A/N: The fact I didn't make Ludwig suicidal like Gloucester in King Lear allowed me to chop out a great deal of this scene, making it much more straightforward.
Act IV. Scene vi.
"We're almost there," said Lemmy, look back at Ludwig eagerly.
The other Koopaling wasn't feeling so energetic. "Sometimes I vonder vy I'm even trying to find Peach – she doesn't need somezing else to vorry about! Vat vit my bruzzers and sister marching against her and my fazzer to protect – if indeed he's still alive!"
"Don't listen to the rumours – I'm sure it wasn't his ship that was shot down by Boggly Woods…"
"Who else's vould it have been?" said Ludwig plaintively.
"Well, we won't know for sure until we reach Rogueport and find Peach."
Ludwig frowned.
"What is it now?" moaned Lemmy.
"You sound different," he replied. Turning his head so that one of his internal ears directly faced Lemmy.
"What do you mean? I don't sound different," said Lemmy, sweat beading on his brow.
"Your speech has improved," said Ludwig. "You don't ramble on about zee fiends anymore – you're more focused on reality."
"The fiends have retreated since I started guiding you," said Lemmy, thinking up excuses fast. "Few things can stop the fiend – perhaps they sense your magical prowess."
"I'm no exorcist," chuckled Ludwig. "I'm barely anysing at all now – I can feel my powers draining avay as vee speak. Vendy blinded me vit her vand, and I fear it's had some unforeseeable circumstances, heh heh."
"You shouldn't joke about stuff like that," said Lemmy darkly. "And you shouldn't be so pessimistic either. They're at the cutting edge of medicine around here – surprisingly enough, considering how seedy the town is."
Ludwig snorted. "If I can't joke about my predicament and I can't get depressed about it, vat should I be feeling, eh Tom? Anger?"
"No," whimpered Lemmy.
"You sound so familiar…" remarked Ludwig.
"No! They cannot arrest me for making counterfeit coins – I'm the King! Everything I touch turns to gold!"
"Zat voice sounds familiar too," said Ludwig, perking up as Bowser appeared over a nearby hill. He was covered in weeds and garbage, and was running with a slight limp. As he got closer, Lemmy could see that his father was covered in small cuts, burns and bruises. It seemed the Koopa Cruiser was what had crashed after all.
Bowser did not seem to notice Lemmy and Ludwig until he stepped onto the road, then he turned and stared at them in shock for a moment. Lemmy wondered if he recognized them, when Bowser suddenly bent down and scooped up a handful of dirt. He looked back up at the Koopalings. "Here! Take this money!" He flung the rubble at is children and scrambled up the hill on the other side of the path.
At the top of the grassy knoll, Bowser turned around and looked down at Ludwig and Lemmy as he bounced up and down like an excited rabbit. "Look, look, a Mouser! Peace, peace, this piece of toasted cheese will do it!" He pulled off part of the vegetation he had decorated himself with and threw in Lemmy and Ludwig's direction. He then seized another handful of grass form his feet and flung it over himself, so that it fell like confetti all around him. "There's my armor! I'll prove it on a giant! Bring up the Cataquacks! O, well flown, bird! In the clouds! In the clouds! Hewgh! Give the word!"
"Is zat King Bowser?" gasped Ludwig, his sightless face upturned towards the hilltop.
"I'm afraid so," said Lemmy as Bowser came running back towards them. The hill wasn't very high, but it was rather steep and the King tripped and tumbled head over heels for most of the decent. He landed in a heap on the path, but sprung right back up and peered at Lemmy and Ludwig.
"Larry, you're hair's gotten poofier! And Iggy, you're wearing contacts now?"
"We're not Iggy and Larry," said Lemmy.
"Fazzer, it's me, Ludwig!" entreated the other Koopaling.
"Ludwig likes poetry!" grinned Bowser deliriously. "Shakeguy poetry! It's all about sex, but do people believe me? No! Here, see for yourself:
"The Tweeter goes to it, and the small Fighter Fly
Does lecher in my sight.
Let copulation thrive…
"Er, what comes next?" muttered Bowser, pausing for a moment before inadvertently skipping a few lines and continuing. "To it, lust, pell-mell! For I… er, something something something, Whose face between her legs promises snow – that meant chastity in ye olden days speak."
"You're such a scholar, Fazzer," deadpanned Ludwig.
"Yeah, a real Professor of the English Language," grinned Lemmy, but Bowser paid them no mind and continued with his speech.
"-That snow, that minces virtue, and does shake the head
To hear pleasure's name.
The whore nor the soiled Yoshi goes to it
With a more riotous appetite.
"You see? Isn't it great! And this stuff was family entertainment in the past! Hah, it's as smutty as G-rated French films! Gwa ha ha!"
"Y'know," muttered Ludwig to Lemmy. "If zis is anysing to set score by, my fazzer is smarter ven he's lost his mind."
Lemmy chuckled. "He sure is! – Er, I mean, I heard he's not the smartest cookie in the jar."
"There's hell, there's darkness, there is the sulphurous pit!" bellowed Bowser, suddenly reeling away from his audience. "Burning! Scalding! Stench! Consumption! Fie, fie, fie! Pah, pah!"
"Hey, whoa! Where'd this come from?" yelped Lemmy.
"Have some more money!" screamed Bowser, pelting Lemmy and Ludwig with more dirt.
"Ack! Quit showering us vit rubble and calm down Fazzer! Come closer! Don't you recognize me?"
"I recognize that fashionable headband, blind Cupid! Here, read this letter with me," Bowser held out a leaf to Ludwig, but the Koopaling shook his head.
"Fazzer, I'm blind – I can't read anysing anymore."
"Read," prompted Bowser.
"Vit vat? My eye sockets? Iggy and Vendy poked my eyes out! Can't you see Fazzer, I'm blind." At this, Ludwig reached up and pushed up the cloth. Lemmy reared back at the sight of the sunken, half-closed eyelids – still caked in blood – and the inky black holes beyond them.
"O, ho!" said Bowser as Ludwig pulled the headband back over his face. "No eyes in your head, nor no money in your purse? Your head is in a heavy case, your purse in a light. Here, take some money-"
"That's alright," said Lemmy hastily as Bowser bent back down for another handful of earth. "We're going to see Peach – we don't need money."
"You have to come vit us," said Ludwig.
"You should get glass eyes, and like a scurvy politician, pretend you can see things which you can not," muttered Bowser, turning away.
"Didn't you hear me?" said Ludwig, taking a step forwards. "Peach is here to rescue you, you should be happy! You have to come vit us!"
"If you would weep my fortunes, you should take my eyes. I know you – you're Ludwig, my son. My good son."
Ludwig smiled as Bowser reached out and gently ran his knuckles across the Koopaling's cheek. "Yes! Yes, it's me, Fazzer!"
"You were betrayed and abused… and I was betrayed and abused." Bowser's hand dropped back to his side as he began to shake with rage. "Those other Koopalings! Those liars! Those ungrateful, traitorous bastards! When I get my hands on them, they will see no mercy from me after what they've done to us! I'll see them, and then kill, kill, KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL!!!!"
As Bowser stomped his feet and roared with rage, Luigi appeared around the hill, sprinting along the path towards the King, Toad and Toadette hot on his heels. "Bowser! We've been looking all over for you-"
"NO! I will not be taken prisoner!" bellowed the Koopa King.
"Prisoner? No, we're here to help you-"
"That's what they all say! 'You need to let us take care of you, you need to let us control you' well I won't be controlled! I won't be confined! I won't be stripped of my power! My crown! My pride! My- my- … NOOOOOOO!!!!"
"Fazzer! Zey're on our side!" cried Ludwig as Bowser turned and ran away from the group.
"Bowser, no!" hollered Luigi.
"Come back!" yelled Lemmy.
"If you want me, come and get me! Sa, sa, sa, sa!" called Bowser, who was a remarkably fast sprinter.
"After him!" ordered Luigi, and Toad and Toadette immediately set off after the King.
"You're here because of Peach, right?" said Lemmy, before Luigi could run off as well.
"Yes, why?"
"We're on her side – Ludwig was blinded helping King D-Bowser," corrected Lemmy hastily. "We need to find her, is she still in town?"
"Yeah, in the sewers – in the eastern sections."
"Thanks," said Lemmy.
"Vee shouldn't bozzer her," muttered Ludwig gloomily.
"We've also heard rumours of an imminent battle," continued Lemmy, pretending he hadn't heard Ludwig's comment.
Luigi winced at the thought. "Um, y-yeah. The other Koopalings are on their way as we sp-speak. There's gonna be a huge fight before the d-day's out."
"In Rogueport?"
"Outside the city limits," said Luigi, shaking his head woodenly. "Peach doesn't want to end-d-danger the townsfolk when the Koopalings come r-raining d-down on us." Luigi gave a grimacing smile and his next words came out as a pitiful squeak. "We're gonna die..."
"Everyone's so pessimistic around here!" sighed Lemmy exasperatedly once Luigi had turned and started off after Bowser. "I guess we'll have to book it if we hope to make it to Rogueport before all Hell breaks loose."
Ludwig hung his head, and it took a moment before he let Lemmy turn him around and pull him farther down the path. They had scarcely been walking ten minutes when Toadsworth appeared around the next bend.
"Ah ha!" he called, pulling out a rapier. "It seems I've found you before Miss Daisy, my good sir. I'm afraid my standing orders are to execute you for your continued acts of treachery against the lords of the land."
"So Iggy, Vendy and Larry finally realized letting me wander around, blinded by zeir unmerciful hands, vas a mistake? It took zem long enoguh, but killing me von't make me any less of a martyr," said Ludwig, puffing out his chest. "Take you're best shot – I vill not stop you."
"Oh, yeah? Well, I will," growled Lemmy, stepping in front of Ludwig, pulling his own sword out of his shell. He never liked carrying weapons in the past, but since he was branded a traitor, he figured it was best if he carried some method of self-defense – besides his natural powers as a Dragon-Koopa, of course.
"Good gentleman, go your gait and let poor volk pass," continued Lemmy. Ludwig said he wasn't speaking like a mad man anymore, so he decided to try another shtick to confuse the old Toad. "An chud ha' bin zwagger'd out of my life, 'twould not ha' bin zo long as 'tis by 'tree days hence. Nay, come not near the Koopaling. Keep out, che vor' ye, or Ise try whither your costard or my ballow be the harder. Chill be plain with you."
Toadsworth blinked. "What's all this nonsense, then?"
"Chill not let go, zir, without vurther 'casion," growled Lemmy, waving his sword at Toadsworth.
"And people sink I speak veirdly," snorted Ludwig, a wry grin on his face.
"Soon you'll speak no more, sir! I'll not be distracted any longer, I'll finish off this scalawag first and then carry out my orders and finish you, m'boy!"
"Chill pick your teeth, zir," threatened Lemmy.
"Out, dunghill!" bellowed Toadsworth, lunging forwards.
"No matter vor your foins!" crowed Lemmy, meeting Toadsworth halfway. The two fought fiercely, their swords flashing and not giving an inch. For an old man, Toadsworth did remarkably well, the adrenaline allowing him to forget about his bad back and his rickety knees as he matched Lemmy's youthful strikes. But Lemmy's blade soon hit its mark, and Toadsworth crumpled to the ground, his vim erupting from the cut in his belly. "O, untimely death!" he croaked as he convulsed in the dust. "Death!" He fell back, his eyes and mouth open as his last breath wafted from his lips.
Lemmy stood over his vanquished foe, breathing deeply and scarcely believing what he had just done.
After a moment of silence, Ludwig spoke up. "Vat, is he dead?"
"I- yes," panted Lemmy. Shaking himself out of his shock, he fell to his knees and started rummaging in Toadsworth's pockets, looking for something that could possibly aid him against Larry and the other Koopalings. He found lots of knickknacks: a pocket watch, a strange crystal stature, a handkerchief and finally… a letter.
"Jackpot!" he grinned, getting to his feet and wiping some of the sticky green vim from his legs and hands.
"Vat is it?"
"A letter to Daisy – from Larry," said Lemmy, pulling the note open and reading it aloud.
"DAISY,
I have heard of Wendy's death, and I know now that nothing
stands between us and the kingdom but Roy and Iggy. This is
a lucky and unforeseeable windfall, and we must seize it! You
have masterminded your return to the throne of Sarasaland
with more cunning than I could ever muster, and together, we
would be unstoppable! My dearest Daisy, I beseech you to
help me plan Roy's demise. Once I have Dark Land, the
Mushroom Land and Iggy will easily fall. You deserve no less
than the world itself, and soon, it will be yours, my love.
LARRY
"I don't believe it!" cried Lemmy.
"I do," sighed Ludwig.
"We must warn Roy – anything to stop those murderers from ruling the land unopposed! Hurry! We must get to Rogueport before the battle begins!" Lemmy grabbed Ludwig's hand and pulled him along as he walked around Toadsworth's corpse and down the road towards town.