Meredith moved restlessly around in the bed. The blankets were now pulled off of Derek and wrapped around her. She couldn't get comfortable. Her back was aching and her huge abdomen was getting in the way of everything. Addison had even commented on how large she was getting. It was embarrassing. Week twenty-two and she was gigantic. She looked over at Derek who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. She wanted to smack him in the head. How dare he sleep when she can not.
She laid there and looked at the ceiling. At least things were going better. Derek had pretty much kept his word and was coming home at a decent hour every night. There was nothing she loved more than coming home to a lit-up house, her husband waiting for her with a smile on his face. Then there was Marty. She hadn't seen him. She hadn't heard from him. He was gone. He had actually heeded to Derek's warning and stayed away. Derek protected her. Derek kept her safe.
Meredith rolled over once again. She couldn't tale it. The restlessness was too much. She just wanted to sleep. Ten minutes. She'd be happy with ten minutes. She had to sleep. It wouldn't be long before she had two babies who is was convinced would not sleep. She softly placed her hand on her stomach and gasped. She pushed a little harder. Oh my God.
"Derek!" She whispered loudly as she shook him. "Derek!" She said again, shaking him a little harder.
"Mmmm." He moaned as he rolled over.
"They kicked!" She said as she looked into his tired eyes.
"Wha---what?" He said as he opened his eyes a little farther.
"They kicked. The twins...kicked..." She said happily as she grabbed his hand. A smile quickly covered his face.
"Oh my god! They kicked. They're kicking." He said in astonishment. His hand firmly on her stomach.
"They are there. They are actually in there. Alive...It's...it's amazing..." She said as the tears began to fall.
"I love you more than anything in the world. You are perfect. You are...I can't even explain how I feel about you. And our children. You are carrying our children. Our children are surviving because of you. God, Mer...I love you...I love you so much." He said as he looked into her eyes and kissed her softly. His hand travelled down again.
"Wow..." He said as he lifted her shirt and laid his head against her. He could feel the faint bumps. "Hey there, Thing One and Thing Two..." He whispered. "This is your daddy. Your daddy loves you so much." Meredith could feel his smile forming. Then she felt a few tears slide down her abdomen.
They both sat there is amazement. Derek kept his head on her stomach. He couldn't believe it. He helped create them. He and Meredith created them out of love. The love they shared made two perfect children. Nothing brought him more satisfaction. Nothing.
"I love you, Derek." She said softly. She looked down at him. "Derek?" Meredith said again. Nothing. He had fallen asleep. On her stomach. And she ached. She needed to move, but she couldn't he looked so sweet. So content. She laid there for minutes. And then minutes turned into an hour. Then it hit. The craving.
"Derek..." She said softly as she rubbed his head.
"Hmm?" He asked as he looked up into her green eyes. They sparkled softly in the faint moonlight coming through their curtains.
"I want pizza." She said sweetly. She needed to butter him up, she knew that.
"Pizza?" He asked with a moan.
"Yeah. Homemade. Your pizza." She said with a grin. "Please?" She said as she grabbed a page out of his book and titled her head.
"Mer, it's three am. Way to late to make pizza. Hell, it takes thirty minutes for the dough to rise." He said as he looked at her. Her face dropped. She looked at his tired eyes. He had surgery tomorrow. She couldn't ask him.
"You're right." She said as she fluffed her pillow. She laid there for several minutes, the cravings getting stronger. Finally she couldn't take it. She threw her feet on the floor and walked downstairs. She needed pizza.
She wasn't exactly sure how Derek did it. She rummaged through her extras drawer that had a bunch of junk in it. She was sure the recipe was in it. It was his mother's pizza crust recipe. Or maybe his grandma's. Either way, it was in there and she could taste the unusually sweet crust in her mouth. A smile grew over her face when she looked down at it in her grubby hands.
Meredith grabbed out all of the necessaries for the crust, flour, yeast, hot water a little sugar and a few other ingredients. She worked her hands through the thick dough. She didn't care what time it was, or the fact that she was supposed to be up in a few hours. She needed her pizza. She threw a towel over the bowl, letting it rise. She grabbed out some hot peppers, and cheese. Derek usually mad the sauce, but she couldn't so she settled for a can of tomato sauce. She smiled when she was the big pile of dough ready to be spread out. She mixed up her hot sauce and tomato sauce combo and spread it over the dough. Next she threw on some hot peppers, pineapple and a package of cheese. She loved cheese. She could almost taste it as she placed it in the over.
Meredith walked outside. She figured she could enjoy the stars and the fresh air as she waited for her craving to bake. The stars were unusually bright in the dark sky. She loved being outside. She loved their big front porch. She loved her life. Her thoughts took over as she laid her hands on her large abdomen. Her baby bump peeked out of her tight camisole.
"Hey babies. This is your mommy. Daddy and I can't wait to see you. But not too soon. You have to wait until it's time. You need to meet us when you are healthy and ready. We can't wait to hold you in our arms. Mommy is so lucky to have you, and she knows it..." Meredith muttered as she closed her eyes.
All of a sudden Meredith heard a loud beeping. The smoke alarm. She jumped up quickly and flew into the kitchen seeing black smoke billowing out of the oven.
"Shit!" She shouted as she opened up and grabbed the pan, throwing it all in the sink. She began opening the windows and fanning out smoke.
Derek heard a loud beeping. He looked around to see Meredith no where to be found. It was the smoke alarm. He quickly jumped out of bed meeting Drew in the hallway.
"What's going on?" Drew yelled.
"I don't know. Get Anna and go outside. I have to find Mer!" He shouted as he began running around the house. Drew fly down the stairs with a very scared and confused Anna in his arms.
Derek ran in a panic. Where was she? He quickly ran down the stairs taking two at a time. Not in the great room. Or the living room. Finally he followed the trail of smoke to the kitchen. There she was, fanning the smoke in a panic.
"Seriously?" He said loudly as he shook his head. He couldn't help but laugh as he looked at the large frown on her face.
"My pizza..." She cried as tears ran down her face. "My pizza..."
"Oh my god..." Derek said as he continued to laugh. "Are you okay?" He choked out as he looked at her.
"Physically, yes. Mentally, no." She whined as she pulled the pan of pizza out of the sink. A small portion in the middle still looked halfway edible. She began to pick at the cheese and stick it in her mouth. "I think it would have been really good..." She said as she chewed.
"You can't eat that!" He said as he pulled her hand away. She looked up at him with a frown on her face. "That scared the shit out of me..." He said nervously.
"What? My black pizza?" She asked as she looked back at it.
"No. I heard the alarm. I panicked. I couldn't find you." He said as he pulled her into an embrace. "Please don't make pizza again." He said with a chuckle.
"You are such an ass!" She said as she laid her head against me.
"I should have just got up and made it..." He told her as he pulled away and threw it in the trash.
"Yes...you should have." She said with a huff.
"What's going on in here?" Drew asked as he carried Anna back into the house with him.
"Mer's trying to burn the house down..." Derek laughed and was struck with the empty pan in the shoulder. "Hey!"
"Mer, you should know better than to try and cook." Drew added with a chuckle as he glanced into the trash can seeing the black pizza.
"Mommy! You can't cook pizza!" Anna stated honestly. "You don't know how..."
"Well, apparently I didn't get that memo." Meredith said as she looked around at all of them. Derek began scraping the black cheese off of the big pan.
"Can I go back to bed now?" Anna asked with a big yawn.
"Of course." Derek said with a nod.
"Me too?" Drew asked with a smile.
"Sure." Derek said as he waved him away. He dried that pan and threw it in the cupboard. "You coming?" He asked as he looked over at her.
"No. I have to be up in an hour. It's pointless to even try." Meredith said with a shrug as she pulled out a box of cocoa pebbles, Anna's favorite.
"How much sleep did you get?" He asked with concern.
"I didn't." She said as she poured the milk in too.
"Mer..." Derek warned as he looked at her.
"Don't Mer me. It's your children's fault. I tried to sleep, they were bugging me. I'll be fine. You go back to bed. You still have a few hours." She said as she shoveled a bite of the chocolate-y cereal.
"I don't like this." He said sternly as he kissed her on the forehead.
"Neither do I." She muttered as she pushed him away. "Go to bed..."
"Fine..." He reluctantly agreed as he walked off.
---------------
Meredith was used to sleepless nights. Hell, most of her college days were a stream of sleepless nights, crashing in some strangers bed. Sometimes coming home. But no matter what, she never seemed to get more than a few hours sleep. But lately is was wearing her down. Maybe it was being pregnant. Maybe it was stress, or hormones, or being a mom. But lately she always felt like she needed more sleep no matter how much she got.
"Shepherd...late night?" Miranda asked as they all walked down the hallway. Meredith yawned again loudly.
"Ahhh, kind of." Meredith said with another yawn.
"Oh, late night, huh? Do tell..." Cristina said with a smile as she looked over.
"Not why you'd think. More like lack of sleep because the twins were kicking me. And then Derek was laying on me. Then I couldn't get comfortable. So then I tried making pizza. Almost burned the kitchen down..." Meredith whined as she thought back.
"You're right, not what I thought..." Cristina said with disappointment.
"The twins kicked!" Izzie said happily and she bounced up next to Meredith.
"The first time. Last night." Meredith said with a proud smile.
"Oh how cute. Are they kicking now?" Izzie said as she looked down.
"Nope." Meredith said as she felt her stomach.
"Oh..." She said sadly.
"I'll let you know when they do." Meredith said as she looked over.
"Okay!" Izzie said with a big smile.
"Okay, Shepherd, Rayburn needs you on a case. You are officially on his service. Have fun..." She muttered with an evil laugh.
Meredith slowly walked down the hallway. She was exhausted. She closed her eyes, hoping that it would help. Hoping it would be like a mini power nap. Her stomach was huge. She didn't even know how she could get any bigger. Everyone kept telling her she was ready to pop, and she wasn't even close. She opened her eyes and looked as she stepped onto the elevator. She went to the back and leaned against it, once again closing her eyes.
"Finally!" Rayburn shouted as the doors slid open.
"Wha-what?" Meredith asked at she quickly opened her eyes.
"I thought they were kidding. The nurses said you were snoring in the back of the elevator...I'll be damned." Justin said as he stepped onto the elevator with her.
"I wasn't sleeping." Meredith said defensively.
"You were supposed to find me twenty minutes ago." He explained as he looked down at his watch.
"Oh my god..." Meredith said as she opened her eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I'm tired."
"Late night with Shepherd and McDreamy?" He said with a chuckle.
"No. More like Thing One and Thing Two." Meredith said as she leaned back.
"That's even more interesting..." He said with a raised brow.
"Those would be my children..." Meredith said with a smile as she rubbed her stomach softly. "But, that would have been very interesting..."
"Okay then. Maybe you and your things should take a nap." He suggested as he looked at the bags under her eyes. "In fact, maybe you should go back home."
"I'm fine." Meredith told him with a smile.
"I have been told not to believe that." Justin said as he looked her over.
"I am." She said again as she followed him out of the elevator and to a patient's room.
"Prep him." He said as he handed her the chart. "I'll see you in the OR."
Meredith tiredly prepped the patient. She was doing anything she could to wake herself up. Cold water on her face, did nothing. And caffeine was no longer an option. She would just have to make it, she kept telling herself. She quickly scrubbed in and headed to the table.
"I need you to retract, Dr. Shepherd." He told her as he looked over.
"Of course." She said as she grabbed the tool and held the flesh back. Just a second. One second. She closed her eyes. Her body started to sway. Just a little. A little more.
"Dr. Shepherd!" Justin yelled loudly, causing her to snap awake.
"Yes, Dr. Rayburn?" She asked innocently.
"You okay?" He asked.
"I am fine." She said as she looked at the patient.
"I hope so." He said as he looked back down at the patient. He continued to work, looking up every few minutes.
"Oh my god!" Someone said... Rip...
"What the-- Lap pads. I need lap pads!" Justin Rayburn shouted. The scrub nurses quickly threw them his direction.
"I'm so sorry..." Meredith said quickly as she looked at the teared tissue she had created from pulling the opened when she swayed.
"Out!" He said as he looked up at her. He continued examining the damage. The bleeding was now under control.
"I-- I--" She stammered as she looked in shock.
"Out! Out of the OR. Out of the hospital. Go home and get some fucking sleep. Stupid ass resident..." He muttered as he watched her leave.
Meredith ripped her mask and gloves off as she exited the room. He was right. She was pissed that he yelled. Pissed that she screwed up. Just pissed. But he was right. She was the one that screwed up, not him. She could have killed their patient. It was her fault. She shouldn't have pushed. He offered for her to get sleep. No, she had to be stubborn. She had to be typical Meredith. She had to screw up.
"Is everything okay?" Jane asked as Meredith walked in the front door.
"Mommy!" Anna shouted as she ran over and hugged Meredith tightly.
"I-- I--" Meredith stammered on the verge of tears. "I know I'm home, but I need to get some sleep. Can you?" She asked as she nodded to Anna.
"Of course." Jane said with a nod as she looked at Meredith's tired eyes. Meredith walked upstairs and dropped on the bed like a ton of bricks. She was out. Out for the count.
--------------------
"I'm sorry I'm home so late." Derek said as he walked into the kitchen seeing Anna eating a cheeseburger that Jane had fixed.
"It's fine, Dr. Shepherd. I didn't have anywhere to go." Jane said frankly.
"Thanks, Jane. You're irreplaceable." Derek said with a smile as he looked down at Anna.
"Hey Daddy." She said with a smile as she took a big bite.
"Hey you." He said with a grin as he walked to the refrigerator.
"I made enough for you and Dr. Shepherd." Jane said with a smile. "I know it's late. I wasn't sure what was going on."
"Where is Mer?" Derek asked as he looked around.
"Sleeping." Jane said as she looked off.
"For a long time." Anna replied. "She was tired."
"Oh. I thought she was working until ten." Derek said as he looked up at the clock, reading nine at night.
"She's been home since around noon. She looked really tired, and really sad." Jane pointed out.
"Is she really sleeping?" Derek asked as he looked at them both.
"Yeah. She sounds like a truck. Or a boat. But not a ferry boat. A loud boat." Anna said quickly as she took her last bite.
"Then she's sleeping." Derek said with an agreeing nod.
"Yep." Anna agreed.
"Anna, why don't we get you into the bathtub, it's your bedtime." He said as he pulled her off the stool. "Thanks, Jane." He said with a smile as he showed her out.
"Goodnight." She said as she pulled the door shut.
"Okay, Anna Banana. Let's make this short, you need to get to bed..." He explained as he led her to her bathroom. As he walked by, he looked at the empty, unpainted nursery. "How would you like to help me paint the nursery this weekend?" Derek asked.
"Really?" Anna asked. He nodded.
"But don't tell mommy, it will be a surprise." He told her with a smile. She giggled as she grabbed her clothes and ran into the bathroom.
Derek put Anna to bed and walked into their dark bedroom. Meredith was still in her clothes and shoes, sprawled out on their large bed. He could tell by the look on her face that she was exhausted. He walked over and untied her shoes, pulling them off. He heard her moan softly. Moving to the side, he picked her up and laid her on her side of the bed.
"Mmm." She moaned as she opened her eyes. "Hey." She said softly.
"Hey." He said. "Do you want to change?" He asked as he looked at her laying there in her jeans and shirt.
"Too tired." She muttered as she closed her eyes. He quickly come back with her favorite shorts and tee shirt. He slid her jeans off and with her help replaced them with shorts. She sat up and pulled off her shirt.
"Is that better?" He asked as he began rubbing her feet. He looked at her tired face, he knew she wanted to say something.
"Yeah." She said as she laid her head on her pillow. "I almost killed a patient today." She said quietly and simply.
"What happened?" He asked as he continued working on her tired body.
"I fell asleep. Rayburn was in the middle of her back. I was retracting. I fell asleep. It ripped. The rip sound woke me up. He told me to sleep, Derek. I insisted I was fine." She said as she whimpered.
"Mer, it happens." Derek said quickly.
"Oh yes. All of the time. Doctors rip apart their patient's flesh..." She said sarcastically.
"Meredith, it was a mistake." He said quietly.
"A stupid one." Meredith muttered.
"The twins are exhausting you. Maybe you need to take time off." He said quickly.
"What?" She said in shock.
"Until they're born." He said as he stopped rubbing and looked at her.
"No. That's not...no. I want to work. I am not staying home." She said as she pulled her foot from him.
"Meredith..." He said softly as he sat alongside her.
"Why me? I am the one dragging these two along with me. They suck the life from me. Then I'm freaking tired. Then I can't do my job. I am a surgeon. I can't be a surgeon. I can't do both, Derek." She said as she buried her head.
"Meredith...you can. I will help you. You can do both." He said as he rubbed her back.
"Like my mom did?" Meredith cried.
"No. Like Meredith and Derek. We're Meredith and Derek, and we can do it. We will. I will do whatever I have to. We will make this work." He said softly. "I love you. And it will be okay..."