Starting Over
Theme #30: Touch Me

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Lie low at Lupin's. That was all Dumbledore had said. Despite the gravity of the situation, Sirius had been all too eager to agree to the headmaster's request. He trotted down forgotten streets and down deserted alleyways. He knew where Remus' house was.

Remus opened the door after Sirius rang the bell a couple times. He only seemed slightly dazed to see Sirius, but he stepped aside and let the runaway in. Sirius entered gratefully, inhaling the sweet scents of Remus' home.

The home was modest. Spartan. There was a bitter reminder here that Remus had no job and he was a deadly, dark creature. The ministry made a habit of making sure living as a werewolf was difficult.

Remus motioned for Sirius to follow him and the two men went into the tiny, dirty kitchen.

"I don't have much," Remus said apologetically. The first words he'd said to Sirius in months. He cleared his throat and moved towards the cupboard, where he kept his tea. "I have Earl Grey. Is that fine?"

Sirius was distantly aware that Remus was talking about tea.

"Oh, yeah," Sirius said lamely.

Remus fixed the tea and handed it to Sirius calmly. "Dumbledore sent me an owl," Remus said lightly, "I knew you were coming."

"He told you about what happened to Harry at the tournament, right?" Sirius asked quietly. He remembered the fear in Harry's eyes.

"Yes," Remus said, equally as quiet. They sat in uncomfortable silence, punctuated by tiny sips of tea.

Sirius breathed in the scent of the tea and eyed Remus over the rim of the tea cup. There was a small chip in the cup. How long had Remus gone without a job? His last job must have been as the Defense against the Dark Arts' professor. Sirius felt anger surge through him. Why did the ministry make it so hard for people like Remus?

Rain tapped against the house and Remus was drawn to the dirty, sightless window, where the rain produced a melodious drumming. He sighed feebly and set down his tea.

"The moon is tonight," Remus said calmly.

Sirius looked at the werewolf guiltily. How many years had Remus spent the full moon alone? He hadn't been there to protect him. He hadn't been there for him.

"Oh… do you want me to…?" Sirius trailed off, unsure whether Remus wanted his company.

Remus smiled weakly. "I have the Wolfsbane potion. I'll be okay. You don't have to, if you don't want to."

They sat in silence, an uncomfortable silence. Sirius wished things were like how they were, before all of this. He licked his dry, chapped lips and ran his hand through his shaggy black hair.

"I do want to," he confessed quietly, as if speaking of something sinful. He frowned at the table. Why were things like this? It used to be a given that he would spend the moon with Remus.

Remus smiled again, and this time it seemed to almost reach his eyes. "Okay."

"Okay," Sirius agreed, sounding much more confident in himself than before. Remus wanted his company.

The afternoon melted away and as the sun began to set and the moon began to rise, Remus led the way upstairs to his bedroom. Sirius sat on the bed and watched as Remus chugged down the potion with a rather irritated face.

Remus' eyes turned towards the small window, facing the horizon where the moon would eventually rise.

"Does it still hurt?" Sirius whispered before he could stop himself.

Remus looked at him feebly. Maybe, once upon a time, Sirius could have asked such a question without causing such a pained look in Remus' eyes. Maybe, once upon a time, Remus would have told everything to Sirius.

But they'd been apart for so long. They'd been away for so long. Remus lowered his eyes. "Not as much as it used to. The potion helps."

"Oh," Sirius said, feeling awkward.

The moon rose and words melted away into nothingness. Sirius transformed into his dog counterpart and sat on the bed patiently, watching as the change overtook Remus once again.

Even with the potion, Sirius could tell that it pained Remus. He buckled over and fell to his knees. He released the tiniest moans of pain as his body shifted and morphed, bones breaking and muscles tearing in order to accommodate a new form.

Sirius watched helplessly, wishing, like so many times before, that he could heal Remus' pain.

Slowly, the transformation ebbed away and the wolf sat up, giving Sirius an indescribable look before moving towards the corner.

The wolf curled up in the corner of the bedroom, tucking his snout between his legs with his tail swishing from side to side lazily. He looked like an oversized dog. It was a welcomed sight from the times Sirius had seen him rip himself apart and attack anything that moved.

Sirius trotted over to his friend and curled up beside him as well. The giant black dog nosed against the wolf's neck and a small tongue darted out and touched the underside of the chin. The wolf growled in welcome.

The dog snuggled closer to the wolf, his tail thumping against the wolf's lightly before their hearts seemed beat together as one and their heads rested on the ground next to one another.

It was like starting over. For half a second Sirius could remember the past and remember how close they once were. Perhaps they were inching back towards that time again. He was with Remus again and, if he had the power, he would never leave his side.

The dog breathed quietly, smelling the air and recognizing Remus' scent. He growled lightly and kicked out his large paw, bumping against the wolf's leg.

The wolf's eyes opened and gave the dog a look before falling shut again, as if just humoring the black dog. Yes, it seemed that things would be okay. Things would be fine.

For the rest of the night, the wolf and the dog slept side by side.