Fuji hated it.
He hated the fact that that Tezuka was so close to him yet he wasn't able to be near him. It was already hard for him to endure the days seeing Tezuka and Chiharu together but he didn't know it was more painful to be alone with the only man he had ever desired.
Today was Tezuka's pictorial for the wedding. Chiharu wasn't there because she had something to talk to with the wedding planner.
Fuji let out a sigh, 'Of all days, why did Atobe have to do something important today?' he thought as he continued to take Tezuak's pictures.
Supposedly, Atobe was going to spend the day with Fuji until that evening in Tezuka's bachelors' party but then he couldn't go since he had an urgent meeting with their new clients.
Fuji tried to calm himself, he shouldn't panic. Being alone with Tezuka doesn't mean anything.
He just had to think clearly.
"Fuji are you ok?"
Fuji let out a sigh.
Of course he wasn't ok.
Who would be?
If the man he loves was getting married in two days?
"I'm fine"
"I think we should take a rest for a while, I'm tired of having my pictures taken" Tezuka said.
Fuji merely nodded in agreement as they went back to the lobby of the hotel.
"Would you like to take a walk?" Tezuka offered. Fuji stared at Tezuka.
"Ok"
Fuji tried to stop the painful smile that was creeping on his lips. He felt so pitiful for being happy to spend time with Tezuka alone.
Why was he so damn weak?
He wanted to cry.
He wanted to tell Tezuka he wasn't ok.
He wanted to tell him he was hurting.
He wanted to tell him everything that was on his mind.
Most of all, he wanted to tell him he still loves him.
"Let's go" Tezuka said.
Fuji merely followed him.
They walked silently, not much talking but enjoying each others presence.
It had been so long ago since they last walked like this together.
Fuji glanced at Tezuka's feature and couldn't help but smile softly.
'He hasn't change much…'
Tezuka took a quick glimpse at the smiling tensai on his side and couldn't help but frown. There was something wrong with that smile.
Ever since their middle school he was able to read the tensai's smiling expression and knew when he was happy, sad or is up to his sadistic schemes.
The smile Fuji had on right now was…. Very confusing.
It was a mixture of pain and happiness…?
Pain? Why would Fuji be in pain..?
Tezuka's eyes then widen at that moment
'Could it be..?'
But he already has Atobe…
"Ne Tezuka, I think it's gonna rain soon, let's go find shelter first" Fuji said.
Tezuka blinked, he didn't even notice the small droplets of water starting to pour as they hurried to a cottage in the park.
By the time they got inside they were half drenched.
"It seems to rain often…" Fuji observed as he watched the rain become stronger.
"Ah. I guess we'll be stuck here for a while, I don't think it will stop soon" Tezuka replied.
Fuji blinked then blushed, he couldn't help but be a bit happy.
At least he had Tezuka all to himself even if just for an hour or two.
The two of them remained quiet for sometime as they try to think of something to talk about.
"Ne Fuji, how have you been all this year?" Tezuka suddenly asked.
"Hmm.. I guess I'm fine, I have a wonderful job and I earn a lot" Fuji laughed.
"Have you dated somebody when I was gone?"
Fuji stopped at that question, he didn't understand Tezuka's sudden curiosity on his life.
"Almost" he replied.
Tezuka raised an eyebrow to show his confusion.
"I never had a relationship, I only date, because whenever I'm with any guy I start comparing them to you and I would realize I couldn't love anybody but you…" Fuji admitted, his face was a dark shade of red as he chuckled nervously.
He didn't know why he confessed that to Tezuka, his mouth had just seem to move on its own.
Tezuka was taken aback from the sudden answer, he hadn't expected it at all.
At that moment he felt like a total jerk.
He didn't know Fuji was really that serious about him.
When Fuji had confessed to him in middle school he didn't take it seriously. He thought the smiling boy was just up to one of his schemes.
Another part of him that was able to resist the tensai was his logic. He knew that society would never accept two guys together, his own family would be ashamed of him if he did.
He was afraid.
He didn't know what to do.
So he let logic overrule his heart.
And it lead them here.
"What about Aobe?"
Fuji blinked.
"What about him?" he asked.
"Why didn't you go out with him?" Tezuka asked softly.
"We're just friends, there's nothing going on between us" Fuji explained.
"Really?" Tezuka asked.
Fuji nodded in response, as he let out a soft sneeze when he felt cold due to his wet clothing.
Tezuka stood up and placed his jacket on Fuji's shoulder to keep him warm.
Fuji's eyes widened in surprise as he looked at Tezuka questioningly.
Why was Tezuka acting this way?
Why was he so sweet?
"Keep yourself warm or you'll catch a cold, you shouldn't let your guard down" Tezuka said then stop as he saw tears run down Fuji's face.
He was about to say something when Fuji dashed off in the rain, Tezuka followed him.
"Fuji, what are you doing? You're going to be sick!" Tezuka yelled as he ran to catch up to Fuji.
When he finally caught him, he turned Fuji so that he was able to see him properly.
"What is wrong with you Fuji? One minute you're calm and the next you ran off in this rain!" Tezuka said crossly.
Fuji just remained quiet as he tried to get free form Tezuka's grasp but the bespectacled boy held him firmly.
"Fuji, you have to tell me what's wrong, I can't help you if you don't tell me"
Fuji glared at him heatedly.
"You can't fix every problem Tezuka, and believe you wouldn't want to know what my problem is" Fuji snapped.
"At least tell me" Tezuka demanded.
"You want to know what my problem is? The problem is with me!" Fuji shouted then calmed down a bit
"I'm in so much pain when I know I shouldn't. I'm hurting when I know it was me who told you that we should go back to being friends…" Fuji stopped as he let out a deep breath.
"I feel so pathetic, I don't know what to do. How I wish it was me whom you'll love, all this years I hoped you would come back and tell me you love me too but then you come home to get married"
Tezuka felt his throat go dry as he couldn't find the strength to speak.
"Don't be so kind to me, don't be so sweet. Please, I don't want you care for me, it makes me love you more than I already do. I'm doing everything I can to move on but it's hard if you keep doing this things to me, I-I don't want to get my hoipes up… you're getting married in two days…" Fuji continued as he desperately tried to keep his composure but with no avail.
"Fuji… I…." Tezuka stuttered as he tried to find words.
"I don't need your pity Tezuka, it's not your fault, I'm the one who chose to be this way" Fuji smiled softly as he let a hand ran through his damp hair, the tears continuously falling as he pulled away from the bespectacled boy and ran away.
Tezuka stood there as if he'd been slapped.
How could he not realize that Fuji was in so much pain?
Why didn't he notice?
How could he not notice?
If he'd just told the truth from the start then Fuji wouldn't be hurting…
Then, he wouldn't be hurting as well…
Just then his phone rang.
It was Chiharu.
Tezuka let out a sigh as he turned his phone off.
Right now he wanted to be alone, he wanted to shun out all things on his mind except Fuji.
Tezuka never knew the word regret…
Until now…
TBC….
Waaahhh… I'm soooo sorry for the late update! Finally..!! exams are over..!
Million thanks to everyone who revied the last chapter..!! ^_^
hope you like this chapter.., pls. Review..!! *hugs*