Chapter Eleven - Toxic

Three Days Later...

Ichigo sat, staring at the sky, as he had done for the past three nights. The silent tears poured down his face as the dark, demeaning sky kept it's form.

The few stars he could see, didn't seem much brighter tonight...They had all looked dull and meaningless since that day they had come back. Ichigo choked back the sobs before burying his face in his hands.

He couldn't deal with this...it was too painful. His heart was gone, and he just couldn't live without it. If he didn't know so many people depended on him, he would just end it. All the pain, and all the suffering, would disappear in just one simple twist of his Zanpaktou.

Ichigo shook his head.

He couldn't do that to his friends. And he knew that Grimmjow would be majorly pissed if he found that the thought had even passed through Ichigo's head.

Ichigo winced at the thought of Grimmjow's name.

He punched the seal of his window, not feeling the pain that shot up his arm. He laid back, curling up in a ball on his bed.

It was the same bed Grimmjow had been with him in.

Ichigo shot to his feet, his eyes wide as he stared at the bed.

He was surely going insane. That was it. He was going crazy.

He fell to his knees on the floor, crying again. He had never cried so much in his life.

All those times...Every single time he regretted having fallen for Grimmjow was now wieghing on his shoulders. Those times when he thought of himself as a traidor who had betrayed everything that was given to him, who had betrayed his friends. They meant nothing now. Everything that was just...wasn't anymore.

Ichigo felt the gags coming up as he tried to quiet his sobs. He didn't feel like throwing up tonight.

There was a knock on the door.

"What?!" Ichigo demanded, his voice cold.

"Ichigo, it's Rukia."

"Go away." Ichigo said.

"Can I please come in?" She asked.

"No." Ichigo spat. "Just go away."

The door opened and Ichigo threw a pillow at her. She caught it before closing the door behind her.

"I won't take no for an answer." She said as she took a step towards him.

"Stay away, Rukia." Ichigo gritted his teeth as he tried to hide his broken eyes behind his hair.

"I won't." She touched his shoulder as she got down on her knees beside him. "Ichigo...you're falling apart."

"I am not." He pulled away from her touch.

"What have you done to yourself, Ichigo?" Her eyes went wide as she caught the sight of his arm.

It was bloody and cut up.

Ichigo looked at it, too, not seeing much. It had happened when he needed something to squeeze, so he dug his nails into his arm. It was an accident at first...and then it had felt too good, so he started slicing at his forearm with his nails.

"Ichigo, what the hell?" Rukia demanded.

She grabbed a towel off a chair and pressed it to his arm.

"You need to stop, Ichigo!" She yelled. "He's not coming back!"

Ichigo pushed at Rukia. "Don't you think I know that? I know he's gone! I know...I know..."

Ichigo broke down into sobbs again. Rukia sighed before hugging Ichigo, letting him cry on her shoulder.

"Rukia...I miss him..." He cried. "I miss him so much..."

"I know." She hugged him tight.

(~.~)

Ichigo made Rukia leave later, telling her that he would be just fine.

He lied, of course.

As soon as her spritual pressure disappeared, he started bawling again. It had been comforting to have there to cry to for a little while, but all he wanted to do right now was bask in his own self pity.

He stared up at the sky with somewhat shattered eyes, watched as those dim stars blurred in his vision as the tears spilled over. Even the moon seemed meaningless...

He felt himself slipping into his subconcious as a few of those stars seemed to disappear.

He wondered about that, just before drifting off.

Comments:

I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!! :)

Sorry it took two days. I had to stay an extra night. :P So, here's chappy 'leven for ya! twelve is coming soon!