Meredith sat down in an empty chair. It was in an empty patient's room. In an empty feeling hospital. She had to get away. She had to hide. She couldn't be out there with all of the 'normal people'. They were the people who weren't damaged. The people who were happy. So Meredith Grey-Shepherd sat in the empty room, because she was not happy.
This is stupid. Really stupid. People don't act like this. I am acting like a fool. I am acting like Derek died. Derek didn't die. If Derek died, I would know. I did sleep next to him last night. I even woke up next to him this morning. I'm pretty sure he was breathing. But I feel like he's dead. Maybe it is I that feel dead? He's taken days off before. I have gone days without him. In fact, I went most of my life without him. But this is the first day. The very first day that Derek is working at his new job, at his new practice. It's a practice I haven't even seen. I need to see it. I should have already. I don't want to hurt his feelings. But seeing it, makes it reality. Or at least it did. But now reality is reality, and I am here alone. Feeling sad. Feeling dead.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Cristina asked as she hopped on the bed.
"Sulking." Meredith said frankly as she shrugged her shoulders. "I miss Derek."
"Oh god. You live with him." Cristina said, rolling her eyes. "You are pathetic. Married people work separate jobs..."
"He should be here. I miss him. And he should be here. With me. Or at least under the same roof. Even if I don't see him all day. He should be here if I need him..." Meredith explained sadly.
"I know I am your person, but this isn't my thing. I like you dark and twisty. It was bad enough when you were bright and shiny, but this gloomy and gray is too much..." Cristina said as she stood up and walked away.
And there she goes. But I am getting used to it. She walks out. She's selfish. I never realized it before. She is selfish. When I was dark and twisty, I was so screwed up that I couldn't see it. When things are emotional, or she can't handle it...she exits stage left. So much for a great friend. My person. Not true. My person is Derek...
"Cristina says you're freaking out." George said as he walked in and sat in the chair next to her.
"I am not freaking out." Meredith said affirmatively.
"Okay, you're not freaking out. But you're sad..." He said with a frown.
"Yes. I am sad, okay?" She said, her voice cracking. "It's the freaking hormones..."
"This is big, Mer. You should be upset. You two are close. It is not crazy for you to be upset when someone you see everyday and spend all your free time with is gone." George said as he grabbed her hand.
"It's not just that, George." Meredith said softly. "It was driving to work together. Getting off at the same time. And eating lunch together. And the on-call room..."
"Yeah, I don't need to hear that!" George responded quickly.
"If I need him, he needs to be here. A page away. What if something happens?" She said in a slight panic as she rubbed her abdomen.
"If something goes wrong, we are here. Your friends. Alex, Cristina, Izzie and I. And Bailey, and the Chief. We are all here. And Derek is just a call away, and you know he would be here in a second if you needed him." George said softly. He wiped a stray tear away from her cheek. "Your friends are here for you."
"Thank you, George." She said with a smile. "I appreciate that." Meredith said with a faint smile.
George is right. I have friends. I have great friends who care about me. Friends who are there for me. Friends that I can count on when I really need them. And Derek isn't gone. He's in my bed every night. He's in our home every day. And he's just a call away.
"Are you okay?" He asked softly.
"Yep, I'm okay." She said as she put her hand on her abdomen and stood up.
"Are you hungry?" George asked sweetly.
"Yeah, actually I am." Meredith said with an agreeing nod.
"Well, let's feed you and the twins." He said as he put his hand on her back and walked her out.
George and Meredith walked down to the cafeteria. George was telling Meredith what she needed to eat. She smiled and giggled. He was taking over for Derek, and it was in a good way. He wasn't replacing him. He was just making sure that she took care of herself. Everyone knew that she would occasionally forget to do it for herself. George grabbed their trays and started walking.
"George, I can carry my own tray!" Meredith told him loudly.
"You're pregnant. I will carry your tray." He said as he walked to the table. Meredith shook her head and took her place at the table.
"So are you done freaking out?" Cristina asked as she rolled her eyes.
"Meredith wasn't freaking out, and she is fine." George said loudly.
"Okay...Bambi..." Cristina returned.
"You're okay, Mer?" Izzie asked with a smile.
"I'm good." Meredith replied.
"Well, I'm not. I'm with neuro guy. And he's an ass!" Alex said, shaking his head. "He doesn't want me. He wants the first year neuro resident. In other words you..." He said as he pointed to Meredith. "And good luck with that..."
Meredith just smiled. She could handle it. She could handle anything. She had a protector. George was watching out for her. It was a great feeling.
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Meredith didn't come in contact with the new neuro attending. Dr. Rayburn. According to everyone, that was his name, Dr. Rayburn. Or McAss. It was a nasty name, for a nasty doctor. She didn't care what his name was. Her focus was on getting home to her family. This was the moment of truth. Would he be home? Would his busy day have turned into a busy night? She was sure it had. Maybe she was becoming a pessimist. But she was sure of it, either way.
She saw the lights on in the house. That wasn't a surprise. She knew that Anna was home. She was probably home with Jane. She was obviously home with Jane. She was far too young to be home alone. Meredith pushed the garage door opener and watched the door slide open. She was shocked when she pulled in next to Derek's Land Rover. She slowly walked into the house and inhaled. It was Derek's spaghetti. There was no mistaking it. He made the best spaghetti, and it's wonderful smell was wafting through the house like a sweet-smelling fog.
"Mommy!" Anna shouted as she saw Meredith approach. Meredith tossed her bag on the stool at the counter.
"Hey Anna Banana!" Meredith returned with a grin.
"Hey." Derek said as he looked up from the pot he was stirring.
"Hey yourself." Meredith said as she walked over to him. "I missed you today." She said as she kissed him softly. She caught a glance of Anna, who was scrunching her nose in disgust.
"Not as much as I missed you..." Derek said with a grin as he wrapped his arm around her.
"Good." Meredith returned. She kissed him again. "You made spaghetti. I love spaghetti."
"I know you do. I figured Things One and Two may like it also." He said with a smile as he rubbed her abdomen.
"I think they will." She returned as she covered his hand with hers. "I'm going to go take a quick shower. I have to wash the hospital off of me. I'll be right back." She said as she walked out of the room. "I'm glad you were right." She shouted.
Derek smiled. He knew what she was talking about. This was good. A good start. But it wasn't just a start. It would always be like this. It had to be. He was bound and determined to to keep it this way. He was going to make life happy for himself. He knew that no one else would. He watched as Anna began setting the table. She was getting better about doing things to help around the house. Addison had given her a long talk about life. Anna told Derek the talk was 'deep'. Addison had really gotten through to her.
Derek smiled as Meredith walked back into the kitchen in a light camisole and cotton pants. Her baby bump was increasing in size. Derek could swear she was bigger everyday, and he loved it. The bigger she got, the more she was concerned about her own comfort. As soon as she got home, she was in her stretchy clothes.
"Can I help with anything?" Meredith asked as she walked up and looked around.
"Nope. I think we're good. Why don't you just sit down." He said as he motioned to the table.
"Fine." She moaned as she sat down. She was secretly relieved. She couldn't wait to get off of her feet. Derek began bringing dishes to the table.
"I hope you're hungry." He said as he sat the last dish on the table. The table was full of salad, pasta, sauce and bread.
"I am." She returned as she placed pasta on her plate.
"What did you have for lunch?" He questioned as he looked at her. He could read her face like a book. He would know if she lied. Not that he felt like he was her keeper, but he knew she would forget on her own. She just got too busy.
"Don't worry, George had taken your spot. He nagged me all day." She said as she shook her head. "I had a ham sandwich and an apple."
"Good." Derek nodded as he placed food on his and Anna's plate. "So did you meet Rayburn yet?"
"No." Meredith said in between bits. "I hear he's a real jerk."
"He's really not. Just focused. Completely focused. He's a pretty good neurosurgeon. He still has a lot to learn..." Derek returned as he looked into her eyes.
"Well, I'm sure I will get stuck with him eventually." Meredith said with a shrug.
"You will be fine. If you can handle me, you can handle him." Derek told her.
"Oh, I can handle you." Meredith said with a smile as she raised her eyebrows.
"Can you handle me tonight?" Derek said as his eyes darkened.
"I think I can..." Meredith agreed. "Yep...definitely..."
"Are you guys talking dirty?" Anna asked as she looked between them.
"WHAT?" Derek and Meredith asked in unison.
"Alex says you guys talk dirty." Anna said frankly as she took a bite of pasta. "I'm not sure what it means."
"When did you see Alex?" Meredith asked quickly.
"Yes- When did you see Alex?" Derek asked with building irritation. He definitely had to be careful who she was around. Especially Evil Spawn.
"When I was with Aunt Addison we had to stop at the hospital. I met him. He said you guys talked dirty. He said you raised your eyebrows and moved your lips funny. That's what you guys were doing." Anna explained.
"Alex doesn't know what he's talking about." Meredith told her sternly. "Don't listen to him..."
"Okay." Anna agreed as she looked between the two of them.
"Remind me to kill Alex Karev." Derek muttered under his breath.
"Can we watch a movie after dinner?" Anna asked softly.
"Of course we can." Derek returned as Meredith nodded. Meredith sat there in smiled. This is what she wanted. This was wonderful. A perfect family.
Derek put the dvd in the player. It was Anna's choice. She insisted on Dreamer. The movie about a racehorse. They had seen it a thousand times, but that's what she wanted, so they both agreed to watch it for thousand and oneth time. Derek laid back against the corner of the sofa, laying his legs across. Meredith laid against him, resting her head on his chest. Anna came barreling down the stairs in her pajamas.
"I'm ready." She said as she jumped into the big comfy chair. Derek pressed the play button and looked down at Meredith who was looking up at him.
"I love you..." She said softly as she laid her head back down.
"I love you too..." He said as he ran his hand through her hair. He looked over at Anna, who was lost in the movie. "So when is your next check-up?" He asked as he placed his hand over hers.
"Thursday." She said with a smile. "At one."
"Okay..." Derek said as he rubbed her stomach.
"Are you going to make it?" She asked as she glanced up at him.
"Of course I am!" Derek said with a big smile.
"Can you guys be quiet?" Anna asked softly as she gave them the death glare. "This is my favorite part. Do you remember it?" She asked with wondering eyes.
"When they get the horse. Yes, we remember that." They both said quickly.
"Oh. Well, it's my favorite part, so shhh." She said as her eyes turned back to the t.v. They both looked at each other and shook their heads.
"She's bossy. Like her mom." Derek pointed out. "I hope those are boys." He said as he pointed to her bump. "Too much estrogen in this house." Meredith playfully smacked his arm. "It's true...I live with the bossiest women."
Meredith loved it when Derek said she was Anna's mom. It never got old. There were so many times when she didn't think they would get to keep her. It's funny how you think you want one thing, and then you just don't want of anymore. She never wanted kids, and now she couldn't imagine her life without Anna. And Anna was happier than ever.
"I want to see the neurology center." Meredith whispered softly.
"You do?" Derek said happily.
He was beginning to think she didn't care. He wasn't feeling like she wasn't supporting it. When he had first mentioned the idea, she didn't seem too happy about it. But he knew how she was. She was cautious. She was safe. Maybe it was a defense mechanism. Maybe it was because she had been crushed so many times. But now she was coming around, and he was elated.
"It's your baby. Of course I want to see it." Meredith returned with a faint smile as she adjusted her body.
"No, these are my babies, and she is my baby." He said as he pointed to Anna. "I am proud of it, but it's not my life. It's just a job." He said with a shrug. "But I would love to have you see it. Especially since someday it will say Shepherd, Shepherd and Hudson."
"What?" She asked in shock.
"You are meant to be with me. I want you there. If you want to be, of course..." He said as he pulled her tighter.
"Of course I do!" She said happily.
"I know it's a ways away. But, I have a feeling you will be highly desired, and I just want my foot in the door." He said frankly.
"The door is only open to you." She returned with a grin. That was her new goal. To get done with her residency and fellowship, and once again be beside her husband.
"Is it now?" He asked with a raised brow.
"Dr. Shepherd, are you being dirty?" She asked as she rubbed her body against his crotch, feeling the growing bulge.
"Not fair." He grumbled as he turned his head towards Anna.
"Sorry." She said apologetically. "But I will make it up to you..." She replied as she buried her head into his side.
"And I will let you." He said with a grin. Meredith laid there for a few minutes. Derek looked down when he heard the familiar sound of sawing logs.
"Daddy..." Anna whined as she looked over.
"I know baby." Derek agreed as he shook his head. "Just drown her out. Ignore it."
"Can you turn it up?" Anna asked as she looked over at Meredith.
"I think we need to if we're going to hear it." He said as he cranked the volume up. Anna sat for a few minutes and looked back over.
"Can you plug her nose? Or cover her face with that pillow?" Anna asked as she pointed to the throw pillows on the sofa.
"Can we cover your mom's face with the pillow?" Derek asked in shock. Anna nodded. "Only if you want to kill her!" Derek said sharply.
"I guess you're right...bad idea..." Anna agreed as she turned her attention back on the movie. "She needs help." She said, referring to her loud snore.
"You're right about that." Derek said with a chuckle.
Derek looked over at a sleeping Anna. She had just fallen asleep. The movie wasn't over, but he was glad that she was out. He wasn't sure he could handle it again. He knew the words better than the actors, he was sure of that. He looked down at Meredith. She was snoring louder than she ever had. It was nearly echoing through the house. he was wondering of he would even be able to sleep next to her. He slowly slinked out from underneath her and gathered her into his arms, carrying her to their bed.
"Mmm." Meredith moaned as she stretched out on the bed. Derek chuckled and went down to the great room, grabbing his other girl. This one was much lighter than the first. He gently tucked Anna into her bed and headed to he and Meredith's room. He shook his head when he looked at the bed, seeing her completely sprawled out across the bed with a smile on her face.
"This is why I insisted on five bedrooms." He muttered to himself as he made his way to one of the guest rooms. He punched the pillow and laid his head down. This wasn't his comfortable bed, or his pillow. He flipped and shifted several times before laying still. No action tonight. He didn't care. Meredith was exhausted. She was carrying his children. She needed the rest, and he knew it. Besides, they had the rest of their lives for everything else.
There will be a little more drama pretty soon. Nothing life shattering! Thanks for reading!