Dean Winchester, Kansas, 2005

"What do you remember of that night?" It had been such a simple straight forward question and yet I hadn't been sure how to answer it.

"Not much." The lie slipped from my lips before I had time to think about it.

I had been four that night but I remembered everything. It was scorched on my brain by the heat of the flames of the fire.

It would be there forever.

Standing now in the restroom of the garage I splash cold water on my face to try and hide the tears trails that are there, and needing a moment before I face Sam, I go into the stall and rest my head on the cool metal of the wall.

"What do you remember of that night?"

"I remember the fire... the heat."

The memories come rushing back even as I try to lock them back up in the little box that I keep them in inside my head.

Kansas 1983

I had been sleeping, my dream escapes me now but I know that it was a good dream, a peaceful, happy sleep that I had been wrenched from.

Probably my last, peaceful, happy sleep.

Something had touched me, had pulled me up from the depth of my slumber but it was the scream that had woken me. I had never heard anyone scream like that before. And this wasn't just anyone that was making that awful sound.

This was my mother.

I was sure of it.

She needed help and I was going.

I threw the bedcovers back and dropped silently, barefooted to the floor.

I headed for the door.

My father rushes past me, almost knocking me over in his haste and the clench in my heart eases.

Dad is here.

Dad will know what to do.

So I stand in the hall and wait knowing that he will call if he needs me, mesmorised by the flames that seem to lick around me but in reality are only the reflections of those from the nursery.

That's when it hits me and I start to move forward.

My whole family is in that room.

And that room is burning.

I am alone out here.

I want to be with them.

I pray to God not to let me be left alone.

I promise that I will be a good boy if he doesn't take my family from me and leave me behind.

What I see slip from the room though has nothing to do with God I fear, it's eyes briefly flickering yellow in the firelight and then it is gone.

My father appears in the door then with a bundle in his arms that I know is my baby brother. "Daddy." It is the only word that I can get out before he thrusts Sam at me and I hug him tightly to my chest.

For the first time my father has let me hold the baby on my own. The enormity of his trust in me weights me.

He tells me to run, to not look back so I don't. I feel the heat on my back and it adds speed to my flight although I am careful of my step, mindful of the precious burden that I carry.

I breathe in the fresh air that my lungs are now screaming for as I reach the front door, carry my brother to safety and then stand helplessly on the lawn, the dew soaking my feet as I pray for my parents to come out too. I comfort my strangely silent brother and, taking my cue from him, I try not to cry.

Then my father is there, lifting us both and carrying us away from the house as the heat and the flames explode from the windows. We stay there on the lawn for what seems like hours, watching as our world burns and my mother with it. People are round us now, pulling Dad away, trying to take my brother from me.

I don't let them.

Dad entrusted Sam to me, he's my responsibility. They can't have him. I won't let them take him from me. Then my father is there again and he gently asks to see if Sam is ok. He tells me it is alright, that everything is going to be fine.

For the first time in my short life I doubt him.

I know that nothing will be alright again.

My mother is gone.

How can he make that right?

Chapter End Notes:

And finally......Missouri