She cried. She suffered. She was in pain. There she laid. Quietly crying. Softly. She couldn't wake her children. She couldn't get them upset. She knew that babies could sense things. They were innocent. Completely innocent. They didn't do anything wrong and she didn't want them to feel one iota of pain. She didn't want them to know just how bad the world was until the last possible minute.

She had no idea what time it was. She didn't care what time it was. Her world was at a standstill. Everything she had believed. Everything she had known, was now upside down now. She wasn't sure how to feel. She wasn't sure what to do. She just knew that at this moment, she needed to just be. To just cry. To just lay.

"Mer..." Derek said as he walked into the house. She didn't hear him. She didn't hear anything.

Derek stood there in shock. She was curled up in a ball on the sofa. The fetal position. The position one gets in to find self contentment. The position you cling to in fear. She was motionless, except for her breathing. Irregular. A deep, gasping breath every so often. A piece of paper on the floor grabbed his attention. He picked it up and read. It was the address to a hotel. And a phone number. It was puzzling. Until it hit him. Nate.

"Mer-" Derek said as he knelt down beside the sofa and looked into her open eyes.

Her eyes were blank. He had never seen them like this. Blank. No expression. No one in there. It was like she was dead inside, and her body didn't get the memo. The turmoil that was going on was evident. He stroked her cheek, seeing the salty stains from her tears.

The silence was broken by the whimper of a baby. It was Devlin. He was the whiny one. His cry was long and drawn out. As if the world was ending. Derek leaned over and grabbed him up, holding him close. Meredith sat up and took Devlin as Derek handed him over. She held him against her and stared. The baby looked up to his mother with soft blue eyes, and for the first time, he didn't see hers.

Derek sat there next to her. He had no idea what to do. He could only imagine what was said. And even with his wild imagination, he was sure he didn't even scratch the surface. He stood to lose a lot. He knew. He knew the truth about what Ian had done. He could have told, but he didn't. He could have eased her pain, but he hadn't. And if she found that out, it was going to break her. He had to watch how he treaded. He could go either way. One wrong step, and he could fall off the edge.

So there he sat. In silence. Hours of silence. He should be comforting her. But why? He technically had no idea what was going on. So there he sat, his hand on hers, each with a baby in their arms. In silence. Dead silence. It was finally broken at the sound of a six year old's pounding feet and Jane's quiet reminder that the babies were sleeping.

"Daddy!" Anna said as she ran over and looked at Delilah in his arms.

"Hey baby." He said solemnly as he gave her a kiss.

"What's wrong with mommy?" Anna asked as she looked over at Meredith.

"Mommy isn't feeling good." Derek said as he looked at Anna's sad eyes.

"She doesn't have to go back to the hospital, does she?" Anna asked as she began to sob.

"No, no... She's just-- How would you like to help me make some dinner?" He asked as he laid Delilah down.

"Okay." She said as she followed him to the kitchen.

"Is Meredith okay?" Jane asked with concern. Derek looked at Anna.

"Anna, change out of your school clothes, okay?" He said as he looked down at her. He watched her walk slowly out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Meredith is going through some stuff right now." Derek explained softly.

"Oh no. It's not postpartum depression, is it?" She asked with worry.

"No. No... It's-- I think it's worse that that..." Derek said as his face dropped as he grabbed a pan out of the cupboard.

"Oh." Jane said as she looked over at the sofa. Derek glanced over, seeing Devlin begin to stir in her arms. He smiled as he walked away from Jane and to her.

"Dev..." Derek said as he grabbed him from her arms. He looked at her face. It was a look of shame. He could read her. It was a look of regret. Like she wanted to be happy. She wanted to be a good mom, but she hurt.

"It's okay, Mer." He said with a faint smile as he kissed her head. He watched her lay back down and stare. Derek walked into the kitchen with Jane.

"Can you make dinner?" He asked softly. "I know it's not your job--"

"Not a problem." She said with a smile and a nod.

"Thanks. I'm going to put the twins down." He said as he walked out. Derek walked upstairs and to the nursery. It was so close. Everything was so close to coming undone, and he didn't know what to do. He had no idea how to stop it. He laid Devlin down in the crib and stumbled into the rocking chair, his body wracked by sobs.

------------------

"Anna, honey, eat your breakfast." Derek said softly as he watched his daughter pour her milk and cereal off of the spoon.

"I'm not hungry." She said as she looked up at him.

"You need to eat. Your brain will be tried if you don't eat." He warned with a smile.

"My brain is awake." Anna said with a smile.

"Okay, what's four plus four?" Derek asked quickly.

"Eight." Anna said smugly.

"Okay, your brain is awake, but it won't stay that way. Eat up." He told her as he read the newspaper.

"Daddy?" Anna asked after a long silence.

"Yes?" He replied, not looking up.

"Is mommy going to be okay?" She said softly.

"Of course she is, baby." He lied.

The truth was, he didn't know. She hadn't gotten out of the bed he placed her in for two days. She went to the bathroom. That was the extent. Derek brought the babies to her. She loved them, he could see that. She held them close, but she wasn't Meredith. She was a figment of Meredith.

She ate. She only ate because Derek nearly forced it down her throat. She had to stay healthy for their children. She was their source of nutrition, and Derek had to make sure that they were getting the most. She cried. She cried and he couldn't stop her. He tried holding her. She didn't pull away, but she didn't give in. He tried talking. She didn't respond. It was like she had shut down. Like her heart had been torn out.

"What is wrong with her? Why is she sad?" Anna asked softly.

"I don't know, baby. I don't know..." He said as his eyes began to tear up. He held the paper in front of his face so she wouldn't see.

"I miss her." Anna said as she slurped her milk up. "Daddy?" Anna said as she put her bowl in the sink.

"Yes, Anna Banana?" Derek said softly.

"Mommy says not to hide your tears." She said as she climbed in his lap, and pushed the paper down, seeing the few tears rolling down his cheeks. "It will be okay, daddy..." She said as she pulled him close. "Cause mommy loves us." She said as she laid her head on his shoulder. "And we love her."

"Hey, Anna..." Jane said as she walked in the front door. "Are you ready to go to school?"

"Yep." Anna said as she jumped off of Derek's lap.

"Get your backpack and put your shoes on." Jane told her. Anna ran off to the living room.

"I really do appreciate this." Derek said with a broken smile. A broken smile for a broken man.

"I enjoy it..." She said softly. "Has there been any change?" She asked with a frown.

"No." He said as he stood up. "No change."

"I'm sorry." Jane said as she put his hand on her shoulder. She turned and walked away, taking Anna with her.

It was going to be another day. Another day in the lonely house. Derek slowly walked upstairs and looked in their bedroom. There she laid. Quiet. Soft. The room was dark. The curtains were pulled. Derek turned on his heel and walked to the nursery. He had the children. If nothing else, he had them.

Derek scooped up a sleeping Delilah. She was peaceful. She had been sleeping. And yet he had to hold her. She stirred as he sat down in the rocking chair and held her against his chest. He could feel her tiny heart beating. She opened her bright blue eyes and looked at him. The shape was the same as Meredith's. His wife. The love of his life. The woman who was slipping away from him. Saving her was important. But his children, they couldn't suffer. He wouldn't let them. He didn't care what he had to do.

------------------

It was three in the afternoon. Three. An hour before Anna was supposed to be home. Derek had sat all day and thought. He was at a loss. He had no idea how to help her. He had no idea how to make her feel better. Everything that he had always done, wasn't working. That was when he made the decision. He had to save his children. It was wearing on Anna. She pretended she was strong. She pretended that everything would be okay. But it wasn't. Everything was not going to be okay. And he couldn't watch her suffer. They were living in the dark. Breathing in poison. He didn't want to admit it, but even the twins seemed sad. And so the decision was made.

Derek marched into their bedroom with his suitcase. He threw it on the bed, careful not to hit her, but hard enough that she would notice. Her eyes opened. And they opened wide. Derek ignored her gaze as he walked over to his dresser and began carrying clothes to the bed. She watched as he folded shirts and pants. He stuck his boxers and socks in the divider.

"What are you doing?" She asked in a crackly voice. She hadn't used her voice in days.

"I'm going to need you to start pumping. Enough to get us through the night and tomorrow. I can come back and get more." He said as he pushed his clothes down.

"What?" She said in confusion as she watched.

"Breast milk. The twins need your milk." Derek said coldly.

"I know, but why? Why do you need me to pump?" She said as she watched him zip the suitcase.

"We're leaving." Derek said as he grabbed the handle and walked out of the room.

"What!" She said as she climbed out of bed. "Where are you going?" She cried as she followed him to Anna's room.

"Away. I can't-- The kids can't. We can't watch you like this. I won't subject them to this." He spat. "Move him in. You guys can start over. Or you can go, and we'll stay..." He said as he began putting clothes in Anna's suitcase.

"No! No!" She said as she ripped the clothes out of his hand. "I don't want that-- "

"I've tried everything. I tried talking. I tried holding you. I've loved you. I've done everything. You refuse to talk to me. I can only assume that's what you want. You regret us. He's back. He's back, and I won't stand in your way. I love you too much to watch you suffer. We'll go, and you call him." Derek said as he grabbed Anna's suitcase and walked down the stairs.

Meredith followed behind him in shock. She wasn't grasping the reality of the situation. She followed him to the garage and watched him to the luggage in his Land Rover. He turned on his heel and walked upstairs. Meredith followed him into the nursery. She watched as he sat their carriers on the floor.

"No... What are you doing?" She shouted as he put his hands in Devlin's crib.

"I am not leaving my children." He told her frankly.

"No! You can't have them. You can't take my babies." She screamed as she ran over and grabbed him.

"You're hurting them. I know you don't see it, but you are." Derek said as he looked up at her. "They know something is wrong." He watched her eyes tear up as he placed the babies in their carriers. She stood there in shock. Complete shock. Derek picked the carriers up and walked down the stairs. She followed him out, and watched his put the babies in the car.

"No! Derek, No!" She cried as she watched him.

"I'm sorry, Mer." He said as he walked around to the driver's side of the car.

"Oh God!" She cried out as she dropped to her knees. "Please...Oh God, don't do this." She cried as her body rocked back and forth. "Don't leave me..."

Derek sat in the car and watched. He hated seeing her like this. But seeing her in the bed. Seeing her in the bed everyday, laying. Not moving. Not responding. He couldn't do it anymore. It had gone too far. He knew she was sad. He knew she was upset. But he couldn't help her. She wouldn't let him.

"Please, Derek. Don't do this. I can't live like this. I can't do it anymore. I need your help. I can't do it alone. I need you. I'm so sorry. I need you... I need you..." She said as he body wracked with sobs.

She said it. She needed him. She finally admitted it. He looked at her. She was in distress. She was broken. She was begging. He looked in the back seat at the sleeping twins and climbed out of the car. He wrapped his arms around her. He sighed when he felt hers wrap around him.

"I need you... I need your help..." She sobbed as she struggled to breathe.

"It's okay baby, it's okay." He said as he rocked her back and forth. "Let it out..."

"I love you... I love you..." She cried into his chest. "Don't...ever...question...that..." She said as she tried to suck in air.

"I'm sorry, Mer. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did." He said with a frown. He felt her jerk. "You need to breathe..." He said quickly. He looked at the package of paper lunch sacks on the shelf and grabbed one. "Breathe." He said as he handed one to her. She sucked air in and out. He looked into her pleading eyes.

"I love you..." She said as she pulled the bag away. "I don't know what was wrong. I'm so sorry. It scared me. He scared me. It made me think...lies. Everything has been lies. My chance, it was stolen. I got another, but he was what I had lost. It changed me. It was a lie. I was broken because of a lie. I love you Derek. You are the love of my life. I know that. I would have been with him. It was supposed to be him. But I have you. I'd rather have you. And you are...you're everything I could have ever wanted. You mean more to me than anything. It scared me. For him to come back. It sent me into a whirlwind. I don't know what happened. I just know that it's you. You're the one. Don't ever question that..." She said as she held him close.

"I'm sorry I did..." He said with a frown.

"I'm sad. I'm depressed. I feel sick. I need you. Please help me. Please make it all better." She said as she squeezed him.

"We will. Together we will." Derek told her softly. "We'll make it. We always do." Meredith heard the faint cries of Devlin. She looked up at him and smiled. She stood up slowly and walked to the car. Derek watched as she undid the car seat and pulled him close.

"Mommy's sorry..." She said as she kissed him on the head. "Mommy loves you so much."

"Let's go inside." Derek said as he grabbed Delilah and walked into the house, with his hand on the small of her back. He led her to the sofa and the both sat down. She leaned against him, Devlin in her arms.

"You will never know how much I love you, Derek." She said softly. "You always save me... You always save me from myself."

So that was rough. That was bad. But they will be okay, they always are. And I didn't leave you with a cliff! You could show your appreciation in the form of reviews...