Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns the Outsiders. Jack Johnson owns the song. I own Sam.
Ch. 14 – Losing Hope
Losing hope is easy
When your only friend is gone
And every time you look around
Well, it all, it all just seems to change
But hanging on is easy
When you've got a friend to call
When nothings making sense at all
You're not the only one that's afraid of change
Steve's P.O.V.
The DX was the last place I wanted to be the afternoon that Sam got jumped. All I could think about was the fact that she'd been on her way there. All I could see in my mind was the rage in Soda's eyes and the pain that replaced it when he saw Sam. I knew he wouldn't be alone for long since the kid was coming home from school, but I couldn't help but feel like I was useless standing in this damn garage, able to do nothing but think.
Five o'clock couldn't come fast enough.
Pony's P.O.V.
God, I hate school, I thought as I walked home. I didn't want to stop at the DX. I didn't want to face Soda with my much-less-than-perfect report card. I certainly didn't want to face Darry either, but for now the house would be empty and I'd have a few hour hours of peace before anyone ripped me to shreds.
A few blocks from my house I got to thinking about track and broke into a gentle jog. Running always clears my head, and if I was gonna dig my way out of the hole I'd gotten myself into, I'd certainly need one of those.
When I finally reached my house, I felt more clear-headed, the effect running always has on me, and I bounded up the stairs to get started on my homework. I figured if I had to deal with an angry Darry, having my homework finished would be a good thing to use as a defense. Opening the door, I stepped inside and my jaw dropped.
Soda sat on the couch with a very unconscious Sam in his arms, tearlessly sobbing and rocking back and forth.
Finding my way out of my shocked stupor, I ran to him to help how I could.
"Soda! What happened?" I asked.
Soda let out a string of words that jumbled together with his sobs and looked at me with fear in his eyes.
"Slow down. I don't know what you said. Tell me what happened and let me see Sam." I tried to speak in a calming voice, but I felt really helpless then, confused and only knowing that Sam was hurt and Soda was upset. I reached out to take Sam from Soda, but he wrapped his arms around her and glared at me accusingly.
"No. I'll hold her."
He started rocking again and I took a step back. Sam didn't look too bad off physically. She had a bluish-purple bruise on the right side of her face and a small cut on her hand, but she was nothing like when we'd found Johnny that time. Heck, she wasn't even as bad as I was when the Socs got me a few weeks ago. Damn, the Socs. They wouldn't jump an unsuspecting girl, would they? Who am I kidding? Sure they would. They do anything they can to make us mad, especially after Johnny killed Bob.
I swallowed a gulp at that memory and tried my best to push it away so I could be there for Soda.
"Soda, does she need to go to the hospital? We should take her. I'll get Two-bit's car."
"No, Pony. She doesn't. There's nothing they can do for her being passed out that we can't do here." Soda stopped rocking for a minute and sent this helpless, distressed look my way. "It's all my fault, Pone. I shouldn't have let her walk alone, especially after they just got you a few weeks ago. I should have known better, for both of you. It's all my fault." A tear slipped from his eye and he continued his soothing, steady rock.
I took a step toward him and laid my hand on his shoulder. "Soda. Don't talk like that. Sam will be fine, and it's not your fault. It's not your fault those Socy bastards can't stay on their own turf and leave us the hell alone." I was getting angry now, thinking about Sam walking to work, minding her own business. "Someone needs to let her family know. Do you know how to get ahold of her brothers?"
Soda nodded and stood with Sam in his arms as if she weighed nothing. I held out my arms and he relented after a moment, gently placing her in them as I sat on the couch to hold her. He stood for a minute and just stared at her, as if watching her could somehow wake her up. I'd never seen him look so helpless, even after Mom and Dad died. He looked sad and empty, like a pillow that someone ripped the insides out of.
"I'll go call Owen," he said, and started for Darry's room to use the phone.
I rocked Sam gently, not maniacally like Soda had, and wished with all my might that she'd wake up now, in my arms, and know that everything would be okay. She didn't but I felt better as I did that, so for the whole time Soda was on the phone, I continued to will her awake.
As I sit there rocking, I wondered if Soda had been as upset when I was hurt as he was now about Sam.
But I couldn't know that answer.
Soda's P.O.V.
Stepping back into the living room to where Pony held Sam, I almost smiled at the sight of him. If these were any different circumstances, I'd be overjoyed to see that Pony cared so much for Sam, solely because I loved her.
But these weren't any different circumstances, and I wasn't overjoyed. I was angry, upset, and helpless.
I walked to the couch, scooped Sam into my arms, and asked Pony if it would be okay if she used his side of the bed. He nodded enthusiastically and told me he'd do his homework in the living room and try to keep everyone quiet.
I walked to my bedroom as a man condemned, no longer in tears but feeling useless. I gently set Sam on Pony's side of the bed and climbed in beside her, absently stroking her hair as I tried to curl myself around her to protect her from anything that might happen.
The afternoon passed slowly with us never moving from our spots. I heard Darry come home around 4:30 and then heard the hushed tones of Pony's explanation moments later. The following stomps down the hallway were not pleasant ones. As they neared my door, they quieted and slowed and I knew Darry was trying to put on a game face. He always does that. He never lets anyone see what he's really feeling, but tries to be strong for us all.
There was a quiet knock at the door and then he opened it slowly, like he wasn't sure what he'd find. He poked his head in and spoke in hushed tones.
"Hey Soda. Is it okay if I come in?" He was looking at me like I was a spooked horse.
I nodded and moved a bit away from Sam so I could hold a conversation without disturbing her, though if my disturbance woke her, I'd be ecstatic at this point.
He came and sat next to me on the bed. "What's going on, little buddy? What happened?"
As calmly as I could, I told him how I found her, out cold on the ground, with that bastard trying to get her. I told him I sent Steve back to work and that he'd be here soon. I told him that Owen knew and was going to come as soon he got off work too. I felt really detached from the information I was spewing, like this was someone that someone else loved, like it was something I read about in the paper.
Darry nodded as I told him and looked as angry as I felt when I talked about the guys who attacked her. When I was finished, he simply said, "It'll be okay," and went to the other side of the bed to look at Sam's injuries.
Usually, when Darry tells me something will be okay, I believe him, but this time, the phrase only left me feeling emptier than I already was. My resources were depleted; I had nothing left to offer her but myself. And I couldn't guarantee that it would be okay – I really didn't know.
Darry told me Pony would sleep on the couch tonight and that he'd send Steve and Owen in when he got there. He also promised he'd keep Two-bit out if he decided to show up. I thanked him quietly and laid back down as he stepped out of the room.
I remember Steve coming into check on us a bit later. I don't think we spoke much at all but he sat next to me for a while and brought me dinner. He asked if I wanted him to stay tonight, and I told him he didn't need to.
Around 6 o'clock, my bedroom door opened to reveal the brooding figures of Toby and Owen. Owen's constant smile was gone and Toby looked even more somber than usual. I stood when they entered and tried to speak, to somehow apologize for what happened.
"Toby, Owen. I'm so sorry. I should have been there. I never should have let her walk alone, even just to work in the day. I should have known. I mean, it was just a couple weeks ago with Pony and I—" My words were jumbling together and I couldn't seem to slow them down. Toby held up a hand, stopping my ramble and spoke with slow, measured words.
"Sodapop, stop. This is not your fault. Owen or I could be held responsible just as much as you, if not more. Regardless, it doesn't matter. What happened, happened and now we have to deal with it. How is my girl?"
I almost smiled at the relief I felt flooding my body. I still felt guilty but it helped to know that I wouldn't be held responsible by two very angry brothers. I gave them a quick update on her care so far and asked if they'd like to take her to the hospital.
"No," Toby said quietly. "You're right. There's nothing they can do for her that we can't. Has she been moved much?"
"No," I replied. "I held her while I cleaned out her cut and then set her here on the bed. She's been laying quietly for a few hours now. Toby…" I knew my next words might not go over well, so I wanted him to look at me. Sure enough, he looked up just a moment later. "Toby, I'd like to keep her here. I know that you and Owen have to work tomorrow, but I can take off. I want to stay with her. Darry said it's okay for her to stay here if you okay it, too. I want to be here when she wakes up. I just feel so responsible. I can't believe I let this happen."
Toby stood motionless, silently distressed. Owen looked at me with understanding and it seemed he'd plead for me as well.
"Tobe, he's right. She needs to have someone with her when she wakes up. And being so new in our jobs, it might not be a good plan to take off work." Owen's voice was weak, as he hadn't spoken since he came in the room, but he seemed to have a clear mind. "Plus," he went on carefully, lowering the volume of his voice a notch, "she loves him, and it seems plain to me that the feeling's mutual."
Toby still stood silent, and I'd have sworn on a stack of Bibles I saw a tear escape his eye. When he finally looked up, it was gone, but a softer look had replaced his angry expression from before. "That's fine, Soda. I don't want to move her, anyway. I'd like to stay here for a while though, tonight, to see if she wakes up. Would you happen to have any coffee?"
At his response, I could feel my expression change a little. "Coffee is Darry's territory. Let me see if I can find him for you." I left the room then, leaving the two older brothers with their hurt sibling, and having experienced the very same position they were in less than a month ago, I certainly knew full well the frailty they saw and thier vulnerability to the situation.
The hours slipped on steadily and quietly, my bedroom full of people milling about late into the night. Finally around midnight, Toby and Owen decided to go home, promising they'd be back tomorrow before and after work. Darry sent Pony to bed then and told me he was going too. He promised he'd check in and wake me up before Sam's brothers came in the morning. I thanked him as graciously as I could, but felt immensely relieved when everyone finally left.
Curling my body gently around Sam's still-deadened form, I rested my arm gently over her shoulders like I did when Pony had a nightmare. And still wishing and willing with all my might, I drifted into a restless sleep.
A/N - This chapter seems a little bit pointless, but I wanted to update for you all, and I'm not entirely sure of what my next step is. Also, I wanted to show you the developing relationship between the two families, the care they have for each other, and the guilt that Soda's feeling. So I hope you enjoyed it. I'm sorry for the delay. My life is constantly getting busier, and I'm doing the best I can.
Until next time,
Laura