A/N: I included the last little bit of explanation over Ludwig's transferring of Bowser etc. to the guardhouse (I like over-justifying my actions) in the beginning, in lieu of more pity-party soliloquizing. In Lear, Gloucester (Ludwig) is being lead by an Old Man in this scene, but I changed it to the Hammer Bros. to make it more straightforward and inter-connected. I also made this scene much more comical, and I removed Gloucester's suicidal intent – it just doesn't fit Ludwig's style.
Act IV. Scene i.
With all his siblings gone, Lemmy had no pressing need to flee Chai, and so he puttered around the countryside, waiting for the traffic around the east-bound Warp Pipes to cool down enough for him to slip through undetected. He had waited in the guardhouse after Bowser, Kammy and Kamek were led away, and soon he heard the Koopa Cruiser roar overhead. Lemmy figured Ludwig had moved them to the guardhouse to put then in close proximity to the hangers – allowing for a quick getaway the moment the weather cleared up. He thought it was a good idea that Ludwig had stuck to his "crumbling shack" cover story to keep Bowser quiet, seeing as the Koopa King wasn't one for running away. Although, when Lemmy came across the shack during his wanderings, he did find it rather damp inside, with a number of new holes in the roof and walls; it wasn't dangerous, but Ludwig had been right that it wouldn't be a very fun place to wait out the storm.
Lemmy wondered what had happened to Ludwig. He knew Larry and Daisy had left a while ago, as did a fleet of Rocketons and Chickens, though he mistakenly believed they were all going to Rogueport to meet Peach's "invasion". He only half-believed the invasion rumour until he saw the squadron fly from the castle at top speeds. At first he head Iggy and Wendy were gearing up to go too, but there had been confusing whispers abounding, and Lemmy didn't want to get to close to any of the conversations he had eves-dropped to try and get a clear idea. He figured Ludwig had left too, but he soon discovered he was wrong.
"Hey, yo, I thought you said you knew where Warp Pipe was!" growled the first Hammer Bro.
"I do, yo!" grumbled the second Hammer Bro.
"But we've been wandering around for hours, yo!"
"Nah, it's more like fifteen minutes tops, yo."
Lemmy hopped into some nearby bushes when he heard the Hammer Bros. approaching, but when he caught sight of their charge, he had to stifle his gasp. "Ludwig?"
"Who's zat?" barked Ludwig. His hearing had always been good, but now that his sight was gone, it was all he had; he wasn't taking a single sound for granted, much less his own whispered name.
"Show yourself, yo!" barked the fist Hammer Bro.
"Yeah, yo, get outta the bush!"
Lemmy did as he was told, hoping the Hammer Bros. weren't sharp enough to see through his disguise.
"Hey, I know this guy, yo!" At the Hammer Bros.'s words, Lemmy tensed up, ready to flee for his life. He cast a nervous glance at Ludwig, and only then did he notice that he was wearing a blindfold. He wondered for a split second if Ludwig was a prisoner, but the drying blood sticking to his cheeks and staining the rag wrapped around his head told Lemmy there was more going on.
"Oh, yeah!" said the second Hammer Bro. after a moment of contemplation. "It's the crazy guy that's been running around, yo."
"Yeah, yo - the one that goes on forever about fiends."
"And hides out in old sheds, yo."
"Or at least that one shed, yo."
"I guess he hasn't been around long enough to inhabit multiple sheds, yo."
"Yeah, he's a relatively new vagrant, yo."
"I only heard about him today, yo."
"We were together when Fred told us, remember, yo?"
"I remember, yo." As the Hammer Bros. forgot they weren't alone and started talking about Lemmy as if he wasn't there, the Koopaling took the time to scrutinize Ludwig some more. He was slouched over, and clung to a walking stick – he looked defeated, and is slowly dawned on Lemmy (who wasn't the brightest apple in the bunch), that his brother had been blinded. Something in his gut told him Iggy, Larry, Daisy and Wendy were the ones responsible, since Ludwig helping Bowser escape right under their noses probably didn't go over very well.
"I heard he's from Bedlam's hospital, yo." Said the second Hammer Bro.
"That's too far away, and besides, the Shadow Sirens only treat spectral beings, not corporeal dudes, yo," said the first Hammer Bor., shaking his head.
"But I heard it from Agnes, yo – she's a reliable source."
"We heard it from Agnes," corrected the first Hammer Bro. "And she said she heard it from Phil, who lies through his teeth, yo."
"Do Pionpi's even have teeth, yo?"
"I dunno, yo."
"They don't smile much, do they, yo?"
"No, yo."
"And what's his name again?"
"Uhhh… Poor Joe? Or something like that," the first Hammer Bro. turned to Lemmy for verification, but it was Ludwig who answered.
"Poor Tom? Is zat who spoke?"
"Poor Tom's acold," said Lemmy.
"I sought zat voice sounded familiar," smiled Ludwig weakly. "…Very familiar."
"Hey, do you know where the Warp Pipe is, yo?"
"Don't ask him, yo, he's crazy," admonished the second Hammer Bro.
"Hey, you're the one who got us lost, yo, so you can't say nothing!"
"I know where it is," said Lemmy. "I use Pipes to escape the foul fiend!"
"Ya see," smirked the first Hammer Bro.
"I'll believe it when I see it," said the second one, sticking his tongue out like an indignant child.
"Can you take me to zee Varp Pipe?" asked Ludwig, turning his face to the source of Lemmy's voice.
"Take us, yo," corrected the first Hammer Bro.
"No, you should not stay vit me – it's too dangerous. My bruzzers and sister and Daisy might decide blinding me's not a steep enough punishment and come looking for me to finish zee job. I do not vant to be responsible for anyvone else's misfortunes."
"Not but the fiend frightens me!" said Lemmy, stepping towards Ludwig. Now that his suspicions were confirmed, the only thing he could think to do was to help his big brother.
"Hey, yo, we're just as brave as this crack-pot!" argued the first Hammer Bro.
"Yeah yo, we'll get you to and through the Warp Pipe – you'll see."
"Bad choice of words, yo," muttered the first Hammer Bro. as Ludwig made a face at the second Hammer Bro.'s comment.
"Oops, sorry, yo."
"It's just a figure of speech," sighed Ludwig. "No harm done."
"So we can stay with you, yo?" said the first Hammer Bro. eagerly.
"No," said Ludwig.
"Why not?" whined the second one.
"I already told you – it's too dangerous. If someone sees you helping me escape srough zee Varp Pipe, you'll be in as much trouble as I vas for letting Fazzer escape.
"But Iggy said he doesn't care what you do as long as we tuned you out, yo!"
"Yeah, yo, he said you could smell your way to Rogueport for all he cared."
"I assure you, even if Iggy doesn't care if I do find my way to Rogueport, he vill be angry if I'm led zere by his own guards."
"We're not his guards anymore, yo!" insisted the first Hammer Bro.
"Yeah, yo, we quit!"
"We don't serve monsters, yo."
"We don't obey creeps who turn on their own brothers, yo." The Hammer Bros. put their arms around each other as they spoke, as if to prove how strong their own familial bond was. Of course, since he was blind, the gesture was lost on Ludwig.
Instead the Koopaling merely shook his head shamefully. "In zat case, you shouldn't vant to help me eizzer – I turned on Lemmy. I fell for Daisy's lie hook, line and sinker, like a common Cheep-Cheep. I accused my own bruzzer of somesing he vould never do. I vas blind even before my eyes were put out, I deserve zis punishment."
Lemmy's heart was breaking with every word Ludwig spoke. He wanted to fling himself forward and comfort his brother – he wished he could tell him who he was, that he forgave Ludwig and that he didn't deserve to be blind. The Hammer Bros. were surely on their side, but there were still enemies everywhere, and Lemmy knew that revealing himself now would be more dangerous than helpful.
Fortunately, the Hammer Bros. were quick to comfort Ludwig themselves. "Hey, yo, you were duped!"
"Yeah, it's not your fault, yo."
"Zee damage has still been done. I only hope Lemmy is safe – I vish I could see, er, hear his voice again." Ludwig let out another sigh, and then turned his sightless face back to Lemmy. "So, can you lead me to Rogueport?"
"He's from Rogueport, yo, of course he can!" chirped the second Hammer Bro.
"Ugh, dude, that was a lie Phil cooked up to get Agnes to talk to him, yo!"
"Was not, yo!"
"Was so, yo!
"Was not, yo!"
"Was so, yo!"
"The foul fiend first found me in Rogueport," volunteered Lemmy. "I can get you there."
"Good," said Ludwig, nodding his approval.
"But what about us, yo?"
"We wanna go to Rogueport too, yo!" bleated the Hammer Bros.
"Vait for us to get a head start, and zen you came come on your own – but you can't travel vit us. A group of four is too conspicuous."
"Or you can go and clear all the people at the Warp Pipe away," said Lemmy. "So we can go through without being caught… except for the foul fiend! He can never been avoided, never fooled!
Ludwig cocked an eyebrow over the headband. For a minute there, "Poor Tom" sounded quite lucid.
"Hey, that's a good idea, yo!" said the second Hammer Bro.
"Yeah, and you said we shouldn't listen to him, yo!" smirked the first Hammer Bro.
"Did not, yo!"
"Did so, yo!"
Meanwhile, Lemmy went on another rant. "Poor Tom hath been scared out of his good wits…"
"Did not, yo!"
"Did so, yo!"
"Five fiends have been in Poor Tom at once…"
"Did not, yo!"
"Did so, yo!"
"…Of lust, as Obidicut…"
"Did not, yo!"
"…Hobbididence, prince of dumbness…"
"Did so, yo!"
"…Mahu of stealing…"
"Did not, yo!"
"…Modo, of murder…"
"Did so, yo!"
"Flibbertigibbet, of mopping and mowing…"
"Did not, yo!"
"Did so, yo!"
"Poor Tom's acold."
"Did not, yo!"
"Did so, yo!"
"Just go!" sighed Ludwig exasperatedly.
"Right-o, yo!" chimed the Hammer Bros. in unison before scurrying off. A moment later, they reappeared around the corner.
"Uh, which way's the Warp Pipe, yo?" asked the first one sheepishly.
"South of the cottage where I dwelt with the foul fiends! Near the path leading east," said Lemmy, pointing in the appropriate direction.
"Ha! I told you it was to the south-east of the castle, yo!" said the second Hammer Bro. as they turned away from the bemused Koopalings.
"No, yo, you said it was to the north-east."
"Did not, yo!"
"Oh yeah, yo? Then why are we up here, yo?"
"Because you wouldn't listen to me, yo. It was you who insisted on turning right at that statue, yo!"
"The one of the ancient Pionpi Emperor, yo?"
"That's the one, yo."
"Yo! It was your idea to turn right at that statue, yo!"
"It was not, yo!
"Was so, yo!"
"Was not, yo!
"Was so, yo!"