Derek face turned white as he looked at the bed sheets. Blood. Deep red blood had soaked through her pants, and was now on their blankets and on him. Meredith looked down at herself and started to panic. Derek looked at her and then at the red that had seeped onto his pants and was now on his hands.

"You're bleeding. You're-- That's a lot of blood!" He said in a panic. "We- Oh--- We have to---" He said as she jumped out of bed and changed his clothes. "You're-- You're bleeding!"

"Oh my god..." She said as she looked down in shock.

"We have to go." He said as he scooped her up.

"Let me down." She said quickly as she looked at him. "I have to change." She said as she looked at herself.

"Mer- You're bleeding!" He shouted as he looked at her.

"I'm okay." She said as she motioned for him to sit her down. "Ah..." She moaned.

"What hurts?" He asked as he looked it her.

"It hurts." She said as she looked down.

"We have to go to the hospital." Derek said quickly.

"I think I'm okay. It's normal to bleed. I think I'm okay." She said as she looked up and him.

"That much?" He said as he pointed to the bed.

"Yeah, yeah I think so." She said with a nod.

"I don't." He said frankly.

"I was sleeping a long time. It just looks like a lot." She said with a nod. "It's not as much as it looks like."

"Meredith..." He said as he looked up.

"Derek, I'm okay." She said as she walked slowly to the bathroom. "I'm going to clean myself up. The twins. Can you check on them?" She asked as she walked into the bathroom. He nodded his head.

"Where is Jane?" He asked quickly.

"She's off sick." Meredith said weakly as she closed the door.

Meredith peeled of her clothing and slowly walked into the warm shower. There was nothing to worry about. Addison said there would be bleeding. She wad fine. She was sure that she was fine. She softly massaged her shampoo in her hair and let the water cascade down her body. She looked down at the floor of the shower. Red. More pink, than red. But it was blood. A steady drip. Not a spurt. A spurt would be bad. Drip. Drip. Drip. She wobbled backwards as she began to feel weak.

"Derek!" She shouted loudly as she leaned against the wall.

"What's wrong?" He said as he rushed into the bathroom with Delilah and looked down.

"I-- I think I need to go to the hospital." She said as she looked down at the blood, running down her leg.

"Oh my God." Derek said nervously. "I--"

"I'll get dressed, you get Anna up." She said as she grabbed a towel and began drying herself off.

She slowly got herself dressed. Derek quickly grabbed the twins in their carriers and shook Anna awake. Luckily Anna was still dressed from the morning. He placed the twins in the car as quickly as he could and pulled out of the driveway.

"I'm scared." She admitted as they made their way to the hospital.

"What happened?" Derek asked as he drove quickly down the road.

"I don't know. But it's not stopping." She said as she laid back her head and closed her eyes and her head fell to the side.

"Mer?" He asked as he looked over. "Mer!" He shouted loudly. She jerked awake.

"Hmm?" She moaned.

"You passed out." He said as he sped a little faster. "Are you okay?"

"What's wrong with mommy?" Anna asked in shock. Derek didn't listen as he continued. "What's wrong with mommy?" She cried out loudly. The twins began screaming at her loud voice.

"Anna!" Derek said in frustration. He quickly pulled in front of the hospital and came to a quick stop. "I- I need help!" Derek shouted as he jogged into the entrance. "I need a wheelchair. She's-- She's--" He said as he ran back out. "I-- I can't do this. Bleeding... Oh my god..." He said as he looked at three crying children and his passed out wife. "I can't..."

Derek stood there in shock. Time stopped. In the moment. In that very moment he felt things he had never felt before. All together. Pain. Fear. Nausea. Nervousness. Exhaustion. Anna was crying. Devlin was crying. Delilah was crying. Meredith was out. Out. He looked at her. The fear hit him like a wave into a pier. She could die. Not necessarily at this moment. But she could die. She could leave him with everything. Leave him in a mess. Leave him to go on without her. He couldn't take it. The pressure. The fear. Life whirled around him. He stood there.

---------------

Derek walked towards her room toting the twins and Anna. It had been a whirlwind of confusion and chaos. He needed to be there, holding her hand. He needed to tell her everything was okay. But he couldn't. He couldn't be there for her. Not while toting a six year old and twins. It was too hard. He had to wait. In the waiting room. Like a normal person. And now he knew how it felt. How it felt for the families of the many patients he had treated. And he didn't like it.

"What's going on?" Derek said as he walked up to Addison.

"She tore her stitches." Addison said, shaking her head. "She pushes. The more barriers you put up, the harder she pushes."

"I know..." Derek agreed. "Is she going to be okay?" Derek asked as he glanced in the room.

"Of course. We had to transfuse her. She lost a lot of blood. But she will be fine." Addison said as they walked in the room.

"Mer..." Derek said as he rushed over to her bed.

"I'm sorry, Der. I'm sorry I passed out. I left you with the kids..." She said, worrying about how he handled it.

"Don't worry about that... How do you feel?" He asked as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Tired." She moaned as she closed her eyes.

"You ripped your stitches, Mer. And you lost a lot of blood." Addison told her as she rubbed her arm.

"Oh..." She said softly. "Can I go home?"

"How on earth did you rip your stitches?" Derek asked in disgust.

"What?" Meredith said as she looked up at him.

"Meredith, you know you aren't supposed to be lifting and straining yourself." Addison warned.

"Anna said you took her to school and she fell asleep in the car. Did you carry her in the house?" Derek asked with concern.

"No." Meredith said as she looked down.

"Do you know how you did it?" Derek asked softly. "What did you do this morning, Mer?"

"Got up and took Anna to school. She fell asleep in the car. I brought her back home. Fedthehorses." She said quickly.

"What? You were in the barn?" He said in shock. "You are not-- What the hell were you thinking?" He shouted as he looked at her. Her eyes began to tear up.

"I-- I didn't- Jane wasn't going to make it. They have to eat. It would have been cruel." She explained.

"No! They are horses. Goddamn-it, Meredith!" He shouted as he watched the tears run down her cheeks. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You were tired." She said with a shrug.

"I got more sleep than you did. You could have gotten me up. I would have taken Anna to school. I would have done the horses." He said quickly. "You didn't pick up the hay, did you?"

"I dragged it. I was fine. I felt okay. It needed to be done." She said with a shrug.

"Well, you almost bled to death today. Was it worth it?" Derek snapped. He looked up at Addison.

"Let me take Anna to see the babies in the nursery." She said as she grabbed Anna's hand and shut the door.

"I'm sorry..." She said softly.

"No. No. That is-- I can't-- I won't..." He started to cry. She looked at him in shock.

"Derek..." She said softly.

"No. I realized today. Seconds. You could leave me in seconds. I can't take it, Mer. I can't live without you. I can't lose you. All the blood. You push yourself. You are so fucking stubborn. I wouldn't make it. Not without you." He cried as he laid his head on her chest, "I need you. I need you here with me. I can't lose you. I can't do this. I can't live..." He said as he sobbed.

"Derek, I'm not going anywhere." She said as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I've never been so scared." He said as he looked up at her. "You have to promise me. Promise me you will be more careful." He said as he looked into her green eyes. He laid there on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. A tiny cry broke the silence in the room. "Oh, Dev." He said as he wiped his tears and picked him up. "Mommy scared us today, didn't she? Yes she did."

"He's hungry." Meredith said as she took him from Derek's arms and let him nurse.

"It was horrible. They all cried. All three. I couldn't get them to stop. Everyone was looking at me like I had lost my mind. Like I was beating them. They cried so much, I wanted to cry." Derek said with a chuckle.

"What did you do?" Meredith asked softly.

"I gave Devlin the bear. The one that you slept with for all those months. That really calmed him down. Smelling you calmed him down. And Lilah, I rocked her until she fell asleep." Derek explained.

"So you were missing your mom..." Meredith said with a chuckle.

"I have to admit it, today I wanted my mommy." Derek said with a chuckle. "Maybe she can come back."

"Nancy needed her. Dave's in Georgia. Davis has RSV, and Emma is sick. The need her too, Derek." Meredith said softly. "We can do this. Together."

"As long as you don't push yourself." Derek said, shaking hie head.

"I won't. I promise." She said as she nodded her head.

"How is everything going is here?" Addison asked as she peeked her head in the door.

"We're good." Derek said with a nod. "Mer has promised to not push."

"Good." Addison said with a smile. Meredith held Devlin up. "Oh wow, they've grown. Days, and they've grown." She said as she picked him up. "Hey, there, little man."

"Can I go home?" Meredith asked, with a hopeful grin.

"I need to check you out. See how the stitches look. Derek, do you want to-" She nodded to the door. He smiled and stood, coming back after Addison examined her.

"She can go home. Under one condition... She follows the rules this time." Addison warned. Meredith nodded.

"No stairs. No lifting. You lay in bed. Get up to go to the bathroom, that is it." She said loudly.

"I can do that." Meredith agreed as she looked at Derek.

"Any problems, and you will come right back. Do you understand?" Addison asked.

"Yes." Meredith agreed.

"Okay." Addison said with a smile.

--------------------

"Let's go." Derek said as he swept Meredith up gently and walked up the stairs. "Anna is asleep, the twins are asleep. It's a good night." Derek said with a chuckle.

"Oh how tempting that sounds. Too bad it won't stay that way." Meredith said with a smile. "And if you'd drop me off at the bathroom, that would be great." She told him. "Okay..." She said as she stood there. "I'm waiting for my taxi..." She said with a giggle.

"Where to?" He asked with a smile as he swept her up.

"Bed. To bed." She replied.

"Good. That is what I wanted to hear." He said as he placed her on the bed and laid next to her. "I love you." He said as he leaned over and kissed her softly, sliding his tongue in gently.

"I love you too." She said as she kissed him again. She laid there and stared at the ceiling.

It hit her. Nate hadn't come back around. She should be relieved. She should be happy. But she wasn't. She actually felt sad. She felt like he walked away again. Like he didn't care. He pretended to care, once again, and he walked away, once again. It was like a kick in the face. Over and over. Why come back, just to leave? Why not let sleeping dogs lie?

"What's wrong?" Derek asked as he looked at her saddened face.

"Nothing." She said as she closed her eyes. "I'm fine."

"Fine?" Derek said, concern now taking over.

"Just tired, I guess." She said as she rubbed her eyes.

"Nate." Derek muttered softly.

"What?" Meredith said quickly.

"You're thinking about Nate, aren't you?" He asked as he looked at her green eyes.

"No, why would you say that?" She said, trying to cover the truth, that she was in fact, thinking of him.

"It's okay that you are." He said with a nod.

"Derek... I'm not, okay?" She said as she rolled onto her side, away from him.

"He left again." Derek muttered.

He immediately regretted it. Why did he say that? He lied. Not technically, maybe. But sort of. Nate left because of Ian. Not because of Meredith. Not because he didn't love her. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that he wouldn't have left her had the circumstances been different. It would have been Nate, lying in this bed. Not him. He wasn't worried. Not about losing her. But that didn't mean he wasn't jealous. Jealous that she had strong feelings for a man before him. He laid there in silence as she sobbed quietly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." He said as he rubbed her arm. She ignored his comment and his touch. "Meredith..."

"He did okay. He left. And that's fine. I'm fine. He left. I'm not surprised. He left because of me." Meredith said quickly.

"Mer...don't do this!" He said. "Not now. Not-- You can't-- I won't let you self-destruct." Derek pulled her close. "I am not letting go." She rolled and looked into his eyes.

"I never understood it. I never understood why he couldn't say goodbye. But I don't care. I realize now, that I don't care. Because you are here. You are the one I love. You are the one I need." She said as she laid her head next to his. "Just promise you won't leave me..."

"Only if you promise not to leave me..." He said as he stared at her.

"I promise." She said softly.

"I promise." He responded as he brushed her cheek. "I promise..."