A/N: Okay here it is. Better late than never, right? It's really long but I can't cut it down.
I hope it´s okay. I wrote it over one night, so I'm not sure how it turned out.
I only have like four doujinshi with AixGin, so I only have one left ( TToTT ) so I'm not sure what to do now. Maybe I should continue with Deadly Eyes or something like that…I don't know…..
Wow…am I just gloomy…Well this is the final chapter of Roulinsou (by the way the title "Roulinsou" is the character for "claws and tusks" And it also holds a meaning of "ruler being saved by an advisor" but on the other hand, it also means "hidden ambitions"this is what Kitamura Koume wrote in the end of the doujinshi)
Well….enjoy and please review^^
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It was bright, so bright. How could it be so bright? Was his eyes open? No.
Gin opened his eyes. Staring into the empty space of the double sized bed. He tried to sit up, but his entire body was hurting.
It took a minute before he realised where he was. This was Aizens bedroom. White and black at the same time. The only thing in this room was the bed he was lying on. So simple, but somehow hiding something. That was the nature of Aizen and he liked to show it everywhere he went.
Huh? When did I go `n fall asleep?
He sad up. Slowly. The bed creaked under him.
Silence.
Everything was so filled up with boring and dangerous silence. Gin scratched the back of his head.
Aizen-san…? Wherever he's at he's prob´ly busy now. I've got a lil´ strength… Gin opened and closed his hand. He still felt weak.
He cleaned my body without me knowin´ it. Even changed my clothes… the white yukata were heavy on his shoulders.
A chilly wind made him look out of the window. The wind was strong.
Oh, the moon went `n settle in. right in the same spot...slept through the day again, huh? I got no sense of time here… what day was it anyway? He didn't know anything anymore.
But that's ta be expected, I guess…
Here, in Hueco Mundo, ever since I got here, I been sleepin`, wakin` up, bein` held by that guy, sleepin`, wakin` up, bein` held by that guy. Constantly repeatin` only that.
Gin folded his arms on his knees and then rested his head on his arms.
My head hurts…my bones keep creakin` and beginnin` ta scream. It's painful…
"Painful…but still, I'm not breakin`. I'm…" if it keeps on…if I keep lettin´ go of my ego…`n become some doll that cam only be held by Aizen-san…
"Would Aizen-san be satisfied?" Goin` on like this…bein´ impoverished `n exhausted puts me in shackles, even if there weren't other devious restraints. Though, from the very start, I ain´t never had the intention of expressin` hostility towards hat guy…and it I ain´t like I came this far holdin´ any ulterior motives.
More open-minded that anybody. More tolerant that anyone. That guy. But that's the same as not acceptin´ anything. Lost on all that, the length `n depth of a relationship don't count at all. It's the opposite.
The closer ya get, the more ya notice yer bein´ repelled. It's that repelling part, prob´ly…
He was feeling uneasy. There was only one thing that worked when that happened. Gin crawled to the beds edge and slipped down on the floor. He rolled so he was lying on his back.
"Mmm…I knew it, bein` on the floor calms me down…" he lifted his feet and pressed them against the wall.
"Mmm…it's chilly `n feels good." He was so tired. So exhausted. He felt pathetic and weak, but right now he didn't care.
I'm…gettin´ sleepy again.
The sound of walking feet was coming towards him. He even felt the vibrations in the floor.
"Gin?"
Aizen. It was Aizen. He had to wake up. Or Aizen would be mad at him.
"You're still not used to the bed, I take it?" Gin tilted his head back and faced Aizen, who was kneeling by his head.
"`Cus it´s many times higher that any futon… anyway… welcome back cap´n." Aizen smiled warmly.
"Yes. I'm home."
"You ain´t goin´ out no more tonight? All work's over?" Aizen reached out to stroke Gins hair.
"It's taken care of." Gin took Aizens hand and pressed it against his cheek.
"Ya stayed out all day again. Ain´t there any work I can help with?"
"That's right, since situations requiring your particular power don't occur." To translate, Aizen only needed him here, where he could use him as he pleased. But that didn't seemed like Aizen. Or did he think that Gin was weak.
"Ya ain´t pissed about it?"
"Hmm?"
"That Ichimaru ain´t done nothin´ since comin´ to Hueco Mundo." Gin wondered if any of the arrancar had asked the same question.
"Of course not. You have no reason to worry. Are you not a clever, capable man with good qualities in abundance?"
"Say… Aizen-san …why ain´t I allowed ta leave this room?" Their eyes meet. Aizens didn't show surprise over the question. In fact his eyes didn't show anything at all. They where cold. Gin waited.
Then he smiled.
"I don't recall ever saying something like `you can't´."
"There ya go again. Comin´ up with that kinda mean answer. Even as ya say that, who´s the one makin´ sucha unpleasant face." Aizen laughed like Gin had told him a joke.
"Well, if you face the others, I'm sure some trouble will occur."
"Only `cuz of that?" Gin smiled, but still. That didn't make sense. He had faced the "others" before. Of course they had reacted like anyone else. With disgust or fear against him. But why would "some trouble" occur?
Aizen put his right arm on the bed, leaning against it. He was still holding his other hand against gin cheek. Slowly sliding it down Gins throat.
"Ya ain´t gettin´ it." Gin said. His smile was gone.
"Just what are you trying to say?" there it was again. That special tone in Aizen voice. He didn't know why, but it hurt when he talked like that.
"Ya keep listenin´ only ta my voice…ya look only at my face," Aizens hand was stroking Gins chest "…`n ya touch only my skin."
Aizen leaned in over Gins head and kissed his stomach.
"Are you unsatisfied? Do you dislike it? What we do every day?" Gin didn't dare answer. No he didn't disliked it, he just…
Ain´t I just bein´ tamed with care `n kindness?
Aizen leaned more in over Gin.
"Gin, spread your legs a bit more." Gin did what he was told. Aizen kissed down Gins tight.
Gin wanted to touch Aizen. To fell the heart from his skin. He reached out to stroke the fabric of Aizens pants. He gasped when he felt Aizen touch him.
"It's ok that I ain´t doin´ nothin´ ta reciprocate?"
"It's ok…for now." Aizen graphed Gins length and licked the tip. Gin felt how the warm from Aizens mouth was wrapped around him. He couldn't help but moan. It was so rarely that Aizen did this to him. It was always Gin.
Aizen was sucking on Gins member and slowly letting his fingers circle around Gin entrance. The pleasure was overwhelming and Gin arched his back. He grabbed Aizens coat and clenched it, moaning hard and laud.
Aizen led his tongue circle on the tip of Gins member, enjoying the lovely sounds. Gin was losing the control. It felt so good.
"N…No! If…ya suck that hard, I ain´t gonna be able ta-" but Aizen cut him of by enter a finger inside him.
"I don't mind. Just let it out like this." Gin couldn't hold back the moans. It was too much. He felt how the tears were running.
"Nnn…No more" Aizen lifted Gins legs up, entering another finger while sucking hard.
Gin couldn't hold back any longer. He moaned out laud while he came. Aizen held him in place. Gin gasped for air.
Aizen leaned back away from Gin and tilted his head with his finger. Gin looked at Aizen with surprise. Aizen grabbed Gins jaw and kissed him dominating. Gin squeezed his eyes together when he felt his own cum in his mouth. Aizen hold his head and forced Gin to swallow it all.
The taste was bitter and salty.
"Swallowed it all? Good." Aizen kissed Gins neck, waiting for Gin to recover his breath.
The warmth from Aizens body suddenly disappeared. His mouth, his hands. Gin opened his eyes. He stretched out and rolled over. He grabbed Aizen hand tight and laid his head on Aizens lap.
That guy's a set of eyes lookin´ at me.
Aizen was surprised over Gin action. He stroke the younger mans hair gently.
"Gin…?"
Eyes wherein doubt can sometimes be seen, waverin` like a reflection on the water's surface.
Gin buried his face in Aizens clothes, inhaling the smell of his captain, his lover. He wanted to answer, to answer now.
"Aizen-san, I…" it was hard to find the word to describe this feeling "Somethin´ like bein´ unsatisfied…`n not likin´ it…I ain´t never thought like that, not even once."
Why did Aizen look so surprised?
"I'm sayin´ this, but…" he took a deep breath "If Aizen-san thinks this´s my role, then I can accept everythin´ even that. It's a lil´ bitter, but… but…"
Spendin´ everlastin´ months `n years with ya. Listernin` ta each other more that anyone. Havin´ a more intimate relationship than anyone.
It should be that way, but…if I ain´t got enough eloquence ta destroy that guy's doubt,
He held on to Aizens wrist like a drowning man.
"Take me fer granted a lil´ more, just a lil´ bit more. If Aizen-san were more selfish, then I'd be glad."
Then the fact that my words´re askin´ fer his trust prob´ly won't get through.
The look in Aizen face…it was so unlike him. It was like a mix of disappointment and confusion. Like Gin had said something that made him sad.
"Aizen-san…ya se, I…" Gin pressed his hand against the floor and sat up.
Right now, I ain´t capable of explainin´ anything`.
"Really, just like an idiot," Gin didn't know if he was laughing or crying. He didn't even care. This was just too damn hard. To damn hard to explain and to hard to admit. He grabbed the hair that was hanging in front of his eyes. Trying to pull it away or maybe to pull it out.
"I'm in love with ya, Aizen-san." Smiling and crying. Sad and happy. So damn hard.
But just like the goldfish's bones, the claws `n tusks within this body´re dein´ silent.
"Aizen-san…" he bowed his head, hiding the tears "only Aizen-san."
I'm prayin´ that someday when the time that should come arrives, I'll become yer strength. Prayin´…
Prayin´…
If my wish'll be granted, I wouldn't mind exchangin´ this life fer it.
A warm hand on his hair.
Someday. I pray ta becoe the powerful tusks `n claws which're used only ta protect ya.
Aizen pressed the younger man against him. Gently stroking his hair. Whispering comforting words. He felt how arms curled up around his neck and heard how the tears felt.
THE END.