Chapter 7

Author's Note: This chapter is one of the longer ones. Once again, it contains vital information that will be referenced to later in the story. Thank you for all the reviews. Keep them coming

"Did he go to Alaska?" Edward asked, turning his head to look at Alice, but he still held onto me.

"I don't know. I can't sense him anywhere. No one can. We need to find him Edward!" Alice exclaimed, panicing.

"Come on, let's go. he has to be here somewhere,' Edward said, pulling on my hand.

"Oh my God, it's all my fault," I whispered.

"What?!?" The two exclaimed in unison.

"I should have stayed in the house like you said, Edward." I answered, realizing that it was my fault.

"No Bella. It isn't. It was an accident," Alice answered before Edward.

"But..." I said, but Edward held up his hand.

"Alice!" Esme called, "Can you see where he is headed?"

Alice walked over to Esme,"No, at first it was Alaska. But he changed his mind so many times, that I can not see him anymore," Alice said, worriedly.

"He'll be alright," Carlisle said, appearing by Esme's side. Alice nodded, but I know that she really didn't believe it. "We'll need to stay together. It's safer that way because of the werewolves. We should check Alaska first though."

"What about me?" I said, eager to help.

"Oh noo, Bella, you have to stay here. Graduation is soon," Alice said.

"Well, she can't be by herself!" Edward answered.

"Now that she is able to heal herself, I don't really see the danger," Carlisle said.

"What about Victoria?"

"She dissapeared almost a year ago. Plus, the werewolves are going to be hunting any vampires around here. And considering that she doesn't know about the Treaty, I'd say that she has a slim chance to live after they get done with her."

"I don't know about this..." Edward said, warily.

"I'll be fine," I said, agreeing with Carlisle, "Renee will be here soon."

"I really don't think this is a good idea. Somthing bad is going to happen," he continued to say.

"Edward...we need to find Jasper. It won't take that long," Alice said.

"Really, I'll be fine Edward," I said, putting a hand to his cold face.

Edward turned his back to his family and spoke, inches away from my face,"Bella, I don't want to leave you."

I put my forehead to his and whispered, "It's okay. I'll be okay. Find your brother."

He nodded and then gave me a kiss. I smiled briefly at his and then turned to his family again.

"Ok," he said simply.

Carlisle smiled and Edward and then said, "We'll leave in th morning. We can sort out everything tonight. Edward, you should take Bella to her house."

"Of course," Edward answered. he grabbed my arm and said, "Come on," he led me downstairs and into his car.

"Bella," he began as we got into the car, "I'm not sure when will will get back."

"That's okay. You need to find Jasper. You guys were gone for a month and I was fine. Well, I was alive anyways. A couple of days aren't going to hurt," I said.

"Eh...I still don't know..." he said, looking at me while he was driving.

"Please don't worry Edward. Everything will be ok," I reasured him. But somehow I could not assure myself of that.

"Maye. I should have never let that Black kid get you," Edward said.

"Don't go blaming yourself Edward. Jacob isn't bad. He just fought because it was his family fighting. I'd fight with you guys no mater who it's against. Even my best friend," I answered, a tear running down my cheek.

"Bella, he didn't fight us."

"What?"

"He ran as soon as he saw that Sam kid transform. I heard Carlisle talking to Billy about Jacob. He doesn;t want to fight us. I heard his thoughts... He still..." He hesitated for a moment, "loves you. he doesn't want to hurt you. By hurting us..it's hurting you," edward finished, squeesing my hand.

"Oh, but there were three of them when I came down," I said confused.

"Someone joined them...I could hear Carlisle thoughts, so that's how I know that Jacob ran."

I nodded and then stared out h ewindow. The first pang hit me with the realization that Charlie was not coming back. A tear welled up in my eye.

I can't belive that the last thing I said to him...How...How could I?

Another voice said, But you didn't know what would happen. Don't blame this on yurself.

The first voice whispered once again in my ear, You are the one that got involved with the Cullens and Jacob, Not Charlie. You could have stayed in Phoenix like you wanted to. But you decided to stay. You might as well have killed Charlie yourself. You knew that Catlie didn't want to be associated with the Cullens, yet you ignored him.

Edward parked in the front of my house and turned towards me.

That voice is right. I should have listened to Charlie, and even Edward when he said to stay away. I never listen.

He gracefully wiped a tear away from my face.

"Edward..." I said quietly, trying to hold back the tears, but it was no use, "Why did this happen? he isn't coming back, is he? I can't do anything to change that. It's so..hard. If I hadn't come to Forks, I wouldn't have involved him in all this. He wouldn't have been killed by a vampire, or werewolf, or what ever it was. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I could have...prevented it. But I didn't. How am I going to live with that on my conscience Edward?" I finished, my eyes watery and blurred.

"My love, don't blame yourself. You couldn't have done anything to prevent it from happening. Please Isabella, don't give up. Life goes on, whether you go on with it or not.No matter how hard it seems, or that all hope is lost, you musn't give up. You''ve got to make the most of what we are given, and not throw it away, no matter what. The sun will rise, the oceans will continue to hit the coast, but will you continue to do just as you used to, knowing that it is what Charlie would have wanted for you to move on with your life? It's hard, I know. trust me when I tell you this, I am speaking from experience. I love you Isabella. I will help you through all of this. I promise. I can stay with you tommorow instead of going, if you'd like," Edward finished.

It was as if he had worked magic on me. He was right. Charlie wouldn't want me to think that it was my fault, but i still don't know that for sure yet, do I?

"Edward...I don't know how I'll go on...you are right, of course. but i can't help but blame myself. This pain won't go away. I caused Jasper to run away. And I don't...know what I'll do if he isn't okay...go find him. Bring him home. I can't bare to loose another family member," I said, voice trembling with the thought of what might happen to Jasper.

"Just don't blame yourself. Please. For me. It isn't your fault.Never think that," Edward said, but then added, "we will find him," with an air of uncertainty as if he wasn't sure of himself.

"Yes...but I'll be fine. I'm sure Renee'll be soon for the..." funeral. I couldn't bare to say the word. Is this all just a dream? The last funeral I went to was my grandmothers'. That pain has yet to fully heal. Will this pain even dull?

"Ok," he said uncertain, "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

I nodded. He got out of the car and opened the door for me. I tried to walk steadily, but my legs felt like Jell-O. Edward wrapped his arm around me and picked me up.

With his other arm he got the hidden key and opened the door. Being in the house again made me sick to my stomach but I knew I had to face it sooner or later. Everything was exactly as I had left it.

Maybe I'll wake up and Charlie will have left a note on the refridgerator saying that he was going to work late, or that he went fishing.

When I glanced at the fridge, i saw a note. Excited, I squinted to read it. Dissapointed and almost to tears once again, I realized that it was the same one from the night before.

One tear fell donw my cheek but no more fell.

I had cried all of my tears.