Meredith sighed as she felt Derek's warm arms around her. It felt right. It felt like it always had. Her open eyes looked at his closed ones. She felt so sick. So guilty. She had put so much on him. Not intentionally. She was in so much pain, she couldn't function. She couldn't take care of herself. Yesterday Derek made her realize. He made her realize what she was doing. And what she stood to lose.
She gently wiggled free from Derek's grip, careful not to wake him. She walked out of their room and into Anna's. She was sleeping soundly. It was Saturday. After the week they had, she wasn't going to wake her. She planted a soft hiss on her forehead and walked to the nursery.
She smiled when she say the twins curled up together. Double bedding. They were doing it now. It was Derek's idea. He said they needed companionship, and he seemed to be right. Now they were sleeping a lot better. She stroked their cheeks and smiled. She had come so close. Not to leaving. She would have never left. She came close to pushing Derek away. Over the edge.
"Eww. Mommy stinks." She muttered as she smelled herself. "Apparently that's what three days of laying in bed does to you..." She said as she turned and walked out.
She walked to the bathroom and turned the shower on, climbing it. It felt so good. To was off the sweat. The dirt. The tears. The guilt. To let it all go down the drain, washing out of her life. The hot water felt good on her cold body. She ran her hands down her stretched skin. They definitely took their toll on her. She closed her eyes as she left the water run down her face.
"Hey..." Derek said as he walked into the shower with her.
"Shit! You scared me..." She said as she opened her eyes. "I needed a shower. You could have told me that I was stinky." She laughed.
"I didn't want to hurt your feelings." He said with a smile.
"How could you stand it?" She asked as she tilted her head.
"I put Vicks in my nose." He chuckled as he plugged it.
"Seriously?" She said in shock. "Seriously?" She asked as she smacked his arm playfully.
"I'm kidding. I love you. I grinned and bared it, because I love you." He said as he leaned in and kissed her softly. She leaned back against the wall as his tongue slid into her mouth. She missed it. She missed his taste. She missed this feeling. Their tongues danced gracefully, before he pulled away.
"I love you." She said with a smile.
"I love you too." He agreed.
"And I won't grin and bear it. If you stink, you shower. Period." She said with a smile.
"Okay." He said with a chuckle. She caught him looking at her body.
"It's disgusting. I know." She said with a sigh. "It's stretched. I'm stretched like a deflated balloon."
"You are gorgeous..." He told her with a smile.
"Derek, seriously..." She said as she dropped her head and turned away.
"Breathtaking." He said as he pushed his body against hers and put his chin his her shoulder. She felt his hands rub her thighs, then her abdomen. He softly massaged her swollen breasts. She gasped felt his hard member rub against her left butt cheek. Meredith turned and faced him.
"Derek..." She said as she looked down. "Damn six weeks..." She muttered as she stared.
"It's okay..." He said with a smile.
She looked up into his eyes. Her hand trailed down to his shaft and grasped it. He gasped and tensed up as she began stroking him.
"Mer..." He moaned as he felt her thumb massaging it's tip. "God...Ohh..." He moaned as she quickened her pace and tightened her grip. "Shit..." He moaned as he began to pulsate. "Oh..." He moaned as he released. Meredith smiled when she watched him release and fall against the wall, needing support.
"Thank you." He moaned as he slowly opened his eyes.
"You would do the same for me." She said as she rinsed off and kissed him. "I'm going to feed the twins, and myself. I-- I have to go somewhere..." She said as she stepped out. He raised his eyebrows. "Can you watch the kids? It won't take long." She said as she wrapped a towel around her.
"Of course." He said with a nod.
She didn't tell him where she was going. His body tensed up. She didn't tell him. Should he be worried? He felt worried. He didn't want to lose her. He was hoping she wasn't making a mistake. Hoping that last night wasn't just to pacify him. He sighed as he rinsed his hair. He loved her. He trusted her. That was enough. He knew it was.
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Meredith dressed herself in her most comfortable clothes. Not her jeans. She wouldn't admit it, but the pouch was there. The dreaded pouch. It wasn't big, but it was there. They wouldn't fit. And to stick that excess skin her her jeans would be painful. Another thing to add to her to do list, get more jeans.
She slowly walked down the stairs. Her body still ached. Partly from giving birth, and partly because she had laid in bed without moving for days. She knew it was absurd, but she could swear she already had a ton of muscle atrophy from not moving. She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a banana. It was the first time that she had a taste for them since her pregnancy. She quickly ate the banana and took off, she'd have to eat a big lunch. She had things to do, and she had to get out of there.
Meredith drove down the road slowly. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to confront. She was an avoider. She would hide. Do anything to get away. But today she was changing. Not changing for good. Not forever. Just changing. She had to do something about this. It had to come to an end she was tired of the unknown. Today, her feelings would be known, once and for all.
She rode the quiet elevator up. No one was on there. She was glad. She didn't want to share looks with a stranger. She didn't want to pretend she was friendly. She didn't want to pretend that everything was okay. It wasn't. It was on it's way, but it wasn't there yet. She walked down the hallway and stopped. She didn't have to have the piece of paper. It was burned into her brain. Right in the front. A glowing flame. She raised her hand and knocked.
Nate opened the door with a smile. She came. She actually came. Second chances. Love. It was all right there. He looked at her stance. He read her demeanor. He couldn't. She was quiet. She was still.
"You came. I knew you would come..." He said with a smile. "I knew you would..."
"Nate." She said as she stood there.
"Come in." He said as he nodded.
"No." She told him. "Anything I need to say I can say from out here." She said as she stood.
"You're not- You're not coming..." He replied in disbelief as he stuck his hands in his pockets.
"I'm not coming." She told him firmly.
"Mer..." He said as his face dropped.
"No." Meredith said as she stood there. "You can't do this. Don't even try." She told him quickly.
"You left..." She said quickly.
"I--" He started.
"It may not have been because you wanted to, but you did. I waited and I hoped. But you didn't come. I moved on. It took awhile. But I did. I am. Derek is the love of my life. I. Love. Him. I loved you. I do love you. You were wonderful. You made me see the world differently. You saved my life. You loved me unconditionally. Be proud of yourself, because you made me a better person." She said with a smile as she watched his eyes well up.
"Mer..." He pleaded softly.
"No... You- You leaving. You- What happened to you... It was the best thing that ever happened. I don't mean you getting hurt. I would never want that to happen. I'm sorry for the pain you went through because of me. I am sorry. But it happened. And it was the best thing that could have happened. It allowed me to move on. To actually start my life. To live. To make myself do things on my own. You saved me in more ways than you'll ever know. But it did something else. It made me find the love of my life. It allowed me to have three beautiful children. A family that loves and cares about me. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you came all this way when there was no hope. This is no hope. Not for me and you. So please, move on. Be happy. I am. I really am." She said with a faint smile as she looked at him. "Have a good life. Get married. Have kids. It is all it's cracked up to be... Goodbye, Nate." She said as she turned on her heel and walked away.
"Mer..." He said softly. She stopped and turned around.
"I knew..." He said quickly. "When I saw him. When you were in labor. The way he looked at you... LIke you were the only person in the room... In the world... You're right. I didn't have a chance..." He said with a sigh. "I did. I really did love you. And that's why I can do it... Go home. Be happy." He said as a tear slid down his face.
"Goodbye, Nate." She said as she stepped on the elevator.
She thought she would cry. She didn't. It was the love. The love that she had or her family was stronger than any love she had ever felt. Climbing in her car, driving home, she knew... That was the end. No questions would ever be raised. It was Derek. It was Anna. It was Delilah. It was Devlin. They were the loves of her life. They were all she needed.
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"Hey." Meredith said as she lazily walked into the house, seeing Derek holding both the twins.
"Hey. Everything okay?" He asked with a smile as he walked over.
"Everything is wonderful." Meredith said with a warm smile as she walked up and kissed Derek on the cheek.
"Good." Derek said as he handed her Devlin.
"How's mommy's big man?" Meredith asked as she kissed Devlin softly on the cheek.
"He's good." Derek said with a smirk.
"You're mommy's bad boy." Meredith said with a laugh.
"Oh, yes..." Derek said with a smile. "I am..." He said as he nibbled on her ear.
"Where is Anna?" Meredith asked as she looked around the quiet house.
"In the barn..." Derek said as he looked out.
"The barn? Not by herself, I hope!" Meredith said as she walked over to the large window and looked out.
"Of course not. Jane's out there. I think they're going to ride." He said as he looked out.
"Oh." Meredith muttered. "Do you mind watching the twins? I'll go out there for awhile..."
"You're not ready." Derek said firmly. "It hasn't been that long. You need your rest."
"In case you forgot, I did sleep for the last three days." She said quickly.
"You weren't resting. You were stressed out and upset. Completely different." He said as he walked over. "You don't have to go out there. She knows you love her."
"I just- I haven't been around..." She said sadly.
"We'll all do something tonight. We'll make pizza for dinner. Anna loves that." Derek said with a smile.
"Okay." She said with a smile.
"Besides, I know you are still a little sore." He said as he tipped his head.
"And you know that how?" She asked with raised eyebrows.
"I know you." He said softly. "Why don't we watch a movie..."
"Okay." She said with a huff. She walked over to the sofa and sat down while he placed a dvd in the player.
"I love you." He said as he sat down next to her, Delilah in his arms. He smiled at the sight of his young son nursing.
"I went to the hotel." She said after that sat in silence for awhile.
"I know." He said as he looked over at her.
"How did you know?" Meredith asked as she looked into her eyes.
"Because you are you. And you had to say goodbye." He told her as he rubbed her shoulder.
"That's not why. I didn't go to say goodbye. I went to make sure he knew. I wanted him to know that you are it for me. Forever. I wanted him to know that was no chance." She explained. "Please don't ever give up on me again." She said with a sad sigh as she laid Devlin down.
"I won't." He told her as he pulled her close.
"You did the right thing. Leaving. That would have been the right thing to do." She said as he eyes started to tear up. "You're a good dad."
"But a bad husband." Derek said with a frown.
"No. A good husband. I'm just a bad wife." She said as she laid her head on his chest.
"No, you're a great wife." Derek said as he kissed her head. "Just so that I'm clear, you don't have any other husbands, ex-husbands or lovers that will be popping in anytime soon, right?" He said with a chuckle.
"No, Derek. I don't." She said with a chuckle as she looked up at him and kissed him softly. She felt him lean forward and pull her closer, his hands running through her hair. She parted her lips and his tongue slid in softly. Meredith threw her leg over his lap and straddled him as she kissed him deeper. She laid her head back as Derek began kissing her neck.
"God I want you..." She moaned as she felt his hot breath on her chest.
"Damn six weeks." He muttered.
"No shit." She said as she climbed off of him. "We have to stop before we can't." Meredith muttered.
"I will say one thing, November 16 is going to be one explosive day." Derek said with a smirk.
"November 16?" Meredith asked.
"Uh huh. Exactly six weeks." He said with a smirk.
"Oh, Derek..." She muttered as she shook her head and laid against him. "You are too much."
Derek looked down at his sleeping wife. She had fallen asleep shortly after he put the movie in. It felt good to see her relaxed. Truly relaxed. She hadn't looked really relaxed in a long time. The last two moths of the pregnancy she had been so uncomfortable, she hadn't gotten a good night's sleep. And now with the twins, she was waking up for middle of the night feedings. She stroked her head with his free hand. His other was completely numb, but he wasn't going to wake her up.
"Mmm." Meredith said as she stirred awake. "What time is it?" Meredith asked as she looked around.
"Time to start dinner." Derek said with a smile.
"How long did I sleep?" she asked.
"Oh, about three hours." He said as she he looked at his watch.
"Derek! Why did you let me sleep that long?" She asked as she sat up.
"You needed it." Derek said with a smile.
"Mommy!" Anna said loudly as she ran through the front door. "I rode Paige and Sandy!"
"Oh... Did you have fun?" Meredith asked with a smile.
"Uh huh. Paige is big. Really big!" Anna said happily.
"Are you sure that you should be riding a horse?" Meredith asked with wide eyes.
"Jane helded on. I was safe." She said quickly. "I'm hungry." She said as she looked at them both.
"Hmm. I think we should do something about that." Derek said as he sat up. "Why don't we make pizza?"
"Pizza! Yay! Mommy, are you gonna help?" Anna asked with wide doe eyes.
"Yep." Meredith said as they all walked in the kitchen, Derek and Meredith grabbing the babies carriers, and placing them on the counter.
"What do we want on these pizzas, chef?" Derek asked Anna as she put her apron on. Derek stuck the chef's hat on her head.
"Sauce, sous chef." Anna said with a smile.
"Of course we need sauce!" Meredith said as she grabbed the jar of sauce that Derek had made.
"Dough." Anna said quickly.
"Hmm..." Derek said as he looked around. "We need to make that." He said as he grabbed the ingredients and began mixing.
"And?" Meredith asked.
"Cheese. Lots a cheese." Anna said with a giggle. "I will get that." She said as she opened the refrigerator. "Peanut butter?"
"Gross!" Meredith said as she scrunched her nose.
"A month ago, that's what you wanted." Derek said with a chuckle.
"A month ago, I was out of my mind." Meredith giggled.
"Pepperoni!" Anna said as she pulled it out and threw it on the counter.
"Yum." Meredith agreed.
"Onion?" Derek asked.
"Yuck! Onions are hot." Anna whined.
"No they're not..." Meredith disagreed. "How about..."
"Pineapple." Anna said with a smile.
"On half." Derek said quickly.
"Fine." Anna said with a sigh as she grabbed it out of the cupboard.
"Oh my god." Meredith said as she looked up.
"What?" Derek said with concern.
"Look." Meredith said with a smile.
They all looked at the twins. Both had their blue eyes open and big smiles on their faces. Devlin looked at Anna with her chef's hat on and scrunched his face. They scanned the three standing in front of them. They may be crazy. They may be who they were stuck with. But they were their family. And they were perfect.