A/N – Sorry for the longer wait. Fanfiction hasn't let me post for a while. I try to update 2 or 3 times a week, but the holidays really fried my brain. I've also got 5 books to read in the next couple weeks, so I'm not sure how often I'll be able to do this. I'm back to regular length chapters, too – between 1500 and 2750 words. I think this one's around 2300.

Oh, just a little note that would be great if this was a pop-up video: Like I've said before, I'm not sure where this story is going. I've got a few ideas and things I'd like to include, and when I started writing this chapter, I was going to use one of them. But it kind of took its own life and form and made it into what it is. I had no plans for this to happen. lol. But let me know what you think of it!

Hope your holiday was terrific!

-Laura

Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns the Outsiders. The Starting Line owns the song. I own Sam.

Ch. 12 – Hold On

Hold on to the light that guides you

Hold on to the air that cools you

Hold on, hold on to me

Sam's P.O.V.

A week after our first date, I was more smitten with Soda than I could have imagined. At work every day, our fun and games routine continued. After work, he either walked me home to be with my family or I went to his house on the nights that my brothers would be away. Owen was making more friends now, and I was glad for it. I think for a while he thought that something was wrong with him; he's never had trouble making friends before. He's a likable guy. People want to be around him because he loves life and when you're near him, you love life too. Soda's a lot like that. I think that's why we hit it off so well.

I'd been spending a couple of evenings a week at the Curtis place, and with each hour I spent there, my heart just filled with more and more love for them all. Pony was still healing well, so much so that he could walk normally now and he was starting to get hyped for track, even though it was months away. He was even talking about cutting down on smoking, which shocked me to pieces. Steve laughed at Soda and I when we'd sit on the couch together; he said it was good to see Soda happy again. Two-bit laughed at us too, but I think he just liked to laugh, so anything out of the ordinary was fair game for poking fun. The only person I wasn't quite comfortable around was Darry. I think he felt weird around me because he let himself be seen broken that night in the hospital. It bothered me because I know he needed to do that and I'm glad that I was there and his awkwardness around me certainly wasn't warranted. I don't think he's weak. I think he's the strongest guy I know, and bravest too. To take on two kids at the age of 20, well, that takes guts I doubt I'll ever have.

After a multi-colored dinner one night, I decided to help Darry with the dishes and try and get to the bottom of this. He filled the sink with hot water and started to wash in silence, but I was having none of that.

"Darry?"

A grunt was his only response.

"Can we talk for a minute?" My voice sounded much more timid than I had intended it to. I wanted to be in control, in power, sure of what I would say.

His eyes shot up to look at me, as if he was afraid I was in some sort of pain or big trouble and he needed to protect me. His voice gave away his worry as well. "What's wrong, Sam? Are you okay?"

I cleared my throat to buy me an extra moment or two, still trying to decide what would be best to start this surely uncomfortable conversation. Deciding that I had no clue of how to go about it, I just dove in.

"Have I done something to offend you?" Damn that timid tone. Not at all what I was going for, but I guess it's just me.

"No," he replied, almost too quickly and definitely too harshly. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I've been spending more time around here lately, and I feel like there's some sort of rift between us. I'm getting closer with each of the guys and I love them all but I feel like you don't want to get to know me or like I've done something wrong. I don't like it at all. You mean the world to Soda – both you and Pony – and I would hate if there was something I'd done to offend or hurt either of you." I stopped, not really sure of where I was going and afraid of babbling. Darry was a smart guy, not someone you want to look stupid in front of, or at least I didn't want to. I had briefly gotten braver in that speech, but I could feel my shyness returning. "What's up, Dar? What's going on?"

Darry looked pained. He turned continued washing the dishes but stood with his back hunched and his eyes clouded. He said nothing for a few minutes and I sensed that maybe now was not the time and here was not the place to talk about this. The silence, however painful it may have been, was only marginally awkward. I dried the dishes that Darry washed and we worked well together. After speaking the words I just had, I felt an immense relief wash over me. Even in his silence, I knew that Darry meant what he said when he told me I hadn't offended him. I no longer felt like I was in the wrong; I just felt like Darry needed someone, and I hoped I could help.

The last dish was dried and put away when Darry finally spoke in a soft, almost bashful way. "Wanna go for a walk?"

I hesitated, startled by his decision to speak. "Yes. I think that would be nice. Just let me get my coat."

Darry announced that he and I were going for a walk as I stepped back into the living room. Soda looked at me and smiled, and I couldn't help but grin back at the priceless look. When he smiled at me, I could almost feel his arms around me and I felt safe.

Darry's hand on my back snapped me back to reality and as we walked out the door, I heard Two-bit pipe up, "Darry, don't go stealing your brother's girlfriend. That wouldn't be too nice, now would it?" There was a thud and a groan from Two-bit and then Soda spoke.

"Have fun guys. I'll keep him in line." I smiled to myself and Darry even let a small grin out too. Soda knew how I was feeling and even though he tried to convince me that Darry didn't hate me, I was sometimes stubborn and I needed to find out for myself.

We walked in silence for a few blocks, as if Darry didn't quite know what he wanted to say or how to say it. We were headed in the direction of the park and though it wasn't a place we went to often, for somewhat obvious reasons, I liked it.

The silence was not an awkward one, but it was slightly overbearing. Finally, I broke it. "So, what's wrong, Dar?"

He stood for a long moment staring at the fountain that had controlled so much of his fate these last few months. Finally, he spoke. "Sam, I owe you an apology. If you ever tell any of the guys that I actually said those words, I'll skin you, but I do. I'm sorry that I've been distant and made you think that I hate you. That is not the case at all." He turned to look at me with eyes full of unshed tears. Somehow, I knew that those tears weren't shed much, if at all. They were what kept Darry strong.

"It's ok, Darry. I didn't mean to–," Darry stopped me mid-sentence.

"Let me finish. I just want to say a few things." He paused, as if to gather his thoughts, but went on carefully. "I do not hate you. Actually, it's quite the opposite. I like you very much. You've done great things for Soda, helping him through a very rough period with Pony's jumping and you pulled him out of a dark time you probably know nothing about. He took Johnny and Dally's death really hard. And Sandy, too." He stopped and looked at me to gauge my reaction.

Soda had told me about Sandy the night after our first date. He told me the whole story, about the baby and how she'd cheated. How he told her he'd marry her anyway, how she left with not even a goodbye, the returned letter. And it broke my heart, all of it. I wanted to kill her, to rip her hair out piece by piece and feed it to her, but I kept it in for his sake. He told me without tears, but there was evidence on his face of the searing pain of tears shed, branding him as discarded.

I nodded slowly at Darry, carefully concealing my seething hate for Sandy, waiting for him to go on. Thankfully, he did.

"You've been so good for him, Sam. You really have. You were good with Pony too, when he was down and out. You stepped in and helped when we needed it, and it took a lot for me to bite back my pride and accept it. That's just it. You seem to be willing to do all the things that I can't and it's hard for me. It's hard for me to accept help. I've gotta be strong, Sam," his voice broke. "I've gotta be able to take care of everything. And having you here, helping when I don't even realize that I need it, has shown me that I can't take care of everything. That's a hard pill to swallow."

Darry walked over to a bench and sat, motioning me over. I came and sat next to him, trying to imagine how he was feeling but finding myself lacking. I tried to imagine Toby then, and it made more sense.

"Darry." I slipped a glance his way and found his eyes pleading with me to understand. "Darry," I started again, "I'm sorry."

His head dropped in frustration thinking I had misunderstood, but I continued.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm sorry that your parents died. I'm sorry the Socs jumped Pony and Johnny and that they ran away. I'm sorry that you have all the pain and responsibility on your shoulders. I'm sorry that you feel like you have to be strong when everyone knows that you have a breaking point. I'm sorry that Johnny and Dally died. I'm sorry that Pony was jumped again. I'm sorry that I couldn't have stopped it all." My confession was turning into a tirade and I decided to step back a moment. "Darry, look at me."

His head remained lowered for a moment, but when he finally looked at me, I saw that his unshed tears were threatening to fall.

"When we were in the hospital, you leaned on me. You let me help you. I don't mind, Darry. I love your family. I love Soda. I love the guys. And I love you. You're like another older brother to me, and I am going to do what it takes to be here for you. I will do dishes, clean your house, cook for you, take care of you guys when you're sick. I will let you cry to me and I'll never tell a soul. I will back you up if you need it, any way at all. I will be here; you can't push me away. And you can't convince me that you don't want it. You can't do this alone, Dar, but not because you're not strong enough or because you lack something. You won't do this alone because I won't let you."

A single tear ran down his cheek then, and I tried to pull him into a hug, but he held back. He looked at me with an expression I had never encountered and said a sentence that I'll never forget, one that helped me to know that Tulsa was my home now and could be as long as the Curtises lived here.

"We don't deserve you, Sam, but we love you and we'll have you as long as you'll stay."

My own tears finally rose over the dam and spilled from my eyes. I pulled him into a hug then and as much as I was comforting him, he was comforting me. I finally felt at home here. I knew that everything would be okay.

After a moment or two, we pulled apart and Darry stood and pulled me to my feet. We walked again in silence, but this was silence that held us together, not kept us apart.

We walked in the front door to a mass of bodies on the floor and Darry's voice boomed out, mostly out of habit I think. "Two-bit! Get off Pony! You're gonna re-break his ribs with your fat ass!"

Two-bit stood quickly, like he'd forgotten that Pony had been hurt not too long ago, which he probably had. Steve and Soda still wrestled on the floor and I took a flying leap into them, headlong, shocking the hell out of both of them. I rolled over as they separated, leaning up on my elbows with and ear-to-ear grin on my face.

Two-bit laughed loud and clear, as did Steve, Soda, and Pony. Eventually, even Darry let out a chuckle at my antics and I laughed too. The boys climbed back onto the couch and Darry into his recliner. An old movie was on TV, but Two-bit changed it to Mickey, as expected. I plopped myself on Soda's lap and kissed him hard and fast in front of everyone. The hours passed quickly the rest of the evening; I knew I belonged.

Soda asked what happened when he drove me home, but I kept my word to Darry and held my tongue. I only assured him that everything would be okay. I kissed him goodnight and jogged to my house. With my customary wave, he drove off and as I stepped into my house, I knew without a doubt that I hadn't lied: Everything would be okay.