A/N: Here's a rare three-in-one chapter.
I gave lots of Kamek's lines to Morton in the first scene.
The second scene's supposed to be more dramatic than funny, and this Shakespeare adaptation is supposed to be serious, not satirical, but Bowser and Kammy are just so much fun to play with. I left in a little sobering passage at the end, but I think the humor is a better use of this scene than hearing Bowser rage about his miserable lot in life some more.
The third scene's much more extended than the version in King Lear, partially because I needed to explain a few extra things, and partially because I wanted to add a little more interconnectedness.
Act III. Scene i.
As Ludwig had predicted, the storm hit within minutes of Bowser's departure from the castle. Kamek soon found himself separated from Kammy and Bowser, as he struggled to fly against the swirling winds and pelting rain. He then saw a figure approaching. "Bowser!"
"No, it's me!" Responded Morton. "I'm looking for King Dad too!"
"He won't go to shelter on his own! We must find him!"
"Is he alone?!"
"No! Kammy's with him." By that point, Kamek and Morton had reached each other, and Kamek cast a magic shielding spell around them so they could speak more easily.
Morton grinned at the reprieve from the rain and shook the drops from his bushy eyebrows. "It's horrible how everything's going," he said, "I even heard Iggy and Wendy have some beef with Roy. I'm not sure whose side Larry's chosen, and he might not've even chosen a side at all. And did you hear about Lemmy?"
"Enough of this gossip," said Kamek. "We need to find the King."
"Yeah, you already said that… Hey! Do you think Peach could help us? I heard she's landed in Rogueport. She wants to help King Dad!"
"How do you know about that?" gasped Kamek, worried his and Peach's secret plot had been uncovered.
"Don't worry – I'm on your side. I'm just saying, Peach could calm King Dad down-"
"If she's in Rogueport, she can hardly help find and calm His Madness down out here – she's thousands of miles away!"
"'His Madness'?" said Morton, raising a suspicious – and still sopping – eyebrow.
"Er, Kammy's creative titles are starting to rub off on me," said Kamek. "I meant to say-"
"Hey, I'm on your side, remember?" Grinned Morton, winking at Kamek. "Your secret, and Peach's secrets are safe with me."
Kamek knew all to well how "safe" secrets were with Morton – that was why he was worried. "Okay, thanks. Now, I'm pretty sure I can find Bowser on my own, so perhaps you can start heading east to Rogueport. I doubt we'll be able to get back inside the castle, so our best bet would be to take the nearest Warp Pipe outta here, and make our way cross-country on foot."
"On foot?"
"Hey, Mario and Luigi could do it twice a week back when Bowser was at his kidnapping prime," smirked Kamek. "I think we can manage one one-way journey."
"'One one'? Man, you're right – your no lyricist."
"Just go!" And to ensure that Morton didn't hang around any longer, Kamek waved away the forcefield and zoomed away through the whistling winds.
Act III. Scene ii.
"Blow winds blow! Crack your cheeks! Rage! Blow!"
"Your Tauntingness, please, now's not the time to misquote Shakespeareguy!" Kammy tugged on Bowser's leg, her wand raised and glowing faintly against the storm in an attempt to shield them. She knew she couldn't hold a full forcefield for very long, so the most she could manage was to lessen the force of the winds as they whipped the rain against their bodies.
"You hurricanes! Spout until you've drenched out steeples and drowned our cocks!" continued Bowser, paying Kammy no heed.
"We must find shelter or we'll drown!"
"You stinky, brain-splitting thunderbolts, singe my grey head!"
"Please! No more!"
"All germens spill at once- Hey, Kammy, what does Shakeguy have against Germans?"
"Not 'Germans', 'germens' – now please stop mutilating that passage from Shakespeareguy and let us find shelter," Kammy pulled at Bowser's hand, frantic to get through to him before he stopped paying attention to her.
"I like that passage – every other line could be taken for a sexual double-entendre, that's the only reason I bothered learning it!"
"What? No it couldn't – and if you think you learned it, I have news for you. You want a Shakespeareguy quote? I'll give you a quote:
"The codpiece that will house
Before the head has any,
The head and he shall louse:
So beggars marry many.
The man that makes his toe
What he his heart should make
Shall of corn cry woe,
And turn his sleep to wake."
"Gwa ha ha! That's all about sex too!"
"Only the first half!"
"Then why'd you keep going? Shakeguy quotes that aren't sexual aren't fun," smirked Bowser.
Kammy's mouth dropped open, and it was a moment before she managed to eke out a strangled "What?"
"There you are!" Kamek appeared, out of breath from all the magic he had been employing to navigate through the storm. "We need to get out of the storm! I found an abandoned cottage not far from here, we can be there in less than five minutes-"
"Good, but first, do you have your guitar?" asked Kammy.
Now Kamek was the one who was rendered speechless. "What could you possibly-"
"I need to show His Unculturedness that Shakespeareguy's quotations do not need to be sexual in order to be entertaining."
"Can't this wait until we're inside?"
"No!" this time it was Bowser who spoke up. "I wanna hear a poem NOW!"
"Oh Koopa, the storm's already messing with your minds," moaned Kamek.
"Just play!" ordered Bowser. "The sooner Haggy's proved wrong, the sooner I can be proved right! Gwa ha ha ha ha!"
"I think you meant 'proven'," said Kammy.
"I think you meant, 'blah blah I'm saying a boring Shakeguy quote that's not about sex right now and not bothering my super cool and never wrong King about his grammar blah blah blah'," said Bowser, his nose in the air.
"Fine fine! Kam- er, whatever your name is, get your damn guitar out!"
"It is out, Blindey," said Kamek, rolling his eyes.
"Hah, that's a good one! Gwa ha ha!"
"Do you wanna hear another quotation or not?" growled Kammy.
"Ugh, just say it!" barked Kamek, starting to play his guitar.
"Fine…
"He that has and a little tiny wit,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
Must make content with his fourtunes fit,
Though the rain it raineth every day."
"All I heard was 'rain, rain, rain'," complained Bowser, as Kamek sucked his guitar back into thin air and pulled out his wand again.
"Well, sorry, I sang as loud as I could, Your Deafness."
"No, no, I mean the only words I heard were 'rain, rain, rain', not the actual rain."
"Then you should've listened harder, Your Hard-Of-Hearingness,"
"And why would you sing about rain in the rain anyway? That's silly."
"That's on-topic."
"Will you two stop bickering and come on!" urged Kamek. "You can fight on the way, but we have to get inside."
"Oh, what's the point?" growled Bowser stomping after Kamek.
"Of finding shelter or of fighting?" grinned Kammy, shuffling along at his elbow, her wand once again raised to help Kamek shield them from the worst of the storm
"Both!" said Bowser sadly. "My kids all hate me – they stole my kingdom, what's the point?"
"They don't all hate you-"
"Yeah, well the ones that don't are sure doing me a fat lotta good!" growled Bowser. "If they loved me, the wouldn't let me wander around the storm with a pair of idiots like you for company… no offense, Guitar-Man."
"None taken," said Kamek with an airy wave of his free hand.
"The only reason I'm coming with you two is because I know you wouldn't go find shelter without me – a big strong Dragon-Koopa can handle a little rain, but look at you, Batty, you're a mess. You're all cold and wrinkly like you've been in the bath too long… Or re your scales naturally this pruned?" asked Bowser, peering intently at his ancient advisor.
"Aww… Your Considerateness… I knew you cared about me!" smiled Kammy.
"Don't push it," growled Bowser, recoiling from her attempt at hugging him. "I just don't want my two last minions to get double-pneumonia."
"Amen to that," muttered Kamek as he led the obnoxious little group through the storm.
Act III. Scene iii.
Daisy sat and watched the storm through the picture window that overlooked the garden. She always loved the Chai thunderstorms; she identified with them – with their violent and unpredictable winds, the unfathomable deepness of the black clouds above, the blinding coldness of the rain…
"I hope zey've found shelter," said Ludwig, walking up behind Daisy.
"Huh? Oh, yeah… me too…" she said distractedly, not taking her eyes off of the torrent beyond the glass.
Ludwig rubbed a fatigued hand over his eyes. "And Fazzer's not our only problem – before he left, Morton told me zat he had heard zat Peach and some Mushroomian expatriates have landed in Rogueport."
"How reliable is Morton's information?" asked Daisy, finally turning around, her curiosity piqued by the new development.
Ludwig thought back to the scene at the garden; it had occurred less than an hour ago, but it felt like ages had passed. "He heard it over zee radio – he decoded some transmissions originating from Big Ape City," explained Ludwig. "I guess Peach and Mario don't know enough to realize zat zee airvays are not a secure means of communication."
"What are they doing in Rogueport? Are they both there?"
"Peach is for sure, but I sink Mario's back in Brooklyn – Morton vas in a hurry ven he told me zis, and I still have trouble following him ven he speaks at maximum velocity."
"What about Luigi?"
"He didn't say."
"You couldn't've asked?" moaned Daisy.
Ludwig raised an eyebrow at her outburst. "It started raining as vee vere speaking. I figured zee company in Rogueport could vait, but Fazzer couldn't, so I sent Morton his vay to help him."
"Oh, I see… I'm sorry for speaking out of turn," said Daisy, bowing her head.
"It's okay. Vit everysing zat's been going on, I vanted zee whole story too… And you and Luigi used to have a relationship, so of course you vant to know-"
"That was a long time ago," interrupted Daisy, averting her eyes as if she was sad about losing Luigi. In reality, she had another easy target in her sights – maybe even two – but she figured Ludwig would be more forthcoming with any more of his information if he was feeling bad for the ex-princess.
"I'm sorry," said Ludwig, right on cue. "I shouldn't've brought it up."
"It's okay," said Daisy, making sure the smile she flashed the Koopaling looked weaker than she was actually feeling. She then changed the subject. "So, have you told the others about Peach?"
Ludwig shook his head. "No, I'm hoping vee can use Peach to our advantage – I am hoping she can help to protect Fazzer if he manages to get avay from here under cover of zee storm. And if not, vee might be able to use the sreat of an invasion to force my siblings to put zeir quarrels vit Fazzer aside for zee time being. Zere's dissent amongst zee uzzer Koopalings too – it's not just Lemmy who's acting up now. By zee sounds of it, Roy and Larry are having a falling out, and I have absolutely no clue whose side Iggy and Vendy are choosing…"
"So helping Bowser's our number one priority?"
"Exactly. I'm going out to find zem – I have a few shielding potions zat should help fight zee storm, and I hope I can get to zem before zey run out. Or before zee uzzers get to Fazzer first." Ludwig started towards the stairs, but turned back before he had gone too far. "And please remember – don't tell anyvone. It could get bosz of us in serious trouble if the uzzers found out vat I've been doing."
Oh, I'm counting on it, thought Daisy with a sneer, once Ludwig had disappeared down the stairs. She then turned and set out to locate Iggy, Wendy or Larry – any one would do for what she had in mind.