she could? All I know is she talks a good game and she is one sexy bitch. But I can sometimes, even after five years of aftermath, see that she still gets panicky in certain situations or when she is put into certain positions that make her uncomfortable.

I was worried about her so I made up these particular rules with Rosie our senior year and said to only have worthwhile bedmates...not just worthwhile but worthy as well. If we're going to add to the number, we might as well add them with enthusiasm and organization. She flicked me in the forehead at the suggestion but eventually came to her senses a week later. Alice also eventually joined our club after several bad experiences.

We check with each other before sexy times with each new person in order to make sure we dont have beer goggles on or we're not just being desperate. Each man in question...or woman in one of rose's cases must meet the following criteria and be approved by one of the other two remaining club members... Jake tried to claim he had power to veto all of his friends suggesting incest by association... I get a lecture everytime Embry comes over.

OPERATION FUCK GOOD COMMENSES:

(I typed this shit up and taped on our fridge, yo. Alice crossed out the word fuck and wrote love...she's a pussy.)

1. First, Middle, and Last name of the fella must be known as well as an approximate date of birth.

*at first there was an age limit but Alice just kept breaking that rule so we amended it.

2. Can (try REALLY hard) not to have sex on the first date.

3. Fella must be willing to meet the rest of us so we can judge him accordingly.

4. Must have proof that said fella has good Hygiene and has been tested recently.

5. You should have chemistry and/or romantic feelings for the dude in question. Mutual lust is a must. (*this is the only rule that must not be broken by a member of our little geeky club.)

Alice and Rosalie amendments

5a. The man in question must show proof that his feelings are mutual for you with thoughtful gifts, small gestures of affection, compliments and/or sentiments. (Alice)

5b. The fella must show considerable interest in pleasing the lady as much as pleasing himself. (Rose dated some selfish ass-holes.)

6. Last but not least and there are always exceptions... The fella must own a car and/or motorcycle, and must have at least a part-time job or going to school. Not because we are mean bitches, but because we don't date unambitious losers.

Needless to say, I have only found a few people who fit the criteria and I rarely search for new coquests. But USC is new. And I am trying to break out of my shell a little bit. I would not be opposed to some new dick if I can find someone in accordance to my needs.

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I text Alice that I was going home with Embry and was a little concerned at her silence. I should have known better to not park and go inside because of course she beat me home. She attacked me at the door wearing her Dress-up Bella hot pink leather toolbelt. The surprised Embry held his hands up in surrender when Alice pointed the hair dryer at him. Embry laughed when I looked at him like the scared traitor he was.

It was then that I noticed that our house was ready for a festival. I was suddenly depressed knowing I was once again fooled by the little skank known as Alice. I leave for four hours and our house looks like fucking Mardi Gras meets a kegger-rave party. Alice never does anything half-way doe she?

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Please stay tuned for z party this week. Sorry, I can't seem to get over the filler chapters. I have more to come. And I also apologize for kind of going crazy with the rules. Bella really enjoys a good roll in the hay but she has to have standards for future reasons...

***I jsut ralely relaly ned a ogod beta.***

Review and share with others pretty please with an arrogant ass-hole Edward who has fucked-good hair on top. He will get nicer, I got carried away with the ass-hole in me. Necessitas Advice.